by DarkPhanton
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Dark Angel, the lucky bastard who does is James Cameron.
Ratings: PG-13
Summary: A dive into Logan's past
Timeline: It's after "Meow", Tinga died and all, but Max is back home and they don't blow Manticore up and nothing like AJBC happens.
A/N: I believe this has been done countless times before, I have even read some marvelous fics about it, but I have never really been satisfied so I decided to write my own version, many things here are from other fics, those are the parts that I agree and like from the ones I have read, and sorry for not posting any credits but it would be impossible for me to remember which fics they are. Anyway, it's a dark fic and deals with the past that Logan never had on the show, it's not a very long fic but I hope you all enjoy it.
*****
On the penthouse of a tall and beautiful building, a totally different ladscape from the rest of the broken and dirty Seattle, a very beautiful dark haired girl stares out from a big window, but her beautiful face and her full lips are not graced with a smile, but the marks of sorrow.
Max lies on the couch, legs tucked under herself, staring out the window of Logan's penthouse, looking at nothing and everything at the same time, somehow looking through this window makes her pain go away, she knows that nothing will be fixed, but for a short period of time she can just let it all go and numb the pain, it's just like the Space Needle, but not as cold and windy.
The events of the past 24 hours are evident on her face, the usual vibrant smile or the sexy pout completely wiped out only to be replaced but empty brown eyes and an emotionless face. The lost of her sister is taking its toll on her, crumbling her tough girl armour into million pieces and leaving only the broken shell of a girl.
A faint touch on her shoulder brings her back into reality and she torns her gaze from the window, she looks up and see the compassionate look on Logan's face, and for a second she allows herself to be surprised by the fact that she is looking UP, not still used to the fact of Logan up and walking thanks to Phil, but this doesn't last as her mind is once again clouded by the still fresh memories of her sister's cold body on her arms. Just as she is about to plunge back into the darkness of her thoughts Logan's soothing voice brings her right back,
"Max, Max...you okay?"
For long seconds she just stares at him with a dumbfolded face, waiting for the words to sink in and then to register his question and formulate an answer. She turns her face back towards the window and shrugs his hand off,
"No...of course I'm not okay, I'm not okay at all...",
her answer comes out more harsh than intended but she just let it be. A flash of hurt actually pass through Logan's eyes but he quickly push it away and try once again, his voice still calm and soothing,
"Here Max, I brought you some hot soup.",
and he extends a bowl of soup that passed unnoticed to Max up 'till now and only now actually smelling the delicious smell on the air, but still her mood is not up for eating and she lacks the strenght of will to do so, and with an empty voice she says,
"No...I don't want anything."
Logan sighs and put the bowl of soup aside on the table next to him and says now with a more serious tone of voice,
"Look Max, I know how you feel and I understand what you're going through but you gotta eat something, it's been more than a day since you ate something and you have lost a lot of energy..."
Max doesn't move a muscle and just reply with the same empty voice,
"No Logan, you don't understand what I'm going through and you don't have the slightest idea of how I feel...not the slightest..."
As soon as Max's words sunk in, Logan's face changed completely, the compassionate look he had was replaced by deep pain and even...anger. And with a harsh voice he says,
"Oh yeah! I don't have the slightest idea of how you're feeling, huh! Of course, I certainly don't know how it feels to lose someone you love, I certainly don't know the loss of a sister!!!"
Logan's sudden change of mood got Max attention and she finally turns to look at him, and she sees his blue eyes filled with pain and sorrow, his face contorced with anger. For a few seconds they stare right into each others eyes 'till Logan turn around and storms off towards his office, shutting the door noisely after him, leaving Max totally confused on the living room.
After half a hour Max decides to go after Logan, she thought better to wait a moment 'till their nerves calmed down, but now after thirty minutes and no sign of him she finally decides to go. She head to the office's door and knock on it lightly a couple of times before opening, inside Logan's sitting on his computer chair facing away from the door, Max goes in and take a few steps towards him before saying,
"Logan...what was that all about?"
A few seconds go by and there's no answer, just as Max begins to think he is not going to answer his light voice reach her ears,
"Nothing Max...I'm sorry, just...just leave it be."
Now Max realize there's definitely something wrong, and no way she will just leave it be, so slowly and uncertainly she approuches him and sits on the chair next to him, she takes a look at him and see his tearstrained cheeks and his eyes red and puffy, this make her worry, after all something that made the mighty Eyes Only cry musn't be very good. She gently puts her hands on his knee and softly says,
"Come on Logan, please, open up to me..."
He looks down to her hand and seeing it on his knee makes his lips briefly quirve on a faint smile, //Maybe I should tell her, after all maybe it will help her deal with her loss. But after so long with this bottled up inside me...I'm afraid what the consequences will be, this is too big a wound to open again.\\
Logan takes a deep breath and then sighs and for long seconds he just stares blankly ahead, playing on his mind over and over the worst moment of his entire life, bracing himself for the time where he finally lets it all out, the first time he ever tell this episode of his life to someone.
Max just wait, anxiety eating her inside, but she patiently waits for him to be ready, all the while formulating thousands of stories on her mind, till she realizes he is speaking.
"It was a very long time ago, I've never told this to anyone, only a few people know about it and the ones that does already forgot, I think that everyone thinks I forgot too, but the truth is that I just keep it inside me very well hidden and locked but the memories still hunt me, on my dreams and thoughts, I can't escape it, no matter how hard I try."
"Something that a few know is that I had a little sister...her name was Alexia, Alexia Marie Cale, two years younger than me."
Max got totally dumbfolded and wide eyed with this revelation, how come she never knew of such thing, what happened, millions of questions start popping up on her mind, but not a word leaves her mouth as she doesn't want to interrupt Logan.
"She was such a beautiful and sweet child, a daddy's girl. My parents were so
proud of her. I must confess I was a little jealous of here, but I loved her so
very much."
"But one day, I had just arrived from school, I got home while it was being robbed, two guys pointed a gun at me and locked me with my mom and sister in the master bedroom, and my dad...my dad, was lying on the floor with a shot on his head, his lifeless eyes still open and staring at me..."
He stopped for a moment, briefly wipping a lonely tear that found it's way down his cheek, and stared into the wall for a few moment before continuing,
"After they got everything they wanted they got back to the room, the bastards hit me and my sister with their guns, and then...then they raped my mother and my sister while I watched...I wanted to close my eyes, to yell, to fight, to do something, but I was paralysed, I couldn't do a thing, I just watched and suffered, while they abused the two most precious persons on my life..."
Max was totally in shock while Logan relieved his dark past, his voice thick with emotion and his eyes red with unshed tears,
"Afterwards they killed my mother with three shots, but they didn't kill me and my sister, they only spanked us. At the time I wish they had killed me, I wish I hadn't lived to be haunted by those images. My sister didn't make it, the doctors said the trauma was too serious for her too handle it, so I was the only one that survived, survived to live an empty and shallow life, haunted by nightmares of this day for so long."
He stopped and took a deep breath, a few tears managing to travel down his eyes, Max's mouth opens and closes a few times, trying to find the right word, anything to say to make some difference, but nothing comes out, she knows there's not a thing in the world she can say that will make the past better, nothing.
"Anyway, after that uncle Jonas took me in 'cause he was the legal guardian, but still my grandma fought for my custody because everyone knew Jonas was unbearable. But as she didn't succed I had to live with Jonas for six damned years. The first chance I got and I was out of that place. It was tough, it was hell actually, for a very long time I was considered a "problematic" kid, I couldn't deal with my loss, after all I lost everything that was dear to me in one single night, and I suffer its consequences until now..."
He wipes out a few tears on his cheek and finally turn around to stare at Max, her face is soft and her eyes shining with tears, her brown depths full of compassion and understanding, there he finds the strenght to bear it and keep on,
"Almost every night I have nightmares about that night, that's why I don't sleep much and sometimes even take sleeping pills, I can't find solace on my sleep so I sought it somewhere else...Eyes Only. I wanted to punish bastards like the ones that destroyed my life, so when I met Herrero he gave me the idea and I grabbed it for dear life..."
And he trails off, indicating that his story is over, at least for now. Max knows this is a tremendous step Logan took, he never opens up and the fact that he did so with her makes her proud and glad. For moments they just sit there, staring deep into each others eyes, feelings and words being exchanged in a single eye contact, Max tries a couple of times to say something but for no use, when she finally finds the voice to say something it comes out weak,
"Logan...I..I'm really glad...really glad you shared this with me."
And with that she grabs and embrace him in a tight hug, comforting him not with words but with actions, solid proof that he has someone to lean on. After all the nerves have been calmed down, Logan whispers on her ear.
"I'm glad I let it all out Max, it was about time I told this to someone, and there's no other person on this world I would rather tell this to Max."
She smiles on his shoulder and pull him up by his hand leading him to the living room, and with a smile she says
"Come on Logan, what about that soup.",
he looks right into her and leaning towards her says,
"Wait a minute...I believe we were on the middle of something when your brother interrupted us..."
THE END
*****
A/N: Well, that's it, I hope I did it justice, I wouldn't want to screw something this important, thanks everyone for reading and giving me the support I so need.