Fear Life, Live for Death
Is Everything Really Over?
When you decide your life is over, is there always something you want to go back for? Are there always little voice in your head, or little voices that you can barely even hear calling for you to come back. But what do you do? To you anwser the callings and wake up? Would you come back for what little life you have and rebuild on it, I didn't think I would, but I want to. All I can hear now are doctors, doctors and BB's voice pleading with the doctors to help me. The doctors just keep telling him the same thing over and over. You'd think he would just accept it, and wait. Wait for me to die, or wait for me to wake up. Either way thats the only choice he has, is to wait. In the back of my mind all I can do is think over what I've done. My body won't wake up and it won't die. I don't want it to die, but if all I can do is think about what I've done, than maybe it's a better thing to die. Some of the voices I'm hearing fade, the doctors most likely, now all I hear is BB's soft voice. I can't tell exactly what he's saying but I know it's got to be something only he could come up with. I'm trying desperatly to wake up, all I want to do is talk to him. Even a few words would be enough. So why can't my body let me have those few words, even if I die I would rather have those words. I've done the unthinkable to most people, I've tried to commit suicide, and most likely it will become commiting suicide because in the back of my mind I know that I'm not getting through this. I don't think BB's got it through his head yet, that I'm not gonna make it. But maybe thats good, maybe he had enough power in him to bring me out of this. To pull me out of the slight coma I'm in. His words are getting more understandable, does that mean I'm waking up? God please let me be waking up even if it is just for a few minutes. "Jessi..Please wake up. Don't leave me now, I'm sorry I waited so long to tell you, but please don't leave me now. I love you more than anything." This is the first clear thing I can hear from him, I don't open my eyes yet, not having enough strength to do so. "Spikey.." I say softly, not sure he can even hear me. But my question is quickly anwsered when he says something, I know he can hear me now, "Jess your awake, thank god your gonna be alright.." I finally open my eyes, and look weakly at him. For the first time in my life I see him unhappy, he wasn't smiling at all. He'd actually look like he'd been crying. Crying for me? No one's ever cried for me..maybe I really would give anything to stay ok for him. I don't want to lose someone that cares enough about me to cry for me."Spikey..Don't, say that. I-I don't think I'm gonna make it. I barely just woke up.." I close my eyes again, not meaning to but still closing my eyes. "Jess? Don't go now..your gonna be ok. You said you love me, I love you too! Don't go now..please stay with me." I can feel him take my hand, as if to make me hold onto life. "Love you Spikey..forever.." I can't feel anything else, can't hear anything else, and everything goes black. My mind, My sight, My Everything..
Is Everything Really Over?
When you decide your life is over, is there always something you want to go back for? Are there always little voice in your head, or little voices that you can barely even hear calling for you to come back. But what do you do? To you anwser the callings and wake up? Would you come back for what little life you have and rebuild on it, I didn't think I would, but I want to. All I can hear now are doctors, doctors and BB's voice pleading with the doctors to help me. The doctors just keep telling him the same thing over and over. You'd think he would just accept it, and wait. Wait for me to die, or wait for me to wake up. Either way thats the only choice he has, is to wait. In the back of my mind all I can do is think over what I've done. My body won't wake up and it won't die. I don't want it to die, but if all I can do is think about what I've done, than maybe it's a better thing to die. Some of the voices I'm hearing fade, the doctors most likely, now all I hear is BB's soft voice. I can't tell exactly what he's saying but I know it's got to be something only he could come up with. I'm trying desperatly to wake up, all I want to do is talk to him. Even a few words would be enough. So why can't my body let me have those few words, even if I die I would rather have those words. I've done the unthinkable to most people, I've tried to commit suicide, and most likely it will become commiting suicide because in the back of my mind I know that I'm not getting through this. I don't think BB's got it through his head yet, that I'm not gonna make it. But maybe thats good, maybe he had enough power in him to bring me out of this. To pull me out of the slight coma I'm in. His words are getting more understandable, does that mean I'm waking up? God please let me be waking up even if it is just for a few minutes. "Jessi..Please wake up. Don't leave me now, I'm sorry I waited so long to tell you, but please don't leave me now. I love you more than anything." This is the first clear thing I can hear from him, I don't open my eyes yet, not having enough strength to do so. "Spikey.." I say softly, not sure he can even hear me. But my question is quickly anwsered when he says something, I know he can hear me now, "Jess your awake, thank god your gonna be alright.." I finally open my eyes, and look weakly at him. For the first time in my life I see him unhappy, he wasn't smiling at all. He'd actually look like he'd been crying. Crying for me? No one's ever cried for me..maybe I really would give anything to stay ok for him. I don't want to lose someone that cares enough about me to cry for me."Spikey..Don't, say that. I-I don't think I'm gonna make it. I barely just woke up.." I close my eyes again, not meaning to but still closing my eyes. "Jess? Don't go now..your gonna be ok. You said you love me, I love you too! Don't go now..please stay with me." I can feel him take my hand, as if to make me hold onto life. "Love you Spikey..forever.." I can't feel anything else, can't hear anything else, and everything goes black. My mind, My sight, My Everything..