TITLE : Between Hate and Love

AUTHOR : Hollyva

EMAIL: Estelle@mic.fr

RATING : PG-13

PAIRING : Harry/Draco

SUMMARY : One night, Harry finds Draco on the astronomy tower and they quickly realise there is more than meets the eye. But can they face the obstacles put their way?

DISCLAIMER : All the characters in this story belong to JK Rowling.

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CHAPTER 5 : PARLIZING FEAR

Hogsmeade's Weekend came really fast, something that scared Harry. He dreaded the confrontation with his godfather as he didn't know what he thought of gay people.

Hermione had spent the biggest part of the week convincing him that everything would be okay. Even though he wanted to believe it, Harry dreamed every night of another rejection.

Harry didn't really care anymore about Ron's reaction, but he knew he couldn't take Sirius being angry at him. You can have as many friends as you want, but you have only one family, and Sirius was part of it. Actually, he was the only family Harry had left.

Harry and Hermione were walking in the large alleys of Hogsmeade's village. Harry was constantly moving, trying to chase his fear away, but never succeeding.

Hermione had proposed to come with him to see Sirius, but the Gryffindor boy had politely refused. He wanted to talk to his godfather alone about this private subject.

The two teenagers were about to part in different ways when they saw Ron coming towards them.

Fear flooded Harry once again, but this time it was even worse. What if Ron told everybody about Sirius? Harry had trusted the red-haired boy and had told him everything, even stuff that could get some people killed, like Sirius.

Harry took a quick look at Hermione. She appeared calm, like always, but Harry was sure she was boiling inside.

Ron finally came close to them and avoided looking Harry in the eye. 'Maybe he regrets it,' thought Harry. But the reasonable part of him only thought the other boy needed something and was just being nice to get it.

He was right.

"Uh...Hermione?" asked Ron, not knowing where to put himself.

"What?" she replied sharply. Hermione was very calm on the outside, but Harry knew she could very well be mean when she wanted to.

"I just wanted to ask youI have some problems with my homework and I"

"I won't help you. After the way you treated Harry, I don't even want to look at you. You'll just have to find somebody else to do your homework," Hermione said, chasing him away.

Harry looked at his ex-best friend going away and felt a pang in his heart. He didn't know if Ron deserved what Hermione had said to him. Granted, Ron hadn't been very nice about the gay issue, but Harry missed the times when he used to talk with Ron. Having a friend like Ron helped him to keep his feet on the ground.

Alhought, if Ron came and apologized, Harry didn't know what he would do. Would he forgive him right away? Harry didn't think so. Even though Ron had been like a brother these last few years, he couldn't forgive what he had done that easily.

Harry chased all his thoughts away and quickly took the way to Sirius' hiding place.

*************

Harry found Sirius in his dog form, waiting for his godson to arrive. When he saw Harry, he quickly changed into his human form. The older man had missed his godson over the last few months.

He really loved Harry like his own son and regretted not being able to see him more often. He spent his time wishing that he could have raised Harry. He would have spoiled him, but the boy would have had a family.

Harry handed him the food he had brought him. At least the escaped convict would have something to eat for the next few days.

The two men talked for a while about Voldemort, and the plans Dumbledore had to counter his attacks. Every second, Harry felt his courage going away. He wasn't sure he could tell Sirius, and he hoped the older man wouldn't notice anything.

Harry didn't have much luck.

"Harry? Is something bothering you?" asked the concerned godfather.

Harry hesitated for a few seconds. He wanted to tell Sirius, he really did, but he was scared, paralyzed.

"Is it about Voldemort? Has your scar been hurting you?" he asked.

"No Sirius. It's not about Voldemort," Harry said, once he found the courage to speak.

"Then what is it?" Harry knew Sirius wasn't going to leave him alone until he told him everything.

"Well, I guess you'd better hear it from me rather than from the rumors."

Harry paused, wondering how to say it. Should he just tell him 'I'm gay' or make the elaborate speech he had thought out during the past few days?

"Lately I've had these feelings and.... Have you ever felt something you shouldn't? Like feelings for someone you weren't supposed to like?"
asked Harry, hoping Sirius would know what he was trying to say.

"More than you could imagine," replied the animagus.

"Really?" Harry asked, surprised by his godfather's answer.

"When I was at school there was this...person I liked. For a few years, I didn't say anything, for fear of being rejected, and of losing that person's friendship. You know I.... Well, I suppose I should tell you...uh...I'm not really attracted to girls and, well, this person was a boy," said Sirius, looking at his hands and waiting for some kind of answer from Harry.

"Wow. It was easier than I thought!" exclaimed Harry.

"What was easier?"

"What I wanted to tell you is that I feel the same. I'm not attracted to girls either," said Harry, now realizing he should have trusted Hermione when she had said that Sirius wouldn't react badly.

"Is that why you were so preoccupied before?" asked Sirius. Harry nodded and then found himself in his godfather's arms for a hug, while he was whispering in Harry's ear.

"You can tell me everything; I will always be there to listen to you. I won't judge you or anything like that. I'll listen to what you have to say and try to help you every time you need it. Now does all the school know about you?"

Harry told him everything. Ron's reaction, his so-called best friend telling all the school, and being treated like a freak. He also told Sirius about Draco, and his feelings for him; feelings that Sirius approved of. He told Harry to pursue them and that it would be easier for him now that he had somebody to help him.

"So who was this person you were talking about?" asked Harry, now sure his godfather wouldn't go anywhere.

"What?" Sirius knew very well what Harry was talking about, but he wasn't sure he could tell him everything. He trusted his godson, but he didn't know if he had the courage to tell him.

"The person you liked. Do I know him?" asked Harry.

"Um...as a matter of fact, you do. But I'm not sure I want to talk about it. I promise I'll tell you. But not now," replied the older man, looking at his hand and appearing much more shaken than before.

It was soon time to go. After hearing one last time that Sirius had no problems with him being gay, Harry left the place where the animagus was hiding and found his classmates, who were going back to the castle.

***********

There was no light; everything was dark and cold when Draco went to his first Death Eater meeting. Tonight, he would take the Dark Mark, and he knew there was nothing he could do about it.

As he looked around, he recognized faces, but couldn't put names to them: people from school, or people he had met during dinners with his father. Draco was amazed by the number of people willing to join Voldemort.

The Dark Lord talked for about an hour, telling them about the attacks they were planning.

Congratulating some people for their good work. Casting Cruciatus on some others, who hadn't done their job properly.

Draco thought he was going to be sick a few times, when some Death Eater talked about his last victim. Explaining in detail how he tortured them before letting the pain from the Cruciatus Curse kill them.

He knew for sure he didn't want to join these people; he would never agree to their ideas.

But he wasn't given a choice. His father had brought him here and ordered him to take the Mark and there was nothing he could do about it.

Draco wasn't even looking when Voldemort told Lucius to bring his son to him. Draco's body was trembling.

He didn't know what to do as Voldemort's hand was approaching his left arm.

In any normal time, he would have tried to get away, but he couldn't move. It was like he was paralyzed. Paralyzed by fear. He didn't know what would be worse: getting Voldemort angry, or getting his father angry.

Images of Harry came flooding through his mind. How he wanted to be at the Gryffindor's side instead of in this cold, dark place.

Harry would comfort him, hold him against his chest and never let him go. Draco thought about the night when Harry had found him in the corridors. How the dark haired boy had taken care of him, gentle as always.

Draco desperately needed Harry in this harsh world.

These were his last thoughts as the hand of Voldemort approached him, ready to give him something that would change his life forever; something he had always dreaded, something that would drive Harry far away from him.

The Dark Mark.

TO BE CONTINUED

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter. Please review more for this one. My birthday is in a little more than one week (February 6th) and reviews would be a great present.

Cherish Chang: Glad you like my story. I like reviews like that :-)

Liza: Well I admit the idea has crossed my mind. Is it true? You'll see.

Herktownhick: Like I said, Ron won't be like that for too long.

Jay: To roast marshmallows? Interesting idea. And I won't stop this story just because I got one flame.

Luverofall: Well she's doing the first chapters :-)

Mickey: Thanks :-) I don't know what else to say.

Well thanks all for your reviews and thanks Heather for being my beta. Review and I'll reply to your review in Chapter 6.

Hollyva