Title: Loving You
Author: Seraph_Kirin
Pairing/s: HanaFujii, brief mentions of YasuHaru
Rating: -
Status: On Going
Genre: Multi-Chaptered
Chapter: 2/?
Email: seraph_kirin@hotmail.com
Disclaimers: All disclaimers apply.
Archive: None. It'll be posted on fanfiction.net and fandomination.net though so if you want it, you can take it for your site. Just tell me first okay? (although I seriously doubt that anyone would take this anyway...)
Author's Notes: This is in answer to Wowie's fic request. Please note that this story contains a great deal of sugar... and angst, now that I think about it... People who are strongly allergic to sugar and bitterness contrasting so "dramatically" are advised to keep away from this fic.
Okay... I think I've pretty much made up my mind on the chapters already: 3 Acts, but I still dunno how many scenes to do though... So I guess this might (and most probably) extend beyond 5 chapters... Toldya it's gonna be a long ficcy...
Short synopsis: Fujii just confessed her love for Hanamichi. So what will the poor redhead do?
Small eyesight test: How many "faces" can you see in my setting dividers? Setting dividers are those little lines before and after I change the format and/or setting of my boring little story...
And so, ladies and gentlemen, on with the fic!
[Plain] - Author's shameless self-insert. Dun worry about mixing this up with Hanamichi's thoughts... It'll be differentiated enough... trust me... ^_^
[Italics] - Hanamichi's thoughts...
Italics - Some other person's thoughts (don't worry, I won't make it very confusing...) Only for the babble club, will this be Plain, ok?
Bold - Emphasis... Italics for babble...
Italics - Quote/flashback to other people's speech in the past...
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Act 1, Scene 2: I Know That I Should Just...
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^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^
Unreciprocated love is one of the cruellest forms of love.
^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^
Sakuragi stared out of the window, his eyes vacant.
Somehow, the incident that had just passed only proved to make him feel worse.
He avoided meeting Youhei's questioning eyes when he returned to the classroom.
He didn't think he could meet his best friend's eyes then, given that his heart and mind were both half-inclined to do what could be the cruelest thing he had done to a girl before.
^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^
FLASHBACK
"I love you, Sakuragi-kun. Ever since the first day I saw you."
Hanamichi stared at his confessor of love. "Fu- Fujii-san..." He didn't really know what to say to the girl.
The girl gave him a wry, sad smile. "Sakuragi-kun... I know you love Haruko-chan... and I know there's hardly a chance for me to capture your heart..."
[You got that right! So why are you even trying?] The redhead's first thoughts embarrassed him greatly. The sheer meanness of the thoughts had been something he had thought himself incapable of.
For a moment he contemplated just brushing the matter off lightly, but being the big softhearted pile of mush that he was... he found himself unable of such cruelty. Say nothing of the fact that he'd been rejected himself 50 times before... that sort of heartache was something he certainly did not wish upon anyone... especially the girl who was standing in front of him waiting for him to give some sort of a reply.
He thought back on his history with Fujii.
So far Fujii had been the only girl daring enough (other than Matsui, but that's another matter...) to even talk to him, given her innately timid nature. He distantly remembered the incident in which Fujii, intimidated by him as she was, had garnered enough courage to tell him her feelings about the match directly.
[Yes...] Sakuragi's thoughts had drifted off the subject at hand. [That was... what? After the first practice match we had with Ryonan... K'sou, why am I thinking about this? That isn't exactly answering her question, is it?]
"Sakuragi-kun?" The girl's tentative voice broke into his reverie.
Sakuragi's attention returned to the girl still waiting for his reply. Seemingly to have taken his silence the wrong way, Fujii went on to say hurriedly, "I won't force you to love me or anything... I just, "she hesitated before rushing on, "want to have a shot at winning your heart. So can you please go out with me? I just... I just want to see if... if..." she stopped, her blush so vivid, her fear of rejection so stark that it choked her sentence of midway.
The redhead's heart tightened. How could he not have noticed? Fujii had been mimicking Haruko's every move ever since when? The middle of their first year?
He couldn't exactly pinpoint when her infatuation with him had started... and when she started growing her hair and wearing it exactly the same way Haruko wore it.
How could he have missed the signs that were so evident?
"Hanamichi I swear, you can be so dense to the absolutely obvious at times."
He flinched.
That had been Ryocchin. When the redhead questioned him on it, Ryocchin had simply shook his head and sigh impatiently. Now that he thought about it, he'd heard the other members of the team make similar remarks before... Mitsui, Kogure, Ayako... and the list went on.
[But the fact remains that I still love Haruko-chan... I can't do this to her by accepting her proposal while knowing that I love someone else...] Sakuragi faced the girl, his mind made up. "Fu-"
The girl cut him off, obviously sensing rejection. "Sakuragi-kun, I give you some time to rethink my proposal... how long you take doesn't matter... when you make up your mind on it, come look for me and tell it to my face..."
The girl looked up at him, her eyes wet with tremulous emotion. She gave him a shaky smile. "I would prefer it if you rejected me directly... Otherwise, I will never be convinced that I don't have a chance with you..."
She gave him another quivering smile. "...And it would... just maybe, be what my heart needs to completely let go of you..."
Saying thus, she turned tail and ran.
END OF FLASHBACK
[Seraph: ^_^;; Long flashback, ne?
Devil: *biting Seraph's head anime-style* I told you to let me do it but no! You just had to do it, right?
Seraph: *throws Devil off her* But you'll just bash Hana and Fujii up!
Devil: ^___^ But that's the whole idea.
Seraph: ^_^;;]
^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^
So here he was, stuck with a problem in which he could see no way out of hurting the girl who'd given him, in her own little way, so much of her heart and time.
He thought back to the heartbreaking way Fujii had said she loved him in.
He thought back to how tearful she was when she'd said she would wait, no matter what his decision was.
[K'sou!] The more he thought back on the incident, the more convinced he became of the fact that if he rejected her, she would attain something more than just a simple heartbreak.
He would utterly devastate her if that came to pass.
And he wasn't willing to be the one do that to her.
"I would prefer it if you rejected me directly..."
He groaned. [Fujii-san, do you know what a quandary you have left me in?] He seriously needed something hard to bang his head against. And no, his desk wasn't hard enough for what he had in mind.
[K'sou. K'sou. K'sou. K'SOU!] He scratched his head violently. He really couldn't see, or think of, anyway that he could avoid hurting her by rejecting her. [Kami-sama, why did this have to happen to me of all people? Someone up there must have a sick sense of humour...]
Hanamichi smiled rather derisively at himself. [The girl I love doesn't love me... no...] He amended his thought slightly. [... doesn't know that I love her. The girl I hardly take notice of loves me so much... And me? Me? I just have to remain hung up over the girl who doesn't even know that I love her, don't I?]
He buried his head in his arms. [F***... why does life have to always be this complex anyway...?]
^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^
After basketball practice, 7 pm, in the locker room...
Hanamichi cursed violently under his breath. Forcing himself to calm down, the redhead managed to keep himself from punching his locker and damaging it for the sixth time that year.
He'd been out of form the entire day, thinking about what to do about the matter with Fujii. The girl in question however, chose to skip watching basketball practice by telling Haruko that she wasn't feeling well.
On top of that, he'd just had the luck of having Akagi coming back to supervise the team (now under Miyagi) for practice, say nothing of the fan slaps that he received from Ayako, the kicks from Miyagi when he refused to follow Ayako's instructions, the fights that he always, and inevitably, got into with one certain irritating pest of a Kitsune... and the list went on.
"Oi, Hanamichi." The said redhead turned. "Why were you so distracted during practice today?"
"Ryocchin..."
"Is your back acting up again? I didn't think that the Tensai would be so prone to injuries." The seemingly scornful tone belied a deep concern for the redhead.
"Missy..."
The redhead took in the concern in their eyes for him. Pondering for a moment if he should indulge himself in confessing his love life to the seniors, he quickly decided on the negative, feeling that this was something he would have to figure out himself. He shook his head. "Nothing."
The seniors exchanged looks. "Are you sure?" Miyagi prodded gently.
"Our ears are all yours, y'know?" Mitsui kidded lightly, putting his hands behind his ears and pushing them forward for dramatic effect.
Sakuragi had to smile at the lame joke. "Really. It's nothing much."
The seniors remained clearly unconvinced. "Alright... if you say so..."
"Just remember we'll be here for you if you need us ok?" Miyagi smiled warmly at the redhead.
Hanamichi returned the smile, grateful that they had not pressed the matter further. He more-than-appreciated the fact that they had noticed his problems at practice today. "I know." Then almost as an afterthought, "Arigatou."
"Then, ja ne, Hanamichi."
"Ja."
^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^
Hanamichi's face remained pensive under the street lamps that dotted the walkway here and there.
Youhei, who had surprisingly stayed back to watch him finish practice, threw glances at the red head that told him he was worried about him.
It wasn't that the redhead did not appreciate the fact that Youhei was concerned. But best friend or not, Hanamichi still felt sometimes that there were some things he couldn't bear to bring up with Youhei, given the latter's practicality and overly-logical way of thinking at times.
Even as they walked in companionable silence (which was rare, even for them) Hanamichi could envision what would happen if he spoke of the dilemma he was in. For example, it would go something like this:
Hanamichi: Ne, Youhei, I need to tell you something.
Youhei: What?
Hanamichi: Fujii-san, Haruko's friend, just confessed her love for me-
Youhei: -And you are wondering what you should do about it, seeing that you are in love with her best friend, right?
Hanamichi: ...
Youhei: It's as obvious as the nose on your face.
Hanamichi: She said she wanted to go out with me and said she wait for me no matter what...
Youhei: [after a while] well, go out with her!
Hanamichi: [looks at Youhei in horror] I can't do that! That would be-
Youhei: -betraying your love for Haruko, right?
Hanamichi: ...
Youhei: Seriously Hanamichi, if you still thought that you had a chance with Haruko, then why are you even contemplating about accepting the proposal?
Hanamichi: [blushes furiously] I'm not!
Youhei: [pointedly] you are.
Hanamichi: ...
Youhei: [sighs and pats Hanamichi on the back] Fujii's a very nice girl. So give her a chance, ne Hanamichi? Who knows you might find that you can learn to love her?
Hanamichi: ...
Yep, that was extremely Youhei-like. He'd always, okay, while not always, most of the time, championed the underdog.
And in this case, Fujii was the underdog.
So talking to Youhei was completely out of the question.
He needed someone to lay the facts out before him clearly.
Someone who was not biased or, in this case, knew Fujii.
Coming to the intersection where the two boys had to part ways, Hanamichi reluctantly walked towards his usual path home.
"Hanamichi!" The redhead turned halfway. Youhei smiled slightly. "Give Fujii a chance to show you how much she cares!"
[Seraph: ^_^;; He's doing a lot of turning today, isn't he?]
Hanamichi fell to the ground anime-style. [How did he-?]
"Like I said before, both of you (in this case, referring to Fujii and Hanamichi) have it written all over your faces!"
"Youhei, you!!" The redhead got up and rushed towards the raven-headed boy.
Youhei laughed and wisely ran down the street to his home.
"Ch..." The redhead smiled. "That Youhei..."
But it felt good, he had to admit, having a friend whom he did not have to explain his every thought to.
His smile faded however, as his mind returned to the Fujii problem.
^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^
Walking across a park on his way home, he paused and decided to sit down at one of the swings at the playground, deeming his house unsuitable for ponderings of such a sort.
[Seraph: What?! I didn't want to write that! How did that come out?
Devil: *knocks Seraph unconscious* Now you know... too bad you're out like a light though... ^___^]
The playground looked rather desolate in the moonlight, the lamps only lighting it up in certain places. The November chill was in the air and the influence of autumn was predominant no matter where his gaze fell upon.
All of a sudden, Hanamichi felt an aching loneliness in his heart. The silence, the isolated feeling of the park around him... All this enhanced the painful feeling of his heart squeezing itself into a compact, miniscule box of some sort.
For one brief, whimsical moment, he thought he was going to cry but he did not.
He could not.
[K'sou! What am I doing here in the first place?] Hanamichi dusted his pants and got up to leave. However, a familiar voice stopped him in his tracks even before he could continue on his way home.
"Sakuragi Hanamichi?"
Hanamichi lifted his eyes to meet those of another boy's.
"Sendoh...?"
TBC...
^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^.^-^o^-^.^-^
Author's Notes 2: Cliff Hanger!!!!
Seraph: [reads what Devil typed] What is Sendoh doing here? I never intended on him entering this fic! [tears hair out]
Devil: [watches in mild amusement] Well, I intended him to... and he is. ^_^
Seraph: [screams] How could you, Devil? You were supposed to be my alter ego, not the other way around! [tears more hair out]
Devil: ^_^ [smiles angelically]
Seraph: [sobs] this fic is going nowhere at all!
Anyway, like it? Hate it? Just flame me. It'll be easier. R & R! ^_^