Don't tell me: part 11 (in which the plot advances an inch or so and is rapidly turning into a semi-sillyfic)
A/N : thank you to my wonderful beta, Miranda, and everyone who has read and reviewed this story. Without your endless encouragement (and, okay, harassement) this story would never get written!
NOTES: this is not a new chappie, sad to say, but the formatting was wrong when I uploaded this a few days ago, sorry about that guys and gals! As always, please R/R!
I groaned and slumped back onto my bedspread, as visions of algebra and calculus danced in my head. Flinging an arm over my eyes, I moaned, rubbing at my aching temples. With my other hand I loosened my school tie and unbuttoned my blouse, fanning myself with its oversized disco lapels. It wasn't enough that I was stuck at school, but did the uniforms have to be straight out of some cheesy seventies porn video? Tight white blouse, navy blazer, red tie, red and blue mini-kilt, white knee socks, and black patent Mary Janes. Someone up there is out to get me. Just as I'm gaining some fashion sense, they stick me in this abomination.
That's it. They're going down.
This mission was turning out to be far worse than I imagined. First off, I was pretending to be younger so I'd be in a junior grade, and even then I couldn't do half the work. My math teacher kept me after class to ask if I was feeling all right. Apparently Quatre had finessed my scores on the entrance exam into genius (i.e. Heero) level. I can just see it now; my cover blown because of a lousy math score.
I rolled over, buried my face in my pillow, and mumbled to no one in particular about how wrong I was for this job. I've never gone to school past a week here and there for missions, and even then, I haven't been on a mission in over two years, so I can't even remember how to fake it! And, on top of it all, my f***ing bra had rubbed a little red, raw patch between my breasts. Relena was going to get such a beating for going though my bag and removing all my wonderful, slouchy sweats and sports bras.
Just as I was putting the finishing the final touches on my ultimate revenge, the computer beeped.
No.
BEEP
I'm not going to answer.
BEEP
You can call all you want, I won't give in. This day had been hellish enough.
BEEP. The computer was beginning to glare at me. I turned away.
BEEP. It was starting to sound insulted.
BEEP! It was starting to sound annoyed.
BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEEP!BEE… For fuck's sake! I stomped over to my desk and flipped up the screen on my laptop.
I double-clicked on my web-cam, and snorted as Wufei's purple face came into view. He looked as if his head were about to explode. I chuckled; I'd forgotten how easy it was to goad Wuffie into a murderous rage… And how fun it was.
"Yeeeeeaaah?" I drawled, emphasizing my 'American' L2 accent, remembering how much Wu-man had hated it. I was expecting a reaction, but not the one I got.
He paled, made a harsh chocking sound and keeled over as the web-cam was splattered with blood.
I jumped, stunned for a minute before desperately hitting the reload button on my laptop. "Wufei? Wufei? Come in dammit!" My voice rose in pitch as I began to panic. What had happened? The cam's lens was nearly completely blacked out, I could only see random smattering of color and soft murmuring, then a quiet chuckle.
Had someone just attacked Wufei? Had my lousy math marks given us away? Had I actually made Wufei's head explode with my teasing?
I took a deep breath, then, not feeling at all calmer, used it to scream obscenities and threats at my computer screen.
Thank god I had a single room.
"I swear that when I find you, you are going to pay! You killed Wufei! When I find out who's responsible for this I am so going to kick your ass!"
If anything, the chuckling grew louder. The small speckles of color disappeared as someone reached out to wipe off the lens. I held my breath as the hand drew back.
"Relena?" I gasped, shocked. "But…" I trailed off as Quatre also came into view. Relena was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face. She pointed at me, managing to produce a few garbled words before collapsing back into giggles, waving at Quatre to explain.
"Quatre, what's going on?" I asked, my brows drawing together in frustration.
"Relax Du, Wufei's fine." Quatre replied, holding back laughter himself. "Though we have nabbed the culprit."
"Okay. Good." I said, then frowned as he pointed at me. "What? No! What did I…" I trailed off as I realized he wasn't pointing at my face, but somewhere significantly lower. I looked down at my mostly exposed cleavage thanks to the buttons I'd undone to unlatch the front clasp of one of those horrible, front closing, underwire jobs Relena had stocked me with.
I gasped and pulled my shirt closed. "Heh, the bra strikes again!" Relena could be heard chuckling in the background.
I banged my head against the keyboard.
"Now, if we're not interrupting anything…" Quatre paused to raise an eyebrow, "Important…can you report?"
I scowled back at his grin. No fair! He's supposed to be sweet and innocent, while I'm lecherous and corrupted… though, with an acrobat/contortionist for a boyfriend maybe… whoa! Bad Mental Place! Well, actually… I gave myself a mental slap. No! Report!
"Yes, actually." I snapped, "I was in the middle of a very satisfying self-pity session when Wufei beeped me.
Quatre just rolled his eyes at me.
Expelling a great gust of air from my lungs, I told him that I hadn't found any signs of a terrorist group, but there seemed to be a lot of sororities and fraternities on campus. Heero and I had agreed to start there, as 'secret meetings' were a likely place to conduct, uh, well, 'secret meetings.'
"…And I think I'm failing math." I finished. Quatre ran an exasperated hand through his hair. He was light and cheery most of the time, but underneath the banter I could see the strain.
"Thanks for sharing the last bit, Du." He shook his head. "Okay, so I'll arrange for you to be accelerated out of math class entirely in at least a week." He rummaged through the huge pile of reconnaissance notes and maps on the adjacent table, looking for his palm pilot.
I felt a little bad about giving him more things to worry about, running a multi-million dollar empire with more employees than citizens of some small European countries, all while trying to spend time with your boyfriend and saving the world on a regular basis wasn't easy. Hell, I left the team for a few years to clear my head, and all I had to do most of the time was blow shit up.
In light of this, I wisely decided to report that I'd broken a boy's arm today when he groped me after gym class.
Well, they WERE teaching self-defense. I think it got me extra points.
At least I'll be able to pass ONE freakin' class while I'm here.
Taking my report down on his PDA, Quatre started to go over the details of my report. "Mm, so you've made contact with Heero? How did that go?"
"Yeah," Relena shouted from offscreen, "Have you made ~contact~ yet?" I could almost see her waggling her eyebrows in a lavicious manner. I pouted and resisted the urge to glare or groan. It seems in my absence, my illustrious title of 'Maker of Lewd Remarks' had been split between Relena and Quatre. I glimpsed the seemingly innocent, yet truly evil, white satin bra strewn carelessly on my floor. It seems she'd taken up 'Doer of Evil Deeds' as well.
I would have my revenge, oh yes.
"Yes." I spoke as neutrally as I could, "We've met each other's pseudonyms."
**** Two Days Earlier****
Duo was lying on her back in the grass, letting the thin film of sweat from her lunchtime jog around the campus dry in the warm breeze.
Smiling, she rolled in the grass contentedly, not caring about the stares she was receiving. Unbeknownst to her, Heero's gaze was among them.
#We're baaaaack!# His hormones crowed cheerfully, as he tried to pry his eyes away from Duo's long, smooth legs in her black running shorts and tank. His acute hearing picked up a small sigh of pleasure as she stretched lying back on the grass with her eyes scrunched shut.
"Check it out." Jace, another senior who lived on his floor, elbowed him, nodding toward Duo. Apparently death threats were lost on him. When Heero had finally lost it, and picked him up by the neck, slamming him against a wall; Jace was still undeterred. Eyes bugging and his face turning purple for lack of air, he replied with, "Hey, cool, so you're like, a ninja?"
Heero resigned himself to putting up the idiot and his friends until he found a quiet way to kill them off. They belonged to the highest frat on campus, so Heero, for the good of the mission, would get them to initiate him, and THEN, he could kill them.
He didn't understand why everyone thought he had no patience.
Setting his resolve, he pried his eyes away from her legs, moving upward. Bad idea. Bad, bad, bad idea.
#Great idea!# His hormones cheered as Duo's tight tank top lifted, exposing a few inches of taut, toned abs while she stretched, raising her arms above her head.
{No.} He thought resolutely, {Duo and I are not yet familiar with each other this mission. I must now jeopardize the mission} Heero wasn't sure how to go about 'introducing' himself to Duo. Especially with Jace and his group of minions watching.
He really, really wished Quatre had somehow forgotten to tell him about an earpiece that would transmit the right things to say.
"The new girl's some piece of ass, eh?" Jace grinned. Heero heroically didn't beat
the shit out of him. Yeah, he really hoped for that earpiece. Otherwise he was screwed.
** Back to Duo's report**
"Yeah," I groaned, "We met." I shook my head. "I don't think we're going to be able to pull this off Q. Even IF we can get ourselves into these meetings, and IF we manage to pull off going missing at odd times of the night, and IF no one notices that I never got past long division in math, there is NO WAY we're going to be able to pretend to be a couple.
"He was totally cold, all stiff and twitchy. He was glancing over his shoulder every few seconds, looking totally furious. I swear, it looked like he was out for blood… and NOT the lusty kind." I growled.
"Face it Q, Heero's acting skills reek."
"True," Quatre replied, a smile yet again playing on the corners of his mouth. "He is a horrible actor, but somehow I don't thing he'll have a problem convincing everyone he's in love with you." He smiled then, his eyes dancing and cheeks flushed. "I'll call you next week and take care of that math class for you. Ta!"
Quatre's face blipped off my computer screen, leaving me to wonder just what exactly he had meant.
Shaking my head, I tried to clear my thoughts, focusing on the task ahead.
I was an excellent operative in the field most of the time, but now, when I needed it most, my skills were failing me.
I can produce government quality passports for nearly every country populated by man.
I can run ten miles before my thighs start burning.
I can survive in freezing water for two minutes without a wetsuit before hypothermia sets in.
I can set bones and bind ribs.
I can assemble an M-16 in under twenty seconds while blindfolded.
But can I seduce Heero and get into a sorority? Even with the fate of the world on the line, I still came to one, and only one conclusion. "We are so screwed."
*** ohh, ominous!***
Next chapter Duo and Heero are introduced to the horrors of normal teenagers! OMG! Dun dun dun dun!
Please review, as it encourages me to write faster, and sometimes gives me ideas as to where the (somewhat non-existant) plot is headed next. I swear, this did start out with a plot, and a rather serious one too, but how is it that all my fics end up at least semi-sillyfics? ~Shrugs~ Any theories?
Anyhoo, I'd love to hear back from anyone, even if it's: "You suck, I know toddlers that write better than you." If that is the case, please tell me why, so I can improve my writing and not subject you to further drivel. Thankee!
-RA