Will You Ever?
Disclaimers: I think that by now, everyone knows that I don't own Queer as Folk, the show or the boys. I'm poor as a beggar. Actually I think they're richer than I am. Anyways, QaF belongs to Showtime, Russell T. Davies (the creator/genius), and Ron Cowen and Daniel Lipman. I would however like to own Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor, but that's just a dream.
Rating: PG-13………for now
Paring: Brian/Justin mainly. There's also Ben/Michael and Emmett/Ted.
Summary: Set the morning after "I Wish You Love." Justin goes to Ethan's apartment and finds that he got a letter stating that he's been accepted to go on an art retreat on full scholarship for a month. He ponders on whether he should go and whether he should tell Brian. Justin's POV.
Spoilers: Season 1 and 2, Post 220 spoilers. And the previous chapters
A/N: Nothing much to say right now, I just wanted to thank everyone for reviewing on my story and answering the poll. Anyways, can someone *please* tell me how to do Bold and Italics? Please Review! Feedback is always great!
More A/N: Since I can't figure out how Italics or Bold or Underline work in ff.net and no one has yet to inform me how, I decided that *………* will have to suffice. It could either stand for emphasis or for inner thoughts (even though it's in Justin's POV) or flashbacks. It should explain itself. Sorry if this confuses you.
Now………on with the story!
Part 4
[-I'll Never Tell-]
I woke up the next morning I woke up in sweat and I wondered where I was. *Michael's room………Deb's house………Babylon………Kiss with Brian………Break up with Ethan………* Last night's events ran though my memory.
I looked at my watch to see what time it was. Through the hazy morning grogginess, I managed to make out that it was around 9:30. I got up and put on my shirt and pants and made my way to the bathroom across the hall. I glanced at the mirror and I looked horrible. I washed up and went downstairs and saw that Deb and Vic were already awake.
"Morning." I said groggily.
"Good morning, Sunshine!" Said Debbie with her big smile as always.
"Morning Justin." Vic said pausing and looking up from his morning newspaper.
"How did you sleep?" Deb asked. "We heard some noises coming from your room and it didn't sound like you were jerking off." She said laughing.
"No," I said, ignoring her joke, "I had a nightmare……….I think. I don't remember it but I woke up drenched in sweat."
"Are you alright?" Asked Vic, looking up from his newspaper again.
"Yeah I'm fine, it's just that I haven't had a nightmare since I came back from the hospital and moved in with Brian. It's just now that it's getting frequent but I can't ever remember what happens."
"I'm sure it'll clear up Sunshine. Do you want something to eat before I leave for work?"
"No thanks Deb, I'm not that hungry."
"Sweety, you have to eat something. Since when are you 'not hungry'? And you know better than to get my tits in a knot." [1]
"Fine, I'll eat something, happy?"
"Yes." Deb walked to the closet and grabbed her jacket. "Are you planning on going anywhere today, Sunshine?"
"Maybe over to Ethan's, start getting my stuff out of his apartment. Then maybe I'll go over to Michael's shop." I said over my back, getting some eggs and toast.
"That sounds like a good plan to me." Vic said, "Best to get your things when Ethan's out, so there won't be any awkwardness."
"Yeah, that was what I was thinking." I sat down at the table and started eating. Debbie soon left and Vic and I were the only ones in the house. "So, is Debbie still dating Horvath?"
"Yeah. She challenged him to another Bowling Match. There's a game next Friday. The Liberty Balls versus the Cops."
"I hope they win, they lost last time."
*"Three cheers for the winners."*
I suddenly remembered that night where Brian, Lindsay, Emmett, and Ben went against those homophobic cops. I was with Ethan while they were bowling but when I got home, Brian was at the loft waiting for me, and he suspected me of something, which I was guilty of.
When I finished eating, I washed my dishes and went upstairs. I had to think things out.
*I've just broken up with Ethan. I was with Brian for two years, well a year technically since that's when I 'officially' became his boyfriend, but I've known him for two years. With Ethan, it was only two months. Running off with Ethan seemed like a great idea at the time. I mean Brian wouldn't tell me that he loves me, he wouldn't do things that a boyfriend usually would. Ethan on the other hand, he told me that he loved me, and we had picnics and all sorts of things.
While Ethan did those things like a loving boyfriend would, Brian was always, ALWAYS there for me. He was there to protect me from Chris Hobbs and he saved my life at the prom. Then he took me in and showed me his way of loving someone. I was just too selfish and wanting, too arrogant to see it.
Now Ethan and I are over. I think that when Brian finds out about this, he won't be too thrilled. I left Brian for Ethan at that party and for what? Two measly months? He'll give me a fucking lecture. I love Brian, I really do. It's only now that I'm beginning to see that we both need to change, not only him. I want him to be more open with his emotions towards me; I want him to say 'I love you'. But, I have to change too. I should be more understanding of Brian, he loves me, and I know that. It's hard for him to tell someone that he loves them or show any kind of emotion. I just have to be patient and less demanding.
All this time I've been thinking of what I want, for Brian to tell me that he loves me, for him to stop seeing tricks, for him to give me a decent birthday, and millions of things that I could name. Am I a selfish bastard or what? What about what Brian needs, what he wants?*
I would have to come back to my thoughts later. Right now, it's already noon and by now, I think Ethan left his apartment. I grabbed my stuff and headed downstairs.
"Vic, I'm going over to Ethan's to get my things. I'll be back in a while."
"Justin, if you run into him………"
"I know what you're going to say. And it won't happen, don't worry."
I walked out the door and went to the bus stop. I was just in time to catch it and I went over to Ethan's apartment. During the ride to his apartment, my heart began to pace. What if he was there waiting for me knowing that I would stop by to get my things?
I got off the bus and I started walking up the stairs to his apartment. Just to make sure he wasn't there; I knocked on the door. After waiting for a few seconds, I took out my key and opened the door. What I found inside, I should have anticipated.
All of my things were packed and were put by the door. *At least he spared me the trouble of packing.* I went in the apartment and searched through some places just to make sure that Ethan hadn't left anything out. When I found that he packed every single thing that belongs to me, I felt a little hurt. He didn't even try to keep anything of mine to remind him of me. Maybe that was a good thing, for both of us.
Then, I noticed the mail on the table. I walked over to the table and sat down. I looked through the letters and the bills. I came across a letter in a yellow envelope with my name on it. I opened the letter and read it.
*"Dear Mr. Taylor,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted on full scholarship to the art retreat/festival held at the Art College of San Francisco. We were intrigued of your work and the Board of Art Colleges of United States has agreed upon your participation in the festival.
It is required that you have at least three items entered into the festival and the ones you have submitted will be more than adequate. The retreat will last from July 15th to September 1st. This will be an enlightening experience to many art students across America. We hope that you will join us.
Enclosed is your card with your confirmation number. Once you have confirmed, we will reserve your ticket and place in the retreat/festival. Congratulations.
Thomas H. Balash
President of the Board of Art Colleges of United States"*
"Shit!" I yelled out loud. "I signed up for this art retreat thing two months ago!" I couldn't believe that I got accepted. I started laughing. Right now as of this moment, nothing, I mean nothing can ruin my mood.
I took out my cell phone and dialed Daphne's number. I wouldn't have called her but I can't carry all my stuff alone and I don't have a car. The phone rang about three times before she answered.
"Hello?"
"Daph." I said, smiling.
"Justin? What's up?"
"I need you to come to Ethan's apartment and pick me up."
"What? Right now?" She sounded frustrated.
"Yeah, I need to move my stuff over to Deb's before he gets back."
"Did something happen between you guys?"
"We broke up. Sorry for calling you but you know that I don't have a car and I can't carry all my stuff by myself on the bus." I suppose I was sounding a little happier than she expected me to. My happiness was evidently in my voice.
"Oh well, sorry about the break up. And don't worry about calling me, I'll be there, just give me like 15 minutes." And she hung up. Until Daphne got here, I didn't have anything to do but sit and wait with my million-dollar smile in place.
Just as she said, Daphne got here in exactly 15 minutes. She knocked on the door and I opened it. "Hey Justin." She said as she gave me a hug. "I'm sorry about the break-up and………why are you smiling?"
"No particular reason, just really happy, you know?"
"You always smiled like that when you were talking about Brian or something about art. Which one is it?"
"The second one. I got in to that Art retreat/festival that I was telling you about!"
"That's great!" She said. "You've been waiting for that acceptance letter for like a month!"
"Yeah I know." I turned to the boxes. "Ok, I have to get these out of here and to Deb's. I'm staying at her place again until I break the news to mom."
"How do you think she'll take it?"
"I don't think it'll be that bad." I said bluntly. "I mean when I saw her the other day, I told her that we had a fight and things led on to her telling me to be with whoever makes me happy."
"Meaning Brian?"
"Basically yeah." We laughed at my reply.
Daphne and I got the last of the boxes of my *crap* as she called it in to her car. Then we drove off to Deb's house to drop them off.
"So, are you and Brian going to get back together now?"
"I hope so, but I don't want him to think that I broke up with him just to go back after two months, you know?"
"What are you going to do?"
"Work on our relationship? Sort of a 'Get to know you again' thing?"
"Yeah like Brian would agree to that."
"You could be a little more supportive." I put on a fake hurt look.
"Sorry." She said, laughing at my expression. "We're here. Let's get your crap inside."
Daphne and I carried my boxes inside Debbie's house. In the middle of getting my stuff in, I talked to Vic who was watching TV sitting on the couch. Daphne eventually got sick of hauling the boxes in so she pulled on my ear to get me to work. After we put the boxes into my/Michael's room, Daphne and I went back to her car.
"You wanna drop me off at Michael's store?"
"Sure, are you guys ok now?"
"Yeah…it was stupid, it was my fault. I mean, I should have known better, you know? I knew in the back of my head that he was across the street when I kissed Ethan."
"Well, stop blaming yourself…your head's getting small." We laughed at that last remark and Daphne drove me to Michael's store.
"Thanks. I'll see you later." I said as I was getting out of her car. "Wait. Don't tell anyone about the letter yet…I want to tell them first, alright?"
"Ok! Geez, it's not like I'm some Gossip Queen or whatever you call it. I'll never tell."
"Ok, bye."
And Daphne drove off and I went into Michael's store. I saw Michael and Ben talking near the back and I saw one other that made my heart sing and my face to smile. It was Brian.
A/N: I am so sorry that this took so long to get out! And it's not that long either…just about 4 ½ to 5 pages I think. I had so much homework from school…and I thought that senior year was going to be easy! Remember, reviews motivate me to write more, so *REVIEW PLEASE!*
Thank You's:
Jessica – Thanks so much for reviewing, you're my constant reviewer! And yes, you did help in answering. I hope you like this part!
Cindy Buckspan – Thanks for reviewing. I realized that I had the 'Signed Reviews only' on and I was horrified! I hope that now I have that off, more reviews will come! I think if you put me on the Author Alert list then it may let you know when I update or have a new story up. If that doesn't work, then I can e-mail you with the link. ^_^
Glossy – I thought that the 'Ethan walking in on Justin and Brian when they kiss at Babylon' part was a pretty good scene, since that's kind of what happened in 220. If you weren't expecting it, maybe I should have put up a warning? LoL.
Tortoro the Mosus Slayer – I like you're name! LoL. Look, another chapter! I have no idea when this series will finish, but I'm thinking of how to start it's companion, "Do You Still?" in Brian's POV.
Evangeline – Thanks for answering the poll, and thanks for the cookies! *Take the cookies and eats them with milk* I didn't know if people were going to like this chapter, many seemed to think that Justin/Ethan pairing is better than Brian/Justin. I like Brian/Justin better.
Kit Maxwell – Thanks for reading I'm glad that you love it! Here's another chapter. ^_~
, - What a weird name…even for an anonymous one. Anyways, thanks for reviewing! I love them so much! I'm sorry that I couldn't get this chapter up faster…I have no time anymore! I'll try working faster though.
Jasper – Thanks for answering the poll…it helped a lot. I was thinking whom Brian should find out about it from…that's a great idea though. I hope you keep reading!
To everyone else (Those who have reviewed and those who have not) – Thank you for doing the poll, now the final results.
There were two votes on now, one on later, and one on undecided. He won't find out in this one (obviously!).
Three votes on yes. Brian will definitely follow Justin, I just don't know when. Soon, I promise, but not in this chapter…duh.
Two votes on sex scene, one on if I want to. Well, I want to but it will be my first attempt at a sex scene so I don't know if I'll be any good at writing smut or lemons.
Two votes on similar story and one left unanswered. I've decided that I will write a similar story to "Will You Ever?" in Brian's POV. It will be titled "Do You Still?" The title needs some work, so if anyone has a better one, please let me know.