AN:  Well, I've been caught~yup, I am not French, and apparently, I dig on making up French words…hee.  Anyhoo, Chapter one's been fixed, and I will try my best to stick to English, since both my Japanese and my Spanish are pretty crappy too.  You French folks should here how I pronounce Montmartre, lol.  Oh, man, did I spell that right?

I own no part of Friends or Moulin Rouge!

The Nightclub of Your Dreams

Chapter Two: Because You Can Can Can!

"Wh-what is it?" Chandler asked.

"What is it?  Chandler, please tell me you've done tequila shots before!" Joey laughed.

"Uh, yeah, of course I have!" Chandler lied, and took the tiny glass from Joey's hand.  He watched, as Joey and the others licked their hands, salted them, licked them again, took the shot, and stuck a lime in their mouths. How can that possibly be fun? Chandler thought. Shrugging, he mimicked his new 'friend's' actions.

The tequila was warm, and burned a line of fire down his throat and into his chest.  He did his best not to gag, as he hurriedly stuck a lime slice into his mouth.  His eyes were watering, and his head was swimming.  What the hell was that stuff?

"Oh, man, if you could see your face right now!" Joey laughed, and re-filled Chandler's glass.

~*~

The club was packed, and hopping by 9pm that night.  The lights were dim, and the deep red walls were lined with anxious club-goers hoping to get into the action.  Alcohol, drugs, and sex passed through this club unnoticed, and the shows 'performers' were well known for their 'private' post-show performances, making the Moulin Rouge one of the hottest places to be in Las Vegas.

Jack Geller stood on a platform that hung above the sweating crowds, and smiled proudly.  He could see his vision coming to life, right before his eyes.  He knew that all he needed was one bona fide star to give his show, and his club credibility. After that, the big names on Broadway and in Hollywood would flock to Vegas, to star in the hottest show in town.

Which reminded him, where the hell was Joey Tribianni?

Joey had promised Jack a show he would never forget; a show that Richard Burke would bend over backwards to produce, and a show that would turn his beloved HarMonica into a star.

But tonight, Joey was nowhere to be found, and that was concerning Jack greatly.

Putting the thoughts in the back of his head, he walked into the main dressing room, where all of his girls were preparing to put on their show.

"Looking spectacular girls!" Jack boomed, and received fond thank-yous and hurried kisses.

"Jack, is it true that Richard Burke is here tonight?"

"Yes, Rachel, it's true.  But he's here to see Monica," Jack quickly added.

Rachel's face fell for a moment, but she quickly recovered, and put on her best show-stopping smile, "Well, of course he is," she said, fighting hard to hold back her jealously and anger.  She watched, as Jack left the main room, and walked into Monica's private dressing room.  Rolling her eyes, Rachel sat down on a tattered chair in the corner of the room.  She was so sick of Monica getting all of the attention!  She knew that she was twice the singer Monica was, and she was willing to sleep with anyone and everyone to get where she needed to be.  But Jack had his favorites, and Monica was his shining star.

"Rach, come on, we gotta go!"

Sighing heavily, Rachel checked her reflection in the mirror.  She smiled.  All she had to do was get to Richard Burke before Monica did.  She could charm the pants off of him (literally) and in no time at all, she'd be a star.

It was perfect.

~*~

"Come on, I got us a table," Joey led Chandler and the others to a set of tables that were nestled in the far corner of the club.

"What?" Chandler yelled, as the club music thumped relentlessly in his ears.  His eyes scanned the room, taking in the debauchery that surrounded them.  He'd never seen anything like this in his life!  Did this kind of thing happen in New York as well?  He struggled to keep up with Joey, who was making a beeline for a table that was marked 'reserved'.

"Perfect!" Ross boomed, as the all scooted into the large leather booth, "We'll get to see everything!"

Chandler sat on the edge of the booth, completely mesmerized by the scenes that surrounded him; people popping multi-colored pills, drinking countless shots of that awful tequila that was now burning a hole in Chandler's stomach; others were dancing, some one-on-one, others in large groups.  Everyone was scantily clad, or even half-naked, and Chandler suddenly felt a little over-dressed in his black shirt and matching jacket.  In the booth next to them, three people were engaged in what appeared to be a threesome—Chandler did his best to keep his eyes diverted from that scene.

The center of the floor cleared, as a group of about twelve to fifteen scantily clad women emerged onto the platform, and made their way down to the floor.  The thumping music changed, and the women began spinning around the floor, and grabbing at random men.

"The show has begun!" Gunther exclaimed, and scanned the floor for his favorite dancer, Rachel.

Chandler watched, as the women twirled and shimmied their way around the room, grabbing at outstretched money and hotel room keys as they went.  Then, on the platform above, emerged a large, red-faced man, dressed in a top hat and tails, and looking more like a circus ringleader than a nightclub owner.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Moulin Rouge!  We will do all that we can to fill your every hearts desire!  Now sit back, relax, and pull out your pocketbooks…because you ain't seen nothing yet!!"

The music changed, and the dancers made their way around the floor, pulling anxious men with them.

"Have you ever seen anything like this?" Joey yelled into Chandler's ear.

"N-no, never!" Chandler replied in awe.  The tequila was starting to really kick in…Chandler was having trouble seeing, and his head felt woozy.

Suddenly, the music stopped again, and the crowd quieted.  Chandler looked around the room, trying to see what was going on.

"It's her!" Joey exclaimed, and pointed toward the ceiling.

Chandler looked up, and saw a petite, dark-haired woman perched on a sequined swing.  Her sapphire eyes sparkled as brightly as the deep blue sequins on her tiny outfit.  Her pale skin radiated in the spotlight that shone on her, and her pouty red lips curled into a mischievous grin as she scanned the room.

She was the most stunning creature Chandler had ever laid eyes on.

The French are glad to die for love

They delight in fighting duels

But I prefer a man who lives

And gives

Expensive jewels

Chandler watched, as Monica swung down to the floor, and was instantly surrounded by hungry-looking men.

A kiss on the hand may be quite Continental

But diamonds are a girl's best friend

A kiss may be grand

But it won't pay the rental

On your humble flat

Or help you feed your pussycat

Men grow cold

As girls grow old

And we all lose our charms in the end

But square-cut or pear-shaped

These rocks don't lose their shape

Diamonds are a girl's best friend

"Why, Richard Burke, what brings you to our humble little home?" Rachel saddled up next to Richard, just as Monica took the stage.

"Huh?  Oh, uh, Jack said I could find my next big star here," Richard replied, not taking his eyes off of Monica.

"Well, there is quite a lot of…talent here," Rachel said seductively, and straddled Richard's lap.

"Y-yes, there is," Richard tore his eyes from the floor, and looked at Rachel.

Tiffany's . . . Cartier . . .

Cause we are living in a material world and I am a material girl

Talk to me, Jack Geller, tell me all about it!

There may come a time when a lass needs a lawyer

But diamonds are a girl's best friend

There may come a time when a hard-boiled employer

Thinks you're awful nice

But get that ice

Or else no dice

"Chandler, I think we should get you alone with her…you may be able to persuade her that your show…" Ross started.

"Alone?  What are you talking about?  I…I don't know how to talk to women…especially gorgeous women like—like, her!  And besides, I don't have a story yet…"

He's your guy when stocks are high

But beware when they start to descend

"Jack, where's Richard sitting?" Monica asked, as she twirled in front of him.

"He's in our VIP seating, of course," Jack smiled, and looked over at Richard's table, "Oh no!"

"What? What is it?"

"Rachel is trying to get her claws into him…you'd better work your magic sweetheart."

Rachel sauntered over to the next table, and leaned into the wide-eyed young man who was seated with Joey Tribianni.

"Pardon me, may I have your ashtray?" Rachel asked seductively.

Chandler looked up at Rachel, but was stunned speechless when he realized that she had shoved her chest into his face. 

Monica turned, and saw Rachel running her conniving hands through Richard's hair.  Damn her!  She was always trying to steal her thunder!  Monica blinked, and looked at Richard again.  Funny, she thought, he's a lot younger than I thought he'd be.

'Cos that's when those louses

Go back to their spouses Diamonds are a girl's best friend

Monica made her way over to Richard, and was relieved to see that Rachel had moved on to the next table.  Perhaps Rachel had no idea who Richard Burke was!  Of course, Monica didn't know much about him either.  She'd heard the stories, and knew he was a bit of a womanizer; but he was also well known as a star-maker, and Monica would do whatever she needed to get what she wanted.

"Well, hello," Monica said seductively, as she sat herself on Richard's lap.

Chandler couldn't believe it.  The woman of his dreams was sitting on his lap, flirting with him!  It was like the best dream he'd never had.  She ran her hand down his face, and smiled seductively.

"Monica, this is the new…" Joey started.

"I know, Joey," Monica interrupted, then turned her attention back to Chandler, "I've been waiting for him all my life," she smiled, and pulled him out onto the dance floor.

 "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend", by Jule Styne and Leo Robin