You now have the right to hate me!
A whole month without updating! I must've put you devoted fan-type thingys through so much pain! ... Well, damn, I know I put myself through a lotta pain; this story has been gnawing away at my conscious for a whole month! Oh the guilt... I hope this chapter was worth the wait, it was the best I could do... no, really, you don't understand! I must've rewritten it over 8 times! Gah! I don't even WANNA get into why this chapter's so long... I'm only gonna comment on a couple of your reviews this time, so don't feel unloved if I dun thank you personally for liking my story, okies? =]
Gaz is WAY out of character for a few parts in this fic; I'm sorry, I just wanted to give her a little bit more of a personality than she usually has. GIR might be a bit out of character too... I dunno, it's hard to tell! In some episodes he's almost smart and in others he's just kinda... you know *L* Zim and Dib are in and out of character, but that's nothin' new... oh, and what GIR says about the Lord really is in the Bible, I just forgot to write where I found it... it's somewhere in Psalms, if anyone cares *L*
Invader Jill: YES! THERE ARE SUCH THINGS AS INVADER ZIM CELL PHONE COVERS! Hot Topic, $18, get yours today! =P I'm still lookin' for the Invader Zim flip-flops... yes, they have those, too! ... AND IZ BLOW-UP CHAIRS! Can you believe it?! =D
Tomsbuttsporkle182: *LOL* Wow, that IS the longest review! Thank you so much for blessing my humble fic with your gargantuan review! I'd kiss yer sore boobie, but, heh, ya know... *L* And... well, I'm not sure how Zim cries! All I know is that he sweats, so I guess the same fluid that comes out his pores comes out his tear-ducts as well! Also, I read most of your fic, and I think it's pretty good! But I'm not a good judge 'cuz I'm not a real big fan of Blink 182... still, I acknowledge your mighty writing skills! EVERYONE, GO READ TOMSBUTTSPORKLE182'S FIC: "'Never Blink 182 Times; You Might End Up With Human Stink Pigs on Your Hands! An Invader Zim Meets Blink-182 Crossover!"
Jessie: *LOL* I feel so special that everyone's askin' me to read their ficcys! Makes me feel all superior... well, I'm too lazy to read it right now (I just got done watching all my Invader Zim eps on tape... muted... with the closed captioning on... please, do not ask *L*) so I'll check it out when I'm feeling... um... non-lethargic! But everyone, go read Jessie's fic anyways, since I'm so sure it's worth your time: "*ZIMSYNC!" ... *LOL* Just the concept of the story humors me!
Thank you thank you thank you everyone for readin' muh story and for stickin' by me despite my laggingness... I love you all, I really do... SO I BROUGHT WIENERS FOR EVERYONE! *Throws wieners around the room, laughing maniacally*
Oh, and please check out my profile so you can sign all the Zim petitions! And don't forget The Angry Beavers petition! That's my second most favoritest show, and I wanna see it on the air again! Besides, I've come to find that most Zim fans are also fans of the beavers! So sign!
Once they had taken a trip on the elevator to Zim's room, a chocolatey mess greeted the two unclothed boys at the door. "MASTER! I need he-elp!"
"You think I don't already know that, GIR?" Zim shook his head and strode past his liquid-cocoa covered servant. Dib followed, careful not to step in the puddles of whipped cream, clam chowder, and the latest edition to the assortment of filth strewn across Zim's bedroom floor: chocolate.
GIR waved a bottle of Poop Chocolate Syrup in his hand and ran over to his master, who had opened his bureau and started pawing through its contents. "But master, thisisdiffernt! See, 'cuz, like, I dunno how to make chocolate piggies for Gaz -"
Dib looked down by Zim's feet and stared at the little robot skeptically before lowering himself into the beanbag chair by the dresser. "Chocolates?! For GAZ?!"
GIR turned to Dib and nodded wistfully. "Yeeeaaah..."
"What on earth possessed you to do that?!" Dib gawked at the lovesick SIR unit incredulously.
GIR giggled nervously. "Meehee, she ish jush sho pwetty..."
Zim pulled out a pair of dark blue boxers decorated with all sorts of planets, stars, and nebulas and handed them to Dib, obviously unaware of the conversation going on in the midst. "Here, I think you'll like these ones..."
Dib took the boxers gratefully, unable to keep himself from blushing over the idea that Zim affectionately picked them out for him. "... Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure." Zim eyed Dib from over the open dresser drawer. "You need SOMEthing to wear while I clean your clothes."
"... You're gonna clean my clothes?"
Zim pulled out a pair of satiny black boxers, pushed the drawer close and looked down at Dib with a crooked smile. "Don't act so surprised, human!"
Dib reddened and looked down. "It's just that I'm not used to being so... pampered, that's all..."
"Well... I suggest you get used to it..." Zim blushed with his own words and stepped inside the leg holes of his boxers, hopping around unsteadily.
Dib looked up, wondering if he should make Zim feel uneasier by asking him why. But GIR, being hungry for attention, abruptly screamed out in anguish and squeezed the bottle of chocolate syrup onto the beanbag, just barely missing Dib's legs. Dib scooted back and shot GIR a dirty look. "HEY!"
Upon seeing this, Zim pulled up his boxers, grabbed GIR by the leg and held him up to his eye-level. "What is the meaning of your behavior?!"
GIR squealed with joy. "Dib-human'ssittin'onthaceiling!"
Frustrated, Zim dropped GIR nonchalantly and proceeded to go through another dresser drawer.
Dib wiped the chocolate syrup off the beanbag and it splattered on the floor. "He has a crush on my sister."
Zim looked over at Dib disbelievingly. "You can't be serious..."
"He told me so. That's why he has the chocolate syrup. He's trying to make her chocolate... 'piggies'." Dib simpered.
Zim retrieved a suit identical to the one he was wearing the day before from the drawer and shrugged. "At least it'll give him something to do."
GIR, who had decided to remain on the messy carpet, looked up his master's boxers innocently before putting on a melancholy aspect. "Master help make chocolate piggies for Gaz?"
Zim growled and stepped away from his companion. "No. A creature like that does not deserve to indulge in sweets. Besides, Dib and I are trying to get dressed... SOGOAWAY!"
Dib, not fazed by Zim's perception of his sister, stood up and slipped into the cottony boxers that were lent to him.
GIR gave up on his master and walked over to Dib hopefully. He tugged on his boxers as the human was trying to pull them up. Dib wrinkled his nose, thwarted. "Gah, what do you want?!"
Zim let an entertained giggle escape his throat as he watched GIR and Dib play tug-o-war with the shorts. GIR successfully jerked Dib's boxers to his ankles and was awarded with applause from his master. Dib looked up at Zim accusingly while GIR smiled proudly. "YAY! I did good?"
Zim laughed at the look on Dib's face and nodded enthusiastically. "Yes yes GIR, you did good."
GIR clapped for himself and looked up at Dib. "Dib-monkey help make chocolate piggies for Gaz!"
Dib reached down and pulled up his boxers. He glanced at Zim helplessly, but the Irken just shrugged. Dib looked down at GIR and sighed. "I'm no chef, but I'll try..."
GIR tossed himself upside down and bounced around on his head. "The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart!"
Dib grinned a bit and quirked a brow, suddenly remembering something. "GIR, what did you do with my Bible?"
GIR turned himself upright again, opened his head and pulled out a thick book that was, amazingly, still in perfect condition. He handed it to Dib, but the human shook his head. "Nah, you better hold onto it. Just make sure you take good care of it, okay GIR? I'm serious, that book means a lot to me."
Zim stared at the two, hopelessly lost. But GIR nodded solemnly and placed the Bible in its previous location, then proceeded to carry the Poop Chocolate Syrup out the door. Dib smiled and started to follow, but stopped in the doorway and turned around to face Zim. "Are you gonna help us?"
Zim pulled up his pants and tucked his claws inside, smoothing out the uncomfortable wrinkles in his boxers before buttoning up. He tried to hide the look of awkwardness on his face. "... No, I've got work to do."
Dib frowned, concerned. "Well... after I'm done helping GIR, I'll come down and clean with you, how's that?"
"It doesn't matter, really." Zim flashed a fake smile.
Dib took a couple steps into the room, determined to find out why Zim was acting so distant all of a sudden, but GIR snagged his boxers and tried to pull him out the door. "CHOC-O-LATE PIGGIES! PLEEEAAASE?"
Dib turned and walked with GIR down the hall reluctantly, looking over his shoulder.
Zim snarled and picked up his shirt, glaring at the doorway. "Stupid GIR..." When he was sure that Dib and his newfound robotic acquaintance had gone upstairs, Zim took the elevator to the cleansing room, muttering curses against his servant.
Dib crawled out the trash bin passageway with GIR seated upon his cranium. The human shook GIR off irately before tripping over a non-existent obstacle. Dib flew forward and landed on the duel-colored floor with a smack. GIR safely dropped on Dib's rear and kicked his legs with exuberance as he exclaimed, "AGAIN AGAIN!"
Dib grumbled and stood up, quickly recovering from his fall. GIR hung from the elastic band around Dib's waist and wrapped his legs around one of Dib's thighs, the extra weight dragging his boxers far past his belly button. But Dib didn't seem to care as he proceeded to search the kitchen for utensils and potential ingredients for the making of GIR's thoughtful demonstration of admiration for Gaz. About halfway through this process, GIR let himself down from Dib's behind and made a feeble attempt to help. After much rummaging and scraping, the unlikely pair came up with these items: a cookie sheet, a large bowl, a fork, a wooden spoon, a measuring cup, some flour, eggs, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, sugar, butter, and salt.
Dib stared at the tools and foodstuffs that lay across the table and scratched his head. "Mom made it look so easy."
GIR giggled, managing to pry open the container of flour. Before Dib could stop the common bakery cliché from occurring, a white cloud engulfed the pixilated SIR unit and dismayed pre-teen. Dib cried out and flailed in an attempt to clear the air around him, coughing profusely. "Damnit, GIR!"
The robot cackled. "Avalanche!"
It didn't take long for the particles of flour to subside. Dib picked up the powdery white robot and sat him down on the floor before shaking the majority of flour from his hair. "Man, no wonder Zim's so angry all the time..."
GIR, who didn't quite understand the insult, looked down shamefully. "I try to -"
"Psh, you do a good job, too. Alright, let's see..." Dib pawed through the items on the tabletop and bit his lip. Deciding to entrust the fate of the cookies in GIR, he looked down at the little robot questioningly. "Okay, how many eggs?"
"Eggs under my piggy crack! Crack!"
Dib titled his head to one side cognitively. "Crack crack? Two eggs? Sure, that sounds about right..."
Zim headed back up to his room, fully dressed, carrying a bucket of lime green cleansing jelly, a mop and his disguise. He had already thrown Dib's clothes in the washer/dryer, figuring that by the time he finished mopping his room the clothes would be done. Then he planned on taking a long- anticipated nap. After all, he was up for the remainder of the night and morning watching over Dib, making sure his fever didn't get too high and retrieving his and Dib's things from the Membrane household. Poor Zim had no way of knowing what was wrong with Dib, and for the first time in years he actually felt scared for someone.
Zim trudged into the elevator and spoke his destination, then piled his load on the floor, eager to give his arms a rest. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. 'What am I going to do? Dib is certainly distracting me from my duties as an invader... I've been working toward this mission my whole life; I can't just throw it all away for a lousy human... but... what if Dib is worth it? ... NO. Zim, stop talking like that. I've got to tell Dib that there's no way a... reLAtionship would work.'
The elevator slowed to a stop and the doors slid open. Zim picked up the items he brought from the cleansing room and headed down the hall to his personal living quarters. He nodded to himself as an outward show of affirmation to his proposed idea, even though he was quite uncertain about it inwardly.
"GIR, I don't think Gaz would appreciate these cookies if she knew that you were sitting in the dough." Dib held his hands on his hips and smiled slightly at the little robot, somewhat amused with his antics.
GIR gave a toothy grin and climbed out of the silver bowl. Dib reached inside, plucked a handful of the thick chocolate dough and patted it into a semi-flat circle. He placed among the arrangement of 11 other small piles of cookie dough and looked over at GIR for favorable reception.
GIR frowned. "WHERE ARE DA CHOCOLATE PIGGIES?!"
"What? Oh... oh yeah... heh..." Dib bit his lip and looked down. "They don't look much like piggies, do they?"
GIR's eyes watered as he gazed up at the human dependently.
Dib looked around as if seeking words of comfort. He paused, blinked, then smiled down at the SIR unit. "Why don't you just shape them into piggies? And when you're done, we'll put them in the oven, okay?"
GIR cheered loudly, his hope restored. He immediately put his skilled... skilled... I dunno, I guess you can call them hands... to work while Dib started to clean up the kitchen. He picked up the big silver bowl, noticing that it still held a good amount of dough.
"Hmm..." Dib grinned. "GIR, is there another cookie sheet around here somewhere...?"
Zim yawned loudly and stared at his room. It was a little damp and smelled like fruit, but it was clean, nonetheless. He smiled at the sense of accomplishment that he felt, temporarily forgetting about his jealous, confused and agitated state of mind. Leaving the mop propped up by the doorway, Zim curled up on a dry spot on his bed and fell asleep.
"Zim..."
"Mmph."
"Zim, wake up..."
"Grrrraarrm."
"Zim, c'mon, we gotta get going..."
Zim finally opened his weary eyes and observed his surroundings with a dazed expression on his face. He smiled a bit as Dib came into view; stretched over the bed, previously nudging him awake.
Dib returned the smile and cupped his chin in his hands. "Hi there..."
Zim sat up groggily and rubbed his eyes. "We've got to get going? ... Where ARE we going?"
"To my house to get the camera from Gaz! Don't you remember?" Dib tilted his head to look up at Zim.
The confused Irken looked over at the digital clock on his nightstand. "11:37? I only slept for an hour...?"
Dib shook his head and stood up. "11:37 P.M., Zim... it's nighttime, you slept all day."
"Eh?" Zim frowned in disarray then slammed a gloved claw against his forehead. "AGH, I HATE it when I do that..."
Dib helped Zim to his feet and glanced off to the side awkwardly, not wanting to sound like a nag. "Uh... Zim? Did you ever wash my clothes?"
Zim narrowed his eyes, a little offended. "What... you think I forgot?"
Dib bit down on his tongue. He hadn't anticipated a reaction like that. "No, it's just that, well, you were sleeping, and I wasn't sure -"
Zim frowned. "Of COURSE I washed your clothes, DIB... I'll go get them."
After Zim had left the room, Dib scowled and muttered under his breath. "Note to self: Zim's cranky when he wakes up."
Somewhere not far from the cleansing room, Zim unloaded an Irken machine that served as a washer and dryer combined. He draped Dib's now-clean pants, socks, boxers, shirt, and trench coat-like jacket over his right arm, grumbling. "Tch, why WOULDN'T I remember to wash his clothes? That little piece of earth filth should be grateful. ... Oy, this is beginning to sound like a pathetic human-acted soap opera..."
GIR squealed loudly and flew out of what seemed to be nowhere but Zim disregarded his entrance, having long ago grown used to the robot's uncanny ability to appear and disappear at the most inopportune time. GIR turned off his jets and landed on his rear by Zim's feet with a familiar clang. The irate Irken looked down at his companion apathetically, noticing that he was carrying a plastic container full of peculiar looking cookies. He studied it for a moment, then gaped at his servant. "Isn't that the same piece of Tupperware that I brought from Dib's house?"
GIR laughed deliriously and jumped to his feet, causing the contents of the Tupperware (and his near-empty head) to rattle. "I MADE 'EM FOR GAZZY!"
Zim reached down and snatched the plastic container from GIR's metallic grasp. He held it up to his face and peered inside, then drew back in disgust. "OH GIR, YOU DIDN'T EVEN RINSE OUT THE GRAVY!"
"... That was gravy?" GIR tilted his head to the side, obviously confused and slightly disappointed.
Zim sighed, handed GIR the cookies and walked back to his room with GIR at his heels. When he reached his personal living quarters he helped Dib get dressed (hehe, mental image =D ) in silence, then led him and the robot toward the elevator. Once inside, Zim cleared his throat and looked over at Dib guiltily. "Uh... Dib, I'm... sorry for sleeping so long, if I knew I was that tired I would've set an alarm..."
Dib smiled a bit, subconsciously taking Zim's apology for everything that had ever happened between them. "It's okay, GIR kept me pretty busy for most of the day, and then I... heh, well, I took a little nap next to ya..." Dib blushed and looked down, finding that his actions were a lot harder to explain than to perform.
Zim smiled, grabbed his antenna and pulled it down the side of his face shyly as the elevator stopped and opened its doors for its load to exit through. GIR was the first to crawl up through the trash bin passageway, then Zim, who helped Dib up. But instead of releasing his hand afterwards, Zim held onto it tightly and led Dib over to the refrigerator. He opened it with his free claw and looked over to Dib in an attempt to make conversation. "So... what did you and GIR do while I slept, anyway?"
Dib peered at the refrigerator's contents, noticing its lack of food and abundance of beverages. "Well, I helped him make the cookies - Oh! That reminds me." Dib writhed his hand out of Zim's clutches and searched the kitchen. "Now where did I put them?"
Zim glanced over at Dib with one eyebrow raised, then ducked into the refrigerator and pushed his claw around cans of earthly sodas and juices. He figured that whatever Dib was looking for would be revealed to him soon enough, so in the meantime he concentrated on finding a drink that appealed to him.
... But that wasn't the only thing on his mind; a constant itch to tell Dib what Zim had planned on saying earlier made itself known, and the Irken cringed in distress. He didn't want to break the quickly growing bond between himself and the human, but Zim's mission deserved full attention, and becoming attached to Dib would undoubtedly throw him off track, if not fully prevent the destruction of the human race. Zim heaved a deep, troubled sigh and let his eyes fall, failing to find anything good in the refrigerator. "Dib, I must tell you something..."
"Oh, yeah?" Barely listening, the human disappeared into the living room on his quest to find... well... to find whatever he was looking for.
Zim's ruby eyes never left the open refrigerator. "... Dib, I'm well aware of the fact that you humans believe that the short time you have on this planet shouldn't revolve around employment, but my race conflicts with that notion. You see, I've been raised in conjunction with the career chosen for me at a young age. My job as an invader has been, and will continue to be, my top priority throughout life, and this particular mission is most important because it ensures the quality of my life in the future... I can't let anything or... well, anyONE come between me and my line of work, so... I think that you and I should -"
Zim's attempt to make things "normal" again was interrupted by a plate of almost-edible cookies being thrust under his teary stare. Startled, Zim looked up and turned to face the keeper of the cookies.
Dib blushed and looked away. "I made them for you with the dough that was left-over from GIR's batch of cookies... sorry if they taste bad, I'm no good when it comes to remembering the measurements of the ingredients..."
Zim observed the cookies on the plate blankly, relieved that Dib apparently hadn't been tuned-in to the one-sided conversation, but also upset that he hadn't been able to get his point across. His antennae went all... droppy and his eyes filled with even more tears as he took Dib's gracious offering and smiled lightly. "... Thank you Dib... that was very thoughtful..."
Dib cocked his head and wrinkled his nose, bewildered at the emotions he saw playing on Zim's face. "... You're welcome, it's no problem, but... what's wrong?"
Zim's eyes fluttered, blinking away the all-too-obvious teardrops. "W- what? Silly human, I don't know what you're talking about..." The Irken looked down at the refrigerator's selection and waved his free claw at an untouched 6-pack of Poop Cola. "... Want some?"
"Hmm, okay! I'll take it with me on the way to my house... hey, Zim, do you got any fancy spying, climbing, breaking-and-entering... stuff that we can use?" Dib reached for the 6-pack and tried to yank one of the cans from the plastic rings that connected them all, but failed pathetically.
Zim carefully placed the plate of cookies on the table, reminding himself to consider eating a couple when they got back. "I've got all we need right here." He reached over his shoulder and pat his utility pack.
Dib finally managed to free the can of Poop from its plastic captor, but somehow got his hand tangled in the collective. He glanced over at Zim nervously, as if asking for help with his eyes, but the alien didn't notice. Instead, he marched over to the open doorway between the kitchen and the living room and raised a shaking fist, speaking to ears that really couldn't hear him at that moment. "Oh, you sleep well now, flimsy beast of all that is spooky, but I assure you that when you wake in the morn and do not find proof of what your betraying eyes have seen, you're pitiful existence will be shaken, as that is the sign of your defeat! And now..."
Zim sported a dramatic pose while pointing in the air. "TO THE... the, uh, um, FRONT DOOR! YES! MUHAHAHAHAHA! ... HAH... hehe... meeehhh..."
Dib leaped to stand next to Zim with a hand on his hip, his head held high, and... five leaky cans of soda hanging at his side. Zim eyed the cans, then looked at Dib quizzically. The human's determined grin faded and he shrugged unevenly, the weight of the soda cans effecting his left shoulder. Simultaneously, the two boys casually walked into the living room.
"Whatcha doooin' master?" GIR spoke up suddenly from his spot on the couch.
Zim sighed and kept walking across the room, speaking in a singsong voice. "None of your business, GIR."
GIR hopped off the couch curiously, dragging the Tupperware that he had used as a booster seat behind him. "Where you going?"
Dib hurried to try and keep Zim from answering, but the Irken pushed him away in slight vexation... accidentally causing Dib to fall over. (If this were a script and not a story, Dib would be off camera.) "OOF!"
Zim glanced down at Dib without expression, then turned to face his dotty associate. "We're going to Dib's house."
GIR suddenly became a lot more interested in his master's destination. "OO OO! I wanna come I WANNA COME!"
Zim's face fell as he slowly realized why Dib had tried to quiet his response seconds earlier. He looked down at Dib apologetically and offered him a claw. Dib reached for it with a scowl and pulled himself up, almost grateful because the fall had loosened his hand from the plastic soda ring things.
Zim glowered down at the defunct SIR unit and made his voice effectively stern. "No. You'll just ruin everything."
GIR uttered several panicked whimpers and gasps. He held up the gravy- glazed plastic container of chocolate cookies desperately. "But master, the piggies!"
Zim shook his head.
GIR whimpered and stared up at his master pleadingly, tears forming in his eyes-that-you-would-think-wouldn't-be-able-to-water. Zim's glare softened to a surrendering gaze and he made several angry breathy-noises to show his discontent. "Oh fine, GIR, you can come -"
"YAY!"
"... On ONE condition."
GIR blinked. "But I already turned off the AC."
"GIR! This is serious. Listen. You must be ex-teREM-ally QUIET! And you must do whatever I tell you, is that understood?"
Dib spoke up timidly. "Zim, that was two conditions..."
"Yes." GIR smiled proudly. "Whatever YOU tell me."
A surprised smile formed on the alien's green lips. "Okay GIR! Now come on."
GIR stayed where he was as Zim and Dib headed out the door. Zim paused and turned around, wondering why he couldn't sense his assistant's presence. When he saw that GIR was still standing in the middle of the living room floor, he folded his arms across his chest and narrowed his eyes. "GIR?"
The robot grinned ignorantly. "Yes, my lord?"
"We're leaving now. Get out here."
GIR continued to stand there with that unconscious smile.
"GIR. COME. HERE." Zim tapped the ground with his boot.
GIR just stared at his master expectantly.
Dib grumbled impatiently. "GIR, come on!"
The robot immediately obeyed and stood between the human and the Irken.
Zim looked down at GIR, then up at Dib, down at GIR, up at Dib, down at GIR, up at Dib, who just shrugged, and down at GIR, who squeaked innocently. Zim emitted a choleric snort, closed the door and... shrieked?
"MY LAWN GNOMES! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LAWN GNOMES?!" Zim gaped at the sight of multicolored metal shards distributed across his lawn and walkway.
GIR held up his hand. "OO! OO! I know!"
Zim looked down at GIR zealously. "Good job GIR! Now, what happened? Share your knowledge about the cause of this demolition with ZIIIM!"
GIR opened his mouth to speak, then snapped it shut with a frown. "... I just said dat so you'd be happy. I forgot what happened."
Zim yanked on his antennae and groaned, then dropped his hands at his sides with a faint slapping sound. "I give up on you, GIR."
Dib studied the only lawn gnome that was still intact, yet crushed up against the side of the house near the door. "... You don't suppose Gaz could have done this, do you?"
Zim shuddered in reply. "Oh, she will pay dearly... c'mon Dib, let's go."
As if on cue, the unlikely team pounded down the walkway steps and through the exit in the fence. GIR ran after them, hollering with fear of being left behind.
The luminous glow from the streetlights reflected off the patches of dark gray clouds that ominously hung in the otherwise violet sky. A cold breeze blew across the barren streets, causing Dib's teeth to chatter inside his mouth as the wind whipped the tail of his coat around. 'It couldn't have been this cold last night...'
Zim's steady sprint didn't seem to be effected by the low temperature. He was used to conditions far colder than that of which he was functioning in then. But when Dib and GIR started falling behind, he slowed to a jog out of consideration for Dib's health, and soon found himself stopping all together because GIR had cheerfully announced that he left the cookies back at the base. Despite Zim's frustration, he let GIR go back for them.
Dib folded his trench coat-like jacket around his belly and coughed hoarsely. "I shouldn't have ran..."
Zim looked at Dib sympathetically. "Human, you shouldn't have even come. You're still sick."
"It's just a little cold, no bi -" Dib choked on his words and leaned forward in pain as a numerous number of harsh coughs escaped his sore throat.
Zim helped Dib upright and wrapped his arms around him, wincing as he felt Dib's body rattle with each cough. He ran his claws up and down Dib's back and through his hair soothingly.
Dib's coughing fit receded, leaving him out of breath, teary-eyed and sore. He closed his eyes and seemed to wilt in Zim's securing hold. The alien's gentle caressing reminded Dib of what his mother would do whenever he couldn't stop choking. He found it weird that Zim had so many of his mother's qualities, but he wasn't about to complain.
Zim pulled Dib away and rubbed his shoulders and upper arms vigorously in an attempt to keep him warm. "Dib, why are you always so cold?"
Dib shrugged and abruptly sneezed on Zim, not having a chance to cover his mouth and nose. Zim yelped and backed away fearfully just as GIR came trotting down the sidewalk, singing loudly and dragging the Tupperware behind him. "Them country boys on the riiise with them big fat wheels on the siiide peep the vertical grills on the riiide and aww-awww-awwww- awwwww!"
Zim waved his claws frantically and made shhing noises. "GIR, be quiet! We're not in our disguises, remember?"
GIR observed Zim's body, then looked himself over. "... Master! We're not in our disguises!"
"I knew it was a bad idea to bring you along. Now hurry up, it's already midnight."
As the three of them neared Dib's house, Dib looked over at Zim questioningly, suddenly realizing something. "Hey! How did you tell the time without a watch?"
"It's sort of internal, a new feature I programmed in just last week." Zim pointed to his Irken Utility Pack.
GIR smiled. "'Tickity-tockity,' said the moose!"
They finally arrived on Dib's lawn. Zim looked up at the unlit windows, rubbing his chin with his claw. "Which one belongs to your horrible sibling?"
Dib pointed up at the window on the far left of the building. "That one. How are we gonna get up there?"
"Leave that to me." Zim grinned evilly and his spidery-leggy-extensiony- thingys popped out of his utility pack, making little crunching mechanical noises as they did so. GIR grabbed one of them and pulled as hard as he could. Zim looked down at his servant, growling. "ARGH, GIR, what is it NOW?"
The robot pointed at the front door with rare pellucidity. "You can just go through there."
Dib stared at GIR unbelievably. "Tch, and ruin the plot? Geez... c'mon Zim."
GIR shrugged and played with the antenna on his head like he had no idea it was there before while Dib walked over to the side of the house and stood directly under Gaz's window. Zim followed, using his mechanical legs to hang above Dib. He reached down, plucked Dib off the ground and held him tightly to his body. "Ready?"
"Just be quiet..." Dib's voice quavered slightly as the severity of the dooming he would receive if Gaz found out suddenly made itself clear to him.
Zim nodded and crawled up the side of Dib's house almost silently. Dib breathed a sigh of relief as they reached the top, but that relief was dashed when Zim let out a blood-curdling scream. "IEEE WHAT IS THAT?!"
Dib waved his arms above him, trying to silence the Irken's horrified shouts, but this caused Zim to lose his balance and he started to fall backwards. Dib yelped, pushed himself up off of Zim's tumbling body and managed to cling to the windowsill. Zim landed on the ground below with a nauseating 'CRUNCH'.
Dib looked down at Zim, concerned, but that proved to be a mistake as Dib's fingers slipped and sent him plummeting as well. He landed on Zim, forcing a strangled grunt out of him. Dib groaned and rolled off. "GREAT. Gaz couldn't have possibly slept through that!"
*Inside the house*
Gaz stepped out of the bathroom with the sound of a toilet flushing behind her as she walked into her room, picking at a wedgie sleepily.
*Back outside*
Dib got up and looked down at Zim angrily. "What was THAT all about?!"
The alien sat up slowly, breathing irregularly from shock. "T-that THING! Up there! It was so vile! So horrendous! It makes me make little... sicky... noises."
Zim made his claws twitch and shuddered; the movement reminding him of what he saw. Dib rolled his eyes. "Show me what it was."
Zim gasped and hugged his knees, shaking his head frantically. "Nuh uh, you go look yourself!"
"Oh, okay Zim, I'll just get out my mechanical sticky leg things and crawl on up." Dib smirked and made little walking motions with his fingers.
"But you don't have any." Zim cocked his head to the side.
Dib grumbled and helped Zim up. "Take me up there, and this time, DON'T scream."
Zim whimpered but got up and carried Dib up to Gaz's window again, this time a little slower than before. When he reached the top he bit his bottom lip and looked away. Dib titled his head to see what Zim found so terrifying and chuckled when he found out.
"... A spider, Zim?! You're THAT scared of a SPIDER?!"
Zim scoffed but couldn't hide his pained expression. "Of course not!"
Dib laughed and reached up to grab the large spider on the windowsill. "Are you suuure?"
Zim squeaked and scuttled off to the side, getting the arachnid out of Dib's reach. "No no please don't justgetitaway!"
Dib laughed harder. For some strange reason, he was thoroughly enjoying torturing Zim. ... Actually, who wouldn't? "Man, it's not even that big!"
"What do you MEAN, 'it's not even that big'?! It's HUGE!" Zim's lower lip trembled as he glanced at the spiderweb on Gaz's windowsill.
"I mean, look!" Dib pointed to one of Zim's mechanical legs. "You've got creepy crawly legs just like that spider does!"
Zim snarled and dug his claws into Dib's sides. "This is completely different."
"Eep!" Dib squirmed in discomfort, his sides still sore from Zim clawing at them earlier. "Zim, cut it out, I was only playing!"
Zim loosened his grip, but not enough to drop him.
"I'm sorry Zim. Take me over to the window and I'll kill the spider, okay?"
Zim whined a little bit in a childish way. "You aren't gonna throw it on me or anything?"
Dib shook his head, still amused with the fact that Zim suffered from arachniphobia when he was actually pretty spider-like himself. "No Zim, I promise I won't. We're here for a reason; I'm just as determined to get that film as you are."
Zim uttered a nervous groan, crawled over to the window once again and closed his eyes when Dib reached up and squashed the spider with the palm of his hand. He wiped the gutsy remains on the windowsill and pried the window open softly, breaking up the sticky web where the spider had resided. After Dib peeked inside to make sure Gaz was still asleep, he hoisted himself up into the dark room with Zim's assistance. But before Dib could venture any future into the room, Zim reached forward, grabbed the human by the collar of his trench coat-like jacket and pulled him near. He leaned forward and whispered in Dib's ear urgently. "Make this quick, I don't want you to sneeze or cough and wake up that demon you call a sister. ... Besides, I can only hang from a position like this for so long until my back starts hurting, and my previous fall didn't help matters any."
Dib nodded understandingly and Zim let go. The human stood there motionless for a few seconds, giving his eyes a chance to adjust to the lack of light. Then he cautiously walked over to Gaz's bureau. After pawing through the items on top of the dresser, Dib opened the first drawer and rummaged through it. He pulled out a prissy-looking training bra and held it up for Zim to see.
Zim snorted and whispered just loud enough for Dib to hear, "But she doesn't even need it!"
Dib smirked and put the lacy black undergarment back into the drawer, then continued to search through it.
Meanwhile, GIR had gotten bored of his appendage and took his gift to Gaz inside, using his ingenious idea of going through the almost always- unlocked front door. Even GIR wasn't too stupid to interpret that nighttime = sleep, so he benevolently left the container of cookies on the kitchen table and tiptoed out of the house, giggling quietly to himself.
'Gah, he's taking too long...' Zim could almost hear the fibers of his back muscles being torn by the spikes of his utility pack. He leaned forward, grunting in pain as he leveled his body over the windowsill and retracted his spidery-leggy-extensiony-thingys in order to relieve the strain. He stared at Dib's rosy silhouette as it moved around the dark room frantically.
After searching through a few more drawers and over a couple more shelves, Dib padded across the floor toward Zim with a panicked expression. "Zim, I can't find it anywhere."
The Irken's face screwed up in disbelief, anger, worry and discomfort. "You didn't look hard enough!"
"You saw me, Zim! I looked everywhere!"
Zim frowned, knowing that there wasn't a place in Gaz's room that Dib hadn't ransacked. "Do you think she put it somewhere else in your house?"
A gleam of hope shined in Dib's honey eyes, showing even through the dark. "Maybe! Look, I'll go downstairs and check. Meet me at the front door."
Zim nodded, activated his mechanical legs and scampered down the wall, hissing through his teeth from the pain that his utility pack was inflicting.
Dib opened Gaz's door softly and walked out into the hall, deciding that it wasn't worth the risk to try and close it without Gaz awaking. He ran down the stairs with unusual grace and began to hunt for the camera or the film in the living room.
GIR blew a playful raspberry as Zim slogged over to Dib's doorstep and sat down beside the robot with a sigh. The two sat in silence for a few moments until Dib came through the front door and nearly tripped over them. GIR smiled up at Dib obliviously while Zim stood up, expecting to see the film in the human's hand. When he didn't, his face fell and he stared at Dib questioningly with an abject aspect.
Dib shrugged, looking just as forlorn. "I couldn't find it. Either she already took the film to get developed or she did a real good job of hiding the camera..."
Zim furrowed his nonexistent brows in thought.
"... Zim... Gaz doesn't play around when it comes to things like this... she's really going to get that picture to circulate around skool... we're gonna get bullied 100 times more than we already do... Zim, are you listening? ... Don't you get it? Don't you care?!"
Zim clenched his fists at his sides and snarled. "Of course I get it, Dib! Of course I care! All I've worked for - ruined! ... And it's all because of you!"
Dib gawked. "ME?! How is something like that MY fault?! It's not like I MADE you... you... you know..."
"But that's just the thing! You did! You horrible, retched, tempting human! My mission is ruined because of you! How can I conquer this planet when you're making me have feelings for you?!"
Dib looked down at the cement shyly and guiltily. Zim's anger quickly turned into the same guilt and awkwardness that Dib felt and he looked away as well. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault. It's just... frustrating."
"... And confusing..." Dib glanced up at Zim meekly.
Zim nodded with a tiny smile. "Do you want to come back to my house? This sounds like a problem we should just sleep on; I'm sure there's more we can do to keep those filthy children from viewing that photograph. We'll come up with something."
"Alright..." Dib grinned uncertainly through his anxiousness and followed Zim toward his base. Neither of them bothered to see if GIR was coming or not.
*The next day.*
Gaz finished brushing her teeth and thundered down the stairs, her mouth curled up in an exhilarated smile. She ran into the kitchen and bounced around her father eagerly, who was most likely working on something "very important". Under normal circumstances, the professor wouldn't have set his experimental lima beans aside for his daughter, but the peculiarity of Gaz's actions made his one-track mind focus on his child for a good four minutes out of curiosity and concern. "Well well, you're certainly in an abnormally cheerful mood! I wish Dib were here; you're walking proof that video games are good for children!"
Gaz stopped hopping about giddily and shook her head. "No, Dad, that's not it."
"It's not?!" Prof. Membrane dropped his scientific tools... well, more like kitchen utensils, in this case... and bent down to Gaz's level. He pulled down her lower eyelids and observed them intently. "Have you been neglecting your gaming system, young lady?"
Gaz turned away in annoyance and rubbed her watery eyes, then remembered why she had bothered her father in the first place. With a hopeful smile, she faced Prof. Membrane once again. "Dad, did you get the pictures developed yesterday like I asked you to?"
"Ah yes, the photos! They should be right over there on the kitchen table. I had someone develop them in the darkroom at the studio while I was recording my show. Now, if you'll excuse me, daughter dear, this portion of the procedure is extremely volatile and potentially dangerous!" Prof. Membrane leaned over the kitchen counter, gripping a baster over his head menacingly.
Gaz trotted over to the kitchen table, deciding that it was best not to question the being of a darkroom in a television studio. But before she saw the stack of photos where her father said they would be, she noticed a plastic container full of grotesque looking unknown objects. Gaz stared at the Tupperware's contents for a moment before inquiring, "Dad, what IS this?"
"Hmm?" Prof. Membrane looked over his shoulder; some green beans strewn across what little of his face he exposed. "Oh, those are cookies! Found them out here when I came home. ... I thought YOU made them!"
"What?" Gaz sounded insulted. "You actually think I would make something so -"
"Delicious? Of course sweetheart! I never underestimate your abilities as a common housewife."
Gaz rose a brow, then grunted. With one quick swipe of her forearm, she pushed the plastic container off the table. It tumbled across the floor, opened and sent 9 gravy-doused chocolate cookies shaped as pigs skidding across the floor.
Prof. Membrane turned around, alarmed with the commotion, and frowned at the sight, though you couldn't tell through the collar of his lab coat. "Aww Gaz, I wasn't done eating those..."
Gaz ignored her father's complaint and snatched the envelope of pictures, which had been behind the plastic container of cookies. She snickered excitedly, turned, ran out of the kitchen and hopped up on the couch in the living room. Sitting cross-legged in the middle of the couch, she opened the package and dumped the photos in front of her, then proceeded to sort through them hastily. Pictures that her brother had obviously taken made up the majority of the film; she could tell because they displayed Zim's house from an assortment of angles and viewpoints. Gaz growled. "Dib used my camera again."
When she got to the last of the pictures and didn't find what she was looking for, a worried look occupied Gaz's face and she flipped through the photos again, this time more carefully. After going through the entire assortment of photos another four times, and was sure of the fact that the picture she had taken of Dib and Zim in the tub wasn't there, she prepared to yell at her father. But before she could open her mouth, a dreadful thought popped into her mind. Gaz's eyes widened in disbelief and anguish as she jumped down from the couch and walked up to her room slowly, aiming to confirm her intuition.
Once upstairs and in her room, Gaz retrieved the camera from the one place she was sure it would be safe; on her bed, wrapped up in covers, up against the wall. Her eyes grew even wider, this time from fury, as she saw that the lens cap had never been removed. Her cheekbone twitched unsteadily as she shuddered and tightened her grip around the camera, causing it to crack and moan under the pressure. "This... can't... be... happening... NOW how am I supposed to make Dib's life a living realm of eternal screaming and restlessness?! Huh? Huh? HUH?! ... Aww man!"
*Outside in Gaz's Neighboring Front Yard...*
An old lady squat down beside a flowerbed, humming cheerfully while pulling up bothersome weeds and tossing them over her shoulder. A SLR camera flew out of Gaz's window and knocked the lady upside the head without warning. She hollered out in pain, spun around and fells, face first, into the pile of weeds.
*Back Inside Gaz's Room*
Gaz murmured about brother angrily and slammed the window shut, unaware of the immobile old lady below and the siren that could be heard wailing down the street. She sat down on her bed, leaned her elbows against her knees and cupped her chin in her hands, thinking about some other way she could make Dib miserable.
"Aww, don't be sad! I picked up the cookies you dropped! They're still good!"
Gaz looked up, thoroughly dismayed.
There was GIR, standing on the foot of Gaz's bed, holding a greasy, gravy- dabbed chocolate cookie in each hand. He smiled sympathetically and handed one to her.
Gaz blinked. "Wait, how did you - Arg, nevermind. ... And I don't want a cookie."
"Sure ya do! Now open wiiide!"
GIR shoved the piggy in Gaz's face and literally forced it down her throat. Gagging, Gaz grabbed the robot by his antenna and pulled him away. "I HATE YOU!"
GIR frowned.
"Why don't you go mess with Zim and Dib?" Gaz placed GIR on the floor and urged him to leave by nudging him with her foot. "Make them get mad at each other or something."
"Is that what you want?" GIR turned around and looked up at Gaz apathetically.
The little girl growled impatiently and wiped droplets of gravy away from her lips. "Yeah, yeah, okay, sure. Now just go."
GIR saluted and went into serious mode, then activated his jets and flew out of the room.
But... just HOW serious was he about Gaz's request...?
Hope you enjoyed that... a little lengthy, eh? Ah well. So, how should GIR fulfill Gaz's wish? Here are your choices, o' trustworthy admirers!
Should he tell Zim that Dib is planning on destroying his lab through reverse-technology (not in that exact wording, of course.)...?
Should he tell Dib that Zim is only 'with' him to distract the human from the impending doom that Zim is going to unleash on earth...?
Should he get into Zim's lab, make a mess of everything and blame it on Dib...?
Should he throw something at Dib and blame it on Zim...? And if so, what should GIR throw?
I know a couple of these choices don't seem like a big deal, but you know Zim and Dib; they'll undoubtedly blow it out of proportion!
Hopefully the next chapter won't take so long... anyways, thanks for reading everybody! G'night!
... Oh, it's three in the afternoon. Right. Heh.
- SwEeTiNsAnItY
A whole month without updating! I must've put you devoted fan-type thingys through so much pain! ... Well, damn, I know I put myself through a lotta pain; this story has been gnawing away at my conscious for a whole month! Oh the guilt... I hope this chapter was worth the wait, it was the best I could do... no, really, you don't understand! I must've rewritten it over 8 times! Gah! I don't even WANNA get into why this chapter's so long... I'm only gonna comment on a couple of your reviews this time, so don't feel unloved if I dun thank you personally for liking my story, okies? =]
Gaz is WAY out of character for a few parts in this fic; I'm sorry, I just wanted to give her a little bit more of a personality than she usually has. GIR might be a bit out of character too... I dunno, it's hard to tell! In some episodes he's almost smart and in others he's just kinda... you know *L* Zim and Dib are in and out of character, but that's nothin' new... oh, and what GIR says about the Lord really is in the Bible, I just forgot to write where I found it... it's somewhere in Psalms, if anyone cares *L*
Invader Jill: YES! THERE ARE SUCH THINGS AS INVADER ZIM CELL PHONE COVERS! Hot Topic, $18, get yours today! =P I'm still lookin' for the Invader Zim flip-flops... yes, they have those, too! ... AND IZ BLOW-UP CHAIRS! Can you believe it?! =D
Tomsbuttsporkle182: *LOL* Wow, that IS the longest review! Thank you so much for blessing my humble fic with your gargantuan review! I'd kiss yer sore boobie, but, heh, ya know... *L* And... well, I'm not sure how Zim cries! All I know is that he sweats, so I guess the same fluid that comes out his pores comes out his tear-ducts as well! Also, I read most of your fic, and I think it's pretty good! But I'm not a good judge 'cuz I'm not a real big fan of Blink 182... still, I acknowledge your mighty writing skills! EVERYONE, GO READ TOMSBUTTSPORKLE182'S FIC: "'Never Blink 182 Times; You Might End Up With Human Stink Pigs on Your Hands! An Invader Zim Meets Blink-182 Crossover!"
Jessie: *LOL* I feel so special that everyone's askin' me to read their ficcys! Makes me feel all superior... well, I'm too lazy to read it right now (I just got done watching all my Invader Zim eps on tape... muted... with the closed captioning on... please, do not ask *L*) so I'll check it out when I'm feeling... um... non-lethargic! But everyone, go read Jessie's fic anyways, since I'm so sure it's worth your time: "*ZIMSYNC!" ... *LOL* Just the concept of the story humors me!
Thank you thank you thank you everyone for readin' muh story and for stickin' by me despite my laggingness... I love you all, I really do... SO I BROUGHT WIENERS FOR EVERYONE! *Throws wieners around the room, laughing maniacally*
Oh, and please check out my profile so you can sign all the Zim petitions! And don't forget The Angry Beavers petition! That's my second most favoritest show, and I wanna see it on the air again! Besides, I've come to find that most Zim fans are also fans of the beavers! So sign!
Once they had taken a trip on the elevator to Zim's room, a chocolatey mess greeted the two unclothed boys at the door. "MASTER! I need he-elp!"
"You think I don't already know that, GIR?" Zim shook his head and strode past his liquid-cocoa covered servant. Dib followed, careful not to step in the puddles of whipped cream, clam chowder, and the latest edition to the assortment of filth strewn across Zim's bedroom floor: chocolate.
GIR waved a bottle of Poop Chocolate Syrup in his hand and ran over to his master, who had opened his bureau and started pawing through its contents. "But master, thisisdiffernt! See, 'cuz, like, I dunno how to make chocolate piggies for Gaz -"
Dib looked down by Zim's feet and stared at the little robot skeptically before lowering himself into the beanbag chair by the dresser. "Chocolates?! For GAZ?!"
GIR turned to Dib and nodded wistfully. "Yeeeaaah..."
"What on earth possessed you to do that?!" Dib gawked at the lovesick SIR unit incredulously.
GIR giggled nervously. "Meehee, she ish jush sho pwetty..."
Zim pulled out a pair of dark blue boxers decorated with all sorts of planets, stars, and nebulas and handed them to Dib, obviously unaware of the conversation going on in the midst. "Here, I think you'll like these ones..."
Dib took the boxers gratefully, unable to keep himself from blushing over the idea that Zim affectionately picked them out for him. "... Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure." Zim eyed Dib from over the open dresser drawer. "You need SOMEthing to wear while I clean your clothes."
"... You're gonna clean my clothes?"
Zim pulled out a pair of satiny black boxers, pushed the drawer close and looked down at Dib with a crooked smile. "Don't act so surprised, human!"
Dib reddened and looked down. "It's just that I'm not used to being so... pampered, that's all..."
"Well... I suggest you get used to it..." Zim blushed with his own words and stepped inside the leg holes of his boxers, hopping around unsteadily.
Dib looked up, wondering if he should make Zim feel uneasier by asking him why. But GIR, being hungry for attention, abruptly screamed out in anguish and squeezed the bottle of chocolate syrup onto the beanbag, just barely missing Dib's legs. Dib scooted back and shot GIR a dirty look. "HEY!"
Upon seeing this, Zim pulled up his boxers, grabbed GIR by the leg and held him up to his eye-level. "What is the meaning of your behavior?!"
GIR squealed with joy. "Dib-human'ssittin'onthaceiling!"
Frustrated, Zim dropped GIR nonchalantly and proceeded to go through another dresser drawer.
Dib wiped the chocolate syrup off the beanbag and it splattered on the floor. "He has a crush on my sister."
Zim looked over at Dib disbelievingly. "You can't be serious..."
"He told me so. That's why he has the chocolate syrup. He's trying to make her chocolate... 'piggies'." Dib simpered.
Zim retrieved a suit identical to the one he was wearing the day before from the drawer and shrugged. "At least it'll give him something to do."
GIR, who had decided to remain on the messy carpet, looked up his master's boxers innocently before putting on a melancholy aspect. "Master help make chocolate piggies for Gaz?"
Zim growled and stepped away from his companion. "No. A creature like that does not deserve to indulge in sweets. Besides, Dib and I are trying to get dressed... SOGOAWAY!"
Dib, not fazed by Zim's perception of his sister, stood up and slipped into the cottony boxers that were lent to him.
GIR gave up on his master and walked over to Dib hopefully. He tugged on his boxers as the human was trying to pull them up. Dib wrinkled his nose, thwarted. "Gah, what do you want?!"
Zim let an entertained giggle escape his throat as he watched GIR and Dib play tug-o-war with the shorts. GIR successfully jerked Dib's boxers to his ankles and was awarded with applause from his master. Dib looked up at Zim accusingly while GIR smiled proudly. "YAY! I did good?"
Zim laughed at the look on Dib's face and nodded enthusiastically. "Yes yes GIR, you did good."
GIR clapped for himself and looked up at Dib. "Dib-monkey help make chocolate piggies for Gaz!"
Dib reached down and pulled up his boxers. He glanced at Zim helplessly, but the Irken just shrugged. Dib looked down at GIR and sighed. "I'm no chef, but I'll try..."
GIR tossed himself upside down and bounced around on his head. "The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart!"
Dib grinned a bit and quirked a brow, suddenly remembering something. "GIR, what did you do with my Bible?"
GIR turned himself upright again, opened his head and pulled out a thick book that was, amazingly, still in perfect condition. He handed it to Dib, but the human shook his head. "Nah, you better hold onto it. Just make sure you take good care of it, okay GIR? I'm serious, that book means a lot to me."
Zim stared at the two, hopelessly lost. But GIR nodded solemnly and placed the Bible in its previous location, then proceeded to carry the Poop Chocolate Syrup out the door. Dib smiled and started to follow, but stopped in the doorway and turned around to face Zim. "Are you gonna help us?"
Zim pulled up his pants and tucked his claws inside, smoothing out the uncomfortable wrinkles in his boxers before buttoning up. He tried to hide the look of awkwardness on his face. "... No, I've got work to do."
Dib frowned, concerned. "Well... after I'm done helping GIR, I'll come down and clean with you, how's that?"
"It doesn't matter, really." Zim flashed a fake smile.
Dib took a couple steps into the room, determined to find out why Zim was acting so distant all of a sudden, but GIR snagged his boxers and tried to pull him out the door. "CHOC-O-LATE PIGGIES! PLEEEAAASE?"
Dib turned and walked with GIR down the hall reluctantly, looking over his shoulder.
Zim snarled and picked up his shirt, glaring at the doorway. "Stupid GIR..." When he was sure that Dib and his newfound robotic acquaintance had gone upstairs, Zim took the elevator to the cleansing room, muttering curses against his servant.
Dib crawled out the trash bin passageway with GIR seated upon his cranium. The human shook GIR off irately before tripping over a non-existent obstacle. Dib flew forward and landed on the duel-colored floor with a smack. GIR safely dropped on Dib's rear and kicked his legs with exuberance as he exclaimed, "AGAIN AGAIN!"
Dib grumbled and stood up, quickly recovering from his fall. GIR hung from the elastic band around Dib's waist and wrapped his legs around one of Dib's thighs, the extra weight dragging his boxers far past his belly button. But Dib didn't seem to care as he proceeded to search the kitchen for utensils and potential ingredients for the making of GIR's thoughtful demonstration of admiration for Gaz. About halfway through this process, GIR let himself down from Dib's behind and made a feeble attempt to help. After much rummaging and scraping, the unlikely pair came up with these items: a cookie sheet, a large bowl, a fork, a wooden spoon, a measuring cup, some flour, eggs, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, sugar, butter, and salt.
Dib stared at the tools and foodstuffs that lay across the table and scratched his head. "Mom made it look so easy."
GIR giggled, managing to pry open the container of flour. Before Dib could stop the common bakery cliché from occurring, a white cloud engulfed the pixilated SIR unit and dismayed pre-teen. Dib cried out and flailed in an attempt to clear the air around him, coughing profusely. "Damnit, GIR!"
The robot cackled. "Avalanche!"
It didn't take long for the particles of flour to subside. Dib picked up the powdery white robot and sat him down on the floor before shaking the majority of flour from his hair. "Man, no wonder Zim's so angry all the time..."
GIR, who didn't quite understand the insult, looked down shamefully. "I try to -"
"Psh, you do a good job, too. Alright, let's see..." Dib pawed through the items on the tabletop and bit his lip. Deciding to entrust the fate of the cookies in GIR, he looked down at the little robot questioningly. "Okay, how many eggs?"
"Eggs under my piggy crack! Crack!"
Dib titled his head to one side cognitively. "Crack crack? Two eggs? Sure, that sounds about right..."
Zim headed back up to his room, fully dressed, carrying a bucket of lime green cleansing jelly, a mop and his disguise. He had already thrown Dib's clothes in the washer/dryer, figuring that by the time he finished mopping his room the clothes would be done. Then he planned on taking a long- anticipated nap. After all, he was up for the remainder of the night and morning watching over Dib, making sure his fever didn't get too high and retrieving his and Dib's things from the Membrane household. Poor Zim had no way of knowing what was wrong with Dib, and for the first time in years he actually felt scared for someone.
Zim trudged into the elevator and spoke his destination, then piled his load on the floor, eager to give his arms a rest. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. 'What am I going to do? Dib is certainly distracting me from my duties as an invader... I've been working toward this mission my whole life; I can't just throw it all away for a lousy human... but... what if Dib is worth it? ... NO. Zim, stop talking like that. I've got to tell Dib that there's no way a... reLAtionship would work.'
The elevator slowed to a stop and the doors slid open. Zim picked up the items he brought from the cleansing room and headed down the hall to his personal living quarters. He nodded to himself as an outward show of affirmation to his proposed idea, even though he was quite uncertain about it inwardly.
"GIR, I don't think Gaz would appreciate these cookies if she knew that you were sitting in the dough." Dib held his hands on his hips and smiled slightly at the little robot, somewhat amused with his antics.
GIR gave a toothy grin and climbed out of the silver bowl. Dib reached inside, plucked a handful of the thick chocolate dough and patted it into a semi-flat circle. He placed among the arrangement of 11 other small piles of cookie dough and looked over at GIR for favorable reception.
GIR frowned. "WHERE ARE DA CHOCOLATE PIGGIES?!"
"What? Oh... oh yeah... heh..." Dib bit his lip and looked down. "They don't look much like piggies, do they?"
GIR's eyes watered as he gazed up at the human dependently.
Dib looked around as if seeking words of comfort. He paused, blinked, then smiled down at the SIR unit. "Why don't you just shape them into piggies? And when you're done, we'll put them in the oven, okay?"
GIR cheered loudly, his hope restored. He immediately put his skilled... skilled... I dunno, I guess you can call them hands... to work while Dib started to clean up the kitchen. He picked up the big silver bowl, noticing that it still held a good amount of dough.
"Hmm..." Dib grinned. "GIR, is there another cookie sheet around here somewhere...?"
Zim yawned loudly and stared at his room. It was a little damp and smelled like fruit, but it was clean, nonetheless. He smiled at the sense of accomplishment that he felt, temporarily forgetting about his jealous, confused and agitated state of mind. Leaving the mop propped up by the doorway, Zim curled up on a dry spot on his bed and fell asleep.
"Zim..."
"Mmph."
"Zim, wake up..."
"Grrrraarrm."
"Zim, c'mon, we gotta get going..."
Zim finally opened his weary eyes and observed his surroundings with a dazed expression on his face. He smiled a bit as Dib came into view; stretched over the bed, previously nudging him awake.
Dib returned the smile and cupped his chin in his hands. "Hi there..."
Zim sat up groggily and rubbed his eyes. "We've got to get going? ... Where ARE we going?"
"To my house to get the camera from Gaz! Don't you remember?" Dib tilted his head to look up at Zim.
The confused Irken looked over at the digital clock on his nightstand. "11:37? I only slept for an hour...?"
Dib shook his head and stood up. "11:37 P.M., Zim... it's nighttime, you slept all day."
"Eh?" Zim frowned in disarray then slammed a gloved claw against his forehead. "AGH, I HATE it when I do that..."
Dib helped Zim to his feet and glanced off to the side awkwardly, not wanting to sound like a nag. "Uh... Zim? Did you ever wash my clothes?"
Zim narrowed his eyes, a little offended. "What... you think I forgot?"
Dib bit down on his tongue. He hadn't anticipated a reaction like that. "No, it's just that, well, you were sleeping, and I wasn't sure -"
Zim frowned. "Of COURSE I washed your clothes, DIB... I'll go get them."
After Zim had left the room, Dib scowled and muttered under his breath. "Note to self: Zim's cranky when he wakes up."
Somewhere not far from the cleansing room, Zim unloaded an Irken machine that served as a washer and dryer combined. He draped Dib's now-clean pants, socks, boxers, shirt, and trench coat-like jacket over his right arm, grumbling. "Tch, why WOULDN'T I remember to wash his clothes? That little piece of earth filth should be grateful. ... Oy, this is beginning to sound like a pathetic human-acted soap opera..."
GIR squealed loudly and flew out of what seemed to be nowhere but Zim disregarded his entrance, having long ago grown used to the robot's uncanny ability to appear and disappear at the most inopportune time. GIR turned off his jets and landed on his rear by Zim's feet with a familiar clang. The irate Irken looked down at his companion apathetically, noticing that he was carrying a plastic container full of peculiar looking cookies. He studied it for a moment, then gaped at his servant. "Isn't that the same piece of Tupperware that I brought from Dib's house?"
GIR laughed deliriously and jumped to his feet, causing the contents of the Tupperware (and his near-empty head) to rattle. "I MADE 'EM FOR GAZZY!"
Zim reached down and snatched the plastic container from GIR's metallic grasp. He held it up to his face and peered inside, then drew back in disgust. "OH GIR, YOU DIDN'T EVEN RINSE OUT THE GRAVY!"
"... That was gravy?" GIR tilted his head to the side, obviously confused and slightly disappointed.
Zim sighed, handed GIR the cookies and walked back to his room with GIR at his heels. When he reached his personal living quarters he helped Dib get dressed (hehe, mental image =D ) in silence, then led him and the robot toward the elevator. Once inside, Zim cleared his throat and looked over at Dib guiltily. "Uh... Dib, I'm... sorry for sleeping so long, if I knew I was that tired I would've set an alarm..."
Dib smiled a bit, subconsciously taking Zim's apology for everything that had ever happened between them. "It's okay, GIR kept me pretty busy for most of the day, and then I... heh, well, I took a little nap next to ya..." Dib blushed and looked down, finding that his actions were a lot harder to explain than to perform.
Zim smiled, grabbed his antenna and pulled it down the side of his face shyly as the elevator stopped and opened its doors for its load to exit through. GIR was the first to crawl up through the trash bin passageway, then Zim, who helped Dib up. But instead of releasing his hand afterwards, Zim held onto it tightly and led Dib over to the refrigerator. He opened it with his free claw and looked over to Dib in an attempt to make conversation. "So... what did you and GIR do while I slept, anyway?"
Dib peered at the refrigerator's contents, noticing its lack of food and abundance of beverages. "Well, I helped him make the cookies - Oh! That reminds me." Dib writhed his hand out of Zim's clutches and searched the kitchen. "Now where did I put them?"
Zim glanced over at Dib with one eyebrow raised, then ducked into the refrigerator and pushed his claw around cans of earthly sodas and juices. He figured that whatever Dib was looking for would be revealed to him soon enough, so in the meantime he concentrated on finding a drink that appealed to him.
... But that wasn't the only thing on his mind; a constant itch to tell Dib what Zim had planned on saying earlier made itself known, and the Irken cringed in distress. He didn't want to break the quickly growing bond between himself and the human, but Zim's mission deserved full attention, and becoming attached to Dib would undoubtedly throw him off track, if not fully prevent the destruction of the human race. Zim heaved a deep, troubled sigh and let his eyes fall, failing to find anything good in the refrigerator. "Dib, I must tell you something..."
"Oh, yeah?" Barely listening, the human disappeared into the living room on his quest to find... well... to find whatever he was looking for.
Zim's ruby eyes never left the open refrigerator. "... Dib, I'm well aware of the fact that you humans believe that the short time you have on this planet shouldn't revolve around employment, but my race conflicts with that notion. You see, I've been raised in conjunction with the career chosen for me at a young age. My job as an invader has been, and will continue to be, my top priority throughout life, and this particular mission is most important because it ensures the quality of my life in the future... I can't let anything or... well, anyONE come between me and my line of work, so... I think that you and I should -"
Zim's attempt to make things "normal" again was interrupted by a plate of almost-edible cookies being thrust under his teary stare. Startled, Zim looked up and turned to face the keeper of the cookies.
Dib blushed and looked away. "I made them for you with the dough that was left-over from GIR's batch of cookies... sorry if they taste bad, I'm no good when it comes to remembering the measurements of the ingredients..."
Zim observed the cookies on the plate blankly, relieved that Dib apparently hadn't been tuned-in to the one-sided conversation, but also upset that he hadn't been able to get his point across. His antennae went all... droppy and his eyes filled with even more tears as he took Dib's gracious offering and smiled lightly. "... Thank you Dib... that was very thoughtful..."
Dib cocked his head and wrinkled his nose, bewildered at the emotions he saw playing on Zim's face. "... You're welcome, it's no problem, but... what's wrong?"
Zim's eyes fluttered, blinking away the all-too-obvious teardrops. "W- what? Silly human, I don't know what you're talking about..." The Irken looked down at the refrigerator's selection and waved his free claw at an untouched 6-pack of Poop Cola. "... Want some?"
"Hmm, okay! I'll take it with me on the way to my house... hey, Zim, do you got any fancy spying, climbing, breaking-and-entering... stuff that we can use?" Dib reached for the 6-pack and tried to yank one of the cans from the plastic rings that connected them all, but failed pathetically.
Zim carefully placed the plate of cookies on the table, reminding himself to consider eating a couple when they got back. "I've got all we need right here." He reached over his shoulder and pat his utility pack.
Dib finally managed to free the can of Poop from its plastic captor, but somehow got his hand tangled in the collective. He glanced over at Zim nervously, as if asking for help with his eyes, but the alien didn't notice. Instead, he marched over to the open doorway between the kitchen and the living room and raised a shaking fist, speaking to ears that really couldn't hear him at that moment. "Oh, you sleep well now, flimsy beast of all that is spooky, but I assure you that when you wake in the morn and do not find proof of what your betraying eyes have seen, you're pitiful existence will be shaken, as that is the sign of your defeat! And now..."
Zim sported a dramatic pose while pointing in the air. "TO THE... the, uh, um, FRONT DOOR! YES! MUHAHAHAHAHA! ... HAH... hehe... meeehhh..."
Dib leaped to stand next to Zim with a hand on his hip, his head held high, and... five leaky cans of soda hanging at his side. Zim eyed the cans, then looked at Dib quizzically. The human's determined grin faded and he shrugged unevenly, the weight of the soda cans effecting his left shoulder. Simultaneously, the two boys casually walked into the living room.
"Whatcha doooin' master?" GIR spoke up suddenly from his spot on the couch.
Zim sighed and kept walking across the room, speaking in a singsong voice. "None of your business, GIR."
GIR hopped off the couch curiously, dragging the Tupperware that he had used as a booster seat behind him. "Where you going?"
Dib hurried to try and keep Zim from answering, but the Irken pushed him away in slight vexation... accidentally causing Dib to fall over. (If this were a script and not a story, Dib would be off camera.) "OOF!"
Zim glanced down at Dib without expression, then turned to face his dotty associate. "We're going to Dib's house."
GIR suddenly became a lot more interested in his master's destination. "OO OO! I wanna come I WANNA COME!"
Zim's face fell as he slowly realized why Dib had tried to quiet his response seconds earlier. He looked down at Dib apologetically and offered him a claw. Dib reached for it with a scowl and pulled himself up, almost grateful because the fall had loosened his hand from the plastic soda ring things.
Zim glowered down at the defunct SIR unit and made his voice effectively stern. "No. You'll just ruin everything."
GIR uttered several panicked whimpers and gasps. He held up the gravy- glazed plastic container of chocolate cookies desperately. "But master, the piggies!"
Zim shook his head.
GIR whimpered and stared up at his master pleadingly, tears forming in his eyes-that-you-would-think-wouldn't-be-able-to-water. Zim's glare softened to a surrendering gaze and he made several angry breathy-noises to show his discontent. "Oh fine, GIR, you can come -"
"YAY!"
"... On ONE condition."
GIR blinked. "But I already turned off the AC."
"GIR! This is serious. Listen. You must be ex-teREM-ally QUIET! And you must do whatever I tell you, is that understood?"
Dib spoke up timidly. "Zim, that was two conditions..."
"Yes." GIR smiled proudly. "Whatever YOU tell me."
A surprised smile formed on the alien's green lips. "Okay GIR! Now come on."
GIR stayed where he was as Zim and Dib headed out the door. Zim paused and turned around, wondering why he couldn't sense his assistant's presence. When he saw that GIR was still standing in the middle of the living room floor, he folded his arms across his chest and narrowed his eyes. "GIR?"
The robot grinned ignorantly. "Yes, my lord?"
"We're leaving now. Get out here."
GIR continued to stand there with that unconscious smile.
"GIR. COME. HERE." Zim tapped the ground with his boot.
GIR just stared at his master expectantly.
Dib grumbled impatiently. "GIR, come on!"
The robot immediately obeyed and stood between the human and the Irken.
Zim looked down at GIR, then up at Dib, down at GIR, up at Dib, down at GIR, up at Dib, who just shrugged, and down at GIR, who squeaked innocently. Zim emitted a choleric snort, closed the door and... shrieked?
"MY LAWN GNOMES! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LAWN GNOMES?!" Zim gaped at the sight of multicolored metal shards distributed across his lawn and walkway.
GIR held up his hand. "OO! OO! I know!"
Zim looked down at GIR zealously. "Good job GIR! Now, what happened? Share your knowledge about the cause of this demolition with ZIIIM!"
GIR opened his mouth to speak, then snapped it shut with a frown. "... I just said dat so you'd be happy. I forgot what happened."
Zim yanked on his antennae and groaned, then dropped his hands at his sides with a faint slapping sound. "I give up on you, GIR."
Dib studied the only lawn gnome that was still intact, yet crushed up against the side of the house near the door. "... You don't suppose Gaz could have done this, do you?"
Zim shuddered in reply. "Oh, she will pay dearly... c'mon Dib, let's go."
As if on cue, the unlikely team pounded down the walkway steps and through the exit in the fence. GIR ran after them, hollering with fear of being left behind.
The luminous glow from the streetlights reflected off the patches of dark gray clouds that ominously hung in the otherwise violet sky. A cold breeze blew across the barren streets, causing Dib's teeth to chatter inside his mouth as the wind whipped the tail of his coat around. 'It couldn't have been this cold last night...'
Zim's steady sprint didn't seem to be effected by the low temperature. He was used to conditions far colder than that of which he was functioning in then. But when Dib and GIR started falling behind, he slowed to a jog out of consideration for Dib's health, and soon found himself stopping all together because GIR had cheerfully announced that he left the cookies back at the base. Despite Zim's frustration, he let GIR go back for them.
Dib folded his trench coat-like jacket around his belly and coughed hoarsely. "I shouldn't have ran..."
Zim looked at Dib sympathetically. "Human, you shouldn't have even come. You're still sick."
"It's just a little cold, no bi -" Dib choked on his words and leaned forward in pain as a numerous number of harsh coughs escaped his sore throat.
Zim helped Dib upright and wrapped his arms around him, wincing as he felt Dib's body rattle with each cough. He ran his claws up and down Dib's back and through his hair soothingly.
Dib's coughing fit receded, leaving him out of breath, teary-eyed and sore. He closed his eyes and seemed to wilt in Zim's securing hold. The alien's gentle caressing reminded Dib of what his mother would do whenever he couldn't stop choking. He found it weird that Zim had so many of his mother's qualities, but he wasn't about to complain.
Zim pulled Dib away and rubbed his shoulders and upper arms vigorously in an attempt to keep him warm. "Dib, why are you always so cold?"
Dib shrugged and abruptly sneezed on Zim, not having a chance to cover his mouth and nose. Zim yelped and backed away fearfully just as GIR came trotting down the sidewalk, singing loudly and dragging the Tupperware behind him. "Them country boys on the riiise with them big fat wheels on the siiide peep the vertical grills on the riiide and aww-awww-awwww- awwwww!"
Zim waved his claws frantically and made shhing noises. "GIR, be quiet! We're not in our disguises, remember?"
GIR observed Zim's body, then looked himself over. "... Master! We're not in our disguises!"
"I knew it was a bad idea to bring you along. Now hurry up, it's already midnight."
As the three of them neared Dib's house, Dib looked over at Zim questioningly, suddenly realizing something. "Hey! How did you tell the time without a watch?"
"It's sort of internal, a new feature I programmed in just last week." Zim pointed to his Irken Utility Pack.
GIR smiled. "'Tickity-tockity,' said the moose!"
They finally arrived on Dib's lawn. Zim looked up at the unlit windows, rubbing his chin with his claw. "Which one belongs to your horrible sibling?"
Dib pointed up at the window on the far left of the building. "That one. How are we gonna get up there?"
"Leave that to me." Zim grinned evilly and his spidery-leggy-extensiony- thingys popped out of his utility pack, making little crunching mechanical noises as they did so. GIR grabbed one of them and pulled as hard as he could. Zim looked down at his servant, growling. "ARGH, GIR, what is it NOW?"
The robot pointed at the front door with rare pellucidity. "You can just go through there."
Dib stared at GIR unbelievably. "Tch, and ruin the plot? Geez... c'mon Zim."
GIR shrugged and played with the antenna on his head like he had no idea it was there before while Dib walked over to the side of the house and stood directly under Gaz's window. Zim followed, using his mechanical legs to hang above Dib. He reached down, plucked Dib off the ground and held him tightly to his body. "Ready?"
"Just be quiet..." Dib's voice quavered slightly as the severity of the dooming he would receive if Gaz found out suddenly made itself clear to him.
Zim nodded and crawled up the side of Dib's house almost silently. Dib breathed a sigh of relief as they reached the top, but that relief was dashed when Zim let out a blood-curdling scream. "IEEE WHAT IS THAT?!"
Dib waved his arms above him, trying to silence the Irken's horrified shouts, but this caused Zim to lose his balance and he started to fall backwards. Dib yelped, pushed himself up off of Zim's tumbling body and managed to cling to the windowsill. Zim landed on the ground below with a nauseating 'CRUNCH'.
Dib looked down at Zim, concerned, but that proved to be a mistake as Dib's fingers slipped and sent him plummeting as well. He landed on Zim, forcing a strangled grunt out of him. Dib groaned and rolled off. "GREAT. Gaz couldn't have possibly slept through that!"
*Inside the house*
Gaz stepped out of the bathroom with the sound of a toilet flushing behind her as she walked into her room, picking at a wedgie sleepily.
*Back outside*
Dib got up and looked down at Zim angrily. "What was THAT all about?!"
The alien sat up slowly, breathing irregularly from shock. "T-that THING! Up there! It was so vile! So horrendous! It makes me make little... sicky... noises."
Zim made his claws twitch and shuddered; the movement reminding him of what he saw. Dib rolled his eyes. "Show me what it was."
Zim gasped and hugged his knees, shaking his head frantically. "Nuh uh, you go look yourself!"
"Oh, okay Zim, I'll just get out my mechanical sticky leg things and crawl on up." Dib smirked and made little walking motions with his fingers.
"But you don't have any." Zim cocked his head to the side.
Dib grumbled and helped Zim up. "Take me up there, and this time, DON'T scream."
Zim whimpered but got up and carried Dib up to Gaz's window again, this time a little slower than before. When he reached the top he bit his bottom lip and looked away. Dib titled his head to see what Zim found so terrifying and chuckled when he found out.
"... A spider, Zim?! You're THAT scared of a SPIDER?!"
Zim scoffed but couldn't hide his pained expression. "Of course not!"
Dib laughed and reached up to grab the large spider on the windowsill. "Are you suuure?"
Zim squeaked and scuttled off to the side, getting the arachnid out of Dib's reach. "No no please don't justgetitaway!"
Dib laughed harder. For some strange reason, he was thoroughly enjoying torturing Zim. ... Actually, who wouldn't? "Man, it's not even that big!"
"What do you MEAN, 'it's not even that big'?! It's HUGE!" Zim's lower lip trembled as he glanced at the spiderweb on Gaz's windowsill.
"I mean, look!" Dib pointed to one of Zim's mechanical legs. "You've got creepy crawly legs just like that spider does!"
Zim snarled and dug his claws into Dib's sides. "This is completely different."
"Eep!" Dib squirmed in discomfort, his sides still sore from Zim clawing at them earlier. "Zim, cut it out, I was only playing!"
Zim loosened his grip, but not enough to drop him.
"I'm sorry Zim. Take me over to the window and I'll kill the spider, okay?"
Zim whined a little bit in a childish way. "You aren't gonna throw it on me or anything?"
Dib shook his head, still amused with the fact that Zim suffered from arachniphobia when he was actually pretty spider-like himself. "No Zim, I promise I won't. We're here for a reason; I'm just as determined to get that film as you are."
Zim uttered a nervous groan, crawled over to the window once again and closed his eyes when Dib reached up and squashed the spider with the palm of his hand. He wiped the gutsy remains on the windowsill and pried the window open softly, breaking up the sticky web where the spider had resided. After Dib peeked inside to make sure Gaz was still asleep, he hoisted himself up into the dark room with Zim's assistance. But before Dib could venture any future into the room, Zim reached forward, grabbed the human by the collar of his trench coat-like jacket and pulled him near. He leaned forward and whispered in Dib's ear urgently. "Make this quick, I don't want you to sneeze or cough and wake up that demon you call a sister. ... Besides, I can only hang from a position like this for so long until my back starts hurting, and my previous fall didn't help matters any."
Dib nodded understandingly and Zim let go. The human stood there motionless for a few seconds, giving his eyes a chance to adjust to the lack of light. Then he cautiously walked over to Gaz's bureau. After pawing through the items on top of the dresser, Dib opened the first drawer and rummaged through it. He pulled out a prissy-looking training bra and held it up for Zim to see.
Zim snorted and whispered just loud enough for Dib to hear, "But she doesn't even need it!"
Dib smirked and put the lacy black undergarment back into the drawer, then continued to search through it.
Meanwhile, GIR had gotten bored of his appendage and took his gift to Gaz inside, using his ingenious idea of going through the almost always- unlocked front door. Even GIR wasn't too stupid to interpret that nighttime = sleep, so he benevolently left the container of cookies on the kitchen table and tiptoed out of the house, giggling quietly to himself.
'Gah, he's taking too long...' Zim could almost hear the fibers of his back muscles being torn by the spikes of his utility pack. He leaned forward, grunting in pain as he leveled his body over the windowsill and retracted his spidery-leggy-extensiony-thingys in order to relieve the strain. He stared at Dib's rosy silhouette as it moved around the dark room frantically.
After searching through a few more drawers and over a couple more shelves, Dib padded across the floor toward Zim with a panicked expression. "Zim, I can't find it anywhere."
The Irken's face screwed up in disbelief, anger, worry and discomfort. "You didn't look hard enough!"
"You saw me, Zim! I looked everywhere!"
Zim frowned, knowing that there wasn't a place in Gaz's room that Dib hadn't ransacked. "Do you think she put it somewhere else in your house?"
A gleam of hope shined in Dib's honey eyes, showing even through the dark. "Maybe! Look, I'll go downstairs and check. Meet me at the front door."
Zim nodded, activated his mechanical legs and scampered down the wall, hissing through his teeth from the pain that his utility pack was inflicting.
Dib opened Gaz's door softly and walked out into the hall, deciding that it wasn't worth the risk to try and close it without Gaz awaking. He ran down the stairs with unusual grace and began to hunt for the camera or the film in the living room.
GIR blew a playful raspberry as Zim slogged over to Dib's doorstep and sat down beside the robot with a sigh. The two sat in silence for a few moments until Dib came through the front door and nearly tripped over them. GIR smiled up at Dib obliviously while Zim stood up, expecting to see the film in the human's hand. When he didn't, his face fell and he stared at Dib questioningly with an abject aspect.
Dib shrugged, looking just as forlorn. "I couldn't find it. Either she already took the film to get developed or she did a real good job of hiding the camera..."
Zim furrowed his nonexistent brows in thought.
"... Zim... Gaz doesn't play around when it comes to things like this... she's really going to get that picture to circulate around skool... we're gonna get bullied 100 times more than we already do... Zim, are you listening? ... Don't you get it? Don't you care?!"
Zim clenched his fists at his sides and snarled. "Of course I get it, Dib! Of course I care! All I've worked for - ruined! ... And it's all because of you!"
Dib gawked. "ME?! How is something like that MY fault?! It's not like I MADE you... you... you know..."
"But that's just the thing! You did! You horrible, retched, tempting human! My mission is ruined because of you! How can I conquer this planet when you're making me have feelings for you?!"
Dib looked down at the cement shyly and guiltily. Zim's anger quickly turned into the same guilt and awkwardness that Dib felt and he looked away as well. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault. It's just... frustrating."
"... And confusing..." Dib glanced up at Zim meekly.
Zim nodded with a tiny smile. "Do you want to come back to my house? This sounds like a problem we should just sleep on; I'm sure there's more we can do to keep those filthy children from viewing that photograph. We'll come up with something."
"Alright..." Dib grinned uncertainly through his anxiousness and followed Zim toward his base. Neither of them bothered to see if GIR was coming or not.
*The next day.*
Gaz finished brushing her teeth and thundered down the stairs, her mouth curled up in an exhilarated smile. She ran into the kitchen and bounced around her father eagerly, who was most likely working on something "very important". Under normal circumstances, the professor wouldn't have set his experimental lima beans aside for his daughter, but the peculiarity of Gaz's actions made his one-track mind focus on his child for a good four minutes out of curiosity and concern. "Well well, you're certainly in an abnormally cheerful mood! I wish Dib were here; you're walking proof that video games are good for children!"
Gaz stopped hopping about giddily and shook her head. "No, Dad, that's not it."
"It's not?!" Prof. Membrane dropped his scientific tools... well, more like kitchen utensils, in this case... and bent down to Gaz's level. He pulled down her lower eyelids and observed them intently. "Have you been neglecting your gaming system, young lady?"
Gaz turned away in annoyance and rubbed her watery eyes, then remembered why she had bothered her father in the first place. With a hopeful smile, she faced Prof. Membrane once again. "Dad, did you get the pictures developed yesterday like I asked you to?"
"Ah yes, the photos! They should be right over there on the kitchen table. I had someone develop them in the darkroom at the studio while I was recording my show. Now, if you'll excuse me, daughter dear, this portion of the procedure is extremely volatile and potentially dangerous!" Prof. Membrane leaned over the kitchen counter, gripping a baster over his head menacingly.
Gaz trotted over to the kitchen table, deciding that it was best not to question the being of a darkroom in a television studio. But before she saw the stack of photos where her father said they would be, she noticed a plastic container full of grotesque looking unknown objects. Gaz stared at the Tupperware's contents for a moment before inquiring, "Dad, what IS this?"
"Hmm?" Prof. Membrane looked over his shoulder; some green beans strewn across what little of his face he exposed. "Oh, those are cookies! Found them out here when I came home. ... I thought YOU made them!"
"What?" Gaz sounded insulted. "You actually think I would make something so -"
"Delicious? Of course sweetheart! I never underestimate your abilities as a common housewife."
Gaz rose a brow, then grunted. With one quick swipe of her forearm, she pushed the plastic container off the table. It tumbled across the floor, opened and sent 9 gravy-doused chocolate cookies shaped as pigs skidding across the floor.
Prof. Membrane turned around, alarmed with the commotion, and frowned at the sight, though you couldn't tell through the collar of his lab coat. "Aww Gaz, I wasn't done eating those..."
Gaz ignored her father's complaint and snatched the envelope of pictures, which had been behind the plastic container of cookies. She snickered excitedly, turned, ran out of the kitchen and hopped up on the couch in the living room. Sitting cross-legged in the middle of the couch, she opened the package and dumped the photos in front of her, then proceeded to sort through them hastily. Pictures that her brother had obviously taken made up the majority of the film; she could tell because they displayed Zim's house from an assortment of angles and viewpoints. Gaz growled. "Dib used my camera again."
When she got to the last of the pictures and didn't find what she was looking for, a worried look occupied Gaz's face and she flipped through the photos again, this time more carefully. After going through the entire assortment of photos another four times, and was sure of the fact that the picture she had taken of Dib and Zim in the tub wasn't there, she prepared to yell at her father. But before she could open her mouth, a dreadful thought popped into her mind. Gaz's eyes widened in disbelief and anguish as she jumped down from the couch and walked up to her room slowly, aiming to confirm her intuition.
Once upstairs and in her room, Gaz retrieved the camera from the one place she was sure it would be safe; on her bed, wrapped up in covers, up against the wall. Her eyes grew even wider, this time from fury, as she saw that the lens cap had never been removed. Her cheekbone twitched unsteadily as she shuddered and tightened her grip around the camera, causing it to crack and moan under the pressure. "This... can't... be... happening... NOW how am I supposed to make Dib's life a living realm of eternal screaming and restlessness?! Huh? Huh? HUH?! ... Aww man!"
*Outside in Gaz's Neighboring Front Yard...*
An old lady squat down beside a flowerbed, humming cheerfully while pulling up bothersome weeds and tossing them over her shoulder. A SLR camera flew out of Gaz's window and knocked the lady upside the head without warning. She hollered out in pain, spun around and fells, face first, into the pile of weeds.
*Back Inside Gaz's Room*
Gaz murmured about brother angrily and slammed the window shut, unaware of the immobile old lady below and the siren that could be heard wailing down the street. She sat down on her bed, leaned her elbows against her knees and cupped her chin in her hands, thinking about some other way she could make Dib miserable.
"Aww, don't be sad! I picked up the cookies you dropped! They're still good!"
Gaz looked up, thoroughly dismayed.
There was GIR, standing on the foot of Gaz's bed, holding a greasy, gravy- dabbed chocolate cookie in each hand. He smiled sympathetically and handed one to her.
Gaz blinked. "Wait, how did you - Arg, nevermind. ... And I don't want a cookie."
"Sure ya do! Now open wiiide!"
GIR shoved the piggy in Gaz's face and literally forced it down her throat. Gagging, Gaz grabbed the robot by his antenna and pulled him away. "I HATE YOU!"
GIR frowned.
"Why don't you go mess with Zim and Dib?" Gaz placed GIR on the floor and urged him to leave by nudging him with her foot. "Make them get mad at each other or something."
"Is that what you want?" GIR turned around and looked up at Gaz apathetically.
The little girl growled impatiently and wiped droplets of gravy away from her lips. "Yeah, yeah, okay, sure. Now just go."
GIR saluted and went into serious mode, then activated his jets and flew out of the room.
But... just HOW serious was he about Gaz's request...?
Hope you enjoyed that... a little lengthy, eh? Ah well. So, how should GIR fulfill Gaz's wish? Here are your choices, o' trustworthy admirers!
Should he tell Zim that Dib is planning on destroying his lab through reverse-technology (not in that exact wording, of course.)...?
Should he tell Dib that Zim is only 'with' him to distract the human from the impending doom that Zim is going to unleash on earth...?
Should he get into Zim's lab, make a mess of everything and blame it on Dib...?
Should he throw something at Dib and blame it on Zim...? And if so, what should GIR throw?
I know a couple of these choices don't seem like a big deal, but you know Zim and Dib; they'll undoubtedly blow it out of proportion!
Hopefully the next chapter won't take so long... anyways, thanks for reading everybody! G'night!
... Oh, it's three in the afternoon. Right. Heh.
- SwEeTiNsAnItY