Chapter 2  

They spent the drive to Jess' apartment in silence, each absorbed in their own thoughts. Jess felt herself the worst kind of coward for not having made herself stay in the hospital room and she was so busy mentally berating herself for that that she did not notice that they had arrived at her building until Cole gently touched her shoulder. She was not particularly surprised when Cole had accompanied her wordlessly to her door and invited himself in. She was, however, very surprised when he told her why he had done so.

"You want to tuck me in?" she asked, staring at him and wondering if grief over Mel had not already driven him mad.

"I didn't say that, Jess," Cole pointed out reasonably. "I said that I wanted to make sure you got to sleep okay."

She shook her head. "Cole, I can put myself to bed. I'm a big girl."

Cole frowned in confusion. "Jess, you are a woman, not a girl. And you are not big. Your frame is quite small, actually."

Jess blinked. Only Cole. "You know what, fine. You want to tuck me in and sing me a bloody lullaby, you just go right ahead."

He nodded. "Thank you, Jess. You should change now. I'll wait here until you are done."

Jess shook her head and retreated to her bedroom. Again, only Cole. Vulcans were less literal than that guy. Not that she was anything other than grateful for his concern, but it was still a strange sort of request. Of course, Cole was a strange sort of man. Shrugging to herself, she pulled on an over-long tee shirt and returned to the living room. Cole was waiting, along with a glass of warm milk, which he pressed into her hands.

"Sometimes warm milk helps Mel when she can not sleep," he explained to her.

She stared down at it. "Thank you, Cole," she said softly, giving him a grateful smile. "Thanks for driving me home, too. I think you were right," she added, sitting on the couch and sipping the milk. "I'm way too upset to get behind the wheel of a car."

He nodded his understanding and sat down next to her. "Jess, may I ask you a very personal question?" he requested gently.

She blinked but nodded. She was relatively sure that his question was more likely to relate back to Mel than to Jess herself, a 'how would Mel react if I did this' sort of question. Cole was like that. He looked at Mel like she was some kind of goddess and virtually looked through every other woman on the planet. Jess herself was one of the few women he did not more or less ignore, but she had always gotten a strongly paternal vibe from Cole when he was with her. Although he treated her like an adult, she had long suspected that he saw her as a child.

"Sure, Cole. Shoot."

Cole turned on the couch until he was facing the young woman. He could still feel her distress and her guilt over that distress. He regarded her thoughtfully for a few moments, then asked gently, "Jess, who did you lose?"

She blinked and gaped at him, first trying to make sense of the question and then trying to understand what had prompted it. Failing both, she shook her head and said, "I don't follow you, Cole. What do you mean?"

Cole considered for a moment before speaking. "You lost someone close to you, Jess. That is why you are so upset now. When you saw Mel like that in the hospital, you were reminded of that person. Who was it, Jess?"

She stared at him, her mouth hanging open. Not the brightest crayon in the box my bum! She considered not answering, then shrugged. "My mum, Cole. My mother."

Cole nodded his understanding. "I'm sorry, Jess," he told her gently.

She sighed and nodded. Not sure why, she told Cole something about herself that she had never told anyone before, not even Mel or her grandmother. "I was fifteen and she was just my best friend in the world. She… she didn't go quickly, either, Cole. She spent months suffering in that ruddy hospital just sure that they were going to make her all better. They had her hooked up to all these machines and monitors and gave her all these drugs and treatments but in the end not one of them did her any good…"

Jess took a deep breath and a long sip of the warm milk before she continued. "I was there with her every day right up to the end. I watched my own mum turn into this shadow of who she had been. She had always been so full of life and so happy all the time and the cancer and the treatments… they just slowly drained all that out of her. I… I hate hospitals because of that, Cole. I can't stand them. Don't much like doctors, either, quite honestly. I mean… I've made some progress in that. I'll go to a doctor if I'm really sick, but…" She shook her head.

"Seeing Mel like that brought it all back?" Cole nodded and gently touched her forehead. "I understand, Jess."

"You ever lose anyone close?" she asked quietly. She winced at the pained expression the question provoked and opened her mouth to retract her query and assure him that he did not have to answer if he would rather not. He replied before she could get the words out.

"About ten years ago, my wife and daughter were murdered," he told her softly.

She stared at him in shock. She had not known that he had once been married, let alone that she had died. A daughter, too… It explained the quiet pain that she sometimes saw in his eyes.

"Cole, I'm so sorry."

"Everybody has events in their past that are painful, Jess," Cole told her gently. "And they can affect you for the rest of your life. There's no shame in it, Jess. You don't like hospitals. I don't like the idea of anything ever happening to Mel."

"She reminds you of your wife, then?"

Cole shook his head. "Nallia was very different from the way Mel is. They were both very kind and compassionate but the similarities end there. Mel is different, a fighter. Nallia was very quiet and… accommodating, a peacemaker, Jess. Mel would take on the universe single-handed for what she believes in." He allowed himself a faint smile as he added honestly, "And I think she would win, too."

Jess nodded. He was right. "You love her, don't you?"

"Nobody who knows Mel could feel anything but love for her," Cole told her gently. "You, me, Vic, Jonas…" He paused and drew a deep breath. "Finish your milk, Jess," he advised her gently. "Then we will get you into bed."

Jess nodded and took another long sip of the warm milk. "We have a fair bit in common, don't we, Cole?" she asked quietly before draining the glass in her hands.

He nodded and rose, gently pulling her to her feet. "We do, Jess. We've both lost people we love. We're both outsiders. And we both love Mel." He steered her towards her bedroom, pleased that she trusted him enough to allow herself to be led. "You must miss your family very much."

Her brother was the only family member she really had left any more, but she nodded as she sat on the edge of her bed. "Yeah, sometimes. You?"

He nodded. "Always. I would give anything to see my sister and her family again." He shrugged and gave a little shake of his head. "But you and Mel are my family now. Lie down, Jess."

His voice brooked no opposition simply because it was clear that he did not expect any to his very reasonable suggestion.

Taking her cue from that, Jess nodded and climbed under the covers. "Cole, it's not my business, and if I'm out of line you don't have to answer, but… you and Mel?" she asked quietly as he arranged the blankets around her.

"Mel sees me as a friend, Jess." He sighed softly. "She may never see me as more."

"Maybe you could help her along?" Jess suggested.

"I wouldn't really know how to," Cole told her honestly, crouching next to the bed as he finished tucking her in.

"Men," Jess muttered, shaking her head.

Cole frowned uncertainly and turned off the lamp next to her bed.

"It's not hard, Cole," Jess told him gently, shaking her head at his obvious cluelessness. "You show her how you feel."

"How?"

"You treat her the way any man treats a woman he cares about." With any other man, it would have been time to add the obligatory 'you hurt her and I will hunt you down and kill you' lecture, but with Cole she knew that it simply was not necessary.

Cole nodded slowly. "I think you might be right, Jess. Sleep now."

"Easier said than done, Cole. I don't think I'll be able to get much sleep."

"You will. Just close your eyes," he directed gently.

"Okay, Cole, but I'm not sure it'll work," Jess told him as she did as requested.

"It will, Jess," Cole promised, moving his hand in front of her face.

A subtle, soothing energy quickly but gently eased her into a deep, refreshing, and dreamless sleep. For tonight, at least, there would be no dreams or doubts. He suspected that Jess needed that badly. He wished the same for himself.

***

"They say I can go home in a few days," Isabel Carter told Jess quietly.

The college student tended bar part-time at the Watchfire. Two days ago, she had been admitted to the hospital with meningitis. An outbreak on her campus had been behind her own infection, and she had managed to infect Mel between the time she had contracted the disease and the time she had been admitted to the hospital. She had not recalled it when she had been admitted, but the news that Mel was sick had done wonders for her memory. It had been a few hours before she had started showing symptoms and collapsed during her class. Isabel had been showing Mel how to mix a new drink, one she had come up with herself quite by accident recently.

A lifelong army brat, Isabel had dubbed the drink a 'daisy cutter' because you never saw it coming until it knocked you on your butt. They had been laughing and talking as Isabel mixed the drink and in spite of a minor headache, the outbreak on campus had been the last thing on Isabel's mind. Taking a sip, she had declared the drink perfect and passed it to Mel, who had sampled it and declared that it actually was pretty good. Drinking from the same glass was such an innocuous thing, the sort of thing a person could do a dozen times a day without thinking about. Until the one time that counted.

"Is Miss Porter going to be all right?" Isabel asked softly, feeling horrible.

It had been so stupid of her to ignore that nagging headache, but what college student did not have one occasionally. She had not felt sick so she had not thought anything of it at the time. She had completely spaced until finding out that Mel was sick.

"We really don't know yet," Jess told her, sighing and doing her best not to look around the hospital room.

Everyone who worked at the Watchfire was now being treated with prophylactic antibiotics. Isabel and Mel were the only two people showing symptoms, though. They had been the only two around to sample Isabel's creation.

"I feel so awful about this, Jess…"

"Hey, it wasn't your fault, Isabel!" Jess gave her a reassuring smile. "There is absolutely no reasonable way that anyone could have foreseen this. You just focus on getting better, okay?"

Isabel nodded weakly. "They said it could take awhile. I'm so tired."

"Get some rest. I'll come by again later." Jess smiled gently at her friend.

"Thanks, Jess. Give my love to Mister Hauser."

"Will do, Isabel. You take care, sweetie."

"You, too, Jess." Isabel smiled and waved as Jess left, closing her eyes to get some more rest once she was gone.

"Oh, there you are, Jess," Vic greeted her as she emerged into the hall.

Jess had debated whether or not to tell Vic about Mel's condition, wondering if Cole would want her to or not. Thinking about it, though, she realized that Cole probably would have wanted Vic to know. It might not have occurred to Cole to call Vic himself, but Cole would have wanted everyone who Mel cared about to be aware of what was going on with her. She was amazed by how clearheaded she felt and grateful to Cole for his role in it, even if she did not realize the full extent of that involvement.

Vic had been understandably upset when Jess had told him of Mel's illness. He had bristled at Jess when she told him that Cole was pretending to be Mel's husband, until Jess had informed him that it was the only way they had been able to find out anything. He had accepted it, but clearly was not happy with that state of affairs. Jess was not blind. She knew Vic was incredibly jealous of Cole and had been for some time now. Jealous or not, though, Vic could sympathize with Cole's distress over Mel. He promised not to disabuse anyone of the notion that Cole was Mel's husband and Jess was Cole's sister. Not, Jess reflected, that he would have had much luck doing so at this point. Cole had been a busy boy last night after dropping her off. She now had a driver's license in the name of Jessica Hauser, and Cole had a marriage-certificate for himself and Mel. Jess was not even going to ask.

Vic was surprised when Jess declined to go into Mel's room with him, but did not comment or push the issue. The younger woman was obviously badly shaken. From what Vic understood from her explanation, she had every right to be. After he had put on gloves and a mask, he walked into Mel's room. He was surprised to find Cole sitting next to the bed, holding Mel's hand in his own, gloved ones. Singing. Cole was quietly singing to the unconscious woman. Vic hesitated, strangely reluctant to intrude. Somehow, his animosity towards Cole seemed to have no place in this room. It was not that he was any less jealous of Cole, simply that they suddenly had one very important thing in common. For the time being, they were in exactly the same boat.

Cole finished his song and then rose. "Hello, Vic. Is Jess with you?"

"She's outside."

Cole nodded, not seeming surprised that Jess had opted not to join them. Vic wondered but was too concerned about Mel to give it much thought.

"I, um… heard you singing to her," the Detective began, not sure exactly what to say or do in circumstances like these.

"I thought she might like it. Mel likes listening to music," he explained simply.

Vic knew that Cole was right. Mel enjoyed music a lot. It was a sweet thought on Cole's part. "You been here all night?"

"No. I took Jess home and stayed with her for a few minutes and then I had to get some things from home before I came back here."

An hour tops, Vic guessed. "But other than that?"

Cole nodded. "Yes, Vic. I did not want Mel to be lonely. She should not be alone, Vic."

Vic nodded, appreciating the sentiment. "Look, if you need to get some sleep, I can take the day off and sit with Mel," he offered.

Cole shook his head. "If you wish to stay with Mel, Vic, of course you can. But unless Jess needs me, I will be staying with Mel."

Vic nodded again. Nothing had changed in the way he felt about Cole, but he had to respect the way Cole was handling the situation. His concern for Mel was very much at the forefront, but he was not neglecting Jess' needs, either. The human Detective had to respect that. Cole was many things but he was, at bottom, a good man who cared about the people around him.

"Cole, would you… um, I mean…" Vic hesitated, not sure how to phrase his request or how Cole would react to it. He knew that he would not have been happy to be on the receiving end of such a request.

Cole considered him in silence for a moment. "You wish to be alone with Mel?" he ventured.

Vic nodded cautiously. "Yeah. I kind of could use a few minutes alone with her."

Cole nodded. "I understand, Vic. I will be with Jess if you need anything." Nodding to Vic, he gave Mel's hand a gentle squeeze before returning it to her chest and moving to leave.

"Jess said she would be in the Chapel," Vic offered.

Cole smiled. "Thank you, Vic."

"Yeah, man. Take care."

"You, too, Vic." Cole regarded him for another moment, not entirely surprised by how worried the human was. Mel had many people who loved her very much. In spite of the fact that they were no longer in courtship, Vic was one of them. And he was in obvious pain. "You do not need to worry so much, Vic. Mel is a strong woman, a fighter. She will be fine."

Vic blinked, startled both by the quiet reassurance and by the conviction in Cole's voice. "Thanks, Cole."

"You're welcome, Vic." Cole gave him an encouraging smile and left the room, intent on finding Jess.

Vic stared after him for a few moments, then sighed and turned his attention to Mel. She was unconscious, which seemed merciful given how much pain she would have been in if she had been awake. Still, merciful or not, it worried Vic a lot. The longer she was unconscious, the more serious her illness and the lower her chances of a complete recovery. Vic could not bring himself to think of anything other than the odds of a complete recovery. The truth was that almost 15% of men and women who contracted meningitis never recovered at all. Vic knew that rationally, he simply could not bring himself to consider it with Mel. Cole had been right, after all. Mel was strong, a fighter. It was going to take more than some disease to bring her down, he told himself firmly.

He looked down at the gloves on his hands, then back at Mel. Mel, his Mel. He knew that their relationship was over. Part of him even accepted that it always would be, but it did not change the fact that he loved her. If he had heard Cole's statement to Jess the night before, that no one could know Mel and not love her, he would have agreed wholeheartedly. She was not like any other woman he had ever known, special even though she did not seem to realize it herself.

The room was almost silent, except for his own breathing and the sounds of the machines Mel was hooked up to. He hated those sounds. The occasional clicking of the machine regulating the IV drip, the hiss and wheeze of the machine helping her to breathe, and the slow, steady beeping of the monitors. Approaching her, he gently smoothed her hair out of her face. In spite of the gloves, he could feel that her skin was hot, even for Mel. She had always had a higher than average temperature, but she was far warmer now as her body struggled against twin infections. The temperature alone was dangerous, even before the meningitis and septicemia were taken into account.

Vic shook his head and sat down in the chair that Cole had vacated. He bowed his head and clasped his hands in front of his face, shaking his head and rocking back and forth on the chair. He meant to pray, he really did, but he could not immediately frame any sort of coherent appeal. His mind was a swirling maelstrom of doubt and fear and confusion. Finally, it came to him, a prayer short and sincere.

"You can't take her from us," he whispered painfully. "You just can't. She has so much left to look forward to, so much more to accomplish. Send her back to us. Give her the chance she deserves."

Shaking, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a beaded string. Like many cops, Vic was not particularly religious in the accepted sense of the word. A lapsed Catholic, he still believed very strongly in the doctrines of the Faith he had been brought up in, but he did not attend church regularly, and he seldom expected God or the Saints to intervene in daily life. They were distant rather than immediate. They watched over people, and suffered when they did, but they seldom interfered. God had given him his brains and his abilities, and Vic figured that, beyond that, he was pretty much on his own. That had not, however, stopped him from picking up a simple rosary on his way to the hospital. If ever prayer had been called for in quantity, now was that time.

Fingering the crucifix, he began quietly. "I believe in God, the father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth…"