I think this chapter is more cute than... uh... turn on-able, but I hope you guys enjoy it! Be patient with me, I'm writing a story, not a ZADR-sex- pamphlet!

... *Laughs at herself* Sex pamphlet. Heh. I amuse myself.

Damn, 65 reviews! That's gotta say something about muh skillz. Oh yea. I'm an unstoppable death-machine, ya know. And not one flame! I can't thank you guys enough. I got some of the best fanfiction writers I've seen saying that I'm good and, to be honest, I'm lovin' it! My ego is so taco- filled that I think I should move on to taquitos before I go on one of Zim's three-hour bathroom breaks. Heh. "But it was corn and mayonnaise day!" Dib is so cute! So honest and cute. I love corn and mayonnaise though! The corn guy always comes by and sells it. Yup. That's the advantage of living in the ghetto. *Thumbs up* Woo hoo! Ooooo and those nummy cartwheel-shaped chip-things that have hot sauce and lemons. I don't know what they're called. I'm just a poor cracker. Heh. Cracker. I like cheese and crackers. And animal crackers. Though they should be called cookies.



Zim gasped and stared at Gaz. She was wearing light purple pajamas with little rainbows and clouds scattered across the fuzzy fabric; definitely not something Zim expected Dib's deadly sibling to be wearing, even if it was only for bed.

Gaz raised an irritated brow. "You woke me up. You and Dib. What are you guys doing, anyway?"

Zim bit his bottom lip nervously, trying to think up a good excuse. "Y-you wouldn't understand!"

Gaz smirked. "Try me."

"Why should I?"

"Because I'll tell everyone at skool that you and Dib were doing less-than- holy things in his bedroom on Monday."

Zim turned a shade lighter. "You wouldn't!"

"Don't underestimate me, stupid green boy."

"Well... you can go ahead and tell everyone that! Because what I am doing with your disgusting sibling is one hundred times worse than what you're referring to, dirty-minded worm-baby!"

Gaz rolled her eyes. "Sure, Zim."

"I am taking the Dib-human over to my base! And I'm going to perform EVIL experiments on his slimy, stinky, PUtrid body! And there is NOTHING you can do to stop ME, the mighty ZIM!"

Gaz cocked her head to one side. "Like I'd want to. But if that's what you're REALLY doing, then why are you wearing no shirt, and no boots?"

Zim's face went blank.

Gaz smiled smugly. "See? I bet you and Dib are being naughty. Why don't we check?" She turned and walked toward Dib's open door.

"WAIT!"

Gaz turned around to face Zim. "What? Afraid of what I'll see?"

Zim jumped in front of Gaz and put his hands on his hips. "I'm not wearing my shirt or boots because your revolting excuse for a sibling put up a surprisingly good fight, and managed to de-clothe me!"

Gaz blinked and frowned.

Zim scoffed. "How's that?"

"I still say you're lying. But whatever. Tell Dib that he owes me for trying to make sense of you." And with that said, Gaz disappeared into her room and slammed the door.

Zim sighed and ran the back of his claw across his forehead like there was any sweat to wipe from there in the first place. He ran back into Dib's bedroom and shut the door.

Dib's face, or what could be seen of it from behind the thick blindfold of Zim's fuchsia colored shirt, was screwed up in fear. He had heard the whole conversation. "Zim, just let me go! I think she knows!"

"NONsense! Didn't you hear how cleverly I defended you?" Zim jumped on top of Dib's naked body and rubbed his chest. "She has no idea!"

"ZIM! I KNOW what I'm talking about! Let me free! It's too risky, she might come in here!" Dib squirmed from underneath Zim's warm body. "Please..."

Zim thought about what he said, and if he were in a cartoon, a little light bulb would've beamed above his head. "You're right, Dib-worm... so I'll just have to relocate ourselves..."

Dib took a deep breath. The idea of being able to continue what Zim had started appealed to him greatly... if they went to Zim's house he'd be able to be as loud as he needed to be... and there wouldn't be any disturbances... but he was so scared about the future. Dib had never really been the one to think ahead; that was Zim's way of going about things. But for some reason, he couldn't help but to wonder about how this would change things between him and his supposed enemy. Dib wasn't gay, and wasn't about to be, not even for Zim's sake.

So why was he letting the little alien do this?

'Well... this is just experimenting. Yeah. That's it. It means nothing.'

Once Dib came to that conclusion, he felt slightly at ease.

Zim fingered Dib's bellybutton, strangely fascinated. His thoughts were far from similar to Dib's. 'What on earth is this for? I see no significance of having another hole... ooh! It's not a hole! It just goes in a bit! How... cute!'

Dib laughed. "What are you doing?"

Zim blushed sheepishly. "Uh... GIR! Give me the keys to the handcuffs!"

GIR obeyed, pulling a small keyring from inside his mouth. "Aww, just when they were beginning to taste like taquitos..."

Zim took the keys from the insane robot and unlocked the cuffs from Dib's wrists and the bedposts. Dib sat up and gratefully rubbed his hands together. But before he could ask Zim if he could take the blindfold off, he felt his bed-sheets beings draped around him. "Hey! Zim, what are you doing?"

"I'm relocating!" Zim tied the corners of the sheet and threw Dib over his shoulder. "C'mon GIR, let's get out of here before his frightening sister discovers us."

GIR shook his finger at Zim. "You should repeeeeeent..."

Zim quirked a brow questioningly. "Just c'mon."

"But I'm not done!" GIR ran through the door (literally) and zoomed downstairs.

Zim squinted in frustration and picked up the Tupperware of gravy. The keys and cuffs were in the tangled mess of sheets with Dib. Zim activated his spidery-leggy-extensiony-thingys and crawled out the window, not giving GIR or the rest of his clothes a second thought. He was far too excited to care about his things at that very moment.

Gaz had loaded her camera and was ready to catch Zim and Dib in the act. She walked out of her room and down the hall. She opened Dib's door, appearing not to care about the hole in the wood. "AH-HAH!" With an unusual burst of vigor, she brought the camera up to her face quickly and snapped a photo of the scene.

There was nothing there.

Gaz grumbled and threw the camera at Dib's computer in the corner of the room. "I'll get you two yet..." She slammed the door shut and headed downstairs, needing some pizza and a quick game of Vampire Piggy Hunter to calm her nerves.

Zim opened the door and carefully dragged the squirming body behind him. The legless neighbor from across the street gave him an odd glare from inside his house, but continued sipping on his can of Salty Lemonade and watched an infomercial on removing unwanted earlobe hair (ooh!).

Zim locked the door behind him and lightly tossed Dib into the comfortable armchair in the corner of the living room. A muffled grunt was heard from the bundle. Zim put the gravy down on the table beside the armchair and quickly undid the knots in the sheet. Dib crawled out blindly. "Zim...?"

Zim smiled at the sight. 'He looks so helpless and innocent...' Thinking such tender thoughts made Zim blush, but he didn't care. He was pretty sure anything that happened between him and Dib wouldn't leave the safety of the walls that encased them both and their devilish unspoken ideas... Dignity wouldn't let it.

For a moment, Zim pushed Dignity aside and tickled Dib's feet. "I... I think I might... like you, horrible human..."

Dib blushed and giggled a bit, tucking his feet underneath him. Not knowing how to respond, he reached out for Zim's face, trying to welcome him to another kiss.

But Zim was way ahead of him. He leaned forward and lightly massaged his parted lips against Dib's. Dib reacted instantly and let his tongue dance with the alien's. He thought about how nice it was... even though he had nothing to compare Zim's kiss to, considering the fact that Zim was his first... in fact, Dib had a lot of firsts with Zim... first living thing he obsessed over, first person he punched, first person to see him naked other than a family member, first person to touch him in places that he shouldn't be touched... and first kiss.

'That's... scary...' Dib whimpered and pushed Zim away, disturbed by all the 'firsts' he shared with the Irken.

Zim looked hurt. He stared at the boy in front of him and realized how cold he was. Goose bumps covered almost every inch of his pale body, and he could hear the faint sound of teeth chattering from inside Dib's mouth. "Computer! Set the indoor temperature to... let's say, 75( Fahrenheit."

"Is your whole house run by a computer?" Dib rested back against the softness of the chair.

"Of course! Why hasn't your race done anything like that to your homes?"

Dib frowned. Zim made it sound like you couldn't call a house a home unless it was one giant computer. "I'm sure they've come up with stuff like it, but that lowers the 'quality of living'. Besides, it'd be too expensive."

"Quality of living? Computers increase the quality of living!" Zim lilted his head to one side, confused by human logic.

Dib sighed and scratched his elbow. "Well, I guess the general population doesn't think so. Humans already rely on technology too much and don't stop to enjoy things that they should. Increasing the use of computers would just make everyone more hectic and selfish and... well, fat."

Zim raised an invisible brow. "And how do you figure that, stink-beast?"

"Because I already rely on technology for a lot of things. My whole family does. And that's what drove us apart... well, one thing, anyways..."

Zim's lower eyelids rose in interest. "What's the other thing? ... How come?"

Dib shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it."

Zim looked down. Somewhat understanding, he sat next to Dib and curled up beside him. He removed Dib's blindfold, feeling that he could stand to look into his eyes.

It took awhile for Dib's vision to adjust to the darkness of Zim's living room. As soon it did, he was grateful for the lack of light. Now Zim wouldn't be able to see his red cheeks.

But Zim could see just fine in the shadowy setting. His eyes were made to see in such conditions. He smirked at the look on Dib's face and traced his bellybutton with his claw. "What is this?"

Dib looked down and saw the faint image of Zim's green flesh against his. He smiled. Their skin looked so beautiful together. Dib hoped he wasn't the only one to think so. "It's my bellybutton, Zim..."

"What does it do? What's it for?" The curiosity in Zim's voice made Dib laugh. Zim pulled away, embarrassed. He felt like he should know.

But Dib wrapped his arm behind Zim and pulled him close again. "It doesn't do anything. It was where I was connected to my mother when I was inside of her as a baby."

Zim remembered that humans weren't laid as eggs like his own species. "Oh... I see..."

Dib laughed again. Zim felt Dib's body rattle with the chuckle, and he found himself laughing as well. It was so strange. He was actually having a conversation with Dib. And they were getting along so well. Zim pushed the handcuffs and keyring off the chair and sucked on Dib's neck. He had a feeling he wouldn't be needing them anymore.

Dib laid sideways in the rather large chair and pulled Zim with him. Zim fell into his arms willingly and slumped off to the side a bit. He reached over for the gravy, glad to feel that it was still warm.

Dib saw the plastic container in Zim's claw and grew tense. "What is that?"

Zim didn't answer as he opened it and placed it on Dib's lower belly. "Hold still, or it'll spill."

Dib started to grow hard again, anticipating what was going to happen next. "Okay, but what is it?"

"Just hold still..." Zim dipped his claws into the slimy substance and let them hover over Dib's chest. The gravy dripped on his flesh and Dib shivered with pleasure from the slight wetness.

Zim smiled, satisfied. He did the same thing to Dib's thighs, shoulders and neck, watching the pool of gravy that rested unsteadily on Dib's stomach ripple with his movements.

Zim immersed his claw in the brown puddle and slid his greasy claw over Dib's collarbone. Dib pressed his head back into the cushion, finding it somewhat enjoyable. "Zim..."

His ruby eyes twinkled. Zim picked up the Tupperware of gravy and poured the rest of it over Dib's body slowly, not giving a shit about the upholstery.

Dib moaned and trembled, clinging to Zim's shoulders.

Zim started to noisily take off his pants. Once he was done, he threw them to the ground and wrapped his claw around Dib's hard, gravy-drenched member.

Dib gasped and held Zim close, never taking his eyes off of Zim's motionless claw.

Zim held Dib's cock for a few seconds, building up the suspense for Dib. Then he began working at the shaft, stroking steadily.

Dib hissed and closed his eyes. He knew it wouldn't take much for Zim to finish.



Don't worry, I'm gonna continue the... uh... rubbing of... Dib... but tell me what you want to see happen in the next chapter...

Dib's gonna wake up next to Zim in the middle of the night and creep home, with the sheet wrapped around him...

Gaz is gonna find GIR reading the rest of Dib's Bible and get him to tell what exactly is going on between Dib and Zim...

Zim and Dib are gonna have hot n' sweaty anal sex! Woo! *LOL* I can't even picture myself writing about something like that happening... the whole jacking off thing is already too much... but if that's what you want, I'll make it especially hot n' sweaty! =]

Ya know what? I just might get the next chapter up by tonight if I don't feel like going to bed any time soon! So keep checking back!

Hot n' sweat anal sex... oh man...

GIR: You should repeeeeeent...

I know... *Feels bad and looks down*

GIR: There, there. Santa forgives.

... Huh?

- SwEeTiNsAnItY