In the Shire
As the wraith rode on he met some of his colleagues. They had also been sent to "go and kill those fellowship creeps and get the ring back," under his leadership, mainly because he was the leader. They had not managed to dispose of their skateboards. One was planning to sell his to some hobbit children while he was in the Shire. Another actually enjoyed skateboarding. He even wore baggy jeans under his cloak just to try and follow the trend, though he would never admit it. The others were going to throw their skateboards at Frodo just to try and put them to good use.
They continued to ride for several weeks until they reached the Shire. During this time they had not met very many people and had been deprived of the opportunity to look menacing. Even the evil looking horses were getting depressed. All were looking forward to the opportunity to doing what they did best: looking menacing. Although they preferred to think that they were capable of actually being menacing as well, especially our wraith who could often be very sensitive about his evilness.
They reached the cottage of a large hobbit family. Three of the children ran outside to greet these mysterious strangers. The wraiths realised that they obviously were not menacing enough: everything was supposed to be afraid of them, including these cheerful little hobbit children. What they did not realise was that children are a lot harder to frighten than they used to be. One of the wraiths dismounted and asked one of the children if she wanted a barely used, good as new, top of the range black skateboard. She said no. He said the same to her brother. He also said no. He asked another child. She burst into tears. The parents strode outside to see what all the noise was about. The wraith asked them where they could find a Baggins and offered them a skateboard for their trouble. They took it and convinced him to never become a salesman.
The wraiths decided to split up to save time. The last one to the Ringbearer would purchase the first round of drinks, if they could find a pub that would serve them. They had planned to build one at Minas Morgul but they could not find anyone who knew anything about pubs. They were once men, great kings of men, and had never had to run a pub in their lives.
Of course, to make this more interesting, our wraith found Frodo first. There was more than one hobbit, which made the whole scaring process a lot more enjoyable than had previously been expected. Unfortunately, the wraith was so wrapped up in the intimidation stage that he failed to notice the hobbits escaping from him. He hoped this meeting would still count towards his drink. He chased them all for a while but did so in vain; his colleagues also found them but they escaped. The wraiths soon decided to head for the Prancing Pony for their drinks.
* * * When the wraiths arrived in Bree they could easily sniff the evil scent of the Ring. By some happy coincidence, the Ringbearer just happened to be staying at the Prancing Pony.
"By some happy coincidence, the Ringbearer just happens to be staying at the Prancing Pony!" exclaimed a wraith.
"We already established that you moron!" They were all irritable after a long day of chasing four helpless little hobbits.
"So, er.who was the last to get to him then?"
They all pointed at each other.
"Right.you know, if I wasn't born and bred evil I would just get the drinks myself to avoid trouble."
"You are born and bred evil."
"That's why I'm going to have to draw my sword menacingly now."
"Oh. All right then."
The Black Captain, our wraith, drew his sword menacingly. The others sat back down and simultaneously admitted to being the last to get to the Ringbearer.
"You couldn't all have messed this up! Could you?"
They nodded sheepishly.
"Good grief. Look, just forget the drinks for now. We can storm the pub when it gets a bit darker and steal a couple of barrels of ale on the way out. OK?"
They looked at each other, shrugged, and nodded.
"Well there we are then! Problem solved! And I didn't even have to stab you this time!"
After waiting outside Bree for a couple of hours they entered and stormed the Prancing Pony. Or rather, they knocked down the gates for fun and then stopped once they were inside the Prancing Pony.
"Can we drink yet?"
"No."
"Can we drink yet?"
"No."
"Can I."
"SHUT UP!"
"I just wanted to make a suggestion." He looked fearfully up at the Black Captain.
"What then?" he groaned.
"Well, I think the hobbits will be staying in the hobbit sized rooms."
"Surely that would be too obvious?" The Lord of the nazgul was suspicious. "I can't smell the Ring in that direction."
"So? They're hobbits, aren't they?"
"Fair enough." He was tired.
They approached the peacefully sleeping figures, trying their hardest not to allow the grinding of their swords being drawn to wake them. They raised their weapons, poised for action, and struck simultaneously. Absolutely nothing happened. Not even a scream. They tried again. Still nothing.
"That's not right." The Black Captain removed the blankets suspiciously and howled.
"DAMMIT! They tricked us! I suppose they must have met that Strider guy. Now they're going to be really hard to catch."
"Can we drink yet?"
The Black Captain hit the wraith very hard on the head.
As the wraith rode on he met some of his colleagues. They had also been sent to "go and kill those fellowship creeps and get the ring back," under his leadership, mainly because he was the leader. They had not managed to dispose of their skateboards. One was planning to sell his to some hobbit children while he was in the Shire. Another actually enjoyed skateboarding. He even wore baggy jeans under his cloak just to try and follow the trend, though he would never admit it. The others were going to throw their skateboards at Frodo just to try and put them to good use.
They continued to ride for several weeks until they reached the Shire. During this time they had not met very many people and had been deprived of the opportunity to look menacing. Even the evil looking horses were getting depressed. All were looking forward to the opportunity to doing what they did best: looking menacing. Although they preferred to think that they were capable of actually being menacing as well, especially our wraith who could often be very sensitive about his evilness.
They reached the cottage of a large hobbit family. Three of the children ran outside to greet these mysterious strangers. The wraiths realised that they obviously were not menacing enough: everything was supposed to be afraid of them, including these cheerful little hobbit children. What they did not realise was that children are a lot harder to frighten than they used to be. One of the wraiths dismounted and asked one of the children if she wanted a barely used, good as new, top of the range black skateboard. She said no. He said the same to her brother. He also said no. He asked another child. She burst into tears. The parents strode outside to see what all the noise was about. The wraith asked them where they could find a Baggins and offered them a skateboard for their trouble. They took it and convinced him to never become a salesman.
The wraiths decided to split up to save time. The last one to the Ringbearer would purchase the first round of drinks, if they could find a pub that would serve them. They had planned to build one at Minas Morgul but they could not find anyone who knew anything about pubs. They were once men, great kings of men, and had never had to run a pub in their lives.
Of course, to make this more interesting, our wraith found Frodo first. There was more than one hobbit, which made the whole scaring process a lot more enjoyable than had previously been expected. Unfortunately, the wraith was so wrapped up in the intimidation stage that he failed to notice the hobbits escaping from him. He hoped this meeting would still count towards his drink. He chased them all for a while but did so in vain; his colleagues also found them but they escaped. The wraiths soon decided to head for the Prancing Pony for their drinks.
* * * When the wraiths arrived in Bree they could easily sniff the evil scent of the Ring. By some happy coincidence, the Ringbearer just happened to be staying at the Prancing Pony.
"By some happy coincidence, the Ringbearer just happens to be staying at the Prancing Pony!" exclaimed a wraith.
"We already established that you moron!" They were all irritable after a long day of chasing four helpless little hobbits.
"So, er.who was the last to get to him then?"
They all pointed at each other.
"Right.you know, if I wasn't born and bred evil I would just get the drinks myself to avoid trouble."
"You are born and bred evil."
"That's why I'm going to have to draw my sword menacingly now."
"Oh. All right then."
The Black Captain, our wraith, drew his sword menacingly. The others sat back down and simultaneously admitted to being the last to get to the Ringbearer.
"You couldn't all have messed this up! Could you?"
They nodded sheepishly.
"Good grief. Look, just forget the drinks for now. We can storm the pub when it gets a bit darker and steal a couple of barrels of ale on the way out. OK?"
They looked at each other, shrugged, and nodded.
"Well there we are then! Problem solved! And I didn't even have to stab you this time!"
After waiting outside Bree for a couple of hours they entered and stormed the Prancing Pony. Or rather, they knocked down the gates for fun and then stopped once they were inside the Prancing Pony.
"Can we drink yet?"
"No."
"Can we drink yet?"
"No."
"Can I."
"SHUT UP!"
"I just wanted to make a suggestion." He looked fearfully up at the Black Captain.
"What then?" he groaned.
"Well, I think the hobbits will be staying in the hobbit sized rooms."
"Surely that would be too obvious?" The Lord of the nazgul was suspicious. "I can't smell the Ring in that direction."
"So? They're hobbits, aren't they?"
"Fair enough." He was tired.
They approached the peacefully sleeping figures, trying their hardest not to allow the grinding of their swords being drawn to wake them. They raised their weapons, poised for action, and struck simultaneously. Absolutely nothing happened. Not even a scream. They tried again. Still nothing.
"That's not right." The Black Captain removed the blankets suspiciously and howled.
"DAMMIT! They tricked us! I suppose they must have met that Strider guy. Now they're going to be really hard to catch."
"Can we drink yet?"
The Black Captain hit the wraith very hard on the head.