Note: This is a bit of a "breather" (same silliness but not much plot devoplment) chapter for me to recover with the trouble of returning back to school. It doesn't mean that I'll put the fic on haitus, oh no, it just means I won't be able to update too often because of homework and stuff! But on with the story!
Attack of the Canpire
Chapter 3
Celas walked along the side of her master, which took the form of a large black hellhound who held his nose close to the ground occasionally stopping every few steps. Was Alucard sniffing the trail of Nerds?
"Master? Are you sure you need to stop and sniff the trail that we can both see in the dark?" the young ex-officer asked the hellhound.
"Who said I was sniffing?" Alucard paused again and put his long muzzle to the ground making a soft snuffling sound, "I'm licking the candy off the floor."
Silence followed by the ever rising brow became the answer for the young vampire. Licking candy left by only hell knows who off the floor was one of the weirdest things she has ever witnessed her master done. Even weirder than that time Alucard pretended to be Thing and walked around her room as a disembodied hand.
"I'm storing the evidence for later use." the hellhound replied to the clearly confused ex-police woman.
"... That's just gross, Master."
**********
"Did you get it? Did you bring in the sweet icy babies?" Tim eagerly hopped off the makeshift pedsital made out of a pair of dorm beds and cleverly placed boxes. The leader of the caffiene deprived troops walked up quickly to the weary soldier that made his way down the dorm room.
"Y-yes Tim, but...." the soldier hesitantly turned his gaze away from the grinning 'leader.'
"But what? You got the drinks didn't you? C'mon! Hand them over, Ryan!!" the grin quickly turned into a snarl from the other troop's timidness of the situation.
Ryan whimpered from the harsh words that spouted from Tim's mouth at him about the soda that he was supposed to have. He took a deep breath and pulled out two cold cans out of his pockets.
"... I was only able to find these." Ryan mumbled as he shakily handed the drinks to Tim.
"What the hell are THESE!? Caffeine-free root beer and Diet Coke!? We're after CAFFIENE here!! We're on strike because of CAFFIENE!! This root beer has NO CAFFIENE!! What the bloody hell is WRONG with you!? No one drinks Diet Coke because there is barely anything worth drinking in it!" Tim growled in frustration and threw the can of Diet Coke into the wall causing it to burst open spilling all over the floor.
Ryan lied curled up in the floor shaking from the wrath Tim was going to inflict upon him for his attempt of bringing back some caffeine. He trembled in silence bracing himself for kicks across his back but nothing happened.
*SMACK!*
The scared soldier opened his eyes to see the bruised face of Tim next to him causing him to emit an audible 'eek.'
"Tim you bloody nutcase! Causing an all out strike just because the stock of soda ran short this month! What the hell is wrong with you, man? The next shipment is going to be here in five more days! Ever heard of driving out to the gas station and buying your OWN soda? If you ask me, I prefer a nice cold mug of beer to a can of Mountain Dew." the familiar voice of a fellow soldier came from above.
"Pip! Pip's come to save us!!"
**********
"Are you sure that we should go in Sir Integra's office, Master?" Celas whispered to Alucard's back while he shifted the top half off his now humanoid body into the wall.
"The trail lead into here, so why not look in here for our canpire? Besides, the Lady-Boss is out to eat dinner with her boyfriend, Walter." the vampire pulled his head out of the wall and grinned at Celas. "You don't want to make Sir Integra upset because you didn't want to catch the canpire which could be hiding right under her desk, now?"
Celas bit her lip in thought, "No, Master." she replied receiving a simple nod and a 'Good.' from Alucard before he walked through the door.
"... I wish I knew how to walk through doors and stuff." the ex-policewoman mumbled as she pushed open the large door.
The office was a huge but perfectly clean room. Large windows made their home at the backside while shelves full of books and classified information covered the walls. On one side was the large oil painting of the late Sir Hellsing, Integra's father, with short light blond hair and the same ice blue eyes as his daughter's. Celas wondered if Sir Integra got the 'Search and Destroy' line from her father. At the end of the room was Integra's large oak desk messily piled with papers and files of vampire reports. She must have been working hard on trying to find out about the FREAK chips and the Millenium Group. Going out to eat would be a nice break for her.
"Are you just going to stand there with your mouth hanging open looking like the catch of the day or are you going to acutely do your job, police girl?" Alucard smirked at the young woman who quickly closed her gawking mouth. He swung his legs over a side of the desk getting in a better sitting position on the wooden surface.
Feeling slightly embarrassed from spending her time staring at the expansive room, Celas quickly walked up to the desk that her master was sitting on.
"Hmm? What is one of Sir Integra's cigars doing out of the box?" the young vampire blinked as she picked up a fresh cigar off the side of the desk, "It looks like someone was chewing on the end but never bothered to light it."
"Probably because the canpire was too stupid to know how to use a lighter." Alucard said while he picked a cigar out of Integra's precious box of cancer sticks, "Or he thought it was some kind of candy from the way he lives off stuff like that." the soft clicking of a lighter was heard from his cupped hands.
Celas studied the still wet end of the cigar in her hand while Alucard blew out a trail of smoke from his mouth catching her attention, "Umm, Master? Are you sure that Sir Integra won't get mad with you smoking one of her cigars?"
"Naah, she smokes too many of them to keep count. I'm just, 'helping' her smoke less by doing this. Hey, do you want a smoke, police girl?"
A blond brow raised in response to the question, "But smoking is bad for people's health, Master."
"Hahahaha! They're only bad for a human's health! But a vampire is already dead! There is no need to worry about getting sick from some silly cancer if you are already dead. C'mon, it's just only one." Alucard grinned with the lit cigar sticking out at the side of his mouth. "All you need to remember is 'puff-puff-blow' and that's it." he handed a cigar to the hesitant young vampire.
"Well, alright, but just this one time, Master." Celas took the single cigar from Alucard's gloved hand and put it in her mouth. The end tasted kind of funny but it wasn't that bad. She then held the lighter to the end of the cigar and clicked on the end a few times, "Grr, Integra needs to refill her lighter- oh! Wait! It's working now." the ex-policewoman smiled as the end of the cigar was lit.
"Remember, it's 'puff-puff-blow'. Be careful not to inhale too much smoke, Celas." Alucard blew out a pair of smoky bats from his mouth.
"Yes Master!" she nodded and closed her eyes. The young vampire woman wanted to do something right for her master and this was going to be it. She drew in one puff of smoke. The fumes of the cigar smoke tingled her heightened senses playfully. Smoking cigars didn't seem that bad, in fact, it seemed kind of fun to her. No wonder Sir Integra enjoyed smoking them so much. Another puff was drawn into the mouth of the ex-police woman. She smiled visblibly as the climax of her first smoked cigar drew nearer. Celas giggled from the sneaky trails of smoke playing around in her head. She felt like she was in a dream, a nice one where she was surrounded with warmth. Her eyelids suddenly became heavy once a feeling of sleepiness engulfed her. Celas opened her mouth to yawn but started to gag on the smoke from her cigar that she had in her mouth. Her red eyes watered and started to burn while choking on a coughing attack.
"I told you it was 'puff-puff-BLOW'! Not 'puff-puff-yawn!'" Alucard grumbled at his choking apprentice and gently slapped her across the back to help her.
Celas quickly recovered from her coughing fit and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, "I... I'm sorry, Master. I don't think cigar smoking is for me." she looked wearily at the cigar that she still held in her fingers.
"Everyone is bound to inhale too much smoke on their first smoke. You should get the hang of it on the second try." the elder vampire puffed on the end of his cigar turning the tip into a bright red spotlight in the dim light.
"Okay, Master." she brought the cigar back to her mouth. Celas enjoyed the odd taste it brought back with her starting puff. But this was going to probably be the first and last time that she was going to be able to experience this. She drew in another puff savoring the taste. The young vampire noticed that her master blew out a few shapes out of the smoke. She wondered if she could do the same but would start out with something simple like a ring. Celas softly blew out the smoke but it formed nothing but an oddly shaped cloud. She frowned slightly at another one of her attempts in the short time which failed again.
"Hey, trying to make a ghost there, police girl?" Alucard chuckled down at Celas.
"Umm, yeah hehehehhh...." she nervously giggled hoping that her master didn't know that she was trying to make a ring instead of a ghost.
Alucard hopped off the desk and walked over to the window that was oddly open. "You know, Celas, that our canpire has already jumped out the window to probably inside the dorms while we spent our time up here smoking." he said in a tone similar to a young man commenting about the weather.
"What!? Jump out the window? Now how are we going to get all the way to the dorms from here? It's nearly on the other side of the mansion!" Celas jumped out of the comfortable leather chair that belonged to Integra and looked out the window with her master.
"Why, we'll just jump down after him. Why should we waste time running down a flight of stairs or take the elevator when a shortcut is right in front of us?" Alucard blew out a ghostly vapor of a running hellhound to the night sky.
"Jump, Master? But what if...?" Celas nervously puffed at the shortening end of her cigar.
Alucard grinned at her and pushed down on the butt of his cigar on the glass ashtray, "I'll be down there to catch you, police girl."
Celas let out a long trail of smoke at her master's answer while her pale face reddened. Catch her? Oh boy, at least she wasn't going to be the first one to jump out of a five-story window.
"Umm, Master, why did we waste our time in here when you knew that the canpire wasn't in here?"
"Because I was bored and the Lady-Boss doesn't let me have any fun when she's in here... which is nearly all day long. Now lets hurry before he gets TOO much of a lead ahead of us," Alcard grinned at this, "because I want to see how much of a piece of trash this canpire really is." The elder vampire laughed as he leaped out of the window with a flash of his red coat.
Celas snubbed out her cigar butt after watching her master jump out of a five-story window like it were only two feet off the ground. She started to wonder how long it would take to scrape a vampire off the ground if it were just to land wrong while jumping.
"I am never going to get used to this...."
**********
And that's it for chapter 3! Sorry for the lack of furthering the plot but as I said before, this is a "breather" chapter. Note! This chapter wasn't to promote smoking from that lenthy scene. I'm pretty much against smoking but both Alucard and Celas are both dead (and Integra just creeps me out sometimes) so don't go out and try smoking cigars for yourself, especially if you're underage.
Thanks to all the people who have reviewed my fanfic so far! n_n It's great knowing that my writing is making people laugh!
It's reviewer help time again!
Anyone who knows a website that has a nice in-depth bio of Pip, please send me the url of it! It's so annoying to barely have any info about an interesting looking character!
By the way, here's a nice picture I drew based off the last part of chapter 2 to make all of you Alucard fans scream! http://tawamureru.netfirms.com/alucardoo.gif Steal it and you'll have to be the one responible for feeding him!
Attack of the Canpire
Chapter 3
Celas walked along the side of her master, which took the form of a large black hellhound who held his nose close to the ground occasionally stopping every few steps. Was Alucard sniffing the trail of Nerds?
"Master? Are you sure you need to stop and sniff the trail that we can both see in the dark?" the young ex-officer asked the hellhound.
"Who said I was sniffing?" Alucard paused again and put his long muzzle to the ground making a soft snuffling sound, "I'm licking the candy off the floor."
Silence followed by the ever rising brow became the answer for the young vampire. Licking candy left by only hell knows who off the floor was one of the weirdest things she has ever witnessed her master done. Even weirder than that time Alucard pretended to be Thing and walked around her room as a disembodied hand.
"I'm storing the evidence for later use." the hellhound replied to the clearly confused ex-police woman.
"... That's just gross, Master."
**********
"Did you get it? Did you bring in the sweet icy babies?" Tim eagerly hopped off the makeshift pedsital made out of a pair of dorm beds and cleverly placed boxes. The leader of the caffiene deprived troops walked up quickly to the weary soldier that made his way down the dorm room.
"Y-yes Tim, but...." the soldier hesitantly turned his gaze away from the grinning 'leader.'
"But what? You got the drinks didn't you? C'mon! Hand them over, Ryan!!" the grin quickly turned into a snarl from the other troop's timidness of the situation.
Ryan whimpered from the harsh words that spouted from Tim's mouth at him about the soda that he was supposed to have. He took a deep breath and pulled out two cold cans out of his pockets.
"... I was only able to find these." Ryan mumbled as he shakily handed the drinks to Tim.
"What the hell are THESE!? Caffeine-free root beer and Diet Coke!? We're after CAFFIENE here!! We're on strike because of CAFFIENE!! This root beer has NO CAFFIENE!! What the bloody hell is WRONG with you!? No one drinks Diet Coke because there is barely anything worth drinking in it!" Tim growled in frustration and threw the can of Diet Coke into the wall causing it to burst open spilling all over the floor.
Ryan lied curled up in the floor shaking from the wrath Tim was going to inflict upon him for his attempt of bringing back some caffeine. He trembled in silence bracing himself for kicks across his back but nothing happened.
*SMACK!*
The scared soldier opened his eyes to see the bruised face of Tim next to him causing him to emit an audible 'eek.'
"Tim you bloody nutcase! Causing an all out strike just because the stock of soda ran short this month! What the hell is wrong with you, man? The next shipment is going to be here in five more days! Ever heard of driving out to the gas station and buying your OWN soda? If you ask me, I prefer a nice cold mug of beer to a can of Mountain Dew." the familiar voice of a fellow soldier came from above.
"Pip! Pip's come to save us!!"
**********
"Are you sure that we should go in Sir Integra's office, Master?" Celas whispered to Alucard's back while he shifted the top half off his now humanoid body into the wall.
"The trail lead into here, so why not look in here for our canpire? Besides, the Lady-Boss is out to eat dinner with her boyfriend, Walter." the vampire pulled his head out of the wall and grinned at Celas. "You don't want to make Sir Integra upset because you didn't want to catch the canpire which could be hiding right under her desk, now?"
Celas bit her lip in thought, "No, Master." she replied receiving a simple nod and a 'Good.' from Alucard before he walked through the door.
"... I wish I knew how to walk through doors and stuff." the ex-policewoman mumbled as she pushed open the large door.
The office was a huge but perfectly clean room. Large windows made their home at the backside while shelves full of books and classified information covered the walls. On one side was the large oil painting of the late Sir Hellsing, Integra's father, with short light blond hair and the same ice blue eyes as his daughter's. Celas wondered if Sir Integra got the 'Search and Destroy' line from her father. At the end of the room was Integra's large oak desk messily piled with papers and files of vampire reports. She must have been working hard on trying to find out about the FREAK chips and the Millenium Group. Going out to eat would be a nice break for her.
"Are you just going to stand there with your mouth hanging open looking like the catch of the day or are you going to acutely do your job, police girl?" Alucard smirked at the young woman who quickly closed her gawking mouth. He swung his legs over a side of the desk getting in a better sitting position on the wooden surface.
Feeling slightly embarrassed from spending her time staring at the expansive room, Celas quickly walked up to the desk that her master was sitting on.
"Hmm? What is one of Sir Integra's cigars doing out of the box?" the young vampire blinked as she picked up a fresh cigar off the side of the desk, "It looks like someone was chewing on the end but never bothered to light it."
"Probably because the canpire was too stupid to know how to use a lighter." Alucard said while he picked a cigar out of Integra's precious box of cancer sticks, "Or he thought it was some kind of candy from the way he lives off stuff like that." the soft clicking of a lighter was heard from his cupped hands.
Celas studied the still wet end of the cigar in her hand while Alucard blew out a trail of smoke from his mouth catching her attention, "Umm, Master? Are you sure that Sir Integra won't get mad with you smoking one of her cigars?"
"Naah, she smokes too many of them to keep count. I'm just, 'helping' her smoke less by doing this. Hey, do you want a smoke, police girl?"
A blond brow raised in response to the question, "But smoking is bad for people's health, Master."
"Hahahaha! They're only bad for a human's health! But a vampire is already dead! There is no need to worry about getting sick from some silly cancer if you are already dead. C'mon, it's just only one." Alucard grinned with the lit cigar sticking out at the side of his mouth. "All you need to remember is 'puff-puff-blow' and that's it." he handed a cigar to the hesitant young vampire.
"Well, alright, but just this one time, Master." Celas took the single cigar from Alucard's gloved hand and put it in her mouth. The end tasted kind of funny but it wasn't that bad. She then held the lighter to the end of the cigar and clicked on the end a few times, "Grr, Integra needs to refill her lighter- oh! Wait! It's working now." the ex-policewoman smiled as the end of the cigar was lit.
"Remember, it's 'puff-puff-blow'. Be careful not to inhale too much smoke, Celas." Alucard blew out a pair of smoky bats from his mouth.
"Yes Master!" she nodded and closed her eyes. The young vampire woman wanted to do something right for her master and this was going to be it. She drew in one puff of smoke. The fumes of the cigar smoke tingled her heightened senses playfully. Smoking cigars didn't seem that bad, in fact, it seemed kind of fun to her. No wonder Sir Integra enjoyed smoking them so much. Another puff was drawn into the mouth of the ex-police woman. She smiled visblibly as the climax of her first smoked cigar drew nearer. Celas giggled from the sneaky trails of smoke playing around in her head. She felt like she was in a dream, a nice one where she was surrounded with warmth. Her eyelids suddenly became heavy once a feeling of sleepiness engulfed her. Celas opened her mouth to yawn but started to gag on the smoke from her cigar that she had in her mouth. Her red eyes watered and started to burn while choking on a coughing attack.
"I told you it was 'puff-puff-BLOW'! Not 'puff-puff-yawn!'" Alucard grumbled at his choking apprentice and gently slapped her across the back to help her.
Celas quickly recovered from her coughing fit and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, "I... I'm sorry, Master. I don't think cigar smoking is for me." she looked wearily at the cigar that she still held in her fingers.
"Everyone is bound to inhale too much smoke on their first smoke. You should get the hang of it on the second try." the elder vampire puffed on the end of his cigar turning the tip into a bright red spotlight in the dim light.
"Okay, Master." she brought the cigar back to her mouth. Celas enjoyed the odd taste it brought back with her starting puff. But this was going to probably be the first and last time that she was going to be able to experience this. She drew in another puff savoring the taste. The young vampire noticed that her master blew out a few shapes out of the smoke. She wondered if she could do the same but would start out with something simple like a ring. Celas softly blew out the smoke but it formed nothing but an oddly shaped cloud. She frowned slightly at another one of her attempts in the short time which failed again.
"Hey, trying to make a ghost there, police girl?" Alucard chuckled down at Celas.
"Umm, yeah hehehehhh...." she nervously giggled hoping that her master didn't know that she was trying to make a ring instead of a ghost.
Alucard hopped off the desk and walked over to the window that was oddly open. "You know, Celas, that our canpire has already jumped out the window to probably inside the dorms while we spent our time up here smoking." he said in a tone similar to a young man commenting about the weather.
"What!? Jump out the window? Now how are we going to get all the way to the dorms from here? It's nearly on the other side of the mansion!" Celas jumped out of the comfortable leather chair that belonged to Integra and looked out the window with her master.
"Why, we'll just jump down after him. Why should we waste time running down a flight of stairs or take the elevator when a shortcut is right in front of us?" Alucard blew out a ghostly vapor of a running hellhound to the night sky.
"Jump, Master? But what if...?" Celas nervously puffed at the shortening end of her cigar.
Alucard grinned at her and pushed down on the butt of his cigar on the glass ashtray, "I'll be down there to catch you, police girl."
Celas let out a long trail of smoke at her master's answer while her pale face reddened. Catch her? Oh boy, at least she wasn't going to be the first one to jump out of a five-story window.
"Umm, Master, why did we waste our time in here when you knew that the canpire wasn't in here?"
"Because I was bored and the Lady-Boss doesn't let me have any fun when she's in here... which is nearly all day long. Now lets hurry before he gets TOO much of a lead ahead of us," Alcard grinned at this, "because I want to see how much of a piece of trash this canpire really is." The elder vampire laughed as he leaped out of the window with a flash of his red coat.
Celas snubbed out her cigar butt after watching her master jump out of a five-story window like it were only two feet off the ground. She started to wonder how long it would take to scrape a vampire off the ground if it were just to land wrong while jumping.
"I am never going to get used to this...."
**********
And that's it for chapter 3! Sorry for the lack of furthering the plot but as I said before, this is a "breather" chapter. Note! This chapter wasn't to promote smoking from that lenthy scene. I'm pretty much against smoking but both Alucard and Celas are both dead (and Integra just creeps me out sometimes) so don't go out and try smoking cigars for yourself, especially if you're underage.
Thanks to all the people who have reviewed my fanfic so far! n_n It's great knowing that my writing is making people laugh!
It's reviewer help time again!
Anyone who knows a website that has a nice in-depth bio of Pip, please send me the url of it! It's so annoying to barely have any info about an interesting looking character!
By the way, here's a nice picture I drew based off the last part of chapter 2 to make all of you Alucard fans scream! http://tawamureru.netfirms.com/alucardoo.gif Steal it and you'll have to be the one responible for feeding him!