After school, Miranda and Gordo went straight to the McGuire's' house.
Gordo rang the doorbell and the two of them waited nervously. Mr. McGuire
opened the door.
"Hey guys," he said with a bit of solemnity in his voice. "Come on inside."
"Is Lizzie okay?" Miranda and Gordo asked in unison once they were in the house.
"We don't really know." He sighed heavily, and his eyes had a faraway look to them. "We tried talking to her this morning, but she got upset and ran to her room. She hasn't come down all day."
Mrs. McGuire walked into the room, looking tired. "Would you two try talking to her? She won't come out for us, but maybe she'll listen to her friends."
Gordo and Miranda nodded. "We thought we'd try and take her somewhere," said Gordo. "To try and get her mind off things."
"We were thinking something like bowling," said Miranda. Miranda had always had the firm belief that bowling was a therapeutic and spiritual experience that could cure any ailment.
Mrs. McGuire nodded. "It's worth a shot. I'm willing to try anything to get our Lizzie back."
Gordo and Miranda proceeded quietly and nervously upstairs. They knocked on Lizzie's door, and received no answer. Gordo tried turning the knob, but the door was locked.
"Lizzie?" he said. "It's us. Can we come in?"
Still no answer.
"Please, Lizzie," said Miranda. "We just want to see how you're doing. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, just let us see you."
Silence for a moment longer. Then a clicking noise, and the door swung open. Gordo and Miranda entered the bedroom, and Lizzie sat back down on her bed. She didn't make eye contact with them.
"Are you feeling better?" asked Miranda. Lizzie shrugged.
"Lizzie, why..." Gordo began, but Miranda held up a hand to silence him. He understood.
"We understand if you don't want to talk about it." This was a lie; they both wanted her to talk about it more than anything. But they knew if they really wanted to help her, they had to be patient. Bombarding her with questions wasn't going to do any good, Miranda had warned Gordo before they came. Girls hate talking about these sorts of things. "We thought maybe you'd like to get out of the house for awhile. Why don't you come bowling with us?"
Lizzie continued to stare at the floor, not saying anything. Gordo looked at Miranda; Miranda shrugged. The three friends sat for a moment in an unpleasant silence.
"Okay," said Lizzie finally. Her voice was flat, devoid of feeling. "Let's go." She would have liked to stay and sleep this all away, but she'd been locked up in her room all day and didn't think she could stand it any longer. She wanted to be away from her parents for a while.
Mr. McGuire was glad to drive them to the bowling alley. He, Gordo, and Miranda made a few feeble attempts at conversation, but Lizzie seemed intent on saying as little as possible. It was a quiet ride.
"Have fun, kids," said Mr. McGuire in vain. The three of them nodded vaguely and entered the bowling alley.
Lizzie still didn't say a word as they slipped on brightly colored bowling shoes and set themselves up at a lane.
"Anyone want some snacks before we start?" asked Gordo. Miranda shot him an ungodly glare, and he realized that "food" wasn't a very good topic to bring up, given the situation. Lizzie, however, didn't seem to care or even notice what he'd said. She sat in her plastic chair and stared blankly at the lane.
"You want to go first, Lizzie?" asked Miranda.
Lizzie shrugged. She stood up and grabbed a bowling bowl from the rack. She rolled it down the lane: gutter ball. Another roll, another gutter ball, she sat down. Gordo and Miranda took their turns, trying to chat and have fun as they did. Lizzie wasn't taking the bait. She sat silently and seemed to be in a world all her own.
"I'm sorry, I can't take this anymore," said Gordo at last. "We have to talk about this. We just have to."
Lizzie sighed. "There isn't anything to talk about. I wish everyone would just back off. Why do you even care?"
"We care because we're your friends!" said Miranda in shock. She had never seen Lizzie with such a negative attitude since the time she started hanging out with Angel Leiberman.
"That's what you say, but I don't really know anymore."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
Lizzie said nothing in response.
"Look, the fact of the matter is," said Gordo, "you're hurting yourself. And we don't want to see you hurt yourself."
Lizzie looked away as she spoke. "You don't even know what real hurting really is. My body can take it, okay? I know what I'm doing."
"But that's just it: you're body can't take it." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. Lizzie rolled her eyes. "I've been doing some research on this, and what you have is a very dangerous disease. Every time you make yourself throw up, the gastric juices from your stomach are damaging your esophagus and the inside of your mouth. You're basically destroying your insides. You're also depleting your body of all of its nutrients. It can cause all kinds of problems. And if it's really your weight that you're so considered about, you should know that this isn't helping you at all. Depriving your body of food only makes it go into survival mode, meaning it slows down your metabolism to make the most of what little food you're getting."
Lizzie still wouldn't look him in the eye. "Yeah. Whatever."
Gordo threw up his hands. "Lizzie, there's just no reason for you to do this! How can you ignore the simple facts of science?"
"How can you base everything on simple facts? Science doesn't answer everything, Gordo. Sorry to burst your bubble, but science and simple facts can't fix me. You just don't understand. I'd rather be hurting my body than just hurting." She spoke quieter. "Nobody understands."
"That doesn't make any sense, Lizzie, and you know it," said Miranda, sitting down next to her. "Remember in middle school, when I was starving myself? You were the one who made me see how stupid I was acting, Lizzie. Punishing your body isn't the way to make bad feelings go away. We're here for you, Lizzie. Whenever your hurting you can come to us. That's what you told me, remember?"
"Things change," was Lizzie's clipped reply. "You guys say you're here for me, but you really aren't. Things have changed since high school started. You guys are always off with your new friends, doing your own thing. Everyone has their thing, but not me. I've always struggled to be my own person, but all this time I've only barely been keeping up. I can't keep up with everyone else any more."
Miranda placed an arm around Lizzie. "We're sorry. Maybe we haven't been the best friends this year. But that doesn't mean we're not here for you. We still care about you, and we want to help you."
Lizzie shoved away Miranda's arm. "If you want to help me, you'll support me in my decision."
"Decision? You call hurting yourself to make the pain go away a decision?" There was a moment of dark silence. "Lizzie, I mean... You don't want to keep living like this, do you?"
Lizzie looked up suddenly, and met Miranda's concerned brown eyes. She looked over at Gordo and met his eyes as well. Tears threatened to build up in her eyes. She swallowed hard, not allowing herself to cry. Her voice was barely audible as she spoke. "No. I don't want to keep doing this. Of course I want to stop. But it's just... it's not that simple. I've been trying to quit for weeks, but I can't. If I'm not hurting myself, I'm hurting myself. Do you understand?"
Miranda and Gordo could think of nothing to say.
"Listen, don't worry about me. I'll be okay. Okay?" Miranda and Gordo didn't seem to believe her, but they didn't argue. "I... I need to think. I've got to go." She stood up. "I'm going to get a snack; I haven't eaten all day. Please don't follow me. I just need to be alone for a minute." She turned away from them and walked quickly away.
"Just don't puke it up," Gordo called after her without much tact. Miranda gave him a look. He shrugged innocently. "What?"
"Hey guys," he said with a bit of solemnity in his voice. "Come on inside."
"Is Lizzie okay?" Miranda and Gordo asked in unison once they were in the house.
"We don't really know." He sighed heavily, and his eyes had a faraway look to them. "We tried talking to her this morning, but she got upset and ran to her room. She hasn't come down all day."
Mrs. McGuire walked into the room, looking tired. "Would you two try talking to her? She won't come out for us, but maybe she'll listen to her friends."
Gordo and Miranda nodded. "We thought we'd try and take her somewhere," said Gordo. "To try and get her mind off things."
"We were thinking something like bowling," said Miranda. Miranda had always had the firm belief that bowling was a therapeutic and spiritual experience that could cure any ailment.
Mrs. McGuire nodded. "It's worth a shot. I'm willing to try anything to get our Lizzie back."
Gordo and Miranda proceeded quietly and nervously upstairs. They knocked on Lizzie's door, and received no answer. Gordo tried turning the knob, but the door was locked.
"Lizzie?" he said. "It's us. Can we come in?"
Still no answer.
"Please, Lizzie," said Miranda. "We just want to see how you're doing. You don't have to talk if you don't want to, just let us see you."
Silence for a moment longer. Then a clicking noise, and the door swung open. Gordo and Miranda entered the bedroom, and Lizzie sat back down on her bed. She didn't make eye contact with them.
"Are you feeling better?" asked Miranda. Lizzie shrugged.
"Lizzie, why..." Gordo began, but Miranda held up a hand to silence him. He understood.
"We understand if you don't want to talk about it." This was a lie; they both wanted her to talk about it more than anything. But they knew if they really wanted to help her, they had to be patient. Bombarding her with questions wasn't going to do any good, Miranda had warned Gordo before they came. Girls hate talking about these sorts of things. "We thought maybe you'd like to get out of the house for awhile. Why don't you come bowling with us?"
Lizzie continued to stare at the floor, not saying anything. Gordo looked at Miranda; Miranda shrugged. The three friends sat for a moment in an unpleasant silence.
"Okay," said Lizzie finally. Her voice was flat, devoid of feeling. "Let's go." She would have liked to stay and sleep this all away, but she'd been locked up in her room all day and didn't think she could stand it any longer. She wanted to be away from her parents for a while.
Mr. McGuire was glad to drive them to the bowling alley. He, Gordo, and Miranda made a few feeble attempts at conversation, but Lizzie seemed intent on saying as little as possible. It was a quiet ride.
"Have fun, kids," said Mr. McGuire in vain. The three of them nodded vaguely and entered the bowling alley.
Lizzie still didn't say a word as they slipped on brightly colored bowling shoes and set themselves up at a lane.
"Anyone want some snacks before we start?" asked Gordo. Miranda shot him an ungodly glare, and he realized that "food" wasn't a very good topic to bring up, given the situation. Lizzie, however, didn't seem to care or even notice what he'd said. She sat in her plastic chair and stared blankly at the lane.
"You want to go first, Lizzie?" asked Miranda.
Lizzie shrugged. She stood up and grabbed a bowling bowl from the rack. She rolled it down the lane: gutter ball. Another roll, another gutter ball, she sat down. Gordo and Miranda took their turns, trying to chat and have fun as they did. Lizzie wasn't taking the bait. She sat silently and seemed to be in a world all her own.
"I'm sorry, I can't take this anymore," said Gordo at last. "We have to talk about this. We just have to."
Lizzie sighed. "There isn't anything to talk about. I wish everyone would just back off. Why do you even care?"
"We care because we're your friends!" said Miranda in shock. She had never seen Lizzie with such a negative attitude since the time she started hanging out with Angel Leiberman.
"That's what you say, but I don't really know anymore."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
Lizzie said nothing in response.
"Look, the fact of the matter is," said Gordo, "you're hurting yourself. And we don't want to see you hurt yourself."
Lizzie looked away as she spoke. "You don't even know what real hurting really is. My body can take it, okay? I know what I'm doing."
"But that's just it: you're body can't take it." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. Lizzie rolled her eyes. "I've been doing some research on this, and what you have is a very dangerous disease. Every time you make yourself throw up, the gastric juices from your stomach are damaging your esophagus and the inside of your mouth. You're basically destroying your insides. You're also depleting your body of all of its nutrients. It can cause all kinds of problems. And if it's really your weight that you're so considered about, you should know that this isn't helping you at all. Depriving your body of food only makes it go into survival mode, meaning it slows down your metabolism to make the most of what little food you're getting."
Lizzie still wouldn't look him in the eye. "Yeah. Whatever."
Gordo threw up his hands. "Lizzie, there's just no reason for you to do this! How can you ignore the simple facts of science?"
"How can you base everything on simple facts? Science doesn't answer everything, Gordo. Sorry to burst your bubble, but science and simple facts can't fix me. You just don't understand. I'd rather be hurting my body than just hurting." She spoke quieter. "Nobody understands."
"That doesn't make any sense, Lizzie, and you know it," said Miranda, sitting down next to her. "Remember in middle school, when I was starving myself? You were the one who made me see how stupid I was acting, Lizzie. Punishing your body isn't the way to make bad feelings go away. We're here for you, Lizzie. Whenever your hurting you can come to us. That's what you told me, remember?"
"Things change," was Lizzie's clipped reply. "You guys say you're here for me, but you really aren't. Things have changed since high school started. You guys are always off with your new friends, doing your own thing. Everyone has their thing, but not me. I've always struggled to be my own person, but all this time I've only barely been keeping up. I can't keep up with everyone else any more."
Miranda placed an arm around Lizzie. "We're sorry. Maybe we haven't been the best friends this year. But that doesn't mean we're not here for you. We still care about you, and we want to help you."
Lizzie shoved away Miranda's arm. "If you want to help me, you'll support me in my decision."
"Decision? You call hurting yourself to make the pain go away a decision?" There was a moment of dark silence. "Lizzie, I mean... You don't want to keep living like this, do you?"
Lizzie looked up suddenly, and met Miranda's concerned brown eyes. She looked over at Gordo and met his eyes as well. Tears threatened to build up in her eyes. She swallowed hard, not allowing herself to cry. Her voice was barely audible as she spoke. "No. I don't want to keep doing this. Of course I want to stop. But it's just... it's not that simple. I've been trying to quit for weeks, but I can't. If I'm not hurting myself, I'm hurting myself. Do you understand?"
Miranda and Gordo could think of nothing to say.
"Listen, don't worry about me. I'll be okay. Okay?" Miranda and Gordo didn't seem to believe her, but they didn't argue. "I... I need to think. I've got to go." She stood up. "I'm going to get a snack; I haven't eaten all day. Please don't follow me. I just need to be alone for a minute." She turned away from them and walked quickly away.
"Just don't puke it up," Gordo called after her without much tact. Miranda gave him a look. He shrugged innocently. "What?"