Well guys, here's the next part. Hope this isn't too lame... I'm kind of at a roadblock for what to write next, but don't worry, it'll come to me :) Oh, and sorry about the whole elevator thing. Several people have mentioned to me that Sydney lives in her own house. I haven't seen much of season one, so I missed that. I'll correct it the next time I go back and fix older chapters. Until then... just pretend the elevator doors are the front door :)
Realization
The second I shut my door, I laughed to myself in disbelief. He kissed me. On the cheek, sure, but a kiss none the less, and it was both physically and emotionally closer to him than I had ever been before.
I walked to the couch, dazed, and feeling a bit foolish at my reaction as Vaughn had left. I hadn't said a word, I thought, annoyed. No 'see you later', not even a 'get your ass back in here so we can do that right'. Nope. Leave it to me, unphased by dead bodies and bullets flying past my ears to stand there like an idiot with my mouth hanging open after a simple peck on the cheek.
Figures. I sighed, pushing myself farther back into the couch, just thinking for awhile. What did that kiss mean? What did this whole day mean? I shook my head, disgusted, wishing for about the thousandth time that I could talk things over with Francie- with anyone. As I thought about all the rules, the regulations, the protocol, I found myself getting really, really angry.
I also came to a realization. I knew what I wanted. Not a peaceful life, or a life not governed by rules and regulations and protocol. It was much simpler than that. Or much more complicated. I wanted Michael Vaughn. Not as a handler, not as a co-worker, and not as a friend, but as so much more than that. As someone to talk to about everything. Someone to kiss good night and good morning. Someone to cry with and laugh with and spend the night with.
The only thing keeping me from that- the only thing keeping me from moving my face towards his tonight instead of settling for a kiss on the cheek- was protocol. And it pissed me off.
I had already lost so much in my life because of my job, a job that I hadn't really wanted in the first place. I wasn't willing to lose the one thing that could mean more to me than anything else- the one person I could hold onto with complete faith- Vaughn.
I sighed deeply, noticing that a weight seemed to have been lifted from my chest. Finally being honest with myself was making me almost- giddy.
There were risks, of course. More risks than I cared to count. But I lived with risks every day, and I knew that I- that both of us were capable of handling them.
And then, a paralyzing thought hit me. I had realized how I felt, but I still had no idea whether Vaughn returned those feelings. I thought back over my past experiences with him, but I didn't have a good way to compare tonight with the days and nights we spent together at work. He was a totally different person.
Had it simply been a kiss on the cheek tonight? Did he take the same two weeks vacation as me just because he wanted to hang out with his good buddy Sydney? The idea made me nauseous. I needed there to be more than that.
I breathed deeply, containing my anxiety.
There was only one way to find out how he felt. Simple. Straightforward. I would ask him.
I nodded to myself, feeling better already. The next time we saw each other, the questions in my head- in my heart, really- would be answered once and for all.
Well guys, if that was lame, I apologize. Better stuff coming later :)
Realization
The second I shut my door, I laughed to myself in disbelief. He kissed me. On the cheek, sure, but a kiss none the less, and it was both physically and emotionally closer to him than I had ever been before.
I walked to the couch, dazed, and feeling a bit foolish at my reaction as Vaughn had left. I hadn't said a word, I thought, annoyed. No 'see you later', not even a 'get your ass back in here so we can do that right'. Nope. Leave it to me, unphased by dead bodies and bullets flying past my ears to stand there like an idiot with my mouth hanging open after a simple peck on the cheek.
Figures. I sighed, pushing myself farther back into the couch, just thinking for awhile. What did that kiss mean? What did this whole day mean? I shook my head, disgusted, wishing for about the thousandth time that I could talk things over with Francie- with anyone. As I thought about all the rules, the regulations, the protocol, I found myself getting really, really angry.
I also came to a realization. I knew what I wanted. Not a peaceful life, or a life not governed by rules and regulations and protocol. It was much simpler than that. Or much more complicated. I wanted Michael Vaughn. Not as a handler, not as a co-worker, and not as a friend, but as so much more than that. As someone to talk to about everything. Someone to kiss good night and good morning. Someone to cry with and laugh with and spend the night with.
The only thing keeping me from that- the only thing keeping me from moving my face towards his tonight instead of settling for a kiss on the cheek- was protocol. And it pissed me off.
I had already lost so much in my life because of my job, a job that I hadn't really wanted in the first place. I wasn't willing to lose the one thing that could mean more to me than anything else- the one person I could hold onto with complete faith- Vaughn.
I sighed deeply, noticing that a weight seemed to have been lifted from my chest. Finally being honest with myself was making me almost- giddy.
There were risks, of course. More risks than I cared to count. But I lived with risks every day, and I knew that I- that both of us were capable of handling them.
And then, a paralyzing thought hit me. I had realized how I felt, but I still had no idea whether Vaughn returned those feelings. I thought back over my past experiences with him, but I didn't have a good way to compare tonight with the days and nights we spent together at work. He was a totally different person.
Had it simply been a kiss on the cheek tonight? Did he take the same two weeks vacation as me just because he wanted to hang out with his good buddy Sydney? The idea made me nauseous. I needed there to be more than that.
I breathed deeply, containing my anxiety.
There was only one way to find out how he felt. Simple. Straightforward. I would ask him.
I nodded to myself, feeling better already. The next time we saw each other, the questions in my head- in my heart, really- would be answered once and for all.
Well guys, if that was lame, I apologize. Better stuff coming later :)