The Nine Go Shopping – Episode II
Chapter 4
The Nine have sat down at their table and are examining their Fish Filets dubiously.
"What strange food." Six says. "It has a funny little crust on it." He bites into the paper
wrapping. "Yuck. It tastes terrible. I'm taking it off."
The others follow suit, and soon the Fish Filets are lying properly on their paper wraps.
"Alright, so now how do we eat these?" Two says cautiously.
"Do you suppose we take them apart?" Seven queries.
"What are these little round green smelly things for?" One inquires.
"Hey, is this fish? I don't eat fish!" says Three.
Meanwhile, Eight gets to snicker in the corner of the booth at how stupid his companions are
being. "Why don't you pick them up and just eat them, you vile and spineless protozoa?"
"Hmm, good idea, Eight."
"Yeah Eight, thanks!"
So they all pick up their Fish Filets and eat them like normal people. For some reason they seem
acquainted with straws, but can't seem to figure out where all the sweet and fizzy drink is
coming from. Also, after they have all drunk their Coke, they start acting very hyper, as any
Nazgul on caffeine would be (in case you don't know, caffeine affects Nazgul much more
strongly than it does humans). Eight, again, gets to snicker in the corner of the booth at their
mindlessness. As funny as it would be to describe this, it would also be a bit – well – crazy, not
to mention strange and grotesque, so let's just say that eight of the nine Nazgul were enjoying
themselves very much, rather than saying that they were all running around the food court
screaming their heads off and chanting in Orkish. Well actually, all nine were enjoying
themselves, for Eight got to be a spectator.
Eventually, however, the Nine return to a state of something like sanity, and Eight manages to
drag the giggling Nazgul off to find the evil jeweler dude.
After another hour of searching, the Nine find themselves in the Sears department. They ogle at
all the cool fridges and barbecues and tents and hammers and dishwashers and dryers and kiddie
cars and motor boats and stovetops and other wonderful and high-tech stuff around them. They
pass by the drills department, and it strikes them that they have no idea what a drill is.
Well, all except Eight, who would rather criticize everybody else for not paying attention to the
mission at hand.
Anyway, Two decides he wants to find out what a drill is. "Uh, hi sir," he says to the customer
service guy. "Can you tell me what this is?" he asks, picking up a drill.
"That sir, is a drill," the guy says nervously. "Now would you please go away?"
Eight of the Nine are too used to people being nervous around them to care, but Eight
suspiciously says, "No way, buster, explain to us what exactly a drill is. I would like to know,"
and the other eight are extremely surprised that he is even interested in the drill.
"I, uh – " says the customer service guy, but then Eight lifts him up by the collar.
"And I would also like to know," he says softly and dangerously, "what this *ring* is doing on
this chain around your neck, and why it isn't on your finger."
"Hey, nice job, Eight, I never noticed that!" says a random wraith.
"That is because you are a mean and lowly maggot," says Eight. "OK, you half-witted scum,
where have you been all the time we were looking for you?"
"Uh, righ – right here…"
"And how long have you known about the Ring?"
"Uh, like, since when you were chasing me…"
"And tell me, where were you at ten o'clock on the fifteenth of March?"
"Uh, I was – hey, why do you want to know?"
"Just wondering." Eight puts the evil jeweler dude down. Then he turns to his companions to
ask what to do with this pathetic wretch when Three cries, "He's getting away!"
Sure enough, the evil jeweler dude is shooting off toward the main mall, laughing his head off.
"After him!" Eight cries, and they all race after the Ring-bearer.
* * *
Ha ha! The story will end with the next chapter – and then, if you are all good little reviewers,
on to – EPISODE III!!! Mwahahahaha!
Uh, yeah, whatever.
So until next time this is Anoriel!
~ Anoriel
Chapter 4
The Nine have sat down at their table and are examining their Fish Filets dubiously.
"What strange food." Six says. "It has a funny little crust on it." He bites into the paper
wrapping. "Yuck. It tastes terrible. I'm taking it off."
The others follow suit, and soon the Fish Filets are lying properly on their paper wraps.
"Alright, so now how do we eat these?" Two says cautiously.
"Do you suppose we take them apart?" Seven queries.
"What are these little round green smelly things for?" One inquires.
"Hey, is this fish? I don't eat fish!" says Three.
Meanwhile, Eight gets to snicker in the corner of the booth at how stupid his companions are
being. "Why don't you pick them up and just eat them, you vile and spineless protozoa?"
"Hmm, good idea, Eight."
"Yeah Eight, thanks!"
So they all pick up their Fish Filets and eat them like normal people. For some reason they seem
acquainted with straws, but can't seem to figure out where all the sweet and fizzy drink is
coming from. Also, after they have all drunk their Coke, they start acting very hyper, as any
Nazgul on caffeine would be (in case you don't know, caffeine affects Nazgul much more
strongly than it does humans). Eight, again, gets to snicker in the corner of the booth at their
mindlessness. As funny as it would be to describe this, it would also be a bit – well – crazy, not
to mention strange and grotesque, so let's just say that eight of the nine Nazgul were enjoying
themselves very much, rather than saying that they were all running around the food court
screaming their heads off and chanting in Orkish. Well actually, all nine were enjoying
themselves, for Eight got to be a spectator.
Eventually, however, the Nine return to a state of something like sanity, and Eight manages to
drag the giggling Nazgul off to find the evil jeweler dude.
After another hour of searching, the Nine find themselves in the Sears department. They ogle at
all the cool fridges and barbecues and tents and hammers and dishwashers and dryers and kiddie
cars and motor boats and stovetops and other wonderful and high-tech stuff around them. They
pass by the drills department, and it strikes them that they have no idea what a drill is.
Well, all except Eight, who would rather criticize everybody else for not paying attention to the
mission at hand.
Anyway, Two decides he wants to find out what a drill is. "Uh, hi sir," he says to the customer
service guy. "Can you tell me what this is?" he asks, picking up a drill.
"That sir, is a drill," the guy says nervously. "Now would you please go away?"
Eight of the Nine are too used to people being nervous around them to care, but Eight
suspiciously says, "No way, buster, explain to us what exactly a drill is. I would like to know,"
and the other eight are extremely surprised that he is even interested in the drill.
"I, uh – " says the customer service guy, but then Eight lifts him up by the collar.
"And I would also like to know," he says softly and dangerously, "what this *ring* is doing on
this chain around your neck, and why it isn't on your finger."
"Hey, nice job, Eight, I never noticed that!" says a random wraith.
"That is because you are a mean and lowly maggot," says Eight. "OK, you half-witted scum,
where have you been all the time we were looking for you?"
"Uh, righ – right here…"
"And how long have you known about the Ring?"
"Uh, like, since when you were chasing me…"
"And tell me, where were you at ten o'clock on the fifteenth of March?"
"Uh, I was – hey, why do you want to know?"
"Just wondering." Eight puts the evil jeweler dude down. Then he turns to his companions to
ask what to do with this pathetic wretch when Three cries, "He's getting away!"
Sure enough, the evil jeweler dude is shooting off toward the main mall, laughing his head off.
"After him!" Eight cries, and they all race after the Ring-bearer.
* * *
Ha ha! The story will end with the next chapter – and then, if you are all good little reviewers,
on to – EPISODE III!!! Mwahahahaha!
Uh, yeah, whatever.
So until next time this is Anoriel!
~ Anoriel