Disclaimer: I don't own anything that belongs not to me. :)

She Will Be Loved

Chapter Eight ll The Breakdown: Wanting Love

----------

"Butterbeer is the furthest I am going to supplying alcoholic drinks, Potter!"

"C'mon, a spot of Firewhiskey and some Cherrysip?" begged James.

"Butterbeer, my final verdict."

"Nooo! Firewhiskey, at least!"

"No way!"

"Even you said the dance is only for sixth- and seventh-years! Sixteen and seventeen year olds need booze."

"We are sophisticated and mature students, we don't need booze to have a good time."

"...I've never heard of that one before. Did you make it up?"

"Yeah. Pretty good, right?"

"It's all right, but Lily-bug! C'mon, just a bit of Firewhiskey! Please!"

"No, Potter. And if you don't shut up, I am going to jam this pencil in your eye!"

"...Okay."

"Thank you!"

"No problem."

"You're being really irritating, did you know that?"

"Me? Irritating? Not possible."

"You'll be surprised..."

---

After a hard day of planning the Spring dance, Lily and James had gotten quite a bit done.

At dinner, they didn't say anything. Probably sick of talking and arguing. They ate in silence, which made them aware that they were quiet, which made them nervous, which made them check out each other, which made them re-think about each other's positive attributes.

James was afraid he was developing a teeny tiny crush on Lily. She was definitely the sort of girl he could talk to, and he loved their little fights nowadays. Before, he used to get really fired up about them, but he enjoyed it now, knowing there were hardly any hard feelings left. And the girl was undoubtedly gorgeous. He had fallen in love with her red glossy locks and especially her emerald eyes.

Surprisingly, Lily was also having similar problems. She found herself stealing glances at him, just to catch a glimpse of his honest hazel eyes and his untidy black hair. She liked how he had such a cute, playful personality, and how he could always turn awkward situations into times to be remembered forever. She found herself looking forward to talking and bickering with him. And he looked so strong... she wondered how it must feel to be held by him.

They were both falling for each other, but desperately trying to stop themselves.

---

After dinner, James went upstairs to brush his teeth and wash his face while Lily stayed down in the living room, looking over the notes she had written for the Spring dance. James took longer than ten minutes, as he scrubbed every inch of his face.

What can I say, he's a vain boy.

When he returned back to Lily, he found her asleep again. James felt pity on her. The poor thing. She seemed so tired and weak these days.

---

Lily was walking through Hogwarts by herself. She was looking for her friends. When she entered the common-room, she found them, all standing in a group. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were also there. They were all huddled, whispering.

"Hi guys," she said cheerfully, coming up to them.

None of them turned around and greeted her.

"Hey, what are you talking about?" Lily asked, trying to join in.

"Go away, we don't want you here," Leonie snapped.

"Yeah, nobody likes you," Steph said, crossing her arms.

"What?" Lily was upset, "Why? Look, I'm sorry for being so selfish lately, but--"

"We don't care," James retorted, pushing her away, "Just go away, Lily."

"Yeah, we were just trying to make up an excuse to tell you we don't like you anymore," Chelsea said scathingly, "The fact that you've been a bitch lately helped a lot."

"Huh?" Lily was confused and ready to burst into tears.

"You're not our friend, and nobody wants to be your's."

"Nobody likes you."

"Everybody hates you."

"Nobody cares, you may as well die."

Then they were all laughing in her face... maniacal laughter... she screamed at them to stop and held her hands up to her ears... but that made them laugh harder...

---

"Lily? Are you okay?"

Lily opened her eyes and blinked confusedly. Then she slowly sat up.

"Yeah--let go of me," she grumbled, shaking James' hand off.

Surprised and a bit taken-aback, he dropped her arm.

"So... um... how's the dance coming along?" James asked, suddenly feeling very hostile.

"Crap," Lily muttered, pushing away the sheafs of parchment, "Far out, I've done everything so far, why can't you do something?"

"What's wrong with you?" James finally snapped.

"Oh, I don't know," Lily retorted sarcastically, "I work so hard for everything and no one really cares after all!"

"What are you on about?" James asked, irritated.

"I have great friends, don't I?" Lily asked him, still sarcastically.

"Look, if this is about Chelsea, L--"

"No, it's not about those bitches!" Lily screeched, "It's about everyone! How come no one cares?"

James' mouth dropped open, "What do you mean, no one cares? No one cares about what?"

"Oh, screw you!" Lily yelled, "I don't even know what the hell I'm still doing here, you're just a bloody waste of space and time."

"You know, Lily," James yelled back, "You sure are a big fecking bitch when you want to be!"

"Damn proud of it!"

"Far out," James turned away and swore, "You know, if it weren't for your looks, no one would even bother to talk to you!"

Lily, who had been on the verge of tears, turned away as soon as he said that. Her throat tightened up and she put her hands up to her face. That remark broke her.

She burst into tears.

James, who was furiously running his hand through his hair, as he looked around the room, trying to calm down, did not realise the damage he had done.

Then he glanced over at her and saw her sobbing into her hands.

Oh, crap.

"Lily?" slowly, he crossed over to her and tried to look at her, "I'm sorry." When she didn't reply, he gently touched her arm, but she immediately pushed him away.

"Don't touch me, Potter!" she cried, and James looked genuinely disturbed at her scarlet cheeks and teary eyes, "I'm just another good-looking chick to you, right? That's what I am to everyone! No one cares about who I am."

James just stared at her.

"I wish I wasn't pretty!" Lily screeched as more tears poured down, "Look what it's done to me! All these boys fall over each other to drool over me, and that's made me so arrogant, and that's cost me my closest friends. I turned into a bitch because I expected everyone to just fall in love with me."

"Lily--"

"LET ME FINISH!" she screamed, "No boy wants to know who I am, they just like me because I'm pretty. If I looked like Moaning Myrtle, no one would give a crap about me! I'm more than just looks, you know. When I'm older, I'm gonna be some kinda whore because no one will want to get to know me. I'm going to die lonely, wishing that someone would just talk to me, but that won't happen, because no one wants to!"

James' mouth was open.

"How come no one will just get to know me? Just talk and not stare at my chest or my face or whatever crap boys stare at. How come... how come no one will just love me for who I am... and not how I look...?" at this, Lily burst into fresh tears and buried her face in her hands.

A very shocked James stood there for a moment. So that was how Lily Evans had been feeling? Scared that no one would love her for who she was?

"Lily... you're only sixteen," James said quietly, "You're a teenager. Teenage boys are scum--yes, I admit it--we're scum. We only care for looks. But that's life. Lily, when you graduate, you'll grow into a beautiful, successful, young lady, and young bachelors everywhere will be dying to get to know who you are."

Lily didn't say anything.

"But for now, you're just gonna have to deal with it. Hardly any boys you meet are going to be decent enough to hold a conversation with you for ages," James continued softly.

"You have," Lily muttered, slowly wiping her eyes.

"What?" James asked, leaning closer. He was just glad she was talking to him.

Lily just shook her head.

"Don't worry," she murmured, "I... I just wanna be loved."

"You will," James smiled at her, "You will be loved one day, Lily."

----------

A/N: Awww... how cute. --MSQ.