Attack of the Canpire
Chapter 2
Celas walked out of the shower with a fuzzy pink towel around her body. What did her master mean about hunting down a 'canpire' tonight? She thought back to the ideas she got while in the shower.... Maybe it was one of those dancing cans that you could sometimes buy at stores but it was turned into a vampire and is causing sugary mayhem? No way! That was just stupid, dancing toys can't come alive and suck people's blood. Well, maybe except for that Chucky doll. But that was some horror movie monster! Or maybe her master was playing yet another one of his annoying jokes.
"Do I look like the type to joke around about our missions from the great Lady-Boss?" came the familiar voice of Celas' master.
The young vampire raised a wary brow; she could name a few times when Alucard acted like his usual self by dancing around the real details of the mission. This crazy hunt about the canpire looked like another one of those waltzes.
"Mmm, I've got a really nice view down here too!" the sound of Alucard's voice grinned on his words below her.
Quickly, Celas looked down on her own shadow at clearly was not behaving like a normal shadow. The edges off it swirled like playful dark tentacles on the floor as two red slits slowly drifted to the top. Opening lazily like a large dog yawning, the slits became red eyes that stared straight back to the female vampire causing her to shriek in terror. Celas nearly immediately stomped down on the eyes with her right heel causing the shadow to shrink back with a yelp of pain.
Wrapping the tower tighter around her small body, Celas groaned to herself. Was today some holiday for her master to see how many times he can scare the sh- crap out of her? Or did her screams give him some kind of morbid pleasure? Dear god, she hoped it wasn't the latter.
The police girl looked around the small room, no sign of her master. Good. She leaned in front of the window and lifted the still damp and uncombed golden lock of hair from her forehead. The bruise was still there, larger as ever with its artful showing of blacks and blues mixed into a painful bump pretending to be a new horn. Carefully she touched the sore hotspot and winced. It wasn't going to go away any day soon. Damn that Alucard for scaring her awake like that.
"I dunno what it is about all the women that I meet, but all of them want to either hurt me or kill me painfully! It's so unfair for my social life." Alucard complained as he mimicked his apprentice but looked at a cigar burn on the middle of his forehead and a nice big left black eye. "Someday Integra's going to burn down the whole place throwing cigars at me like that!" he looked at his dumbfounded follower, "You stomp on people's faces pretty hard, you sure you haven't done this before?"
The answer was a small growl and the grinding of teeth, "Get. Out! I need to change into my uniform!"
"Go ahead, I don't mind." Alucard calmly answered as he poked his burn with a gloved finger.
With this answer, Celas started pushing the elder vampire out of the door, "Well, I DO mind!! So get OUT! Out! Out!"
"Okay, okay, I'm getting out. I do know how to walk you know...." Alucard smirked at Celas once she pushed him all the way out of the smaller room into the so-called 'living' room. The sound of a heavy lock clicked behind the large door as if telling him that she was annoyed at the vampire's jokes. Alucard just softly chuckled to himself.
"So much energy for a police girl after getting up!"
**********
Celas stood in the middle of her room wearing her usual light blue Hellsing uniform. Alucard smirked at her with his toothy smile while tossing her a packet of blood. The young and now hungry vampire caught the plastic bag that her food now came in.
"Now hurry up and drink that down so we can get started on our grand canpire hunt tonight. Can't go hunting trash with an empty stomach." he grinned at Celas who quickly drank her blood down. "You won't need to bring the Halconnen, the so called monster is within the walls of this institute."
Young red eyes widened at the last few words that came from the mouth of their senior, "Inside... Hellsing!? Are the others safe? How many have been turned into ghouls? Why are we wasting time in here!?" panic started to rise in the tone of Celas' voice as she grabbed her semi-automatic rifle.
"Hahahah! The only attacks so far have been a few dozen cans of soda! None of the humans have been touched at all since the death of so many drinks." Alucard smirked while he stood in front of the door out of Celas' room.
"What!? ... Cans of soda were 'attacked'? What do you mean by that, Master?" confusion furrowed in the ex-policewoman's brows.
"Yeah, you heard me right, police girl. See for yourself." the elder vampire tossed the empty can of Pepsi to Celas.
The young vampire looked at the can strangely, "It's empty but... the top isn't open. Then how'd it ge- holes? What are these two holes doing in a can of Pepsi?"
"Because how else would a canpire drink a can of soda?"
"... What happened to just pulling on the tab and drinking it the normal way?" she responded in a monotone manner.
"A canpire drink like a human? Bwahahaha!! That would break their code of honor! Not that it seems like anything honorable compared to TRUE vampires like myself." Alucard puffed himself up like a preened rooster at the mention of being a true vampire causing Celas to roll her eyes. "Come now, we have the mystery of the canpire to solve!" the vampire laughed gleefully as he passed through the metal door that stood behind him.
"If this is another one of his stupid jokes...." Celas muttered to herself and opened the door out of her room. The grinning face of her master looked down on her. He was clearly excited to do this crazy mission. Or was something else was on his mind?
"Alright, lets go police girl!"
**********
The ex-policewomen boredly walked around the crime scene of the cans of soda in the kitchen. It wasn't anything special, only a mess of empty 'bitten' cans and a now sticky floor. Celas kicked a can of 7UP with the tip of her black boot watching it roll a foot or two away from the gathering of dead cans.
"Okay, so what am I suppose to do now? Sniff a can and follow the scent I find?" Celas asked her ever-watching master.
"Well, that would be a good start but I doubt you could ever smell anything but all the sugar in these drinks."
Celas wrinkled her nose at this comment. She was away from mere seconds of just grabbing a can and smelling it to follow the person who caused this if it didn't render herself to becoming her master's bloodhound. Wasn't he supposed to be the pet dog (to Integra) instead of her taking that role?
"But thankfully, our canpire here is quite the messy eater. Just follow the sticky footprints as far as they go, police girl."
"Master? Do you know anything else about the canpire besides that it lives off soda?" Celas asked while she followed the sticky spots on the floor. Her boots started to stick to the floor from stepping in the dried puddles of soda. She made a face knowing that she would have to clean them off after this crazy mission.
"Well..." Alucard thought for a few seconds, "they are a very troublesome breed. Drinking all those sugared drinks have driven over half of them insane. That's why I never drink those silly sodas. But they breed more canpires in the same way as vampires. Damn those copy-cats.... They don't even drink blood after that! And you have some gum on the bottom of your boot, police girl."
"Dammit!"
**********
"Walter, give me the status of how Alucard and Celas are on their mission." Integra asked Walter while looking out her window at the yellow cresent moon. She blew out a trio of smoke rings from the cigar that she was smoking.
"Currently, they are now tracking down the 'canpire' but haven't seen anything more than traces of soda, candy, and wads of chewed up bubblegum, Sir Integra. All the soldiers on strike are marching around the dorms demanding more soda. And last but not least, the cook is making his special Meatloaf Surprise tonight."
Integra's glasses glowed brightly at the sound of the cook's 'Meatloaf Surprise'. The last time she ate that... dog food, she was constipated for over a week and never felt so bad from eating something with the word 'surprise' at the end.
"Walter, I am going to be eating out tonight. Reserve a table at Bonne Nourriture for me. I'll be out in the next hour so tell the cook that I'm not hungry tonight." the leader of Hellsing turned to the ever faithful butler whose eyepiece glowed like her own glasses. "And tell the people in the security towers to stop shining their bloody lights at my window! It causes my glasses to catch the reflection and it hurts!"
"Oui, Mademoiselle Hellsing." Walter bowed and slipped out of his master's office to call Bonne Nourriture for dinner tonight. He hoped that Integra didn't mind if he came too. The last time he ate Meatloaf Surprise, he was ten times more constipated than usual and had so much gas, it was so embarrassing. Walter ducked his head in shame remembering that time when he accidentally let one rip while listening to his master inform him about how late he was with her tea that day. That was not a good day indeed.
"Hmm, I think I will try out the new special they have at Bonne Nourriture. What was it called again? Pâtes Heureuses?" Integra puffed at the end of her cigar making another circle of smoke and blowing a ghostly trail of smoke through it. "Those two better catch Alucard's idiotic 'canpire' before I come back or else I'm going to need a new janitor to get rid of those annoying vampires in England."
**********
"Quick!! We're hot on its trail Shaggy! This gum is really fresh!" Alucard grinned as he held Celas' boot (which was still on her foot) in the air causing her to try to kick at him.
"Couldn't you just wait until I at least TAKE OFF my boot before you grab it 'Scooby!?'" Celas tugged back on her leg from Alucard's hold on her shoe.
"Rokay!" the elder vampire grinned and pulled off the young woman's black boot causing her to fall on her back. He sat down and stared at the bottom of the boot with the squished wad of gum. "Hmmmm...."
"Hmm, what?" 'Shaggy' asked 'Scooby' while looking over his shoulder. "Found out anything?"
"Reah, our monster's been here not too long ago. We missed him by an hour or a half. But," Alucard's grin widened, "he does have a nice hole in his pocket and left a trail of Nerds not too far up ahead." he gestured with Celas' boot to the small colored candies on the floor that made a nice scattered line.
"Jinkies...."
"..."
"... I said "slinkies". You know, those metal coil toys? They're umm... fun to play with! Yeah! Aahhehheehhh...."
"... Sure, Velma." a smirk creeped across Alucard's face at Celas' bad attempt to cover up what she just said.
"Will you just give me my boot back, Master?"
"Nope! It's part of the evidence!"
Thanks to the American 70's detective wannabe over there, it took Ceras a wasted half hour and a bottle of tylenol to finally get the "evidence" back and on her foot.
**********
I'm so sorry for the Scooby and Shaggy thing!! n_n; It just... popped up into my head at the moment. I don't know how though, I wasn't watching the cartoon. Anywho, I hoped you liked the 2nd chapter!
I'm not too sure what Walter calls Integra, help on this part would be greatly appreciated (making me fix my story is always fun).
Chapter 2
Celas walked out of the shower with a fuzzy pink towel around her body. What did her master mean about hunting down a 'canpire' tonight? She thought back to the ideas she got while in the shower.... Maybe it was one of those dancing cans that you could sometimes buy at stores but it was turned into a vampire and is causing sugary mayhem? No way! That was just stupid, dancing toys can't come alive and suck people's blood. Well, maybe except for that Chucky doll. But that was some horror movie monster! Or maybe her master was playing yet another one of his annoying jokes.
"Do I look like the type to joke around about our missions from the great Lady-Boss?" came the familiar voice of Celas' master.
The young vampire raised a wary brow; she could name a few times when Alucard acted like his usual self by dancing around the real details of the mission. This crazy hunt about the canpire looked like another one of those waltzes.
"Mmm, I've got a really nice view down here too!" the sound of Alucard's voice grinned on his words below her.
Quickly, Celas looked down on her own shadow at clearly was not behaving like a normal shadow. The edges off it swirled like playful dark tentacles on the floor as two red slits slowly drifted to the top. Opening lazily like a large dog yawning, the slits became red eyes that stared straight back to the female vampire causing her to shriek in terror. Celas nearly immediately stomped down on the eyes with her right heel causing the shadow to shrink back with a yelp of pain.
Wrapping the tower tighter around her small body, Celas groaned to herself. Was today some holiday for her master to see how many times he can scare the sh- crap out of her? Or did her screams give him some kind of morbid pleasure? Dear god, she hoped it wasn't the latter.
The police girl looked around the small room, no sign of her master. Good. She leaned in front of the window and lifted the still damp and uncombed golden lock of hair from her forehead. The bruise was still there, larger as ever with its artful showing of blacks and blues mixed into a painful bump pretending to be a new horn. Carefully she touched the sore hotspot and winced. It wasn't going to go away any day soon. Damn that Alucard for scaring her awake like that.
"I dunno what it is about all the women that I meet, but all of them want to either hurt me or kill me painfully! It's so unfair for my social life." Alucard complained as he mimicked his apprentice but looked at a cigar burn on the middle of his forehead and a nice big left black eye. "Someday Integra's going to burn down the whole place throwing cigars at me like that!" he looked at his dumbfounded follower, "You stomp on people's faces pretty hard, you sure you haven't done this before?"
The answer was a small growl and the grinding of teeth, "Get. Out! I need to change into my uniform!"
"Go ahead, I don't mind." Alucard calmly answered as he poked his burn with a gloved finger.
With this answer, Celas started pushing the elder vampire out of the door, "Well, I DO mind!! So get OUT! Out! Out!"
"Okay, okay, I'm getting out. I do know how to walk you know...." Alucard smirked at Celas once she pushed him all the way out of the smaller room into the so-called 'living' room. The sound of a heavy lock clicked behind the large door as if telling him that she was annoyed at the vampire's jokes. Alucard just softly chuckled to himself.
"So much energy for a police girl after getting up!"
**********
Celas stood in the middle of her room wearing her usual light blue Hellsing uniform. Alucard smirked at her with his toothy smile while tossing her a packet of blood. The young and now hungry vampire caught the plastic bag that her food now came in.
"Now hurry up and drink that down so we can get started on our grand canpire hunt tonight. Can't go hunting trash with an empty stomach." he grinned at Celas who quickly drank her blood down. "You won't need to bring the Halconnen, the so called monster is within the walls of this institute."
Young red eyes widened at the last few words that came from the mouth of their senior, "Inside... Hellsing!? Are the others safe? How many have been turned into ghouls? Why are we wasting time in here!?" panic started to rise in the tone of Celas' voice as she grabbed her semi-automatic rifle.
"Hahahah! The only attacks so far have been a few dozen cans of soda! None of the humans have been touched at all since the death of so many drinks." Alucard smirked while he stood in front of the door out of Celas' room.
"What!? ... Cans of soda were 'attacked'? What do you mean by that, Master?" confusion furrowed in the ex-policewoman's brows.
"Yeah, you heard me right, police girl. See for yourself." the elder vampire tossed the empty can of Pepsi to Celas.
The young vampire looked at the can strangely, "It's empty but... the top isn't open. Then how'd it ge- holes? What are these two holes doing in a can of Pepsi?"
"Because how else would a canpire drink a can of soda?"
"... What happened to just pulling on the tab and drinking it the normal way?" she responded in a monotone manner.
"A canpire drink like a human? Bwahahaha!! That would break their code of honor! Not that it seems like anything honorable compared to TRUE vampires like myself." Alucard puffed himself up like a preened rooster at the mention of being a true vampire causing Celas to roll her eyes. "Come now, we have the mystery of the canpire to solve!" the vampire laughed gleefully as he passed through the metal door that stood behind him.
"If this is another one of his stupid jokes...." Celas muttered to herself and opened the door out of her room. The grinning face of her master looked down on her. He was clearly excited to do this crazy mission. Or was something else was on his mind?
"Alright, lets go police girl!"
**********
The ex-policewomen boredly walked around the crime scene of the cans of soda in the kitchen. It wasn't anything special, only a mess of empty 'bitten' cans and a now sticky floor. Celas kicked a can of 7UP with the tip of her black boot watching it roll a foot or two away from the gathering of dead cans.
"Okay, so what am I suppose to do now? Sniff a can and follow the scent I find?" Celas asked her ever-watching master.
"Well, that would be a good start but I doubt you could ever smell anything but all the sugar in these drinks."
Celas wrinkled her nose at this comment. She was away from mere seconds of just grabbing a can and smelling it to follow the person who caused this if it didn't render herself to becoming her master's bloodhound. Wasn't he supposed to be the pet dog (to Integra) instead of her taking that role?
"But thankfully, our canpire here is quite the messy eater. Just follow the sticky footprints as far as they go, police girl."
"Master? Do you know anything else about the canpire besides that it lives off soda?" Celas asked while she followed the sticky spots on the floor. Her boots started to stick to the floor from stepping in the dried puddles of soda. She made a face knowing that she would have to clean them off after this crazy mission.
"Well..." Alucard thought for a few seconds, "they are a very troublesome breed. Drinking all those sugared drinks have driven over half of them insane. That's why I never drink those silly sodas. But they breed more canpires in the same way as vampires. Damn those copy-cats.... They don't even drink blood after that! And you have some gum on the bottom of your boot, police girl."
"Dammit!"
**********
"Walter, give me the status of how Alucard and Celas are on their mission." Integra asked Walter while looking out her window at the yellow cresent moon. She blew out a trio of smoke rings from the cigar that she was smoking.
"Currently, they are now tracking down the 'canpire' but haven't seen anything more than traces of soda, candy, and wads of chewed up bubblegum, Sir Integra. All the soldiers on strike are marching around the dorms demanding more soda. And last but not least, the cook is making his special Meatloaf Surprise tonight."
Integra's glasses glowed brightly at the sound of the cook's 'Meatloaf Surprise'. The last time she ate that... dog food, she was constipated for over a week and never felt so bad from eating something with the word 'surprise' at the end.
"Walter, I am going to be eating out tonight. Reserve a table at Bonne Nourriture for me. I'll be out in the next hour so tell the cook that I'm not hungry tonight." the leader of Hellsing turned to the ever faithful butler whose eyepiece glowed like her own glasses. "And tell the people in the security towers to stop shining their bloody lights at my window! It causes my glasses to catch the reflection and it hurts!"
"Oui, Mademoiselle Hellsing." Walter bowed and slipped out of his master's office to call Bonne Nourriture for dinner tonight. He hoped that Integra didn't mind if he came too. The last time he ate Meatloaf Surprise, he was ten times more constipated than usual and had so much gas, it was so embarrassing. Walter ducked his head in shame remembering that time when he accidentally let one rip while listening to his master inform him about how late he was with her tea that day. That was not a good day indeed.
"Hmm, I think I will try out the new special they have at Bonne Nourriture. What was it called again? Pâtes Heureuses?" Integra puffed at the end of her cigar making another circle of smoke and blowing a ghostly trail of smoke through it. "Those two better catch Alucard's idiotic 'canpire' before I come back or else I'm going to need a new janitor to get rid of those annoying vampires in England."
**********
"Quick!! We're hot on its trail Shaggy! This gum is really fresh!" Alucard grinned as he held Celas' boot (which was still on her foot) in the air causing her to try to kick at him.
"Couldn't you just wait until I at least TAKE OFF my boot before you grab it 'Scooby!?'" Celas tugged back on her leg from Alucard's hold on her shoe.
"Rokay!" the elder vampire grinned and pulled off the young woman's black boot causing her to fall on her back. He sat down and stared at the bottom of the boot with the squished wad of gum. "Hmmmm...."
"Hmm, what?" 'Shaggy' asked 'Scooby' while looking over his shoulder. "Found out anything?"
"Reah, our monster's been here not too long ago. We missed him by an hour or a half. But," Alucard's grin widened, "he does have a nice hole in his pocket and left a trail of Nerds not too far up ahead." he gestured with Celas' boot to the small colored candies on the floor that made a nice scattered line.
"Jinkies...."
"..."
"... I said "slinkies". You know, those metal coil toys? They're umm... fun to play with! Yeah! Aahhehheehhh...."
"... Sure, Velma." a smirk creeped across Alucard's face at Celas' bad attempt to cover up what she just said.
"Will you just give me my boot back, Master?"
"Nope! It's part of the evidence!"
Thanks to the American 70's detective wannabe over there, it took Ceras a wasted half hour and a bottle of tylenol to finally get the "evidence" back and on her foot.
**********
I'm so sorry for the Scooby and Shaggy thing!! n_n; It just... popped up into my head at the moment. I don't know how though, I wasn't watching the cartoon. Anywho, I hoped you liked the 2nd chapter!
I'm not too sure what Walter calls Integra, help on this part would be greatly appreciated (making me fix my story is always fun).