Disclaimer : As usual….don't own it. Kazuya Minekura sensei does. wails
Note : Wow…..chapter 2! So fast! Haha! Just had some inspiration….so….decided to write it before I forget about it….haha….XD…..well….Goku has cancer….and will die soon….and Sanzo's really sad about it….v_v *sob sob* hehe…ISH! The stupid formatting screwed up….the supposed-to-be italic words just AREN'T italic! Ish! :@:@:@….so..i'm not sure whether the stupid formatting will screw up again in this chapter..so..sorry….. ^^;;;
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After making sure that his pet is in good condition, Sanzo settled himself down on the wooden chair again, and took out a cigarette.
He kept the cigarette back into where it was. No, I shouldn't be smoking at a time like this. Goku's sick. I should control myself from smoking.
He was there when I was out of my way…..he was there when I felt the dirtiest…..stained by all those youkais……but….yet…he was there, supporting me all along…now…he has to die…..
Throughout the duration of three months, Goku had hardly eaten…but he did eat a few of the food that Hakkai cooked, and of course his body grew thinner and thinner as months passed. He can't talk for long, for he will cough out some blood in the middle of his sentence. As each day passes, his sickness got worst. And, as for Sanzo, all he could do was just stare at the sleeping Goku hoping that he will wake up and look at the blue skies once again, and be a genki saru once again, and never sleep forever. Sanzo had taken care of Goku every day, day and night, sitting through sleepless nights, just taking care of his beloved pet and also his young lover.
Hakkai and Gojyo was worried about Sanzo's condition, for he hardly ate anything, and didn't have any sleep. Until one day…..
"Um…Sanzo?" Hakkai said as he approached Sanzo.
"Nani?" came a feeble voice.
"Can have a talk with you for a moment?"
"I guess so…"
"Um…..we received this letter from the doctor..and it said….." Hakkai trailed off.
"What? What did it say? Is there a cure?!" Sanzo said, suddenly energetic, and a faint glint of hope lit in his lost violet eyes.
"Well….yes….but…"
"But what?!"
"But…I don't Goku will accept it."
"Why not?! It's his cure….and he must accept it no matter what…I'll force him to," Sanzo said, angered.
"No……he won't leave…"
"What do you mean by he won't leave?" Sanzo said.
"The doctor said that there's a cure in a foreign hospital…..which is not in Japan….." Hakkai explained.
"So?"
"But….Goku will never leave you……no matter what happens to him…."
"No…no……."
"So…Sanzo…could you do us a favor?"
"What?"
"Leave Goku, please….."
"WHAT?!" Sanzo exclaimed.
"But….it's for his own good….think about it, Sanzo."
There was a long pause of silence.
At last, Sanzo sighed heavily, and said, "Okaaay….."
Night came…and the moment that Sanzo dreaded most came…..
"Goku…..I think Sanzo has something to say to you…" Hakkai said, and exited the room, leaving the two of them in the room.
"Okay," Goku said, managing a weak smile.
"Um……Goku?" Sanzo said, his voice came out hoarsely.
"Nani?" Goku said, happiness in his voice.
"I want to tell you something…..but….please….don't over re-act…okay?"
"Un."
"Actually…..I….I……never did…..love you…..I was just using you. Using you as a toy. To contain my needs…I never did love you with my heart….never did..okay? NEVER DID! So…..could you please leave me alone and go cure your sickness! Listen, I NEVER did love you!!!!!" Sanzo said out, and ran out of the room.
Those words stung Goku's ears like poison. I NEVER did love you, okay? Those words rang in Goku's ears repeatingly. Goku buried his face into the pillow, and cried in it through the whole night.
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Sanzo leaned his back against the hard surface of the wooden door that he just slammed close, and hid his face in his hands, and sobbed.
Why? Of course I love you with all my heart..what's my life without you? I'm sooo sorry I said those words……sorry..I'm sooooo sorry….I could never have done that….but there's no other way to make you go to cure your sickness…please…..go…..I'm sooo sorry, I know you'll hate me now….but….please….I don't mean it..really…..
Sanzo went back to his room, and cried himself to sleep.
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- Easy it is to hurt someone who loves us,
Difficult it is to heal the wound….. –
- Easy it is to talk without thinking,
Difficult it is to refrain the tongue. –
- Easy is to promise something to someone,
Difficult it is to fulfill that promise. –
- Easy it is to say we love,
Difficult it is to show it every day. –
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"Sanzo, I'm leaving," Goku said solemnly with his head down, as he went out of the inn along with Hakkai and Gojyo.
There was no reply. The priest still had his face buried below the stack of newspaper that he was reading.
A day after Goku left, Sanzo went to the hospital for Hakkai told him that the day was the day when Goku is supposed to have his operation.
Sanzo was walking left to right, right to left, left to right in front of the operating room where Goku is currently in now.
Goku….please….come out safely….please…please….please..there's a lot of things that I need to tell you..please……
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Sanzo jumped up as soon as he saw the surgeon who was operating Goku come out of the operating room.
Immediately, he said, "How is Goku? Is he going to be okay? When can I see him?""
The surgeon shook his head and replied, "I'm sorry. We did all we could."
Sanzo started shaking the doctor's shoulders hardly, and shouted, "Why must he get cancer?! Out of all those stupid fucking people out there…..HE got cancer! Don't god care anymore? He believes in them…..not me! So….God, where the hell were you when he needed you so much?!"
"Mind your language and please calm down, Genjo-san. One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes to let you spend time with Goku's remains before they are transported to the university for research," the doctor said, gently brushing off Sanzo's tightening grip on his aching shoulder.
The nurse stayed with Sanzo while he took a last look and had the last moment with his lover.
Sanzo ran his fingers through Goku's thick brown hair, his eyes never leaving his angelic face.
Noticing this, the nurse said, "Would you like a lock of his hair?"
Sanzo nodded sadly, yes. The nurse cut a lock of Goku's chocolate brown hair, put it into a plastic bag, and handed it to Sanzo.
Sadly, Sanzo voiced out, "It was Goku's idea to give his body to the university for research. He said it might help somebody else, and that was what he wanted. I said no at first, but then he said, with those big, innocent eyes of his, 'Sanzo, I wouldn't be using it after I die, maybe it will help some other little boy to be able to spend some time with the person they love a lot, unlike me'. He had a heart of Gold, always thinking of someone else and always wanted to help others if he could. Baka saru."
An hour or so later, Sanzo walked out of the hospital, holding all of Goku's things. The drvie back to the inn was hard and it was even harder to enter a vacant room with no one in there, but everything was kept well and neat. He took Goku's golden diadem and his nyoibo and started placing them into place to where they used to be. He laid down across Goku's bed and cried himself to sleep, once again, all the while hugging Goku's pillow close to his chest, Goku's scent never leaving his nose.
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- Easy is to forgive others,
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness. –
- Easy is to dream every night,
Difficult is to fight for a dream. –
- Easy is to weep for a lost love,
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it. –
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Sanzo woke up about midnight and laying beside him on the bed, was a letter folded up. He opened the letter, it said :
Dear Sanzo, I know you're going to miss me, but don't think that I'll ever forget you or stop loving you because I'm not around to show you my smile nor say "I LOVE YOU." Now, I know that you have said those words for my sake, just for me to go for the operation. I'll think of you everyday, Sanzo, and I'll love you even more each day. Some day, we will see each other again, just as we did in the past. If you want another "pet" so that you wouldn't be so lonely, he can have my place and take my nyoibo and stuff with him. Don't be sad when you think about me, this is really a great place.
Kanzeon and Nataku met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some places here and there, but it will take me a long time to see everything here, without your presence and guidance, or even you whacking my head with your harisen. The angels here are so friendly, I love to watch them fly, freely to the sky to where they belong. Tentei saw me the first thing, and guess what? I got to sit on his lap and talked to him like I was somebody important! I told him that I wanted to write you a letter and tell you "Good-bye" and everything, but I knew that wasn't allowed. Instead, he handed me some paper and his own personal pen to write you this letter with. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel-nee chan that is going to drop you this letter.
Tentei said for me to give the answer to one of the questions you asked him about. Where was he when I needed him? He said, "The same place where he is. He was right there, as he always is with all his "children".
Oh, and by the way, Sanzo, nobody else can see what is written on this paper but you. To everyone else, it looks like a blank piece of paper. I have to give Tentei back his pen now, he has some more names to write in the Book of Life.
Tonight, I get to sit at the table with Kanzeon for Supper! Bet the food will be great! Mou, hara hetta! I forgot to let you know – Now, I don't hurt anymore, the cancer is all gone. I'm glad coz I couldn't stand that pain anymore and Kanzeon couldn't stand seeing me suffer the pain either, so, he sent the Angel of Mercy to get me. The Angel said I was Special Delivery!
Bye! – Goku –
Hot tears rolled down Sanzo's cheeks as he read the letter, and held it close to him.
"Gokuuu….." Sanzo whispered to the thin air. "Aishiteru yo…."
Up above, the said one smiled a sad smile and whispered back, "Sanzo…ore mo, zutto zutto aishiteru…"
Sanzo's lifted his head up. Did I just hear a voice? It sounded so much like Goku's….
"Sanzo….don't miss me too much……just go on with your normal life……I'm not worth all your tears that you have never shed for anyone else besides your master, Koumyo Sanzo. Don't, Sanzo, I'm not worth your tears," Goku said softly, tears swelling in his eyes.
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- Easy is to admire a full moon,
Difficult is to see the other side. –
- Easy is to enjoy life every day,
Difficult is to give its real value. –
- Easy is to pray every night,
Difficult is to find God in small things. –
- Easy is to make mistakes,
Difficult is to learn from them. –
- Easy is to receive,
Difficult is to give. –
- Easy is to break a lover's heart,
Difficult is to mend it back. -
- Easy is to keep love with words,
Difficult is to keep it with meanings. –
- The language of love is not words, but meanings. -
~ To Be Continued ~
Well….how was it? Lame? Okay? Nice? All u have to do……is to click the "submit Review" button down there…hehe =P well……had the inspiration for this chap..but…..the next? I'm soooo totally blank! OMG! Hehe….an suggestions for the next chappie? Pls? Sankyuu! And, oh, yeah! I'm sooooooo sorry if the stupid f*cking formatting screwed up, okay? Gomen, ne. jyaa! Suggestoins and reviews pls!!!!! Sankyuu!
