Title: Wishful Thinking
Author: HazeLavender
Rating: R for language, mild violence and some sexuality
Disclaimer: Don't own anything PB related.
Feedback: Any and all...including flames.
* * *
Jack loved when he would stare at her like that. She would wonder what he was thinking and it was fun trying to guess. Knowing that he definitely wasn't thinking in the same way as her was a disappointment, however. Since he rescued her from the dark, all she could think about was how much she wanted to give a part of herself to him. The most important, dazzling part- her heart. She knew he wouldn't accept it though. Was it because he couldn't return the sentiment or because all he saw was gray and never the colors she showcased for him? She would never know. All she knew was that this pang in her chest, right in the middle, and this fluttering in her stomach was not going away.
Living like this was hard. In some ways almost brutal. Being so close to Riddick and never getting closer to her destination all but drove her mad. They lived normally enough. Mostly in the sky though. Delivering and shipping goods. Business deals Jack couldn't care less about, but doing them because this way he would be able to keep her. She had promised him not to be a bother four years ago and she kept that promise. Never wavering and always taking anything and everything he would offer.
The first year was the toughest. It was riddled with silence and emotional outbursts of a budding teenager. As Jack looked back on it, she's surprised he didn't slit her throat for being such a nuisance. Then, however, came that eternal promise. Riddick sat her down one day after one of her more 'colorful' outbursts, which included throwing a knife at him, and decided to give her the dreaded 'talk.'
"Kid, you gotta listen to me. I know this isn't ideal, but you were the one that begged to come along. I didn't think it through and now you're making me regret taking you in."
"But - but...."
"No buts, you need to get over whatever you're going through. I can't help you. Just deal and move on."
Easy for him to say, thought Jack, he isn't the one feeling like a giddy school girl about to go to the prom.
She wanted to scream at him, make him understand. Then she thought about how he would react and she knew screaming was out. Riddick was always in control of his emotions; he was cool, calm, and collected. That's what she needed to strive for. It all clicked together for her in that one second. She waved good-bye to unimportant ideas, said fuck you to raging hormones, and accepted that she needed to act like an adult if she wanted to be treated as one. How cliché was her first thought after she mentally and consciously made a decision to change for the better. She decided that arguing was below her and instead opted to take the reins and at least feel like she had some control.
"Riddick, I'm only going to say this once," she started. "I am going to deal with it because you're right. I need to get over my problems. I'm not the only girl in the galaxy who has had a bad life. Plus I'm alive; I'm breathing and that's what is important. So I want to make a promise to you."
Riddick was staring at her intently while she said all this and she almost had an airhead moment. She didn't know if she could actually utter the words, but then without even thinking she did.
"I promise to be your friend. And that means I'll help you and always, always be there for you."
For a moment it actually looked like Riddick might be speechless. Probably because no one has ever offered their friendship before to him-at least not after he gained his frightful reputation of being a murdering 'badass.' Then with conviction and maybe something more in his voice he stated, "And I'll always be there for you."
At first Jack thought she hadn't heard him right but it was said in such a clear tone that she knew it was meant to be heard.
And now four years later and that promise upheld, Jack still wished for more. For the second time in her life she made a life-altering decision. That decision being that she would swallow her pride and inhibit her nervousness so she would be able to tell Riddick exactly how she has felt about him. It had gotten to the point where if she didn't, she would just have to move on. She was 18 and officially an adult. There was no more excuse for her to be living with him and always working around him was taking its toll on her psyche too. Tonight, she thought. Tonight would be the moment of truth, where Riddick would accept or reject her.
Jack prepared for this night for the last week and went to painstaking measures to make sure Riddick didn't suspect anything. She bought a slinky black dress with thin straps and this pair of shiny heels which she appropriately named 'The Pinching Ones.' She rubbed lavender scented lotion unto her body for the last four days and conditioned her light brown hair more than once because the first time she wasn't actually sure she did it right. Now she could see natural highlights in her tresses and was happy to have done it twice. Using about 100 credits she bought white scented candles, this pinkish, reddish table cloth that was silky beyond belief, and enough fancy party food to feed five people.
Riddick had gone off-board to talk it out with some guy who said that he didn't receive his shipment and Jack took advantage of this time and prepared everything for when he would return - around 6 P.M. She stood back and surveyed the small, yet cozy living area. The table was set and the candles were already burning as to fill the room with what she considered a magical scent. Knowing Riddick would appreciate this, she dimmed the lights and thought that even if this goes completely wrong they would still have the great food to enjoy along with any awkward silence that might develop.
* * *
Riddick trudged up the ramp. He wasn't feeling too happy after that nasty fight he just had with a pompous, fat, rich guy that just wouldn't quit. The guy had finally yielded when Riddick took off his goggles and then explained once more how he was right. The guy definitely believed him then.
Even though he didn't want to admit it, Riddick was happy that he was home and could talk to Jack. Over the years, they had developed a sort of dependent relationship on each other. They had actually become friends. When he opened the hatch, the first thing he noticed was the dimmed lights and thought, Uh-oh. But then he saw the perfectly placed candles and smelt the mouthwatering odor of a well-done steak and knew immediately Jack was up to something. More surprisingly, he didn't mind one bit.
* * *
Jack saw the hatch open and felt overwhelmed with a feeling of deja-vu. It was just like back at that horrible planet - the man of her dreams would come again and rescue her. If only, she wished. She stepped out from the shadows and threw herself in his arms. Up to this point everything was going smoothly. As he lifted her up a bit, Jack couldn't resist and sniffed at his neck, which smelled absolutely 'Riddick' to her. He gently put her back down and looked over her body slowly and with apparent interest.
"Well, well Jack. You look beautiful, but what's the occasion?"
Jack slightly blushing found the words she was looking for and replied with, "No occasion. I just thought we should celebrate the fact that we survived each other all these years."
Riddick chuckled and before he could say something sarcastic in return Jack continued with, "Let's just eat and then I have something to tell you."
Riddick only nodded and they both went to the table to sit. Jack couldn't believe it. This was actually going well. The food was wonderful and all through the night they just stared into each other's eyes, while rehashing all the good and bad memories. It was like a dream come true. Jack never felt this connected before. It was a very peaceful feeling. No worries. No thoughts. Just bliss. It was like she was floating in this sea and a furious storm was all around her but all she could feel was safety. She knew the moment was right for what she wanted, no had to say.
Jack led Riddick to the couch and then fidgetly proceeded to try and position herself in a comfortable niche where she could face Riddick while telling him the most important message she would ever have to tell anyone.
"Riddick, I -"
"Jack, I love you."
Jack was shocked - beyond shocked. Sheer elation coursed through every vein in her body. She was going to say it, but she didn't have to because he said it, he said IT. She wanted to get up and jump up and down around the room. Instead she looked deep into his eyes and repeated the 'I love you' right back. A look of relief washed over Riddick's face and he jumped up, which caused Jack to jump up also. He grabbed her in a smothering hug that was laced with love and lust and proceeded to rain little kisses on her neck and shoulders. Then he brushed his lips ever so slightly over her own. The taste of his exploring tongue was exquisite and he matched her kissing rhythm perfectly. It was one of those 'movie kisses'.
Jack was in heaven. The feel of Riddick reminded her of something secure and impossibly stable. He was a wall. And he would protect her from everything and everyone. That night she lost her virginity to a true lover, in every sense of the word. He was gentle and held her hand when she was whimpering. He kissed away tears that she didn't even know were falling and reassured her (as if he needed to) how much he loved her every time he looked down at her. His own eyes were moist and the silver in them even more shiny. The night stretched out forever and Jack didn't ever want it to end. It was so beautiful. Riddick was so beautiful. With every kiss and caress, she felt herself slipping more in awe-inducing love with Riddick. She could see the stars outside the window and as she looked at them twinkling she thought, Thank you so much. My wish has finally come true.
Riddick and Jack laid intertwined together on the bed, reveling in the feel of each other. They both fell into a peaceful slumber, full of fulfilled wishes and upcoming happiness they would share with each other till their last breaths.
* * *
Jack woke up. Her body hurt so badly. She looked around. Riddick was no where to be seen. For that she was immensely grateful. She got up slowly and went to the full length mirror. The image that was reflected back made her gag. Her body was bruised and fresh cuts mixed with what looked like healing cuts were scattered all over her body as she knew they would be. Something was nagging at the back of her mind. She couldn't quite put her finger on it though. Whatever. It doesn't fucking matter anyway.
Just then Jack heard Riddick's bellowing voice telling her to get her ass in there. I'm eighteen and he still treats me like I'm his fucking property, she thought bitterly. She wrapped a robe around her naked body though she doesn't know why she even bothers anymore and stepped into the living area. Riddick had that look again - that I'm-gonna-fuck-you-till-it-hurts look. And that was exactly what he did. His eyes held no warmth and every once in a while he let out a ragged grunt which disgusted Jack beyond belief. Jack didn't even try to fight him off this time. She just laid there and took it while practicing her famous look of indifference. That look almost faltered when he ran the edge of his shiv along her arm, but she quickly regained her precious control. What really bothered her was that nagging feeling she had earlier. What the hell was that?
When he finished, she just got up and went to the bathroom. She turned on the hot water and stepped under the calming spray. She just stood under there for about 10 minutes before she even thought of washing and touching her tender skin. Then she rubbed some lavender scented body washing liquid on her puffy sponge and that smell seemed to trigger some kind of memory so she proceeded to sniff the bottle. I need to find out what's missing. I'm already living in a nightmare I can't be losing my mind too.
She suddenly felt ill. Her head was pounding and she had to slide to the floor of the tub to keep from falling over. Remembering something, she held her head in her hands and wracked her brain for the missing pieces. She caught a ghost of a conversation: 'I'll always be there for you....' She didn't understand what this could mean. Then it all came flooding back to her. The happiness. The bliss. The wanting. The having.
She started sobbing. Tears were now streaming down her face. Her already broken world was further shattering around her. She remembered everything. Everything! And it hurt so goddamn much. It hurt more than when Riddick told her she would never be able to leave him. More than when he stole her virginity away from her in one quick, brutal thrust. It even hurt more than the bruising days she lived day in and day out with Riddick.
It hurt because she felt what it could have been; what she had wanted it to be but never was. She almost wished that she had just died last night so she wouldn't have fallen asleep. Because maybe then she wouldn't be plagued with this vision of what was the exact opposite of what she had.
The dream she had last night took away all the scraps of willpower she had saved. She was finally defeated. In the dream, the illusion became a reality and she had experienced in a fleeting moment what she wished for every night when she looked out at the stars. And now she vehemently cursed herself for ever wishing upon a falling star. Life was just too cruel...to give her what she wanted...in a dream. Why wasn't it real? Now that she knew and felt what she was missing she couldn't imagine going back to her pitiful existence. To this Riddick...this Riddick that loved only one thing - hurting her.
She heard him screaming for her again, but she wasn't there anymore. She walked out to him, but she just wasn't there. She stood her ground while he belittled her and pinched at her skin because she wasn't there. He didn't even notice. He didn't notice the single tear that slipped down her flawless cheek because he hasn't been there for a long time either. They were both gone; they should have saved each other like in the fantasy dream, but they hadn't and that made Jack cry and ultimately die inside.
Author: HazeLavender
Rating: R for language, mild violence and some sexuality
Disclaimer: Don't own anything PB related.
Feedback: Any and all...including flames.
* * *
Jack loved when he would stare at her like that. She would wonder what he was thinking and it was fun trying to guess. Knowing that he definitely wasn't thinking in the same way as her was a disappointment, however. Since he rescued her from the dark, all she could think about was how much she wanted to give a part of herself to him. The most important, dazzling part- her heart. She knew he wouldn't accept it though. Was it because he couldn't return the sentiment or because all he saw was gray and never the colors she showcased for him? She would never know. All she knew was that this pang in her chest, right in the middle, and this fluttering in her stomach was not going away.
Living like this was hard. In some ways almost brutal. Being so close to Riddick and never getting closer to her destination all but drove her mad. They lived normally enough. Mostly in the sky though. Delivering and shipping goods. Business deals Jack couldn't care less about, but doing them because this way he would be able to keep her. She had promised him not to be a bother four years ago and she kept that promise. Never wavering and always taking anything and everything he would offer.
The first year was the toughest. It was riddled with silence and emotional outbursts of a budding teenager. As Jack looked back on it, she's surprised he didn't slit her throat for being such a nuisance. Then, however, came that eternal promise. Riddick sat her down one day after one of her more 'colorful' outbursts, which included throwing a knife at him, and decided to give her the dreaded 'talk.'
"Kid, you gotta listen to me. I know this isn't ideal, but you were the one that begged to come along. I didn't think it through and now you're making me regret taking you in."
"But - but...."
"No buts, you need to get over whatever you're going through. I can't help you. Just deal and move on."
Easy for him to say, thought Jack, he isn't the one feeling like a giddy school girl about to go to the prom.
She wanted to scream at him, make him understand. Then she thought about how he would react and she knew screaming was out. Riddick was always in control of his emotions; he was cool, calm, and collected. That's what she needed to strive for. It all clicked together for her in that one second. She waved good-bye to unimportant ideas, said fuck you to raging hormones, and accepted that she needed to act like an adult if she wanted to be treated as one. How cliché was her first thought after she mentally and consciously made a decision to change for the better. She decided that arguing was below her and instead opted to take the reins and at least feel like she had some control.
"Riddick, I'm only going to say this once," she started. "I am going to deal with it because you're right. I need to get over my problems. I'm not the only girl in the galaxy who has had a bad life. Plus I'm alive; I'm breathing and that's what is important. So I want to make a promise to you."
Riddick was staring at her intently while she said all this and she almost had an airhead moment. She didn't know if she could actually utter the words, but then without even thinking she did.
"I promise to be your friend. And that means I'll help you and always, always be there for you."
For a moment it actually looked like Riddick might be speechless. Probably because no one has ever offered their friendship before to him-at least not after he gained his frightful reputation of being a murdering 'badass.' Then with conviction and maybe something more in his voice he stated, "And I'll always be there for you."
At first Jack thought she hadn't heard him right but it was said in such a clear tone that she knew it was meant to be heard.
And now four years later and that promise upheld, Jack still wished for more. For the second time in her life she made a life-altering decision. That decision being that she would swallow her pride and inhibit her nervousness so she would be able to tell Riddick exactly how she has felt about him. It had gotten to the point where if she didn't, she would just have to move on. She was 18 and officially an adult. There was no more excuse for her to be living with him and always working around him was taking its toll on her psyche too. Tonight, she thought. Tonight would be the moment of truth, where Riddick would accept or reject her.
Jack prepared for this night for the last week and went to painstaking measures to make sure Riddick didn't suspect anything. She bought a slinky black dress with thin straps and this pair of shiny heels which she appropriately named 'The Pinching Ones.' She rubbed lavender scented lotion unto her body for the last four days and conditioned her light brown hair more than once because the first time she wasn't actually sure she did it right. Now she could see natural highlights in her tresses and was happy to have done it twice. Using about 100 credits she bought white scented candles, this pinkish, reddish table cloth that was silky beyond belief, and enough fancy party food to feed five people.
Riddick had gone off-board to talk it out with some guy who said that he didn't receive his shipment and Jack took advantage of this time and prepared everything for when he would return - around 6 P.M. She stood back and surveyed the small, yet cozy living area. The table was set and the candles were already burning as to fill the room with what she considered a magical scent. Knowing Riddick would appreciate this, she dimmed the lights and thought that even if this goes completely wrong they would still have the great food to enjoy along with any awkward silence that might develop.
* * *
Riddick trudged up the ramp. He wasn't feeling too happy after that nasty fight he just had with a pompous, fat, rich guy that just wouldn't quit. The guy had finally yielded when Riddick took off his goggles and then explained once more how he was right. The guy definitely believed him then.
Even though he didn't want to admit it, Riddick was happy that he was home and could talk to Jack. Over the years, they had developed a sort of dependent relationship on each other. They had actually become friends. When he opened the hatch, the first thing he noticed was the dimmed lights and thought, Uh-oh. But then he saw the perfectly placed candles and smelt the mouthwatering odor of a well-done steak and knew immediately Jack was up to something. More surprisingly, he didn't mind one bit.
* * *
Jack saw the hatch open and felt overwhelmed with a feeling of deja-vu. It was just like back at that horrible planet - the man of her dreams would come again and rescue her. If only, she wished. She stepped out from the shadows and threw herself in his arms. Up to this point everything was going smoothly. As he lifted her up a bit, Jack couldn't resist and sniffed at his neck, which smelled absolutely 'Riddick' to her. He gently put her back down and looked over her body slowly and with apparent interest.
"Well, well Jack. You look beautiful, but what's the occasion?"
Jack slightly blushing found the words she was looking for and replied with, "No occasion. I just thought we should celebrate the fact that we survived each other all these years."
Riddick chuckled and before he could say something sarcastic in return Jack continued with, "Let's just eat and then I have something to tell you."
Riddick only nodded and they both went to the table to sit. Jack couldn't believe it. This was actually going well. The food was wonderful and all through the night they just stared into each other's eyes, while rehashing all the good and bad memories. It was like a dream come true. Jack never felt this connected before. It was a very peaceful feeling. No worries. No thoughts. Just bliss. It was like she was floating in this sea and a furious storm was all around her but all she could feel was safety. She knew the moment was right for what she wanted, no had to say.
Jack led Riddick to the couch and then fidgetly proceeded to try and position herself in a comfortable niche where she could face Riddick while telling him the most important message she would ever have to tell anyone.
"Riddick, I -"
"Jack, I love you."
Jack was shocked - beyond shocked. Sheer elation coursed through every vein in her body. She was going to say it, but she didn't have to because he said it, he said IT. She wanted to get up and jump up and down around the room. Instead she looked deep into his eyes and repeated the 'I love you' right back. A look of relief washed over Riddick's face and he jumped up, which caused Jack to jump up also. He grabbed her in a smothering hug that was laced with love and lust and proceeded to rain little kisses on her neck and shoulders. Then he brushed his lips ever so slightly over her own. The taste of his exploring tongue was exquisite and he matched her kissing rhythm perfectly. It was one of those 'movie kisses'.
Jack was in heaven. The feel of Riddick reminded her of something secure and impossibly stable. He was a wall. And he would protect her from everything and everyone. That night she lost her virginity to a true lover, in every sense of the word. He was gentle and held her hand when she was whimpering. He kissed away tears that she didn't even know were falling and reassured her (as if he needed to) how much he loved her every time he looked down at her. His own eyes were moist and the silver in them even more shiny. The night stretched out forever and Jack didn't ever want it to end. It was so beautiful. Riddick was so beautiful. With every kiss and caress, she felt herself slipping more in awe-inducing love with Riddick. She could see the stars outside the window and as she looked at them twinkling she thought, Thank you so much. My wish has finally come true.
Riddick and Jack laid intertwined together on the bed, reveling in the feel of each other. They both fell into a peaceful slumber, full of fulfilled wishes and upcoming happiness they would share with each other till their last breaths.
* * *
Jack woke up. Her body hurt so badly. She looked around. Riddick was no where to be seen. For that she was immensely grateful. She got up slowly and went to the full length mirror. The image that was reflected back made her gag. Her body was bruised and fresh cuts mixed with what looked like healing cuts were scattered all over her body as she knew they would be. Something was nagging at the back of her mind. She couldn't quite put her finger on it though. Whatever. It doesn't fucking matter anyway.
Just then Jack heard Riddick's bellowing voice telling her to get her ass in there. I'm eighteen and he still treats me like I'm his fucking property, she thought bitterly. She wrapped a robe around her naked body though she doesn't know why she even bothers anymore and stepped into the living area. Riddick had that look again - that I'm-gonna-fuck-you-till-it-hurts look. And that was exactly what he did. His eyes held no warmth and every once in a while he let out a ragged grunt which disgusted Jack beyond belief. Jack didn't even try to fight him off this time. She just laid there and took it while practicing her famous look of indifference. That look almost faltered when he ran the edge of his shiv along her arm, but she quickly regained her precious control. What really bothered her was that nagging feeling she had earlier. What the hell was that?
When he finished, she just got up and went to the bathroom. She turned on the hot water and stepped under the calming spray. She just stood under there for about 10 minutes before she even thought of washing and touching her tender skin. Then she rubbed some lavender scented body washing liquid on her puffy sponge and that smell seemed to trigger some kind of memory so she proceeded to sniff the bottle. I need to find out what's missing. I'm already living in a nightmare I can't be losing my mind too.
She suddenly felt ill. Her head was pounding and she had to slide to the floor of the tub to keep from falling over. Remembering something, she held her head in her hands and wracked her brain for the missing pieces. She caught a ghost of a conversation: 'I'll always be there for you....' She didn't understand what this could mean. Then it all came flooding back to her. The happiness. The bliss. The wanting. The having.
She started sobbing. Tears were now streaming down her face. Her already broken world was further shattering around her. She remembered everything. Everything! And it hurt so goddamn much. It hurt more than when Riddick told her she would never be able to leave him. More than when he stole her virginity away from her in one quick, brutal thrust. It even hurt more than the bruising days she lived day in and day out with Riddick.
It hurt because she felt what it could have been; what she had wanted it to be but never was. She almost wished that she had just died last night so she wouldn't have fallen asleep. Because maybe then she wouldn't be plagued with this vision of what was the exact opposite of what she had.
The dream she had last night took away all the scraps of willpower she had saved. She was finally defeated. In the dream, the illusion became a reality and she had experienced in a fleeting moment what she wished for every night when she looked out at the stars. And now she vehemently cursed herself for ever wishing upon a falling star. Life was just too cruel...to give her what she wanted...in a dream. Why wasn't it real? Now that she knew and felt what she was missing she couldn't imagine going back to her pitiful existence. To this Riddick...this Riddick that loved only one thing - hurting her.
She heard him screaming for her again, but she wasn't there anymore. She walked out to him, but she just wasn't there. She stood her ground while he belittled her and pinched at her skin because she wasn't there. He didn't even notice. He didn't notice the single tear that slipped down her flawless cheek because he hasn't been there for a long time either. They were both gone; they should have saved each other like in the fantasy dream, but they hadn't and that made Jack cry and ultimately die inside.