Fear Life, Live for Death
What Do Dreams Really Mean?
What do you do when life becomes nothing more than you walking on the Earth? Would you fix it, make it better..I'm sure some of you would do just that. Or maybe you would just wait, wait for things to get better. But how many of you would just end it..end your entire life in a spilt second. Would you do it? Or could you do it? The match with Matt was a complete flop, Jamie Noble and Nidia kicked our asses good. Any other time Matt and I would have dominated, won over them, but now? That seems impossible after what he told me earlier in his locker room. I went up the ramp, not with Matt, but beside Matt. I mean nothing more to him than a partner for the match. Nothing more than that?..how can that be possible when the week before I thought I was everything to him. I was completely off, I haven't meant anything to him since he started seeing someone else.Whoever it is, will be kicked off to the side just like me, and just like Lita. I could feel Matt looking at me, watching me as I walked in front of him and down the hall. I closed my eyes trying to get him off my mind, and trying to get the feeling of him watching me out of my mind. I yawn, as I head into my locker room. I don't remember that my locker room was the same as Matt's until I walk into the locker room. He followed me in, and locked the door behind him. I whirl around, and look at him. "M-Matt? What do you want? You said-" I bite my lip, backing up a little bit as he starts to come forward towards me. This is all to familiar to me. I close my eyes when I feel my back hit the hard concrete wall. "Matt..stop. Please? I'll leave you alone, you and whoever it is your with now. I promise.." he shakes his head, and I open my eyes when he touched the side of my face. "Shh Jess..you remember this don't you? I didn't mean what I said before.."
I didn't think about what I said, just blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "You can't just make up that you've been cheating on me!" There is a stinging on the side of my face, Matt had slapped me hard, I wanted to cry out to do anything to make him stop. I knew if I tried he would only make it worse. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes, a close my eyes tightly trying to block out what Matt was doing I jerk forward when I feel someone tap me lightly on the shoulder. It was to gentle to be Matt and I looked around. BB was standing above me, smiling softly. "Spikey?..where am I? What happened?" I can hear him laugh a little "You fell asleep silly, you must have been more worn out from that match with Noble and Nidia than you thought huh?" I nod a little, and look around again. I sigh when I realize that what had happened with Matt was just in my mind, and was just a dream. "You ok Jessi? You have some kind of a dream or something?" I run my hand through my hair quickly before shaking my head. "No no..I'm ok. Still thinking about Matt I guess.." I stand up and grab my stuff walking out of the locker room with BB. When you have dreams that seem more real than reality itself, what do you do? Tell someone? Try to figure the meaning out? What if you already know the meaning..than what?It all points back to telling someone right..thats exactly what I should have done that night. But I didn't, I kept it to myself. Would I ever know if it really was a dream? Maybe not..but one thing is for sure dreams and reality are becoming the same. When that happens there is only one thing to do..end it all.
What Do Dreams Really Mean?
What do you do when life becomes nothing more than you walking on the Earth? Would you fix it, make it better..I'm sure some of you would do just that. Or maybe you would just wait, wait for things to get better. But how many of you would just end it..end your entire life in a spilt second. Would you do it? Or could you do it? The match with Matt was a complete flop, Jamie Noble and Nidia kicked our asses good. Any other time Matt and I would have dominated, won over them, but now? That seems impossible after what he told me earlier in his locker room. I went up the ramp, not with Matt, but beside Matt. I mean nothing more to him than a partner for the match. Nothing more than that?..how can that be possible when the week before I thought I was everything to him. I was completely off, I haven't meant anything to him since he started seeing someone else.Whoever it is, will be kicked off to the side just like me, and just like Lita. I could feel Matt looking at me, watching me as I walked in front of him and down the hall. I closed my eyes trying to get him off my mind, and trying to get the feeling of him watching me out of my mind. I yawn, as I head into my locker room. I don't remember that my locker room was the same as Matt's until I walk into the locker room. He followed me in, and locked the door behind him. I whirl around, and look at him. "M-Matt? What do you want? You said-" I bite my lip, backing up a little bit as he starts to come forward towards me. This is all to familiar to me. I close my eyes when I feel my back hit the hard concrete wall. "Matt..stop. Please? I'll leave you alone, you and whoever it is your with now. I promise.." he shakes his head, and I open my eyes when he touched the side of my face. "Shh Jess..you remember this don't you? I didn't mean what I said before.."
I didn't think about what I said, just blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "You can't just make up that you've been cheating on me!" There is a stinging on the side of my face, Matt had slapped me hard, I wanted to cry out to do anything to make him stop. I knew if I tried he would only make it worse. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes, a close my eyes tightly trying to block out what Matt was doing I jerk forward when I feel someone tap me lightly on the shoulder. It was to gentle to be Matt and I looked around. BB was standing above me, smiling softly. "Spikey?..where am I? What happened?" I can hear him laugh a little "You fell asleep silly, you must have been more worn out from that match with Noble and Nidia than you thought huh?" I nod a little, and look around again. I sigh when I realize that what had happened with Matt was just in my mind, and was just a dream. "You ok Jessi? You have some kind of a dream or something?" I run my hand through my hair quickly before shaking my head. "No no..I'm ok. Still thinking about Matt I guess.." I stand up and grab my stuff walking out of the locker room with BB. When you have dreams that seem more real than reality itself, what do you do? Tell someone? Try to figure the meaning out? What if you already know the meaning..than what?It all points back to telling someone right..thats exactly what I should have done that night. But I didn't, I kept it to myself. Would I ever know if it really was a dream? Maybe not..but one thing is for sure dreams and reality are becoming the same. When that happens there is only one thing to do..end it all.