As we all know, fanfiction.net has been the spootiest spoot of all spootdom
(you like, no?). So forgive me for not being able to update sooner.
Since I'm on vacation right now and unable to update, this chapter is benevolently being brought to you by Kichara! Woooo! Ain't she the spiffiest? Everyone thank Kichara for updating for me! I was going to put the chapter up before I left but ff.net was, of course, not working. So I gave her all the details and she did it while I was gone. Aww. Just so you can read and be happy like the happiness centers of earth-children's brains. Meehee!
You all gave really good suggestions in the reviews but since I couldn't get to them for reference I had to use my own idea as to what GIR threw at Dib! Hope you guys don't mind... I thought this chapter worked out nicely with what I chose anyway (it just fit so well)! If you're a prep or if you act like one of the girls portrayed in this chapter, I'm sorry if I offended you in any way, shape or form... umn... let's see, what else... oh, Jessie, I never got a chance to read your fic, "*ZIMSYNC", because every time I tried to check it out either ff.net wasn't working at all, was horrifically slow or the search engine didn't work so I couldn't find it... don't worry, I'll get around to it sooner or later, I'm just sorry it's taking so long for me to be able to read it!
Anyways, I hope you like this chapter! I'm trying to work this story up to a second climax... wait... did that sound wrong to you? Hmm...
Zim stood up with the sound of the siren coming from the bowels of his base and ran to the nearest transmitting screen. He pressed a few buttons and watched nervously as his two leaders appeared.
"Zim, you haven't been giving us daily reports like you usually do..." Red pressed his claws together and eyed Zim suspiciously.
"Yes, and... wait. Isn't that a good thing?" Purple scratched behind his antenna and turned to face his partner.
Red glared and whispered urgently. "YES. But Zim doesn't know that. Now keep your mouth shut."
Purple crossed his arms and pouted while Red looked down at Zim's blank face through the monitor. "Well? Do you have a good reason as to WHY you haven't kept in touch? Something wrong?"
Before Zim could come to his defense, Purple spoke up hopefully. "Something fatal?"
Red elbowed Purple inconspicuously.
Zim cleared his throat guiltily and looked off to the side. "Well, you see, My Tallests... uh... I've... just been... reeeaaally busy! Yes! Concocting another one of my brilliant schemes to conquer this wretched, pitiful excuse for a planet!"
Red sighed, exasperated. "Another one?"
"This isn't anything like your efforts with that large hair monster, is it?" Purple put his hands on his hips and cocked his head to the side.
"Or that spaceship-like planet?" Red added.
"Or those cow monsters?"
"Or the Megadoomer?"
"Or that robot-boy and the power... plant... thing... I guess?"
Zim looked offended, but shook it off and held up a reassuring claw. "No, this plan is guaranteed to be a success, my Tallests."
But his leaders went on like they had never heard Zim at all.
"Or that bus and the moose?"
"Or that fast food facility?"
Red furrowed his brows and put a claw up to his chin. "Come to think of it, ALL of your plans have failed to go as... planned."
"Yeah..." Purple imitated his fellow ruler's actions.
Zim's face fell. "My Tallests, those were all just minor setbacks, I assure you! I'll do better -"
Red shook his head. "Mmnope. Nah, I think you're just not capable of this mission, Zim. ... Although, Invader Ki over here is more than eager to assist, if not, take your job, seeing as how your progress has been pathetic so far..."
A slightly short and heavyset female Irken with orange eyes suddenly appeared on Zim's monitor. She smiled cheerfully. "Hi-iii person-who's- going-to-lose-their-mission-to-me!"
"What?!" Zim gawked and clung to the edge of the control panel. "No, my Tallests! Give me another chance!"
The transmission returned to focus on the Tallests once again as Purple snickered. "Nope. Sorry Zim. You're being... umn..."
Red glanced at Purple. "... Dropped?"
"Yes! Dropped! From your duties as an Irken Invader! Uh... you might as well just stay there and... do stuff."
Red smirked. "Yeah, you're not needed anymore, Zim. In fact, now that we think of it..."
Red and Purple smiled cheerfully and spoke in unison. "... YOU NEVER REALLY WERE!"
The transmission ended. Zim looked up, raised his fists in the air and let out a desperate cry. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO -"
"- OOOOOOOOOOOO!" Zim kicked the covers off his body and swung at the air for a few seconds before sitting up in his bed. Gasping for air, he looked around his room warily as if giving reality a chance to sink in. He sighed and put a claw up to his forehead. "Just a dream... heh... I... I should've known that's all it'd be... I mean, the Tallests would never do that to me... heh... I am Ziiim... heh heh... oh man..."
GIR stepped into the room, no longer in serious mode. "Aww, did master wet da bed?"
Zim laughed weakly and stood up. "No GIR, I had a dream... well... more like a nightmare, but -"
"What's a dream?"
Zim sighed and rubbed the sleepers from his eyes. "It's when you see images in your mind while you're sleeping. Dreams are good images and nightmares are bad. You can't dream, because you're just a robot."
GIR smiled. "But I dreamed last night that you and Dib were kissing and touching and doing weird looking things -"
"You... you saw that?" Zim's jaw dropped.
"... You had that dream too?!"
"... No, GIR, that... wasn't a dream, that was... experimenting." Zim blushed and looked down sheepishly as he pictured events from the night before. He and Dib had managed to perform in positions the far-from- innocent-Irken didn't even think possible.
GIR stared at his master thoughtfully as a boom box extended from his head. A song by R. Kelly started to play and GIR sang along. "... I dun see nothin' wrong with a little bump n' grind..."
Zim's eyes widened in embarrassment and he scrambled to push the boom box back into his silly servant's head. After the music had ceased, he sat down and looked around, just then realizing that the human wasn't in his room. "Where'd Dib go?"
GIR sat down as well and started picking at the thick carpet below him. "Church!"
"'Church'?" Zim glanced down at the activity GIR was participating in with a confused look on his face. "Where's 'church'?"
GIR shrugged. "I dunnooo... I wanted to go with but he said no."
Zim looked back up at his SIR unit. "... Did he say whether or not he would return?"
GIR shrugged again, but this time didn't attach any sort of answer to his silent reply.
Zim stood up and walked out the door. He made his way down the hall slowly, his curiosity about what Dib was up to not being able to cover up the emptiness he felt so suddenly. 'I guess I kinda forgot what it was like to be alone, besides GIR being around...'
Zim walked into... that... one place where he was lowered into in "The Nightmare Begins" and "FBI Warning of Doom" (you know, don't act like you don't *L*) and had a seat. After pressing a few buttons on the console he looked up at the Irken writing on the screen and asked, "Computer, where is 'church'?"
"... Where?"
"Yes. Where."
"Um... can't you just ask a different question, or something... like maybe... 'WHAT is church?'"
Zim sighed. "But I don't care WHAT it is, I just want to know WHERE it is!"
"But..."
"WHERE!"
"... Okay... um... there's a church only a couple streets from here."
"Only a couple? Really?" Zim looked a little surprised as if he had thought of a church to be far away.
The computer sounded restless. "Uhhh huuuh..."
"Okay, I guess my next question would be... WHAT is church?"
The computer murmured in exasperation. "Church is a building where people of the same religion, especially Christian, can come together in profession of a Higher Power and anything relating to their faith."
Zim's eyes widened. "Humans practice religion? I didn't know that... Christian? Is Dib Christian?"
"You're asking me?"
"... Are there other religions?"
"Christianity is one of earth's major religions, along with Islam, Buddhism, Judaism, Hinduism, Sikhism, and others."
Zim blinked. "Numerous religions? Stupid humans and their odd ways... well, what do they each practice?"
The computer groaned. "I don't wanna explaaaiiin..."
Zim snarled and hopped down from his eccentric chair. "Fine, whatever. I'll just ask Dib when he comes back... IF he comes back..."
Dib walked home from church, alone as usual. He had asked Gaz if she wanted to come along many times, but her answer was always, "Dib, if God is everywhere, why do I need to go to church to be in His presence?"
"But Gaz, you don't NEED to go to church to be in His presence -"
"Exactly."
But even if Gaz had decided to go with Dib this time, he'd still be walking alone...
He had left early because hearing Pastor Chuck talk about repentance made him uncomfortable. He didn't want to think about his sins and his relationship with God right then and there because he knew he wasn't about to repent anytime soon, if he and Zim could help it, anyways.
Dib sighed and looked down. He knew that he was feeling a lot more guilt than what it was really worth, but he couldn't help it. He was deliberately disobeying his Father's requests, and according to Dib that deserved all the guilt his conscious could build up.
Dib looked over at Zim's house as he passed the cul-de-sac and hesitated before turning and walking toward it. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go home and have time to sort through his thoughts or go over Zim's and allow his spiritual predicament to no longer be an issue for the time being. But he needed to get his Bible and sheet back from GIR, if anything.
"WEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" GIR bounced up on the couch and reached for the nearby remote. He bit down on his tongue as if trying to contain his self-generated excitement and pressed the power button. The tube kindly displayed a group of typical teenagers hanging out at skool. GIR flailed happily and proceeded to stare at the show mindlessly until the doorbell rang. The undisguised robot frowned but got up and answered the door.
Dib looked down at GIR and forced a smile. "Hello there... uh... can I come in?"
"Weeellllll..." GIR rubbed his pretty much nonexistent chin critically. "Only if you can tell me da seeeeeecret passssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss... word."
Dib growled and threw his hands up in the air. He didn't feel like dealing with GIR and his little games. "Oh, come on! This is ridiculous! Just let me in! Or at least get Zim for me!"
GIR smiled blankly for quite some time before gasping and exclaiming in an amazed tone: "THAT'S IT! How'd you know?!"
Dib blinked.
GIR's eyes suddenly glowed red and his voice got deeper as he put his hands behind his back and looked up at Dib approvingly. "Password received and accepted. Temporary occupant successfully admitted. The use of everything in the living room and kitchen is permitted by master Zim, the possessor and/or provider of all you see before you. So... feel free to browse. And stuff."
Dib raised a brow and wrinkled his nose as he stepped around the intimidating robot through the doorway. "Right... where's Zim at?"
GIR slipped back into normal mode and smiled cheerfully. "You sit riiight over dere, and I'll go getum for ya!"
The cooky robot, being happy to oblige, ran down into the labs to find his master as Dib had a seat and watched the TV. When he saw what was on he crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. Just what he needed; a bunch of over-dramatic preps and superficial jocks to worsen his mood.
"Jamie ran down from the bleachers to congratulate Richard on the good game..."
"Uh huh..."
"... And then she started twirling her hair in front him!"
"Seriously?!"
"Totally! She was SO flirting with him."
"Oh my God, oh my God! She can't do that to you! That's YOUR potential boyfriend, not hers!"
"*Sniffles* I know. She's such a whore. Let's go spread rumors about her so everyone hates her and I can have #17 all to myself!"
"Okay!"
Dib shook his head and started looking around for the remote. "... I'm surprised she even knows what potential means."
"Master?" GIR trotted into the bioengineering room and looked around cautiously. "Master? ... Master? Mastermastermastermastermastermaaasteeer -"
"WHAT GIR?!" Zim stepped out from behind a large computer tower, holding a traumatized-looking ferret tightly in his left claw.
GIR "ooo"ed at the furry creature and made groping motions with his outstretched hands. "Lemme see!"
"No. This animal is very important to my experiment on propulsion." Zim disappeared behind the machine once again. The ferret's terrified screeches were heard soon after.
GIR peeked around the computer, unfazed by the sight of the ferret being tortured with prods and electrodes. He pulled at the bottom of Zim's shirt to get his attention over the loud noises. Zim stopped what he was doing and looked down at his assistant with an annoyed aspect. "GIR. I'm busy. Go away."
"But the Dib-worm is here!"
Zim's eyes widened and he dropped his tools. The ferret looked around frantically and scampered away, but the Irken didn't seem to care. "Why didn't you tell me so in the first place, GIR?"
But GIR wasn't listening. He was preoccupied with running after the injured ferret, giggling ecstatically. Zim sighed and walked out of the room.
"Where is it?" Dib reached between two of the cushions on the back of the couch and fumbled around for the remote.
Zim came up through the toilet and walked into the living room meekly. When he found Dib scrounging around the depths of sofa he couldn't help but to laugh. Dib looked up, startled, then smiled sheepishly.
Zim titled his head to the side. "What are you doing, silly human?"
Dib shrugged on impulse and paused before answering simply, "Looking for the channel-changer."
Zim laughed a bit more. "It amuses me how you humans will spend so much time looking for the controller just because you refuse to get up and change the channel manually."
"Oh, don't tell me YOUR race doesn't do the same thing." Dib gave a smug grin.
Zim returned Dib's cocky smile. "We don't have to; our televisions are voice operated."
Dib frowned and made himself comfortable on the couch. "Always trying to prove yourself better. Are you really that racist against humans?"
Zim hopped up and sat next to Dib. "I wouldn't say racist... but according to my leaders, you ARE the enemy..."
Dib rubbed his elbow, feeling a little awkward. "Oh..."
The two watched TV in silence for a little while until Zim spoke up, sounding curious as well as a little disgusted. "Is that REALLY how teenage girls act on your planet?!"
Dib laughed nervously. "I hope not."
GIR cooed at the ferret in his arms as he made his way up to the first level of the base. "Aww, you dun look so good... dun worry, Dib'll fix ya up! He's nice."
The charitable yet defected SIR unit walked into the elevator and commanded (well, more like asked) the computer to take him and the critter up to the house. The computer did so and soon GIR and carrying his friend up through the toilet bowl and into the living room. He stopped when he reached the side of the couch and held the limp and barely breathing ferret up to his master. Unfortunately, because of GIR's position and Zim's interest in the show, the Irken had no idea that his companion was even in the room. GIR sat down with a defeated frown, holding the animal close to his metallic chest. He decided to join Zim and Dib in watching the TV for a while, but figured that as soon as the show was over, he'd get them to help the ferret.
"Can you believe it?!"
"NOW what, Jamie?"
"You know that little wench, Rebecca?"
"Yeah, what about her?"
"She told Richard and a whole bunch of things about me that are so totally untrue, and now Richard is mad at me!"
GIR blinked and went into serious mode. He looked up at Zim and Dib critically, slowly remembering the request Gaz had made earlier that morning. Without thinking, GIR swung the ferret over his shoulder and flung it over Zim's head, causing it to smack up against Dib's.
Dib yelped and tried to pry the hysterical creature off of his head while Zim watched impotently. GIR stood up and saluted to no one in particular before kicking back into his usual loony state. "Mission status pending... nachos!"
"ARGH!" Dib shook his head wildly and finally managed to yank the ferret off of his cranium, leaving a slightly bloody mess of scratches and gouges behind. But instead of tossing the sick animal to the ground, Dib glowered at Zim and threw the creature into his lap.
"HEY! Why'd you - AHHH!" Zim jumped up and tried to brush the ferret away from his groin as the critter's claws poked through his shirt and pants. Being frail from its first alarming encounter with a being, the ferret yieldingly detached itself from Zim's pelvis, bounced off the couch and started running the second it hit the floor.
Everyone in the room watched silently as the creature scampered off into the kitchen until Dib turned to Zim angrily. "What's your problem?!"
"MY problem?!" Zim gawked. "YOU'RE the one who threw that earth rodent thing at me for no reason!"
"WHAT? Oh come on, you threw it at me first! I just threw it back!"
"I didn't throw it at you!"
"Well, who did?"
Zim looked as if he was about to answer, but he stopped and looked behind him just in case. Sure enough, there was GIR, looking up at his master intently.
Zim shook his head lividly and breathed through his teeth, expressing his exasperation at his servant. Then he turned to Dib and pointed behind the side of the couch. "It was GIR."
Dib pushed Zim aside almost gently and looked over the arm of the sofa. After observing the general area that Zim had pointed out, he looked up at the confident Irken skeptically. "I don't see him."
"What?" Zim hopped down from the couch and walked around to where GIR was standing before only to see that Dib was right.
As Zim tried to figure out how GIR was able to get out of the room so fast without either of them noticing, Dib laughed half-heartedly and got off the sofa. "Either you're finally losing it or you're just too weak to back up your actions."
Zim widened his eyes in surprise before slanting them in petulance, clearly insulted. "Even if I WAS so pathetic as to use that... that THING as a weapon, I would NEVER blame it on somebody else out of fear of you. ... And I'd never fear you, so there."
"You expect me to buy that? How can I trust someone like YOU?" Dib folded his arms across his chest and scoffed.
Zim's icy glare softened dramatically for a split second before he barked his reply. "FINE. Just get out of my house."
Dib blinked impassively, realizing that he had hurt the alien's fairly hidden feelings. It's one thing to make someone feel bad for something they did, but it's something else entirely to actually cause them some emotional pain... especially since Zim's ridiculously high self-esteem seemed to act as a mere cover for his... strangely enough, many insecurities.
"Well?" Zim put one claw on his hip and pointed to the door with the other. If Dib didn't know any better, he would've said that Zim sounded close to tears.
Dib cringed, the ferret's brutal attack on his cranium starting to take effect on his senses, as well as his attempt to apologize. "Look Zim, I don't really care about the thing with the ferret, it's just that I wish you'd tell me the truth -"
"GET OUT!" Zim stomped his boot against the floor and pointed at the door once again. "You stupid hapless human, I AM telling the truth and if you're too stubborn and idiotic to know that then you don't deserve to be in my presence! Now leave before I make my lawn gnomes force you to!"
Dib protested meekly as he walked toward the door. "But Gaz destroyed your lawn gnomes... remember?"
Zim gagged as if choking on anger, surprise and plethora all at once. "I SAID, LEAVE!"
Dib couldn't help but to giggle just a bit as he scampered out the house and down the walkway. But as he made his way home, he realized that now he had two problems to worry about instead of just one.
'So much for going over Zim's for some peace of mind...'
Yay! I'm going back to normal with not-so-long chapters! Alright! So, what's gonna happen in the next chapter.?
Should Zim and Dib make up at skool the next day *Evil grin* ...?
Should Zim and Dib have some sort of fight at skool the next day (you tell me if you want it to be physical or not!)...?
Should Dib find out that it was GIR's fault and try to get him out of the way... for good (key word: TRY)...?
There ya go! Pick one and as soon as I get back from my vacation I'll start working on it! Thanks for being so patient!
- SwEeTiNsAnItY
Since I'm on vacation right now and unable to update, this chapter is benevolently being brought to you by Kichara! Woooo! Ain't she the spiffiest? Everyone thank Kichara for updating for me! I was going to put the chapter up before I left but ff.net was, of course, not working. So I gave her all the details and she did it while I was gone. Aww. Just so you can read and be happy like the happiness centers of earth-children's brains. Meehee!
You all gave really good suggestions in the reviews but since I couldn't get to them for reference I had to use my own idea as to what GIR threw at Dib! Hope you guys don't mind... I thought this chapter worked out nicely with what I chose anyway (it just fit so well)! If you're a prep or if you act like one of the girls portrayed in this chapter, I'm sorry if I offended you in any way, shape or form... umn... let's see, what else... oh, Jessie, I never got a chance to read your fic, "*ZIMSYNC", because every time I tried to check it out either ff.net wasn't working at all, was horrifically slow or the search engine didn't work so I couldn't find it... don't worry, I'll get around to it sooner or later, I'm just sorry it's taking so long for me to be able to read it!
Anyways, I hope you like this chapter! I'm trying to work this story up to a second climax... wait... did that sound wrong to you? Hmm...
Zim stood up with the sound of the siren coming from the bowels of his base and ran to the nearest transmitting screen. He pressed a few buttons and watched nervously as his two leaders appeared.
"Zim, you haven't been giving us daily reports like you usually do..." Red pressed his claws together and eyed Zim suspiciously.
"Yes, and... wait. Isn't that a good thing?" Purple scratched behind his antenna and turned to face his partner.
Red glared and whispered urgently. "YES. But Zim doesn't know that. Now keep your mouth shut."
Purple crossed his arms and pouted while Red looked down at Zim's blank face through the monitor. "Well? Do you have a good reason as to WHY you haven't kept in touch? Something wrong?"
Before Zim could come to his defense, Purple spoke up hopefully. "Something fatal?"
Red elbowed Purple inconspicuously.
Zim cleared his throat guiltily and looked off to the side. "Well, you see, My Tallests... uh... I've... just been... reeeaaally busy! Yes! Concocting another one of my brilliant schemes to conquer this wretched, pitiful excuse for a planet!"
Red sighed, exasperated. "Another one?"
"This isn't anything like your efforts with that large hair monster, is it?" Purple put his hands on his hips and cocked his head to the side.
"Or that spaceship-like planet?" Red added.
"Or those cow monsters?"
"Or the Megadoomer?"
"Or that robot-boy and the power... plant... thing... I guess?"
Zim looked offended, but shook it off and held up a reassuring claw. "No, this plan is guaranteed to be a success, my Tallests."
But his leaders went on like they had never heard Zim at all.
"Or that bus and the moose?"
"Or that fast food facility?"
Red furrowed his brows and put a claw up to his chin. "Come to think of it, ALL of your plans have failed to go as... planned."
"Yeah..." Purple imitated his fellow ruler's actions.
Zim's face fell. "My Tallests, those were all just minor setbacks, I assure you! I'll do better -"
Red shook his head. "Mmnope. Nah, I think you're just not capable of this mission, Zim. ... Although, Invader Ki over here is more than eager to assist, if not, take your job, seeing as how your progress has been pathetic so far..."
A slightly short and heavyset female Irken with orange eyes suddenly appeared on Zim's monitor. She smiled cheerfully. "Hi-iii person-who's- going-to-lose-their-mission-to-me!"
"What?!" Zim gawked and clung to the edge of the control panel. "No, my Tallests! Give me another chance!"
The transmission returned to focus on the Tallests once again as Purple snickered. "Nope. Sorry Zim. You're being... umn..."
Red glanced at Purple. "... Dropped?"
"Yes! Dropped! From your duties as an Irken Invader! Uh... you might as well just stay there and... do stuff."
Red smirked. "Yeah, you're not needed anymore, Zim. In fact, now that we think of it..."
Red and Purple smiled cheerfully and spoke in unison. "... YOU NEVER REALLY WERE!"
The transmission ended. Zim looked up, raised his fists in the air and let out a desperate cry. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO -"
"- OOOOOOOOOOOO!" Zim kicked the covers off his body and swung at the air for a few seconds before sitting up in his bed. Gasping for air, he looked around his room warily as if giving reality a chance to sink in. He sighed and put a claw up to his forehead. "Just a dream... heh... I... I should've known that's all it'd be... I mean, the Tallests would never do that to me... heh... I am Ziiim... heh heh... oh man..."
GIR stepped into the room, no longer in serious mode. "Aww, did master wet da bed?"
Zim laughed weakly and stood up. "No GIR, I had a dream... well... more like a nightmare, but -"
"What's a dream?"
Zim sighed and rubbed the sleepers from his eyes. "It's when you see images in your mind while you're sleeping. Dreams are good images and nightmares are bad. You can't dream, because you're just a robot."
GIR smiled. "But I dreamed last night that you and Dib were kissing and touching and doing weird looking things -"
"You... you saw that?" Zim's jaw dropped.
"... You had that dream too?!"
"... No, GIR, that... wasn't a dream, that was... experimenting." Zim blushed and looked down sheepishly as he pictured events from the night before. He and Dib had managed to perform in positions the far-from- innocent-Irken didn't even think possible.
GIR stared at his master thoughtfully as a boom box extended from his head. A song by R. Kelly started to play and GIR sang along. "... I dun see nothin' wrong with a little bump n' grind..."
Zim's eyes widened in embarrassment and he scrambled to push the boom box back into his silly servant's head. After the music had ceased, he sat down and looked around, just then realizing that the human wasn't in his room. "Where'd Dib go?"
GIR sat down as well and started picking at the thick carpet below him. "Church!"
"'Church'?" Zim glanced down at the activity GIR was participating in with a confused look on his face. "Where's 'church'?"
GIR shrugged. "I dunnooo... I wanted to go with but he said no."
Zim looked back up at his SIR unit. "... Did he say whether or not he would return?"
GIR shrugged again, but this time didn't attach any sort of answer to his silent reply.
Zim stood up and walked out the door. He made his way down the hall slowly, his curiosity about what Dib was up to not being able to cover up the emptiness he felt so suddenly. 'I guess I kinda forgot what it was like to be alone, besides GIR being around...'
Zim walked into... that... one place where he was lowered into in "The Nightmare Begins" and "FBI Warning of Doom" (you know, don't act like you don't *L*) and had a seat. After pressing a few buttons on the console he looked up at the Irken writing on the screen and asked, "Computer, where is 'church'?"
"... Where?"
"Yes. Where."
"Um... can't you just ask a different question, or something... like maybe... 'WHAT is church?'"
Zim sighed. "But I don't care WHAT it is, I just want to know WHERE it is!"
"But..."
"WHERE!"
"... Okay... um... there's a church only a couple streets from here."
"Only a couple? Really?" Zim looked a little surprised as if he had thought of a church to be far away.
The computer sounded restless. "Uhhh huuuh..."
"Okay, I guess my next question would be... WHAT is church?"
The computer murmured in exasperation. "Church is a building where people of the same religion, especially Christian, can come together in profession of a Higher Power and anything relating to their faith."
Zim's eyes widened. "Humans practice religion? I didn't know that... Christian? Is Dib Christian?"
"You're asking me?"
"... Are there other religions?"
"Christianity is one of earth's major religions, along with Islam, Buddhism, Judaism, Hinduism, Sikhism, and others."
Zim blinked. "Numerous religions? Stupid humans and their odd ways... well, what do they each practice?"
The computer groaned. "I don't wanna explaaaiiin..."
Zim snarled and hopped down from his eccentric chair. "Fine, whatever. I'll just ask Dib when he comes back... IF he comes back..."
Dib walked home from church, alone as usual. He had asked Gaz if she wanted to come along many times, but her answer was always, "Dib, if God is everywhere, why do I need to go to church to be in His presence?"
"But Gaz, you don't NEED to go to church to be in His presence -"
"Exactly."
But even if Gaz had decided to go with Dib this time, he'd still be walking alone...
He had left early because hearing Pastor Chuck talk about repentance made him uncomfortable. He didn't want to think about his sins and his relationship with God right then and there because he knew he wasn't about to repent anytime soon, if he and Zim could help it, anyways.
Dib sighed and looked down. He knew that he was feeling a lot more guilt than what it was really worth, but he couldn't help it. He was deliberately disobeying his Father's requests, and according to Dib that deserved all the guilt his conscious could build up.
Dib looked over at Zim's house as he passed the cul-de-sac and hesitated before turning and walking toward it. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go home and have time to sort through his thoughts or go over Zim's and allow his spiritual predicament to no longer be an issue for the time being. But he needed to get his Bible and sheet back from GIR, if anything.
"WEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" GIR bounced up on the couch and reached for the nearby remote. He bit down on his tongue as if trying to contain his self-generated excitement and pressed the power button. The tube kindly displayed a group of typical teenagers hanging out at skool. GIR flailed happily and proceeded to stare at the show mindlessly until the doorbell rang. The undisguised robot frowned but got up and answered the door.
Dib looked down at GIR and forced a smile. "Hello there... uh... can I come in?"
"Weeellllll..." GIR rubbed his pretty much nonexistent chin critically. "Only if you can tell me da seeeeeecret passssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss... word."
Dib growled and threw his hands up in the air. He didn't feel like dealing with GIR and his little games. "Oh, come on! This is ridiculous! Just let me in! Or at least get Zim for me!"
GIR smiled blankly for quite some time before gasping and exclaiming in an amazed tone: "THAT'S IT! How'd you know?!"
Dib blinked.
GIR's eyes suddenly glowed red and his voice got deeper as he put his hands behind his back and looked up at Dib approvingly. "Password received and accepted. Temporary occupant successfully admitted. The use of everything in the living room and kitchen is permitted by master Zim, the possessor and/or provider of all you see before you. So... feel free to browse. And stuff."
Dib raised a brow and wrinkled his nose as he stepped around the intimidating robot through the doorway. "Right... where's Zim at?"
GIR slipped back into normal mode and smiled cheerfully. "You sit riiight over dere, and I'll go getum for ya!"
The cooky robot, being happy to oblige, ran down into the labs to find his master as Dib had a seat and watched the TV. When he saw what was on he crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. Just what he needed; a bunch of over-dramatic preps and superficial jocks to worsen his mood.
"Jamie ran down from the bleachers to congratulate Richard on the good game..."
"Uh huh..."
"... And then she started twirling her hair in front him!"
"Seriously?!"
"Totally! She was SO flirting with him."
"Oh my God, oh my God! She can't do that to you! That's YOUR potential boyfriend, not hers!"
"*Sniffles* I know. She's such a whore. Let's go spread rumors about her so everyone hates her and I can have #17 all to myself!"
"Okay!"
Dib shook his head and started looking around for the remote. "... I'm surprised she even knows what potential means."
"Master?" GIR trotted into the bioengineering room and looked around cautiously. "Master? ... Master? Mastermastermastermastermastermaaasteeer -"
"WHAT GIR?!" Zim stepped out from behind a large computer tower, holding a traumatized-looking ferret tightly in his left claw.
GIR "ooo"ed at the furry creature and made groping motions with his outstretched hands. "Lemme see!"
"No. This animal is very important to my experiment on propulsion." Zim disappeared behind the machine once again. The ferret's terrified screeches were heard soon after.
GIR peeked around the computer, unfazed by the sight of the ferret being tortured with prods and electrodes. He pulled at the bottom of Zim's shirt to get his attention over the loud noises. Zim stopped what he was doing and looked down at his assistant with an annoyed aspect. "GIR. I'm busy. Go away."
"But the Dib-worm is here!"
Zim's eyes widened and he dropped his tools. The ferret looked around frantically and scampered away, but the Irken didn't seem to care. "Why didn't you tell me so in the first place, GIR?"
But GIR wasn't listening. He was preoccupied with running after the injured ferret, giggling ecstatically. Zim sighed and walked out of the room.
"Where is it?" Dib reached between two of the cushions on the back of the couch and fumbled around for the remote.
Zim came up through the toilet and walked into the living room meekly. When he found Dib scrounging around the depths of sofa he couldn't help but to laugh. Dib looked up, startled, then smiled sheepishly.
Zim titled his head to the side. "What are you doing, silly human?"
Dib shrugged on impulse and paused before answering simply, "Looking for the channel-changer."
Zim laughed a bit more. "It amuses me how you humans will spend so much time looking for the controller just because you refuse to get up and change the channel manually."
"Oh, don't tell me YOUR race doesn't do the same thing." Dib gave a smug grin.
Zim returned Dib's cocky smile. "We don't have to; our televisions are voice operated."
Dib frowned and made himself comfortable on the couch. "Always trying to prove yourself better. Are you really that racist against humans?"
Zim hopped up and sat next to Dib. "I wouldn't say racist... but according to my leaders, you ARE the enemy..."
Dib rubbed his elbow, feeling a little awkward. "Oh..."
The two watched TV in silence for a little while until Zim spoke up, sounding curious as well as a little disgusted. "Is that REALLY how teenage girls act on your planet?!"
Dib laughed nervously. "I hope not."
GIR cooed at the ferret in his arms as he made his way up to the first level of the base. "Aww, you dun look so good... dun worry, Dib'll fix ya up! He's nice."
The charitable yet defected SIR unit walked into the elevator and commanded (well, more like asked) the computer to take him and the critter up to the house. The computer did so and soon GIR and carrying his friend up through the toilet bowl and into the living room. He stopped when he reached the side of the couch and held the limp and barely breathing ferret up to his master. Unfortunately, because of GIR's position and Zim's interest in the show, the Irken had no idea that his companion was even in the room. GIR sat down with a defeated frown, holding the animal close to his metallic chest. He decided to join Zim and Dib in watching the TV for a while, but figured that as soon as the show was over, he'd get them to help the ferret.
"Can you believe it?!"
"NOW what, Jamie?"
"You know that little wench, Rebecca?"
"Yeah, what about her?"
"She told Richard and a whole bunch of things about me that are so totally untrue, and now Richard is mad at me!"
GIR blinked and went into serious mode. He looked up at Zim and Dib critically, slowly remembering the request Gaz had made earlier that morning. Without thinking, GIR swung the ferret over his shoulder and flung it over Zim's head, causing it to smack up against Dib's.
Dib yelped and tried to pry the hysterical creature off of his head while Zim watched impotently. GIR stood up and saluted to no one in particular before kicking back into his usual loony state. "Mission status pending... nachos!"
"ARGH!" Dib shook his head wildly and finally managed to yank the ferret off of his cranium, leaving a slightly bloody mess of scratches and gouges behind. But instead of tossing the sick animal to the ground, Dib glowered at Zim and threw the creature into his lap.
"HEY! Why'd you - AHHH!" Zim jumped up and tried to brush the ferret away from his groin as the critter's claws poked through his shirt and pants. Being frail from its first alarming encounter with a being, the ferret yieldingly detached itself from Zim's pelvis, bounced off the couch and started running the second it hit the floor.
Everyone in the room watched silently as the creature scampered off into the kitchen until Dib turned to Zim angrily. "What's your problem?!"
"MY problem?!" Zim gawked. "YOU'RE the one who threw that earth rodent thing at me for no reason!"
"WHAT? Oh come on, you threw it at me first! I just threw it back!"
"I didn't throw it at you!"
"Well, who did?"
Zim looked as if he was about to answer, but he stopped and looked behind him just in case. Sure enough, there was GIR, looking up at his master intently.
Zim shook his head lividly and breathed through his teeth, expressing his exasperation at his servant. Then he turned to Dib and pointed behind the side of the couch. "It was GIR."
Dib pushed Zim aside almost gently and looked over the arm of the sofa. After observing the general area that Zim had pointed out, he looked up at the confident Irken skeptically. "I don't see him."
"What?" Zim hopped down from the couch and walked around to where GIR was standing before only to see that Dib was right.
As Zim tried to figure out how GIR was able to get out of the room so fast without either of them noticing, Dib laughed half-heartedly and got off the sofa. "Either you're finally losing it or you're just too weak to back up your actions."
Zim widened his eyes in surprise before slanting them in petulance, clearly insulted. "Even if I WAS so pathetic as to use that... that THING as a weapon, I would NEVER blame it on somebody else out of fear of you. ... And I'd never fear you, so there."
"You expect me to buy that? How can I trust someone like YOU?" Dib folded his arms across his chest and scoffed.
Zim's icy glare softened dramatically for a split second before he barked his reply. "FINE. Just get out of my house."
Dib blinked impassively, realizing that he had hurt the alien's fairly hidden feelings. It's one thing to make someone feel bad for something they did, but it's something else entirely to actually cause them some emotional pain... especially since Zim's ridiculously high self-esteem seemed to act as a mere cover for his... strangely enough, many insecurities.
"Well?" Zim put one claw on his hip and pointed to the door with the other. If Dib didn't know any better, he would've said that Zim sounded close to tears.
Dib cringed, the ferret's brutal attack on his cranium starting to take effect on his senses, as well as his attempt to apologize. "Look Zim, I don't really care about the thing with the ferret, it's just that I wish you'd tell me the truth -"
"GET OUT!" Zim stomped his boot against the floor and pointed at the door once again. "You stupid hapless human, I AM telling the truth and if you're too stubborn and idiotic to know that then you don't deserve to be in my presence! Now leave before I make my lawn gnomes force you to!"
Dib protested meekly as he walked toward the door. "But Gaz destroyed your lawn gnomes... remember?"
Zim gagged as if choking on anger, surprise and plethora all at once. "I SAID, LEAVE!"
Dib couldn't help but to giggle just a bit as he scampered out the house and down the walkway. But as he made his way home, he realized that now he had two problems to worry about instead of just one.
'So much for going over Zim's for some peace of mind...'
Yay! I'm going back to normal with not-so-long chapters! Alright! So, what's gonna happen in the next chapter.?
Should Zim and Dib make up at skool the next day *Evil grin* ...?
Should Zim and Dib have some sort of fight at skool the next day (you tell me if you want it to be physical or not!)...?
Should Dib find out that it was GIR's fault and try to get him out of the way... for good (key word: TRY)...?
There ya go! Pick one and as soon as I get back from my vacation I'll start working on it! Thanks for being so patient!
- SwEeTiNsAnItY