Fear Life, Live For Death
Is Love Really Something To Stay Alive For?
The first time you fall in love is the best right? You think you've found the one person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Wrong, hardly ever do you stay with that first person the rest of your life. It would be great if it would have worked that way for me, but it didn't, and I wouldn't be like this today if I actually had that one love. Tomorrow is my Birthday, and usually I'm excited as hell about it. Why should I get excited about my life being another year older when I don't even want to be here another day. The past couple days, since the last time I cut my wrist, have been ok actually. I haven't cut my wrist again, and I think maybe BB might feel the same way about me. My thoughts always drift back to the other guys I though I loved, or I know I loved but thought they loved me. Can I really go through all that again? But than he's my Best Friend, if he didn't feel the same way and I told him what would that do to our friendship. I think that some of the other superstars might know about what I've been doing to myself. It's just a hunch but people have been acting differently around me. Like the other day I was talking with Shane, and out of the blue he asked me if I had been doing anything to myself. I can't imagine how he could have found out but I shook my head nonetheless. I don't really think he believed me but he didn't ask me anymore about it. Shane is one of those other crazy people that once you meet you can never get rid of him. You can just never get rid of him, maybe in my case thats a bad thing. If he really does know about what I'm doing than he'll find out one way or another. I know he just wants to make sure I'm ok, but he doesn't know that it won't help if he does that. I just forget about it for now, when the time comes I'll deal with it, If people find out than maybe the only way out is death. A lot of people think that it would be better if someone did find out, than they could fix the problem. Thats not how it works though, not to mention thats especially not how it works in the WWE. I look up quickly when I hear someone knocking on my hotel room door. I stand up slowly, and head to the door. "I'm coming.." I open the door finally, to an awaiting BB. "Oh hey Spikey, Whats up?" I couldn't help but wonder why they had come, maybe Shane had figured it out, and told BB. I really hoped it wasn't that. "Nothing, Oh before I forget, you mind coming to my room for a second? I got ya something." Got me something? Why in the world would he have done that, it doesn't matter to me now I nod a little. "Ok..why did you get me something for anyway?" I ask as I follow him back to his room. "Don't tell me your brain isn't working, it's your Birthday tomorrow remember?" I look over at him, he was of course smiling. I don't think there had been a time where he wasn't smiling. "Oh yea..sorry. My brain's been a little messed up lately as you can see. You didn't have to get me anything, I told you that last year." I could see him nod a little shrug before saying, "I know, but when I saw this I knew you'd love it. So I got it for you." I shake my head as we finally reach his room. He opens the door with his key before stopping me in the doorway. "Wait here.." I nod, and watch as he goes into the room. I swear I could hear barking in the room, but I don't think anything about it. Not until he brought back out a little puppy. I could tell just by looking at it that it was a Pit Bull. Guess that was one of the reasons why he thought it would be perfect for me, ever since I met him I told him about my dog back home. "Aww Spikey it's adorable." I actually smile a little after saying this, when he hold the puppy up, and acts like it's talking. "Ello Jessi, My name is, well actually I don't have a name yet but I hope you'll love me anyway. Woof Woof." I shake my head and hold it once BB hands me it. "Course I'll still love you, but you need a name little guy..How about Niko? That use to be my dogs name till his died. You can be Little Niko." I kiss the little puppy's head before looking back at BB. "So I guess that means you like him?" He asks me, I nod. "Of course I like him..he's adorable. Thanks dude.." I give BB a quick hug, before stepping back. Maybe my life is getting better by itself, and maybe BB isn't like the rest of the guys I fell in love with. Can't be sure yet, but I hope that he isn't. Maybe he's just the thing to pull me out of this rut I call life. But let me ask you this..Is love strong enough to conquer anything? Even Death? Is it strong enough to pull your life back into line and slove all your problems. It wasn't for me anyother time, but hey theres a first time for everything.
Is Love Really Something To Stay Alive For?
The first time you fall in love is the best right? You think you've found the one person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Wrong, hardly ever do you stay with that first person the rest of your life. It would be great if it would have worked that way for me, but it didn't, and I wouldn't be like this today if I actually had that one love. Tomorrow is my Birthday, and usually I'm excited as hell about it. Why should I get excited about my life being another year older when I don't even want to be here another day. The past couple days, since the last time I cut my wrist, have been ok actually. I haven't cut my wrist again, and I think maybe BB might feel the same way about me. My thoughts always drift back to the other guys I though I loved, or I know I loved but thought they loved me. Can I really go through all that again? But than he's my Best Friend, if he didn't feel the same way and I told him what would that do to our friendship. I think that some of the other superstars might know about what I've been doing to myself. It's just a hunch but people have been acting differently around me. Like the other day I was talking with Shane, and out of the blue he asked me if I had been doing anything to myself. I can't imagine how he could have found out but I shook my head nonetheless. I don't really think he believed me but he didn't ask me anymore about it. Shane is one of those other crazy people that once you meet you can never get rid of him. You can just never get rid of him, maybe in my case thats a bad thing. If he really does know about what I'm doing than he'll find out one way or another. I know he just wants to make sure I'm ok, but he doesn't know that it won't help if he does that. I just forget about it for now, when the time comes I'll deal with it, If people find out than maybe the only way out is death. A lot of people think that it would be better if someone did find out, than they could fix the problem. Thats not how it works though, not to mention thats especially not how it works in the WWE. I look up quickly when I hear someone knocking on my hotel room door. I stand up slowly, and head to the door. "I'm coming.." I open the door finally, to an awaiting BB. "Oh hey Spikey, Whats up?" I couldn't help but wonder why they had come, maybe Shane had figured it out, and told BB. I really hoped it wasn't that. "Nothing, Oh before I forget, you mind coming to my room for a second? I got ya something." Got me something? Why in the world would he have done that, it doesn't matter to me now I nod a little. "Ok..why did you get me something for anyway?" I ask as I follow him back to his room. "Don't tell me your brain isn't working, it's your Birthday tomorrow remember?" I look over at him, he was of course smiling. I don't think there had been a time where he wasn't smiling. "Oh yea..sorry. My brain's been a little messed up lately as you can see. You didn't have to get me anything, I told you that last year." I could see him nod a little shrug before saying, "I know, but when I saw this I knew you'd love it. So I got it for you." I shake my head as we finally reach his room. He opens the door with his key before stopping me in the doorway. "Wait here.." I nod, and watch as he goes into the room. I swear I could hear barking in the room, but I don't think anything about it. Not until he brought back out a little puppy. I could tell just by looking at it that it was a Pit Bull. Guess that was one of the reasons why he thought it would be perfect for me, ever since I met him I told him about my dog back home. "Aww Spikey it's adorable." I actually smile a little after saying this, when he hold the puppy up, and acts like it's talking. "Ello Jessi, My name is, well actually I don't have a name yet but I hope you'll love me anyway. Woof Woof." I shake my head and hold it once BB hands me it. "Course I'll still love you, but you need a name little guy..How about Niko? That use to be my dogs name till his died. You can be Little Niko." I kiss the little puppy's head before looking back at BB. "So I guess that means you like him?" He asks me, I nod. "Of course I like him..he's adorable. Thanks dude.." I give BB a quick hug, before stepping back. Maybe my life is getting better by itself, and maybe BB isn't like the rest of the guys I fell in love with. Can't be sure yet, but I hope that he isn't. Maybe he's just the thing to pull me out of this rut I call life. But let me ask you this..Is love strong enough to conquer anything? Even Death? Is it strong enough to pull your life back into line and slove all your problems. It wasn't for me anyother time, but hey theres a first time for everything.