Will You Ever?
Disclaimers: I am poorer than a pauper, so please don't sue me for playing with the characters for just a little while, I needed something to do while QAF went on hiatus. I'll give them back, I promise. *Hides Justin and Brian away* QAF belongs to Showtime, Russell T. Davies (the creator/genius), and Ron Cowen and Daniel Lipman.
Rating: PG-13…for now.
Paring: Brian/Justin mainly. There's also Ben/Michael and Emmett/Ted.
Overall Summary: Two months after the Rage party, Justin returns to Liberty Ave., and guess who he sees? *The second part to "I Have Some News." Brian picks Justin up from his mom's condo and they go back to Brian's loft. Will Justin tell Brian about the break up? Justin's POV.
Spoilers: Season 1 and 2. Also the previous chapters.
Notes: Thank you's and many, many cookies goes to Calmardaa for telling me how to do Bold, Italics, and Underline. You are the best!!! And welcome back to ff.net…I'm glad that your friends talked you into it! Italics will be used to provide emphasis and inner thoughts.
A/N: Thank you to all of you who have been reading and reviewing for my fic, I'm so glad that you like it. I hope all of you like this chapter, I know I left you hanging in the last chapter with nothing resolved and I'm so sorry about that! Like I said, I didn't have my muse when I was writing that chapter. It seems like my muse is back, but who knows? Anyways, I've been straining to get this out! This is the second part of the last chapter, hence Part 2. I don't know if there is a slight OOC in this chapter but if there is, I'm sorry! Please keep reviewing so I can reach my goal of getting 100 reviews!
More A/N: Oh my goodness. I was very surprised that when I checked my stats, I was on fav lists of 4 people! Wow, thank you so much to all of you!
More A/N: Thank you to Sailor Isis…she's my new Beta! Yay, I've finally found one! ^_^ Except that she didn't Beta this one…that's why I made a mistake of putting "Babylon" instead of "Woody's". Thank you to CLS for pointing that out!
Well, on with the show…
Part 6
[-I Have Some News – Part 2-]
Brian and I went on the lift and he pushed the button for the top floor. The only sound around was the humming of the lift as it was going up. A lot of the times I wanted to say something but nothing would come out of my mouth. I had a lot of things on my mind that I wanted to say to Brian, but I just couldn't form the right words to say. Both of us just went up to his loft silently. When the lift stopped, Brian entered the security code and we both entered his apartment.
Brian took off his jacket and hung it up in his closet. I went to sit in the kitchen on one of the stools. The kitchen counter had empty Chinese takeout boxes and discarded bottles of beer. I threw those away; I don't know if it was out of habit or just being a neat freak. I turned around and Brian stood over by his computer turning it on and looking at some papers there. I remembered how much Brian loved doing his work, no matter how much time it took from doing the things he wanted.
He looked over to me and broke the silence that lasted from the moment I got in his car at my mom's. "Are you hungry?"
"No, I'm fine. Thanks." There was a pause. "So what was the account that you got today?" I asked. We'd talk about his work and my school at times when we were alone together.
"Some business giant from Philadelphia wants to expand his companies and merge with some other ones. He's targeting the major cities in the U.S., New York City, Chicago, Detroit, Los Angeles, and San Francisco, to name a few. The only problem is, his company isn't too well known outside of Pennsylvania. So it's my job to make it big."
"Well, congratulations on getting the account."
"Yeah, well it just means more work for me. I have to fly to most of these cities myself to set things up. I don't trust the stupid fucks that work at the agency, give them work and they'll screw the whole fucking thing up and you're left with the shit that they call 'good advertisement'. I'm sick of being left to change their fucked up mess so it'll be ready in time. One thing good about being a partner is I can fire them."
I couldn't help but laugh at that. I remember him saying the exact same thing about the stupid twins at the agency…when Ryder used to own it. I think their names were Jake and Jack…or maybe it was Bob and Brad, I don't know. Brian said that they were idiots anyways.
I went over to sit on the couch and stared out into space. Brian did some things on his computer and looked through the papers before joining me on the couch.
"So you said you have news for me?"
"Yeah I do." Brian sat on one end of the couch and I was sitting on the other end. I just wanted to go over to where he was sitting and kiss his soft lips.
"What is it?"
"I…um, got a letter today." I waited for his reaction. I'd figured that he'd say something like 'why the hell would I care if you got a letter?'
"What kind of letter?"
"Um, it's an acceptance letter, I applied for it months ago. I got accepted into the art festival and retreat in San Francisco."
"Oh. When do you leave?" He didn't sound too thrilled for me.
"I leave July 15th. I have to go claim my ticket tomorrow."
"That's a week from today."
"I know. And I get back September 1st, in time for school starting."
"That's a long time."
"I've never been to San Francisco before. I heard that there's great scenery. I bet I can get some great sketches done while I'm there."
"Great. I'm happy for you."
"You don't sound like it."
"I'm happy for you, I really am. But I just thought that we'd spend some time together, you know? As lame as that sounds."
"I don't think that sounds lame. I want to spend time with you, that's all I've wanted. We still can." I said, giving both of us hope.
It's great that Brian wants to spend time together, and he wants to do it on his own free will, not because he has to. I don't want to be too pushy about things with Brian. I feel that's partially how I lost him in the first place. I was too demanding.
I want to get to know Brian all over again. I know that we can't forget past experiences that both of us had to go through, but when we first got together we didn't even know each other's names. God knows he couldn't remember mine.
"We still have a week you know, and we'll have plenty of time when I get back." I continued. "It's not like I'm moving there, I'll come back."
"Yeah, I know." He smiled at me. It was one of his genuine smiles that I loved. "So, anything else you want to tell me?"
Anything else you want to tell me? Does Brian know? Brian never does anything without a reason and right now, he's hinting at something. I don't see the point on trying to hide the fact that Ethan and I've broken up anymore. He'll find out eventually and he'll get mad at me for not telling him. If we're going to start over with a clean slate, then why not start by telling him the whole truth?
"I do actually, but I don't know how to tell you."
"Just come out with it." There was a hint of impatience in his voice. He knew.
"Last night, when we were at Babylon…" I started.
"Yeah, what about it?"
"Ethan was there, he came to find me." Brian was silent, so I continued. "After we kissed, I saw Ethan there watching us. I left to catch up with him, to explain. Well, to make the long story short, he broke up with me."
"Do you regret it?"
"What?"
"Regret kissing me at Babylon, regret having to break up with Ethan?"
"No! Of course not! God, Brian, I love you and I want to be with you until I die. I can't believe that it took Ethan to realize what I already knew. I'm so sorry."
"When you left that night, at Babylon during the Rage party…with Ethan, it pained me to see you go. During the two months when we weren't together, I tried to forget about you and at times, it felt like I succeeded. I drowned myself in my work; I went back to my old ways – tricking, drugs, drinking, whatever. But everything around me seemed to remind me of you. When I saw you coming out of Woody's I thought I was fucking hallucinating. You were there. You changed in the last two months; I had that picture of the young blonde in my mind, always smiling, so full of kindness. When I was you there, your facial features have changed, your looks too.
"Then I looked into your eyes. I saw agony, and pain. You were going through the same thing I was. We got back here, and we talked. The longer I was with you, the more I wanted to hold you in my arms again. Then you left and it gave me a lot to think about. We were both selfish, Justin. I wanted to keep my freedom from relationships, I told you about my beliefs from the very beginning. You wanted me to change for you, in ways that I have always fought against. It was hard, denying you anything, but it needed to be done. You needed your freedom and I needed mine."
We sat still on the couch waiting for what Brian just said to sink in. What he said was the truth and I knew it. I think that it was about time that both of us had this long awaited talk. I finally spoke up after a while.
"I've been doing some thinking too. I stand by what I said; I still want to be with you. I know that I was selfish, I shouldn't have asked that much of you. With the stupid rules that I made, I thought if I had set up some rules, you'd still have your freedom and be with me at the same time. You agreed to go by my rules and I was grateful, but I just ended up breaking the number one rule, I kissed some random virgin that I met at Daphne's party.
"But you didn't say or do anything about it – you still followed the rules. That should have been proof enough that you loved me, that you'd do anything for me. I kept asking and you kept giving. I should have known when to stop.
"Then my birthday came. You gave me a hustler for my birthday. I didn't care if I got a birthday party or not, I just wanted to spend it with you. I was so mad at you that day. Then Mel and Lindsay took me to that concert, where I met Ethan. He made me feel loved. Looking back, I wish that I never met him; none of this would have happened if I didn't go to that concert."
We both said what needed to be said. There were still more things hanging in the air but we would take it one step at a time. Brian motioned me to come over to him. I sat next to him and leaned my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beating. He idly played with my hair with one hand and intertwined his other hand with mine.
"I knew, you know."
I looked up at him. He was staring out of the window. "Knew what?"
"That you and Ethan broke up." He looked at me. "I didn't see him at Babylon last night as you said but he came to see me today."
"He did? What did he want?"
"He wanted to talk to me. He came to see me at the agency, as I was leaving. He told me about seeing us together at Babylon and about the break up. Apparently, he did love you Justin. He told me not to throw away what you and I have together. He wished us luck."
I was speechless. "That was very nice of him to say."
"Yeah, it was. He's not so bad." That was high praise coming from Brian Kinney.
We sat there together for quite a time. We held hands and Brian played with my hair while I drew little patterns with my fingers on his leg. If the world could see us together now, we made quite a picture.
I remember being like this at times when we were alone. We'd just sit there together enjoying the silence and the free time. That was when I moved in with Brian after the bashing. After a while, we just stopped doing it. Just being in Brian's arms right now was heaven, I feel complete.
Brian started kissing my neck; subtle light kisses along my collarbone and jaw. He nibbled and licked my Adam's apple. I was thoroughly enjoying this treatment. The hand that was playing with my hair left its place and trailed down to the hem of my shirt. Brian snuck his hand up my shirt and it rested on my abdomen.
I turned over to face him and I sighed happily. Brian leaned to kiss me and I gladly accepted it. I opened my mouth when Brian's tongue snaked over my bottom lip. His tongue entered my mouth and it was bliss. Brian was kissing me and I could feel the passion in it.
We broke apart when it registered to our minds that we needed to breathe, but still we were still reluctant. Brian resumed kissing my neck and I gave him light kisses on his face. Then I brought my hand to feel the lines of Brian's face. Brian will always be beautiful; he'll always have his confidence, his aura. He will always be Brian Kinney.
We went back to our original position of Brian playing with my hair and holding my hand while I was resting on his chest and lazily drawing circles on his leg. I looked up to Brian and he had his eyes closed with a content look on his face. I studied his expression and admired how Brian looked at that moment.
"Do you have a place to stay now, since you and Ethan have broken up?"
"Yeah, I'm actually staying at Deb's. After Ethan dumped me last night, I couldn't go back into Babylon or to my mom's. Deb's was the only place I could think of. Luckily she let me stay."
"That's good."
"So…are you going to go out?" I asked, hoping that didn't sound to pathetic.
"I don't know. Do you want to?"
"I guess."
"Then let's go."
Brian got dressed in his regular outing clothes. Tight jeans, tight shirt, black boots, and his leather jacket. He was the definition, the embodiment of a Sex God. He was my Sex God.
"You ready to go?"
"Yeah, but can we stop by Deb's first? I want to get changed."
"Sure."
We went out of the loft and Brian made sure that the door was locked. I remember when I didn't lock the door and practically everything in Brian's loft got stolen. Brian looked back at me when he was putting in the security code in, to make sure that the alarm was on. When he looked at me, I knew that he was thinking of that day when his loft got broken into.
We went down the lift and got into Brian's jeep. I sat in the passenger seat and let my mind drift off while I was staring out the window. Brian and I said things that needed to be said for a long time. What was going to happen next? Will we be able to get back together again? Could we trust each other of what actions we would take in the future?
***
After getting changed at Deb's and telling Vic that I was going to Woody's and possibly Babylon, Brian and I went to Woody's.
When we went into Woody's, we saw Ted and Emmett near the pool table.
"Justin!" Emmett screeched. "Oh, sweetie!" Emmett came running and gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek. "We're so glad that you came. What happened last night? Why did you run off?"
"I…"
"He just had to go." Brian said. I was perfectly alright with them knowing, now that Brian knew. I didn't know why he didn't let me tell them."
"Oh ok. Well I'm glad that you're back tonight."
"I'll get us some drinks." Said Ted. Emmett gave him a light kiss on the lips.
"You do that." Said Brian. Ted and Emmett glared at Brian and Ted went to get drinks.
I laughed at Brian. He can be very sweet at times, but he's very sarcastic. Emmett, Brian, and I went to sit down on one of the tables nearby.
"So, where's Michael?" I asked.
"He and Ben are on a date. Their anniversary or something."
"Oh, that's so sweet! Teddy and I just celebrated our couple of days ago, right Teddy?" Emmett said to Ted as he was coming back with four bottles of JB.
"Yeah. Our two month anniversary."
"Yeah, we got together at the Rage…party…" Emmett said, the last part of his sentence slowly. It came to his realization that I left Brian at the Rage party. "Oh. I'm sorry, I forgot."
"Don't worry about it." Brian said. I looked at his face and his jaw was locked. It was still a touchy subject for him.
I took a swig of my drink and sat back in my chair. I could tell that it was going to be a long night.
***
After playing a few rounds of pool and drinking some more at Woody's, eventually the four of us headed toward Babylon.
Ted and Emmett immediately went to dance once we got in and Brian and I were left behind, not that I minded. Brian seemed a little bored, but he still looked like he was enjoying himself. The two of us went up to the bar and we ordered yet more drinks.
Several tricks went passed us giving glances but Brian seemed to ignore them. Usually, he'd pick out the one that he wants and go for it, like a wolf looking for the best prey. Tonight, he just acted as if no one was hitting on him and stayed with me.
Brian suddenly put down his bottle of beer and turned to me. "Do you want to dance?"
"Sure." I'm sure at that moment my face was plastered with my smile, since Brian smiled back with a little laugh.
We made our way down to the dance floor and we danced as if there was no one around us. Almost a reenactment of last night, without the aftermath.
I don't know how long we were dancing, it seemed like time had stopped. Brian took me in his arms and we kissed, even more passionately than back at the loft. We didn't even notice when the music had changed or when Ted and Emmett had made over to where we were.
"Hey you two, get a room, or at least go to the back room." Ted said, laughing.
"Teddy, leave them alone, they're happy together, can't you see that?" Emmett said.
Brian obviously heard them while I was completely oblivious because he broke our kiss and shot glares at Emmett and Ted for ruining our moment. Brian turned back to me and looked into my eyes. I don't know what he's trying to read but I won't hide anything from him.
"Let's go to the diner, I want to talk to Debbie." He said.
"Alright. Bye Ted, Emmett." I said to them.
"Bye sweetie, I'll see you later."
"Bye Justin. Don't have too much fun." Said Ted. I don't know if Ted was always this sarcastic or if it was a new trait. Truth be told, I don't really know him that well.
Brian and I exited Babylon and went down the alley to where his car was parked.
"Why are we going to the diner?"
"I have to talk to Deb. Just get in."
And I did. I don't know if Brian was mad about something or whatever he had to say to Deb was urgent. Brian hurriedly drove to the diner.
The diner wasn't full since it was near closing time, but it still had some customers. Debbie didn't look very busy at the moment, she was behind the bar pouring water for a customer. We entered and Debbie looked up.
"Sunshine! How was your day? Did you go see your mom?"
"My day was fine and yes I did." I answered.
"Hi Brian, slow night?" Debbie asked.
"No not really. I need to talk to you."
"Alright. No need to get all roused up, at least not yet." Debbie laughed at her own joke. It wasn't her best, but it was still funny.
"Yeah." Brian said. Then he took Debbie near the back of the diner where I couldn't hear them.
I sat at the counter and looked around the diner. It hasn't changed much, Debbie's PFLAG banners still hung from the ceiling and patrons were making out in the booths rather than eating the food in front of them.
Brian came back after a few minutes and motioned me to go. I was curious to know what he said to say to Debbie. I looked back at Debbie and she was cleaning up some tables. I made my way over to her.
"I think Brian wants to go back to Babylon or go somewhere else but I'll be in soon."
"Don't worry about that." Debbie replied. "Just have fun, but don't expect too much."
I had no idea what she meant about that but I planned to find out. I went over to Brian who was standing next to the door.
"Let's go."
"Where are we going?"
"Back to the loft." Was his only reply.
To be continued…?
A/N: Ok, I know I said this at the beginning of this chapter in the A/N section but I have to say it again…I'm sorry if the last few chapters didn't meet everyone's standards! I suppose that a lot of people are upset with me…I mean I would be too. I've been working on this chapter for the last couple of days, and I promised that I'd get it out by the end of this week. It's a little early, but aren't you proud of me? ^_^ Season 3 is coming soon (in March! I'm so excited!), so I need to hurry up and finish this fic! I hope all of you aren't disappointed in this chapter; I know few of you were but this is a longer chapter (eight pages – without all the A/N and other things on Microsoft Word!) with more interaction with Brian and Justin! If I get flames, I know I deserve them! _
Thank You's:
Jenn – Thank you for reading! I hope you liked chapter 5, I was a little worried about it. Isn't Queer As Folk the best show on earth? Gale Harold and Randy Harrison…*sigh*…so much great chemistry between them. I was pissed at the writers for breaking them up and yes, Ethan is evil, so I'm writing this as retaliation. Not that the writers of QAF would read this but one can hope…
Dame C – I thought so too, I was trying to read some QAF fics on ff.net and there were so many Brian/Michael fics out there, and not enough Brian/Justin! Where have all those loyal B/J fans gone to? And thanks for enjoying, here's the next chapter, tell me what you think of it!
Nicole – That's weird, hopefully it has been fixed. I love getting reviews so the review button has to be there! LoL. And thank you for the compliment and I hope Brian and Justin get back together too. This chapter brings them one step closer but who knows, there might be something getting in the way. And I agree, Brian and Justin have great chemistry together, that's what makes it so appealing! Don't worry about the babbling on, I always leave long reviews when I review for a story…and the writers seem to love it (myself included)!
Michelle – I'm not stopping now, I have so much more to write! I just hope I finish in time. I need to get out of the habit of having my chapters being set right after the other. If I keep that up, I'll never finish before Season 3 comes out! And let's hope that my muse gets back to me, huh?
Dhracian-Celestine – I'm glad that you think this fic is wonderful! I'm truly surprised that so many people are putting this fic on their favorite list, you included! *Blushes* I love getting compliments; they make me work faster…see how I got this chapter out faster than the last one? LoL. I hate reading a fic with cliffhangers but that's what draws a reader back for more, my little tactic. I hope this chapter is better than the last one.
Sailor Isis – Thank you for your offer! I sent you an e-mail about it but you never really got back to me! Hmm, maybe next chapter, huh? I had to get this posted! I haven't read your work yet but I will soon! I'm glad that you're enjoying this fic so much that you put it on your favorite list!
Glossy – I'm glad that you were disappointed! You've been with this fic since the beginning and I love your opinions! Yes, QAF will be back in March, I'm so excited! Gale and Randy…*drool* Very hot. I've seen some pictures of Season 3 of Gale and Randy and they look hotter than ever! I'm not really sure of what people will think of this chapter, at some point it's going to fast and the other parts are just too slow. What do you think?
CLS – You put me on your favorite list! I'm not worthy I'm not worthy! I'm glad that I'm on someone's favorite list, it's like a dream. Haha. I worry about characters going OOC…I hope it doesn't happen in this chapter. I'm trying to keep this fic mushy-free but I think it's sort of going in that direction. Oh well, mushiness isn't that bad, I guess. Thank you for catching that mistake! I didn't even realize! Well, I've reloaded this chapter with the correction.
Bonnie Parker – Well, I'm glad that you've found my fic. The more readers, the merrier! I love the show and I love Brian too. I just want to hop into the TV when QAF is on and steal Brian away! Thanks for putting me on your fav. list!
Cindy – I know that it didn't resolve anything in the last chapter, that's why this one's Part 2! I hope this is more satisfactory. It's mostly interaction between Brian and Justin – and that's what we all want, don't we? Still, the big scene is yet to come…
Aero-Grrl – I'm glad that you think my fic is great, but I'm trying to make up for the horrible last two chapters. I hope everyone likes this chapter; it's fast at some points and slow at others. I'm picky with what I read too, but it seems that almost everything I read ends up being on my favorite list! Which reminds me, I see that I'm on your favorite list too, thanks!
Tawer – Thank you for helping me reach 100 in my reviews! I've gotten 39 so far (the one I did was more of an A/N than a review…it seems silly that I'd review for my own fic) and I hope to get more. Here's the next chapter, so read and review!
Kit Maxwell – I know you didn't review for the last chapter but I want to thank you for putting my fic on your favorite list!
To all other people who have read but not reviewed – I hope you review next time! I'm happy that this fic is getting read but I enjoy getting reviews. *Hint, hint*
More A/N: I'm up to 39 reviews! Let's keep it going people! My goal is to reach 100! (I'm ambitious, aren't I?) If you want to know the next time this fic gets updated, please leave me your e-mail addresses when you leave a review. ^_^
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