Silent Heartbeats 2: Staplers & Foreheads
by Maureen
***
Jamie sat in the large grassy area outside of the apartment, a glass of lemonade gathering condensation next to him. Alex had been trying to "super foster dad" all summer and had been on a drink making spree. Various types of koolaid, lemonades or specialty iced teas were always in a pitcher in the refridger and Jamie had no problem drinking them.
But he was just not in the mood, Catie Roth had left for college today.
Her flight had left two hours ago and she was probably about to land in Ohio. About to start a new life without him. Even though they had agreed to be friends and talk online it hurt.
It was a new kind of hurt that Jamie wasn't completely familiar with. It wasn't physical pain or the dead feeling of being left behind or even the crushing pain of being rediculed. It was the pain of heartbreak. Of losing someone you truly love.
Although their relationship was now past tense, his feelings for her were still very much still in the present. So he sat in the sweltering humidity of the summer heat just thinking.
Thinking about her smile and her full lips, twisting from a gothic scowl to a lighthearted grin in minutes. She wasn't one of those "new age" goths that tried to drink blood or were too "depressed" to live in their yuppie suburban houses and drive SUVs. She was a traditional goth, one that was dark and creepy and enjoyed every minute of it.
And her eyes...so dark and mysterious, mishevious and knowing. She was a walking dichotomy like Atticus Finch and what's-his-name from To Kill A Mockinbird. He'd had to read that book last year and was surprised that not only had he liked it, but that he remembered it. He could get lost in her eyes while he ran his hands through her silky brown hair.
Once he had convinced her that he liked it better when she wore her hair down, she looked so much better than when she wore her hair in pigtails. The childish hairstyle just did not match her adult intellect. There was nothing childish about Catie Roth...not as far as Jamie was concerned.
God how he missed her.
He didn't even realize how much she meant to him until the end had come and now he wished he could go back in time, correct all the things he wished he had or hadn't done. Like not crying in her arms time after time or fighting with Kenny. Life just kept proving time and again that it was never fair.
Jamie gave a brief mirthless laugh. He had learned years before anyone else that life was 'not fair' and yet he never stopped hoping. It wasn't that he was an optimist, but despite his "anti-establishment" rehetoric of the rebel, he really did believe things could get better.
The past year and a half had proven that, and Catie had been very influencial. She was an idealist who wanted to change the system, he was the realist willing to humour her...and perhaps she changed him more than he had originally suspected.
A figure came over and sat down next to him, waving and offering a slight smile. Valerie Linear, Catie's best friend. As Catie liked to point out, Jamie was her "second best friend" and this allowed certain "extras". Friends with benefits.
*How're you?* Val asked, raising her hand to block the sun from her eyes.
Jamie nodded slowly, not really sure how to answer. He wasn't going to break down at the drop of a feather, he was a steel mountain of emotion. He had a giant gaping hole that he didn't realize was so large.
"I miss her," he finally replied out loud, "I didn't realize how much she was in my life and she's only been gone a few hours."
Val nodded, understanding. The Goth had influenced everyone around her, convincing Val that Tyler and Hank's former relationship had been a good thing, helping Jamie to not slip into a depression and loving him unconditionally, the one thing he needed the most. She had ridiculed the 'super squad' mercilessly, but was always there to help when they needed her.
*Same as I missed Tyler last year,* Val replied, alluding to her non-relationship with him. It had stung when he had stopped playing the 'I like you' game with her and began to date Hank.
Again, Jamie nodded, understanding. "How is the ambiguously gay duo anyways?"
*Tyler leaves tomorrow for school. So do I,* Hank had left for college the year before and was a sophomore now.
"So I'll be stuck at the station with Mischa," Jamie had managed to shunt all of his pain and impending loneliness into the name 'Mischa', somehow blaming the EMT for all of his problems.
*Mischa and the new squad. You met them over the summer,* Val's signing was still slow, but she was progressing. *Brooke will still be there too.*
"Yay," he said dully. It wasn't that he didn't like Brooke, she was like a little sister to him, but he had enjoyed the camderie when it had been 'the super squad', Jamie & Brooke. Change sucked big hard goat balls.
He sighed. He noticed he had begun to do that more often than he used to. Val hugged him around the shoulders, and stood to leave. *I have to finish packing, I'll email you later.*
"Bye," Jamie replied, despondantly. Even though he and Val had their differences, the recycling competition being the worst of their fights, they had somehow found an odd friendship. It was nowhere as close as Jamie's friendship with Brooke or Catie, or even Tyler with their games of basketball, but they were no longer at each others throats.
He didn't think they'd ever be good friends, there were too many differences and neither understood the other, but they were friends with Catie and that meant they were tied together forever. The best friend and the backup best friend cum boyfriend.
As Val climbed into her mothers car, Jamie couldn't help but think more about Catie. How a goth and a prep could somehow put aside their differences long enough to become not just friends, but best friends. He never wanted to admit it, but he had always been jealous of their friendship. Catie was the first person to be friends with him unconditionally.
Catie. She was his first in so many things. And Jamie knew that he would look back in twenty years, smile and say "Catie Roth was my first love," and despite having been apart for only a few hours, Jamie knew with all of his heart that it was true.
As the sun set, Jamie stood and headed up to the apartment. Alex had gotten fried chicken for dinner and his niece and nephew, Jenna and Karl were going to come hang out. They were bringing over guy movies under the excuse that they couldn't spend any more time at their house, but Jamie knew, it was to cheer him up.
***
A/N: see chapters 4 & 8 of Silent Heartbeats.
"sucked big hard goat balls" aka chubacambra
by Maureen
***
Jamie sat in the large grassy area outside of the apartment, a glass of lemonade gathering condensation next to him. Alex had been trying to "super foster dad" all summer and had been on a drink making spree. Various types of koolaid, lemonades or specialty iced teas were always in a pitcher in the refridger and Jamie had no problem drinking them.
But he was just not in the mood, Catie Roth had left for college today.
Her flight had left two hours ago and she was probably about to land in Ohio. About to start a new life without him. Even though they had agreed to be friends and talk online it hurt.
It was a new kind of hurt that Jamie wasn't completely familiar with. It wasn't physical pain or the dead feeling of being left behind or even the crushing pain of being rediculed. It was the pain of heartbreak. Of losing someone you truly love.
Although their relationship was now past tense, his feelings for her were still very much still in the present. So he sat in the sweltering humidity of the summer heat just thinking.
Thinking about her smile and her full lips, twisting from a gothic scowl to a lighthearted grin in minutes. She wasn't one of those "new age" goths that tried to drink blood or were too "depressed" to live in their yuppie suburban houses and drive SUVs. She was a traditional goth, one that was dark and creepy and enjoyed every minute of it.
And her eyes...so dark and mysterious, mishevious and knowing. She was a walking dichotomy like Atticus Finch and what's-his-name from To Kill A Mockinbird. He'd had to read that book last year and was surprised that not only had he liked it, but that he remembered it. He could get lost in her eyes while he ran his hands through her silky brown hair.
Once he had convinced her that he liked it better when she wore her hair down, she looked so much better than when she wore her hair in pigtails. The childish hairstyle just did not match her adult intellect. There was nothing childish about Catie Roth...not as far as Jamie was concerned.
God how he missed her.
He didn't even realize how much she meant to him until the end had come and now he wished he could go back in time, correct all the things he wished he had or hadn't done. Like not crying in her arms time after time or fighting with Kenny. Life just kept proving time and again that it was never fair.
Jamie gave a brief mirthless laugh. He had learned years before anyone else that life was 'not fair' and yet he never stopped hoping. It wasn't that he was an optimist, but despite his "anti-establishment" rehetoric of the rebel, he really did believe things could get better.
The past year and a half had proven that, and Catie had been very influencial. She was an idealist who wanted to change the system, he was the realist willing to humour her...and perhaps she changed him more than he had originally suspected.
A figure came over and sat down next to him, waving and offering a slight smile. Valerie Linear, Catie's best friend. As Catie liked to point out, Jamie was her "second best friend" and this allowed certain "extras". Friends with benefits.
*How're you?* Val asked, raising her hand to block the sun from her eyes.
Jamie nodded slowly, not really sure how to answer. He wasn't going to break down at the drop of a feather, he was a steel mountain of emotion. He had a giant gaping hole that he didn't realize was so large.
"I miss her," he finally replied out loud, "I didn't realize how much she was in my life and she's only been gone a few hours."
Val nodded, understanding. The Goth had influenced everyone around her, convincing Val that Tyler and Hank's former relationship had been a good thing, helping Jamie to not slip into a depression and loving him unconditionally, the one thing he needed the most. She had ridiculed the 'super squad' mercilessly, but was always there to help when they needed her.
*Same as I missed Tyler last year,* Val replied, alluding to her non-relationship with him. It had stung when he had stopped playing the 'I like you' game with her and began to date Hank.
Again, Jamie nodded, understanding. "How is the ambiguously gay duo anyways?"
*Tyler leaves tomorrow for school. So do I,* Hank had left for college the year before and was a sophomore now.
"So I'll be stuck at the station with Mischa," Jamie had managed to shunt all of his pain and impending loneliness into the name 'Mischa', somehow blaming the EMT for all of his problems.
*Mischa and the new squad. You met them over the summer,* Val's signing was still slow, but she was progressing. *Brooke will still be there too.*
"Yay," he said dully. It wasn't that he didn't like Brooke, she was like a little sister to him, but he had enjoyed the camderie when it had been 'the super squad', Jamie & Brooke. Change sucked big hard goat balls.
He sighed. He noticed he had begun to do that more often than he used to. Val hugged him around the shoulders, and stood to leave. *I have to finish packing, I'll email you later.*
"Bye," Jamie replied, despondantly. Even though he and Val had their differences, the recycling competition being the worst of their fights, they had somehow found an odd friendship. It was nowhere as close as Jamie's friendship with Brooke or Catie, or even Tyler with their games of basketball, but they were no longer at each others throats.
He didn't think they'd ever be good friends, there were too many differences and neither understood the other, but they were friends with Catie and that meant they were tied together forever. The best friend and the backup best friend cum boyfriend.
As Val climbed into her mothers car, Jamie couldn't help but think more about Catie. How a goth and a prep could somehow put aside their differences long enough to become not just friends, but best friends. He never wanted to admit it, but he had always been jealous of their friendship. Catie was the first person to be friends with him unconditionally.
Catie. She was his first in so many things. And Jamie knew that he would look back in twenty years, smile and say "Catie Roth was my first love," and despite having been apart for only a few hours, Jamie knew with all of his heart that it was true.
As the sun set, Jamie stood and headed up to the apartment. Alex had gotten fried chicken for dinner and his niece and nephew, Jenna and Karl were going to come hang out. They were bringing over guy movies under the excuse that they couldn't spend any more time at their house, but Jamie knew, it was to cheer him up.
***
A/N: see chapters 4 & 8 of Silent Heartbeats.
"sucked big hard goat balls" aka chubacambra