When Good Janitors...Go Bad
___________________________
Disclaimer: Although I am honored you actually thought I wrote the amazing
Harry Potter series and am, therefore, the untouchable (literally, have you
seen those bodygaurds!?) Rowling, alas! I am not. But I did coin-phrase
"Magic Meow Mix" and Ackliss Emma is my own invention, so tooty-toot-toot
for me.
___________________________ Harry Potter and his three brave (or infamous, depending on whom you support) friends climbed the stairs to attend their Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Harry heard Lupin had taken another sick day, and Harry could only pray Snape did not substitute this time. However when the brave/infamous trio reached the classroom, what they found was much, much worse.
"Your late, Potter orphan," snapped Filch, being his usual sensitive self towards Harry's family condition. "No, we're not, sir," Harry stammered as he entered. But before he reached his desk, Filch pointed (or tried, seeing as tintinnabulation really isn't visible) at the sound of the bell, on its first ring. He WAS late! How did Filch know this?
"Late, see? I'm right. Two points from Gryffindor for being wrong," remarked Filch gleefully. "Please, sir, we-" began Hermione, but Ron cut her off. "You're the substitute?"
"Weasley, I am. Sit and be silent, or you'll be Magic Meow Mix," Filch ordered, Mrs. Norris purring at his meanie-head heels. Being the bitter man he was, Filch forsaked the lesson plan. "For today's lesson I think we'll scrub bedpans."
"That's not Defense Against the Dark Arts!" shouted the outraged Dean Thomas. Dean was quite tired, really, of unfair teachers and always voiced his opinion.
"You'd think that, wouldn't you? But if the waste of you nasty children isn't dark art, I don't know what is!"
"That's disgusting!" cried Ron.
"Unsanitary!" shouted Hermione
"Ewww" shuddered Harry, remembering several unpleasant Dursley-related expierences.
"Gag!" yelled Lavender.
"Double Ew!" Parvati shouted, seconding Harry's opinion, although she was admittedly slow on the uptake, as usual
"Blimey!" roused Seamus Finnagin, somewhere between "double" and "ew."
"Who, exactly, wrote this plan?" questioned Ackliss Emma, another Gryffindor 3rd year.
"Mrs. Norris," he replied shortly. At this, the class looked at the desk where the dusty cat had jumped up some time ago. Parvati complained, "She's just a cat!" At this, Hermione--the new owner of a cat, if you recall-- stirred in her seat.
"Filch, that is just sick and wrong," complained Ron.
"Deal with it," muttered Filch.
Looking back on it, no one was sure what happened, but quite suddenly, Filch and Mrs. Norris disappeared with a POP! and puff of red smoke. The class agreed to go to Dumbledore in their state of confusion. As they filed out, Ron Weasley, with his smoking wand, was the only one to notice two rocks in the same spot Argus Filch and Mrs. Norris had been standing.
___________________________ Harry Potter and his three brave (or infamous, depending on whom you support) friends climbed the stairs to attend their Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Harry heard Lupin had taken another sick day, and Harry could only pray Snape did not substitute this time. However when the brave/infamous trio reached the classroom, what they found was much, much worse.
"Your late, Potter orphan," snapped Filch, being his usual sensitive self towards Harry's family condition. "No, we're not, sir," Harry stammered as he entered. But before he reached his desk, Filch pointed (or tried, seeing as tintinnabulation really isn't visible) at the sound of the bell, on its first ring. He WAS late! How did Filch know this?
"Late, see? I'm right. Two points from Gryffindor for being wrong," remarked Filch gleefully. "Please, sir, we-" began Hermione, but Ron cut her off. "You're the substitute?"
"Weasley, I am. Sit and be silent, or you'll be Magic Meow Mix," Filch ordered, Mrs. Norris purring at his meanie-head heels. Being the bitter man he was, Filch forsaked the lesson plan. "For today's lesson I think we'll scrub bedpans."
"That's not Defense Against the Dark Arts!" shouted the outraged Dean Thomas. Dean was quite tired, really, of unfair teachers and always voiced his opinion.
"You'd think that, wouldn't you? But if the waste of you nasty children isn't dark art, I don't know what is!"
"That's disgusting!" cried Ron.
"Unsanitary!" shouted Hermione
"Ewww" shuddered Harry, remembering several unpleasant Dursley-related expierences.
"Gag!" yelled Lavender.
"Double Ew!" Parvati shouted, seconding Harry's opinion, although she was admittedly slow on the uptake, as usual
"Blimey!" roused Seamus Finnagin, somewhere between "double" and "ew."
"Who, exactly, wrote this plan?" questioned Ackliss Emma, another Gryffindor 3rd year.
"Mrs. Norris," he replied shortly. At this, the class looked at the desk where the dusty cat had jumped up some time ago. Parvati complained, "She's just a cat!" At this, Hermione--the new owner of a cat, if you recall-- stirred in her seat.
"Filch, that is just sick and wrong," complained Ron.
"Deal with it," muttered Filch.
Looking back on it, no one was sure what happened, but quite suddenly, Filch and Mrs. Norris disappeared with a POP! and puff of red smoke. The class agreed to go to Dumbledore in their state of confusion. As they filed out, Ron Weasley, with his smoking wand, was the only one to notice two rocks in the same spot Argus Filch and Mrs. Norris had been standing.