Title: It Hurts Too Much To Say
Author: bluemooneyez
Summary: This is a little fan-fic with one of our favorite CCS couples: Sakura and Syaoran. It is set when they are about 15 or so. It seems that Sakura has a new boyfriend. Syaoran is all alone, and wishes he could say what he feels. However, as the title says, It Hurts Too Much to Say.
A/N: YAY! Thanks everyone for such great comments on my first fan-fic. I really appreciate it! Finally, I put up the next chapter after such debate with myself and some personal events…. It comes to this: THE NEXT CHAPTER! The chapter is bit longer which I put a lot into consideration. Sorry for the long wait, here it is!
It Hurts Too Much To Say
It was one of the hardest things to watch as Syaoran walked to school alone behind Sakura and Gomi. Sakura looked back for one peek.
"Syaoran", she whispered to herself.
Her emerald eyes dimmed as she watched the pain and torment in Syaoran's eyes. She could see that he was broken apart. She turned her head forward and quickened her pace. He thought to himself why am I doing this to myself? Feeling sorry that I lost the one girl for me? Ha, I should hide my mumbling miserable state. I should forget Sakura. As these thoughts crossed through his mind, he shuddered. It will be a struggle, but I need to. For myself, for Sakura's sake, I need to forget my feelings for her and move on. Syaoran took one more step in the cold brisk air and stepped in to the warm inviting school. With this new determination, Syaoran felt a new sense of refresh ness. Syaoran still felt unsure, but it was the right thing to do.
"Konnichiwa Li-kun! I saw you enter school behind Sakura and Gomi" Tomoyo greeted
"Yeah?"
"Just yeah? Oh Li-kun, how can you be so passive?"
"Its no big deal, I'm fine."
"Are you sure, have you taken ill?"
"No"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing"
"Be honest, you know, I know that you love Sakura, it must've been painful to walk behind those two."
"Forget it, I…I…I don't love her!"
Tomoyo gasped at this sudden burst of anger.
"You don't love Sakura? I know you must be angry right now, you are just letting your anger out"
"I don't love SAKURA!" Syaoran did not particularly shout this out, but he needed for Tomoyo understand.
With this response, Syaoran turned his head towards the window and took a deep breath.
"I see, I don't understand, but I see"
"Finally"
"Are you going to tell me why?"
"All this time, I've endured pain, torment and depression, but for what? TO go through more despair whenever I see her? I cannot do that to myself; I cannot let myself get hurt anymore. I have decided to move on and forget my feelings for her; I need to forget the past that was a long time ago. I need to finally think of my own good. I may sound selfish, but I need this"
"Li-kun you should rethink this"
"No, I don't, it doesn't matter if you do or don't understand, but you have to let me go on with my life without her."
"I want to understand for you, I do, but I still have hope for you and Sakura"
"I respect that and I know you will do almost anything to see Sakura and me together. I have lost my patience with myself; I cannot go on like this.
"Li-kun…."
The bell interrupted Tomoyo's thought. Even though she watched to continue the conversation, she made her way to her own seat.
The day lagged on for what seems forever. Having the seat behind Sakura was torture. Even though he convinced Tomoyo he was not in love with her anymore, he could not convince himself. Her golden hair sparkled in the sunlight and her hair swayed as she moved slightly. Her hair smelled of strawberries just freshly picked. He knew at this rate, he could never forget her. His heart was tearing apart with every move she made, every breath she took, it made him cringe. With every muscle in his body, and the energy he had left, he tried so hard to concentrate on his schoolwork. It did not help to think of anything else though, even though he tried so hard to not to look up.
Syaoran looked out the window. It seemed the rain was falling harder now. The sky was totally gray and getting darker. He could feel a presence. He knew this rain could not be natural. He could not tell whether it was good or evil. Were his powers failing him? What is wrong? So much is going on today, and its still morning.
Finally, school ended. They were the most painfully long seven hours he had ever endured. His efforts of concentration failed him. As she stepped out of the school, a sharp cold wind whipped at his face piercing at his skin. It howled in hiss ears and hissed as the wind winded down. The rain drenched his jacket and left his hair dripping wet. What was that? He thought to himself as she stood outside in the middle of a brutal storm that seemed like it was gonna get worse. He didn't know what to do now, he had no way of attacking. He needed Sakura's help, but how? How could he face Sakura and work with her again. He wasn't sure if he still had the will power and energy to team up with her once again. Capturing the clow cards was years ago when they were around then. They could never go back to what they used to be, friends. Syaoran wasn't sure they were even still friends. Friends were ones that could come to each other for comfort, friends that they could always rely on, friends that could tell each other how they feel. As he walked home, he came with the painful conclusion was that, the could never be friends again.
As Syaoran opened the door to his lonely, secluded apartment. He stood in the dark listening to the roar of thunder clashing against each other. The room lit as the lightning streak through the sky. Syaoran slowly made his way to the kitchen and gradually made dinner for himself. For the first time in days, he actually finished his dinner. He was reluctant to clean up, even though he liked everything neat. He looked out the window only to see the faint outline of a certain person alone. In less than a minute, he ran to catch up with her.
"SAKURA!"
A/N: To be continued… WOW! I finally finished the chapter. I am soo happy I actually got the energy to type and upload. I was planning to do it for a long time, but.. you know.. J Thanks for all the reviews! Please R and R. Flames, anything!