CRAP ON A CRAP CRACKER! Another "installment," as Sakata Ri Houjun would
put it! I'm really proud of this chapter. Besides the fact that I put a
lot of thought into it, it turned out nice and opened a couple doors of
possible ways of continuing this fic. The scenario that won the most
votes, as of right now, is GIR, but it was free lingerie when I had started
on this chappy so I combined the two. DOES IT NOT AMAZE YOU?! Heh heh.
ANYways, I'm really glad that you all enjoyed the last chapter and I wanna
thank you for doing so! You... you guys are the greatest! *Bursts into
happy tears and hugs urrone* I just got one question...
Why does everyone find Keef so creepy?! *L* I like him! He's the result I got when I took an Invader Zim Personality Quiz =D
... Probably something I shouldn't be too proud of, I'm guessing ,=p
And just so you know and don't get all indignant on my anus, (most of) you voted for "The storeowner who is unfazed by the sight and offers our beloved couple some free lingerie... ehehehe!" not for "They actually put it on and pave the way for another lemon," 'cuz that wasn't even an option! ... Yes, it was something I had planned, but don't worry; I'll "squeeze" another lemon in soon, most likely in the next chapter! So just hang in there!
Oh, and a little note before you start reading: the first sentence starts directly from where the last sentence of the last chapter left off, so if you're feeling a little confused and can't put two and two together, you might wanna flip back a page and take a look, though it's not important if you do or don't, just a suggestion. ... Oh look, I'm rambling! WEE!
... A disturbingly slim middle-aged woman with long, dark brown hair so curly and thick it appeared tangled and dirty. She was wearing a bright pink, shorter-than-most-workplaces-would-allow skirt that was unintentionally decorated with wrinkles and a loose hem. The poor article of clothing, as well as the fishnet hose beneath and below, definitely looked like it had seen better days. Though her shirt seemed a little better taken care of it, was even raunchier than the former; tacky strips of lace that tainted the black fabric of the tight, short-sleeved shirt cleverly masked the cleavage of her fairly large, yet sagging bosom, since the actual shirt itself had obviously failed to do so. The woman's hands acted as a collection plate for numerous amounts of ridiculously large jeweled rings while small stacks of thick gold 80's bracelets hid her skinny wrists. Mounds of obviously fake pearls hung from the lady's neck and found shelter in the clammy crevasse between her breasts. Nighttime shades of make-up appeared to have been carelessly smeared all over her face, though there was no doubt that she had spent at least 25 minutes in front of the mirror that morning applying it all.
Zim stared up at the woman in sheer terror, forgetting all about his visible antennae or the human below. Never in all his... time on earth had he seen such a hideous creature. But luckily for him, Dib had already seen his fair share of pitiful tarts and wasn't affected by the lady's appearance in the least. Clearing his throat and pretending that something outside had caught his interest in an attempt to divert the woman's attention, Dib snatched the nearby wig and placed it on Zim's grateful head.
Fortunately, the lady at the entrance of the store seemed to have been busy checking her reflection in one of the metal racks that held up a variety of g-strings, giving reassurance that she hadn't even noticed Zim or Dib's presence. The two took advantage of this and separated, stood up and started to walk out the door. But a sudden shrill voice prevented them from stepping out onto the sidewalk. "Oh, why hello there, sirs! I'm so sorry I wasn't here to assist you two; I was out looking for customers, you know, showing off this ravishing merchandise!"
Dib looked for the "ravishing merchandise," expecting to find it in her hands, but saw nothing. With a curious frown he decided to postpone making a run for it just to pose this question: "... What merchandise?"
"THIS merchandise!" The woman abruptly lifted her shirt, much to Zim and Dib's repulse, revealing the so-called "ravishing merchandise" beneath: a skimpy, red translucent bra.
Zim screamed like a little girl and covered his face defensively as he turned away while Dib just stared like any normal 12 year old boy would. "Those - erm, I mean, that's very nice... but... uh... I dun think we'd have much use for it..."
The woman sighed and walked behind a sales desk at the other end of the small store with a distressed frown. She leaned down and folded her forearms on the surface in front of her. "No? I'm sorry... it's just that... well, I just opened this store, and I need some help..."
Zim stared at the two hard-to-ignore bulbous slabs of fat that hung from the lady's chest as she leaned over in disgust before stating cruelly, "You're damn right you do. You could start off by wearing something a little more concealing, I mean, I don't think I speak for myself when I say that no one wants to see what you're flaunting."
Dib choked on the laughter he tried so hard to swallow and gave his former nemesis a half-astonished, half-amused glare while the innocently oblivious storeowner looked down shamefully. "Yeah, that's what a lot of people have been saying... but I honestly don't see anything wrong with the clothes I sell..."
The Irken frowned, clearly upset that his point didn't get across. "It's not the clothes, it's the -"
"The... promoting! Yeah..." Dib interrupted with a white lie.
The woman looked up hopefully. "The promoting? Well, what should I do differently?"
Suddenly showing an interest, but mostly because he just wanted to leave, Zim caught on quickly and threw out a suggestion. "Free stuff!"
Dib nodded. "Yeah!"
"But... how will I make money then?"
Zim sighed. "Humans can't resist free stuff, even if it's something they wouldn't be caught dead putting on their slimy bodies. Word will get out that you're giving away whorish undergarments and people will come. That's when you stop giving stuff away. They'll go in your store, find out that nothing's free, be all sad-like and start to leave, but while they're here they might see something they find... interesting, to say the least, and buy it."
"Yeah... supply and demand!"
"Dib... supply and demand has nothing to do with what I just said."
"... It doesn't?"
"No. So, yeah, lady, just do that. C'mon Dib, let's go."
The pre-teen silently obliged to the Irken's demand but both were halted once again by the not-very-pleasing-to-look-at storeowner. She stood up eagerly and exclaimed with a smile, "Wait! That's a good idea... would you like some free lingerie?"
Zim nodded, looking impatient and bored. "Yep. Just like that. Good practice, now go out there and -"
"No! I'm really asking you!"
A bewildered aspect flooded Zim's face as he slowly comprehended the woman's offering. "... Me? HAH! You really are a quandary, pitiful female. Do you really think that I or my... eh... friend could have any use for such articles of clothing?"
"Oh... so... you two aren't... you know..." The lady eyed Zim and Dib suspiciously.
Dib paled significantly, not realizing that his defensive objection could easily lead the storeowner to believe otherwise. "No!"
Zim gawked, consternated and appalled at both Dib's expostulation and the woman's suggestion. "W-we have no idea what you're talking about!"
"Oh, c'mon! We're all adults here! Don't think I didn't see you two when I first came in!"
Dib frowned, a rather disturbing thought developing in his mind. "I dunno about Zim, but I'm not an adu -"
"NOTHING! YOU SAW NOTHIIINNNGGG!" Zim shook his fist menacingly, using his turn to interrupt Dib rather effectively, if I do say so myself.
"Don't worry, I'll keep it on the low down."
"... You mean, the down low?" Dib simpered.
Zim sighed. "Fine fine. We'll take your meretricious merchandise if it means you'll never speak of what you witnessed."
Dib gave the Irken an unsure frown but decided to go along with it for the same reason.
"Great!" The lady smiled knowingly with an evident wink. "I'll leave you guys alone to pick something out. Feel free to take anything! I'm going to go give people the news. Watch the store while I'm gone, and thank you!"
The Irken patiently waited for the impertinent storeowner to leave before having a curious look around. Dib, on the other hand, breathed an unforbearing sigh and folded his arms across his chest. "C'mon, just grab something so we can go."
Zim took a frilly black garter in his hand and eyed it amusedly, then looked over his shoulder with a slight smirk. "Why the rush? You'd rather go to skool?"
Dib paled. "So we can be humiliated?"
"Humiliated? What? ... Eh... oh! I forgot all about the pictures..."
"Yeah. Not exactly something I was looking forward to having presented to the whole skool by my oh-so-kind sister." Dib shifted uncomfortably at the very thought. Surely a good number of the students in his class had already seen the photographic evidence of him and Zim... doin' stuff.
"I still gotta confront that horrible earth piggy about that." Zim snarled softly, then looked back at the garter he held with a slyly thoughtful grin. "... But it can wait; we needn't worry about such things right now."
"And why not? Like we got anything better to do than just sit and wait anxiously for our reputations to go down the drain."
"... Who said the wait had to be an anxious one?" Zim noticeably eyed the racks of lingerie surrounding him with a devilish smile, then shifted his eyes so that they met Dib's, hoping that the human got the gist of what his peremptory gaze and oblique question suggested.
Dib gave Zim a stupefied stare before letting his eyes grow wide. Shaking his head, he stammered incredulously, "N-nuh uh!"
Zim took the garter off the rack completely and arranged it before him so that it appeared to mock Dib and his non-existent say in the matter; rascally stretching the bit of lace between his claws, then shortening the distance so that the elastic could coil back up. He performed the playfully wicked gesture over and over again as he took a couple of steps closer to the human. "Uh huh..."
"But... Zim..." Dib pointed to the garter belt with a shameful frown. "I... I don't even know where that goes."
An intense dumbfounded aspect abruptly appeared on Zim's face. He pulled the garter a little too far in his shock, causing it to slip off one of his claws and send itself flying across the store. The stale look remained plastered on the Irken's face for a few more seconds until an adorably charmed expression replaced it. He smiled, scrunched his face up in apparent delight with Dib's innocence and drooled; "Dib, you're just too cute! C'mere, you!"
A nervously flattered laugh clambered up Dib's throat and was caught under his uvula, creating an uncomfortable lump that seemed impossible to swallow. He gagged slightly and let his wary eyes and uncertain feet travel away from the alien. "Thanks, ehehe... but, seriously Zim, you got your free lingerie, now let's just go home, 'kay?"
"Dib..." Zim backed the human into a corner fiendishly. "You know what I want, and you're gonna give it to me sooner or later anyway, so why not get a jump start?"
"Why not? Why not?! Zim, we're in a public place!" Actually fearing the Irken for the first time in a long while, Dib held up his hands as if mentally pushing him away and searched for any means of escape from under Zim's sexual scrutiny. "Why are you so... so feisty today?"
Zim's expression softened and he cocked his head endearingly. "You dun like it?"
Dib blinked and scrambled to reassure Zim. "No! I... I do, I really do! It's just that... well, not HERE..."
"Awwwr... please Dibby?"
"... Zim..." Dib frowned, hopelessly lost in his increasing love for the alien. Deprived of any thoughts that could be successfully and effectively transformed into words, he closed his eyes and leaned toward Zim for a kiss.
Uttering a blissful sigh, the Irken closed his eyes as well and met the boy's succulent lips halfway, gently caressing them with his own, adding only the slightest hint of tongue to make the moment all the more pleasureful without losing the magic.
Dib murmured and pulled Zim against him, letting his docile hands gradually step out of their invisible restraints of dubiety and fear and search his lover's body for any other sensitive areas. When his palms slid up and over Zim's overt ribs the alien pulled away and shuddered vehemently.
The human stared questionably with guilt, concern and excitement burning in his honey mustard eyes as Zim hugged himself, giggled and gasped, "How... how did you do that...?"
Dib tittered and looked like he was about to say something but a loud, slurred, somewhat mechanical voice coming from outside stopped him.
"... I want my ass smacked, legs wide, front, back, side to side, pussy wet, slip 'n' slide, yup, evurythang gon' be aright..."
Both Dib and the Irken exchanged knowing yet still fraught glances before making their way to the entrance of the store and peering outside. They weren't surprised to see GIR dancing around a parking meter out front; they were, however, quite surprised to see what he was wearing... his dog suit, which would have been green under normal circumstances, was discolored completely with a strong smelling liquid and patches of an unknown translucent white substance. When the kooky robot finally noticed his audience, he stumbled over to them with a giggle that didn't sound like a giggle at all and grinned widely. "Meherha, hiya..."
While Dib cautiously sniffed the air around the green puppy, Zim raised an invisible brow and glared down at his assistant. "GIR... where have you been and what have you been doing?"
"... NONE YO' BIZNASS, BIATCH!" The disguised robot sputtered mindlessly.
Zim's face fell blank in confusion before expressing his outrage. "... I don't thoroughly understand your dialect, but HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO YOUR MASTER LIKE THAT!"
Dib couldn't help but to laugh at the evidently drunk robot's choice of words and the way Zim reacted, even though the potent malodor of cheap alcohol that released itself from the fibers of GIR's outfit was enough to make the passably ingenuous adolescent vomit. He wondered if recreational intoxication crossed the cultural boundaries that an unknown amount of galaxies had put up. "Don't take him too seriously, Zim. He's too plastered right now to know any better... if he knew any better before, that is."
"Plastered...?" A quizzical look took its place as Zim's current ever- changing facial expression, though petulant curiosity could be seen clearly in his lavender eyes. "... What do ceilings have to do with the way GIR is acting?"
Dib let out another laugh; a weak one, made to sound like a mere chuckle compared to his last outburst of amusement purposely so as not to hurt the invader's feebler-than-most-would-think feelings. He cognitively came to these conclusions: either the Irkens didn't have a mind-altering liquid such as alcohol or Zim just hadn't become familiar with that particular form of terminology. But his speculative cerebration was short lived, for Zim's inquisitive glare demanded an explanation. Dib sighed, his face still hosting an entertained grin. "It means drunk, Zim."
"... Drunk?"
"Yeah."
"..."
"Zim, you have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"
"... Of course I! - Eh, actually, no, I don't."
Dib giggled some more. Zim had to admit that he would've found it cute hadn't he been so eager to learn about what strange emotion had befallen GIR, his painfully disoriented assistant, who had long ago grown tired of the conversation in the midst and found his reflection in the store's windows easy to converse with. Zim frowned upon noticing this and turned back to face the human. "Well, are you gonna tell me what it is or not?"
Feeling just a wee bit elfish, Dib smiled innocuously. "Tell you what what is?"
Suddenly angry with Dib for playing such mind games, Zim shook his fists at his sides and squalled, "GYAH! What is this 'drunk' you speak of and why is GIR being it?!"
"Whoa, calm down! I was just messin' with ya..." Dib took an insouciant step back, cautious of the alien's temper, and began to explain what alcohol was and the effects it had on a person.
Zim squinted in thought while Dib explicated GIR's actions and waited for him to finish before scoffing and asking skeptically, "Why would someone want to do that?"
Dib shrugged. "I dunno, I've never gotten drunk before. But I heard it's fun... I mean, just look at GIR."
Zim did so. The lime colored puppy was laughing hysterically at himself. "... Oh yes, such fun. I've always wanted to find myself humorous... like some find of deranged LUNATIC!"
"Well, I don't think we'd be like that after a few drinks..." There was a pinch of playful proposition to his voice.
Zim eyed the boy suspiciously. "What're you getting at, silly earth- monkey?"
Dib just grinned puckishly.
The Irken imitated and returned his lover's smile, right down to the roguish thoughts behind it. Then he looked down at his assistant. "GIR..."
The robot probably would've leapt to his feet, saluted and slammed into serious mode but his current inebriety created some hindrances in his attempted proper reaction. He stood slowly and falteringly, waved casually and remained in his usual state with the accompaniment of tipsiness. His voice sounded bothered and was almost incomprehensible. "Yes muh... my master."
Zim continued with a mischievous smile. "GIR, you never answered me... where have you been?"
"Why?" GIR smiled with a dazed look on his face. "Oo, you wanna...? Wanna play wif me too, master?"
"... Yes," Zim lied, obviously without giving his servant's question much thought, for if he had, he would've answered differently. "Now where did you go? Where did you find all the drinks you... drank?"
The puppy stuck out his tongue and near-blindly reached for his master's claw. "Nyeh, I'll... I'll show you..."
Zim took GIR's hand, glanced at Dib warily (who just shrugged) and let the disguised robot lead him down the street. Once they had reached a corner where they had to wait for the light to change, GIR looked back at his master and gave him a sloppy, almost spooky grin.
"You're gonna luuurve it, master..."
Zim stared at the pup blankly, then managed an uneasy smile.
"... I p r o m i s e."
*Wide eyes* Is GIR thinking what I think he's thinking? Dude, I'm writing it and *I* don't even know. That CAN'T be good *LOL* Welp, I'm sorry but I've already got my mind made up about what's gonna happen next chapter (as if you couldn't tell already), so all you get to decide is whether...
Alcohol will have a good effect on Zim (good as in ridiculously cheerful and horny)...
Or...
Alcohol will have a bad effect on Zim (bad as in makes him hella sick, possibly even threatens his very existance[!])...
Until next time, which hopefully won't be too far into the future... uh... bye? |=]
- SwEeTiNsAnItY
Why does everyone find Keef so creepy?! *L* I like him! He's the result I got when I took an Invader Zim Personality Quiz =D
... Probably something I shouldn't be too proud of, I'm guessing ,=p
And just so you know and don't get all indignant on my anus, (most of) you voted for "The storeowner who is unfazed by the sight and offers our beloved couple some free lingerie... ehehehe!" not for "They actually put it on and pave the way for another lemon," 'cuz that wasn't even an option! ... Yes, it was something I had planned, but don't worry; I'll "squeeze" another lemon in soon, most likely in the next chapter! So just hang in there!
Oh, and a little note before you start reading: the first sentence starts directly from where the last sentence of the last chapter left off, so if you're feeling a little confused and can't put two and two together, you might wanna flip back a page and take a look, though it's not important if you do or don't, just a suggestion. ... Oh look, I'm rambling! WEE!
... A disturbingly slim middle-aged woman with long, dark brown hair so curly and thick it appeared tangled and dirty. She was wearing a bright pink, shorter-than-most-workplaces-would-allow skirt that was unintentionally decorated with wrinkles and a loose hem. The poor article of clothing, as well as the fishnet hose beneath and below, definitely looked like it had seen better days. Though her shirt seemed a little better taken care of it, was even raunchier than the former; tacky strips of lace that tainted the black fabric of the tight, short-sleeved shirt cleverly masked the cleavage of her fairly large, yet sagging bosom, since the actual shirt itself had obviously failed to do so. The woman's hands acted as a collection plate for numerous amounts of ridiculously large jeweled rings while small stacks of thick gold 80's bracelets hid her skinny wrists. Mounds of obviously fake pearls hung from the lady's neck and found shelter in the clammy crevasse between her breasts. Nighttime shades of make-up appeared to have been carelessly smeared all over her face, though there was no doubt that she had spent at least 25 minutes in front of the mirror that morning applying it all.
Zim stared up at the woman in sheer terror, forgetting all about his visible antennae or the human below. Never in all his... time on earth had he seen such a hideous creature. But luckily for him, Dib had already seen his fair share of pitiful tarts and wasn't affected by the lady's appearance in the least. Clearing his throat and pretending that something outside had caught his interest in an attempt to divert the woman's attention, Dib snatched the nearby wig and placed it on Zim's grateful head.
Fortunately, the lady at the entrance of the store seemed to have been busy checking her reflection in one of the metal racks that held up a variety of g-strings, giving reassurance that she hadn't even noticed Zim or Dib's presence. The two took advantage of this and separated, stood up and started to walk out the door. But a sudden shrill voice prevented them from stepping out onto the sidewalk. "Oh, why hello there, sirs! I'm so sorry I wasn't here to assist you two; I was out looking for customers, you know, showing off this ravishing merchandise!"
Dib looked for the "ravishing merchandise," expecting to find it in her hands, but saw nothing. With a curious frown he decided to postpone making a run for it just to pose this question: "... What merchandise?"
"THIS merchandise!" The woman abruptly lifted her shirt, much to Zim and Dib's repulse, revealing the so-called "ravishing merchandise" beneath: a skimpy, red translucent bra.
Zim screamed like a little girl and covered his face defensively as he turned away while Dib just stared like any normal 12 year old boy would. "Those - erm, I mean, that's very nice... but... uh... I dun think we'd have much use for it..."
The woman sighed and walked behind a sales desk at the other end of the small store with a distressed frown. She leaned down and folded her forearms on the surface in front of her. "No? I'm sorry... it's just that... well, I just opened this store, and I need some help..."
Zim stared at the two hard-to-ignore bulbous slabs of fat that hung from the lady's chest as she leaned over in disgust before stating cruelly, "You're damn right you do. You could start off by wearing something a little more concealing, I mean, I don't think I speak for myself when I say that no one wants to see what you're flaunting."
Dib choked on the laughter he tried so hard to swallow and gave his former nemesis a half-astonished, half-amused glare while the innocently oblivious storeowner looked down shamefully. "Yeah, that's what a lot of people have been saying... but I honestly don't see anything wrong with the clothes I sell..."
The Irken frowned, clearly upset that his point didn't get across. "It's not the clothes, it's the -"
"The... promoting! Yeah..." Dib interrupted with a white lie.
The woman looked up hopefully. "The promoting? Well, what should I do differently?"
Suddenly showing an interest, but mostly because he just wanted to leave, Zim caught on quickly and threw out a suggestion. "Free stuff!"
Dib nodded. "Yeah!"
"But... how will I make money then?"
Zim sighed. "Humans can't resist free stuff, even if it's something they wouldn't be caught dead putting on their slimy bodies. Word will get out that you're giving away whorish undergarments and people will come. That's when you stop giving stuff away. They'll go in your store, find out that nothing's free, be all sad-like and start to leave, but while they're here they might see something they find... interesting, to say the least, and buy it."
"Yeah... supply and demand!"
"Dib... supply and demand has nothing to do with what I just said."
"... It doesn't?"
"No. So, yeah, lady, just do that. C'mon Dib, let's go."
The pre-teen silently obliged to the Irken's demand but both were halted once again by the not-very-pleasing-to-look-at storeowner. She stood up eagerly and exclaimed with a smile, "Wait! That's a good idea... would you like some free lingerie?"
Zim nodded, looking impatient and bored. "Yep. Just like that. Good practice, now go out there and -"
"No! I'm really asking you!"
A bewildered aspect flooded Zim's face as he slowly comprehended the woman's offering. "... Me? HAH! You really are a quandary, pitiful female. Do you really think that I or my... eh... friend could have any use for such articles of clothing?"
"Oh... so... you two aren't... you know..." The lady eyed Zim and Dib suspiciously.
Dib paled significantly, not realizing that his defensive objection could easily lead the storeowner to believe otherwise. "No!"
Zim gawked, consternated and appalled at both Dib's expostulation and the woman's suggestion. "W-we have no idea what you're talking about!"
"Oh, c'mon! We're all adults here! Don't think I didn't see you two when I first came in!"
Dib frowned, a rather disturbing thought developing in his mind. "I dunno about Zim, but I'm not an adu -"
"NOTHING! YOU SAW NOTHIIINNNGGG!" Zim shook his fist menacingly, using his turn to interrupt Dib rather effectively, if I do say so myself.
"Don't worry, I'll keep it on the low down."
"... You mean, the down low?" Dib simpered.
Zim sighed. "Fine fine. We'll take your meretricious merchandise if it means you'll never speak of what you witnessed."
Dib gave the Irken an unsure frown but decided to go along with it for the same reason.
"Great!" The lady smiled knowingly with an evident wink. "I'll leave you guys alone to pick something out. Feel free to take anything! I'm going to go give people the news. Watch the store while I'm gone, and thank you!"
The Irken patiently waited for the impertinent storeowner to leave before having a curious look around. Dib, on the other hand, breathed an unforbearing sigh and folded his arms across his chest. "C'mon, just grab something so we can go."
Zim took a frilly black garter in his hand and eyed it amusedly, then looked over his shoulder with a slight smirk. "Why the rush? You'd rather go to skool?"
Dib paled. "So we can be humiliated?"
"Humiliated? What? ... Eh... oh! I forgot all about the pictures..."
"Yeah. Not exactly something I was looking forward to having presented to the whole skool by my oh-so-kind sister." Dib shifted uncomfortably at the very thought. Surely a good number of the students in his class had already seen the photographic evidence of him and Zim... doin' stuff.
"I still gotta confront that horrible earth piggy about that." Zim snarled softly, then looked back at the garter he held with a slyly thoughtful grin. "... But it can wait; we needn't worry about such things right now."
"And why not? Like we got anything better to do than just sit and wait anxiously for our reputations to go down the drain."
"... Who said the wait had to be an anxious one?" Zim noticeably eyed the racks of lingerie surrounding him with a devilish smile, then shifted his eyes so that they met Dib's, hoping that the human got the gist of what his peremptory gaze and oblique question suggested.
Dib gave Zim a stupefied stare before letting his eyes grow wide. Shaking his head, he stammered incredulously, "N-nuh uh!"
Zim took the garter off the rack completely and arranged it before him so that it appeared to mock Dib and his non-existent say in the matter; rascally stretching the bit of lace between his claws, then shortening the distance so that the elastic could coil back up. He performed the playfully wicked gesture over and over again as he took a couple of steps closer to the human. "Uh huh..."
"But... Zim..." Dib pointed to the garter belt with a shameful frown. "I... I don't even know where that goes."
An intense dumbfounded aspect abruptly appeared on Zim's face. He pulled the garter a little too far in his shock, causing it to slip off one of his claws and send itself flying across the store. The stale look remained plastered on the Irken's face for a few more seconds until an adorably charmed expression replaced it. He smiled, scrunched his face up in apparent delight with Dib's innocence and drooled; "Dib, you're just too cute! C'mere, you!"
A nervously flattered laugh clambered up Dib's throat and was caught under his uvula, creating an uncomfortable lump that seemed impossible to swallow. He gagged slightly and let his wary eyes and uncertain feet travel away from the alien. "Thanks, ehehe... but, seriously Zim, you got your free lingerie, now let's just go home, 'kay?"
"Dib..." Zim backed the human into a corner fiendishly. "You know what I want, and you're gonna give it to me sooner or later anyway, so why not get a jump start?"
"Why not? Why not?! Zim, we're in a public place!" Actually fearing the Irken for the first time in a long while, Dib held up his hands as if mentally pushing him away and searched for any means of escape from under Zim's sexual scrutiny. "Why are you so... so feisty today?"
Zim's expression softened and he cocked his head endearingly. "You dun like it?"
Dib blinked and scrambled to reassure Zim. "No! I... I do, I really do! It's just that... well, not HERE..."
"Awwwr... please Dibby?"
"... Zim..." Dib frowned, hopelessly lost in his increasing love for the alien. Deprived of any thoughts that could be successfully and effectively transformed into words, he closed his eyes and leaned toward Zim for a kiss.
Uttering a blissful sigh, the Irken closed his eyes as well and met the boy's succulent lips halfway, gently caressing them with his own, adding only the slightest hint of tongue to make the moment all the more pleasureful without losing the magic.
Dib murmured and pulled Zim against him, letting his docile hands gradually step out of their invisible restraints of dubiety and fear and search his lover's body for any other sensitive areas. When his palms slid up and over Zim's overt ribs the alien pulled away and shuddered vehemently.
The human stared questionably with guilt, concern and excitement burning in his honey mustard eyes as Zim hugged himself, giggled and gasped, "How... how did you do that...?"
Dib tittered and looked like he was about to say something but a loud, slurred, somewhat mechanical voice coming from outside stopped him.
"... I want my ass smacked, legs wide, front, back, side to side, pussy wet, slip 'n' slide, yup, evurythang gon' be aright..."
Both Dib and the Irken exchanged knowing yet still fraught glances before making their way to the entrance of the store and peering outside. They weren't surprised to see GIR dancing around a parking meter out front; they were, however, quite surprised to see what he was wearing... his dog suit, which would have been green under normal circumstances, was discolored completely with a strong smelling liquid and patches of an unknown translucent white substance. When the kooky robot finally noticed his audience, he stumbled over to them with a giggle that didn't sound like a giggle at all and grinned widely. "Meherha, hiya..."
While Dib cautiously sniffed the air around the green puppy, Zim raised an invisible brow and glared down at his assistant. "GIR... where have you been and what have you been doing?"
"... NONE YO' BIZNASS, BIATCH!" The disguised robot sputtered mindlessly.
Zim's face fell blank in confusion before expressing his outrage. "... I don't thoroughly understand your dialect, but HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO YOUR MASTER LIKE THAT!"
Dib couldn't help but to laugh at the evidently drunk robot's choice of words and the way Zim reacted, even though the potent malodor of cheap alcohol that released itself from the fibers of GIR's outfit was enough to make the passably ingenuous adolescent vomit. He wondered if recreational intoxication crossed the cultural boundaries that an unknown amount of galaxies had put up. "Don't take him too seriously, Zim. He's too plastered right now to know any better... if he knew any better before, that is."
"Plastered...?" A quizzical look took its place as Zim's current ever- changing facial expression, though petulant curiosity could be seen clearly in his lavender eyes. "... What do ceilings have to do with the way GIR is acting?"
Dib let out another laugh; a weak one, made to sound like a mere chuckle compared to his last outburst of amusement purposely so as not to hurt the invader's feebler-than-most-would-think feelings. He cognitively came to these conclusions: either the Irkens didn't have a mind-altering liquid such as alcohol or Zim just hadn't become familiar with that particular form of terminology. But his speculative cerebration was short lived, for Zim's inquisitive glare demanded an explanation. Dib sighed, his face still hosting an entertained grin. "It means drunk, Zim."
"... Drunk?"
"Yeah."
"..."
"Zim, you have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"
"... Of course I! - Eh, actually, no, I don't."
Dib giggled some more. Zim had to admit that he would've found it cute hadn't he been so eager to learn about what strange emotion had befallen GIR, his painfully disoriented assistant, who had long ago grown tired of the conversation in the midst and found his reflection in the store's windows easy to converse with. Zim frowned upon noticing this and turned back to face the human. "Well, are you gonna tell me what it is or not?"
Feeling just a wee bit elfish, Dib smiled innocuously. "Tell you what what is?"
Suddenly angry with Dib for playing such mind games, Zim shook his fists at his sides and squalled, "GYAH! What is this 'drunk' you speak of and why is GIR being it?!"
"Whoa, calm down! I was just messin' with ya..." Dib took an insouciant step back, cautious of the alien's temper, and began to explain what alcohol was and the effects it had on a person.
Zim squinted in thought while Dib explicated GIR's actions and waited for him to finish before scoffing and asking skeptically, "Why would someone want to do that?"
Dib shrugged. "I dunno, I've never gotten drunk before. But I heard it's fun... I mean, just look at GIR."
Zim did so. The lime colored puppy was laughing hysterically at himself. "... Oh yes, such fun. I've always wanted to find myself humorous... like some find of deranged LUNATIC!"
"Well, I don't think we'd be like that after a few drinks..." There was a pinch of playful proposition to his voice.
Zim eyed the boy suspiciously. "What're you getting at, silly earth- monkey?"
Dib just grinned puckishly.
The Irken imitated and returned his lover's smile, right down to the roguish thoughts behind it. Then he looked down at his assistant. "GIR..."
The robot probably would've leapt to his feet, saluted and slammed into serious mode but his current inebriety created some hindrances in his attempted proper reaction. He stood slowly and falteringly, waved casually and remained in his usual state with the accompaniment of tipsiness. His voice sounded bothered and was almost incomprehensible. "Yes muh... my master."
Zim continued with a mischievous smile. "GIR, you never answered me... where have you been?"
"Why?" GIR smiled with a dazed look on his face. "Oo, you wanna...? Wanna play wif me too, master?"
"... Yes," Zim lied, obviously without giving his servant's question much thought, for if he had, he would've answered differently. "Now where did you go? Where did you find all the drinks you... drank?"
The puppy stuck out his tongue and near-blindly reached for his master's claw. "Nyeh, I'll... I'll show you..."
Zim took GIR's hand, glanced at Dib warily (who just shrugged) and let the disguised robot lead him down the street. Once they had reached a corner where they had to wait for the light to change, GIR looked back at his master and gave him a sloppy, almost spooky grin.
"You're gonna luuurve it, master..."
Zim stared at the pup blankly, then managed an uneasy smile.
"... I p r o m i s e."
*Wide eyes* Is GIR thinking what I think he's thinking? Dude, I'm writing it and *I* don't even know. That CAN'T be good *LOL* Welp, I'm sorry but I've already got my mind made up about what's gonna happen next chapter (as if you couldn't tell already), so all you get to decide is whether...
Alcohol will have a good effect on Zim (good as in ridiculously cheerful and horny)...
Or...
Alcohol will have a bad effect on Zim (bad as in makes him hella sick, possibly even threatens his very existance[!])...
Until next time, which hopefully won't be too far into the future... uh... bye? |=]
- SwEeTiNsAnItY