PART THREE – There You'll Be
After finishing their coffee and catching up on old times. Dr. Richter took Kate to go and see Donaldson. But first, he had to stop off to see one of his patients. He stopped outside one of the rooms. Kate stopped just down the corridor to look out of the window into the beautiful gardens. Dr. Richter opened the door...
...and a wave rushed over Kate. She swayed and put her hand out onto the sill to steady herself. She'd never felt it so strong. It was as if he was really close to her...closer than ever. She looked up and down the corridor but saw no-one.
It wasn't until she heard Adam's voice that she realised.
"Murdock? Murdock?"
Murdock jolted back into reality and looked up into the face of his Doc.
"Huh?"
"You okay? Looks as if you'd zoned out for a minute there."
"Oh yeah, yeah, I'm fine...thought I was Billy run out just then...I was so sure I'd tied his lead to the end of the bed. Hey Doc, will you do me a favour when you go. Can you keep an eye out for Billy and bring him back if you see him? I'm sure he'll come back when he's hungry, but he may get lost."
Dr. Richter took a breath.
"Sure Murdock. I just came to tell you I'll be late for our meeting. I'll come and get you when I'm ready."
"Oh, sure thing, Muchacho."
********************
Kate felt her heart thumping hard against her rib cage. He sounded so different...the only thing that gave it away was his voice...so friendly, cheerful – as it always had been...and that word...Muchacho...he'd always used that word...along with that other loving word he'd used on her mostly...Chiquita...she smiled to herself. Kate heard the door shut, and turned around, mask back in place to see Dr. Richter heading towards her. She smiled at him.
"Right then. Back to business."
He led her back down the corridor...the connection getting weaker as she walked away...and they took the elevator to the floor above and he showed her to Donaldson's room.
*********************
Murdock, meanwhile, had laid back down on the bed and was staring up at the ceiling. She'd gone...for now.
He was deep in thought...for a moment the connection was been so strong she could have been in the same room. It was strange...the old feelings. For the past few nights he'd been having dreams of her...he couldn't stop thinking about her...he didn't know why...in 14 years he'd never thought about her so much as he had been this past week...He could always feel her presence, even from across a crowded room – they could always find each other in the middle. He smiled to himself as he though about all the good times they had had together. Just sitting in silence, watching each other...it was never an awkward silence...it was full of electricity...and when they danced – they used to do that a lot...the world would end and they would be as one...dancing among the stars.
He rolled over, and tried to stop the tears falling as he pulled the photo out from under his mattress. It had been taken while they were between their second and third tour. She was sitting on the bench out on the deck of the beach house that Faceman had scammed for them. Hannibal and BA were standing behind and Face and him were sitting either side of her.
Him and Face has their arms around her, Face's over the top of his and he was holding her hand in his lap, their fingers linked...he couldn't tell which were his and which were hers. Hannibal had a hand on Face's shoulder, while BA was standing arms folded with a stern look on his face as usual. Everyone else was smiling.
Murdock gave a slight smile and looked at the other photo behind the first. Kate was standing infront of him, and he had his arms wrapped around her waist. She was leaning back against him, looking relaxed and smiling serenely at the camera. She had her hands resting on his. He was smiling. They were both wearing shorts and while she had a small top on he was wearing a wacky blue Hawaiian style shirt with a white T-shirt underneath. The ocean could be seen behind then, glistening in the sun as was the soft sand underfoot.
Murdock brushed his fingers across her face and sighed. He remembered that picture being taken as well. They had been playing ball on the sand with Face and the others when she had refused to pass it to him. He had ran after her and tackled her, grabbing her around the waist. She gave in after a while and had turned to face him in his arms, that was when Face had shouted 'smile!' and they'd posed. They both still had sand in their hair, and her hair was a mess but Murdock had never seen her look so beautiful.
He failed in his attempt to stop the tears from falling and he silently sobbed with his back to the door.
***********************
Donaldson was sitting on the floor by the window singing at the top of his lungs when they entered. He had his eyes closed and he didn't seem to realise that he wasn't alone anymore.
"Michael? Michael!"
Dr. Richter ended up having to shout to get himself heard. Michael opened his eyes and looked up at him still singing as loud as possible. It wasn't until the verse finished and he stopped singing that Kate heard the background music. The song was playing in the background but Michael was so loud they couldn't hear it.
Kate recognised the song as Runaway by Bon Jovi.
"You have to sing!"
Michael shouted, head nodding in time to the music. Adam turned to Kate.
"I'm afraid if you want to talk to him you'll have to sing first."
Kate gave him a look but joined in the chorus with Dr. Richter.
"Ooh, she's a little runaway.
Daddy's girl learned fast
All those things he couldn't say.
Ooh, she's a little runaway."
Luckily it was the end of the song. Adam gave Kate a look. She could really sing and she grinned at him. The chorus faded and Michael turned it off.
"Michael, this is Kate, Kate's come to talk to you."
"I like you. You can sing – not like him!"
He said looking at Dr. Richter.
"Not many people have as good a voice as you Michael."
Kate said. That immediately got a smile from him, Kate looked at Adam apologetically. He nodded in understanding.
"I'll leave you to it then."
And he left and closed the door on his way out.
"So, you a big fan of Bon Jovi?"
Kate asked. She needed to get him to relax with her. She was desperate to find out what she wanted to know but she knew that if she rushed him then he wouldn't talk to her. She had to get him to trust her.
"Oh Yeah!!! I've met him and everything!"
"Really?"
She very much doubted it but he nodded vigorously.
"They were fantastic! I hear them still playing in my head sometimes, sometimes they annoy me and I just want them to go away, but other times I just put their music on and sing along."
Kate nodded.
"It can be annoying when you get a song stuck in your head. I get that sometimes and usually it's a song I hate!"
She half laughed. He nodded at her, as if in amazement – she understood.
"What's your favourite song?"
"My favourite song? Um...it would have to be...There You'll Be by Faith Hill."
"Oh, that's a nice one. My favourite is..."
But Kate had stopped listening. It had been their song. It had been playing the first time they danced and they had made it theirs.
"Do you like that song?"
She snapped out and looked at him. He hadn't noticed her lapse in concentration luckily.
"It's a good song, yeah, why don't you play it."
He nodded excitedly again and got up, rummaging on the desk to find the tape. Kate half sighed with relief that she hadn't been caught.
*************************
Murdock put the tape into the cassette player and pressed play. Faith Hill's voice came floating out into the air. It was a little fuzzy because it had been played so often but Murdock didn't seem to notice. He laid back down on the bed and closed his eyes.
When I think back on these times and the dreams we left behind
I'll be glad cause I was blessed to get to have you in my life
When I look back on these days I'll look and see your face
*************************
"Look what I've found!"
Michael said picking up a tape.
"What?"
"Listen."
He put the tape in and pressed play. Kate closed her eyes.
You were right there for me
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
and everywhere I am there you'll be
"I thought I had this."
Michael said, but Kate wasn't listening. The world had fallen away and all she could see was his eyes. Shining like stars in the sky.
Murdock sighed. The stars were shining in her eyes, making them look like precious emeralds. He pulled her close.
Kate felt Murdock's arms go around her and she leaned into him.
Michael watched mesmerised at Kate who seemed to be swaying slightly. He was amazed that a song could do that to a person and he suddenly had a real respect for her. Anyone who loved music as much as that had to be good. Feeling like he was spying on something sacred he got up and started to tidy his desk. So many cassettes were thrown all around it with empty boxes.
Well you showed me how it feels to feel the sky within my reach
And I always will remember all the strength you gave to me
Your love made me make it through, ooh I owe so much to you
Murdock felt the tears welling again. He missed her so much. Blinking away tears he looked up at the calendar and suddenly realised why he was thinking of her.
Kate couldn't believe that she hadn't realised it before. Michael's calendar said that the date was August 29th.
Murdock closed his eyes, partly relieved. He thought that he was losing it, not being able to stop thinking about her. Now he knew why. Today was the date when they had first met.
You were right there for me
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
He really did feel like she was just there with him. Somehow he knew he had to find out if she really was dead or alive. All this time he had decided that she must have been dead – he really couldn't see Kate doing that sort of work. But thinking of her still being alive...and all these feelings...he just had an inkling that maybe...maybe the rumour were true.
And somehow...she had to see Murdock. She knew that he was probably feeling her presence – he always could...and if her feelings were so strong then his must be just as bad. She couldn't let him suffer, she had to let him know that she was okay. But how did you start a conversation like that? What was she meant to do – just walk up to him and go 'Hey Murdock – remember me? We broke each others hearts and you think I'm dead – but I'm not and here I am.'
God how ridiculous did that sound?
He shook himself out of his thoughts. Where would he even start? If she was alive she could always find him. She would more than likely know where he was if she were in that line of work.
She shook herself out of her thoughts. When the time was right, it would come to her. Right now, she had other things to think about. She opened her eyes to see Michael looking at her. The song was still playing quietly in the background.
"Sorry."
She said.
"Nah, don't be. You know I've never seen anyone react like that to a song before."
"It's a very special song."
"Why?"
He asked innocently.
"Because it reminds me of an old friend. Someone I miss very much. Do you have any songs that remind you of old friends?"
Michael looked out into the distance.
"There was one...we sang in 'Nam. I don't remember who sang it and I don't have it but I sometimes sing it."
He took a breath and started to sing quietly.
"Blue skies smiling at me, nothing but blue skies do I see. Blue birds singing a song, nothing but blue birds all day long."
He sighed.
"Blue days all of them gone, nothing but blue skies from now on."
Kate finished. Michael stared at her.
"You know it?"
"I used to sing it too. It's a Frank Sinatra song. I have it at home."
"You sang it?"
"I worked in one of the hospital's in 'Nam for a while. I could bring it in if you want?"
"Please – yes! I'd like that."
Kate nodded, then looked up at the clock.
"Oh, lunch time. That went quickly. Would you mind if I came back tomorrow? I'll bring in the cassette."
"I'd like you to come back. I don't get many visitors...and I would like to hear the song again."
Kate nodded.
"Same time?"
"I'll be here."
Kate nodded again, stood up, said goodbye and left. She wasn't a couple feet away when she heard Bon Jovi once again playing incredibly loudly. She laughed.
He was obviously having a very good day, and she hoped that tomorrow she could get him talking about 'Nam a bit more – the song would help.
Cause I always saw in you my light my strength
And I want to thank you now for all the ways
You were right there for me
(You were right there for me)
You were right there for me
Murdock heard a knock at the door.
"Come in."
He looked up to see an orderly.
"Dr. Richter told me to tell you to meet him in the cafeteria."
Murdock nodded and jumped off the bed.
"Sure thing."
And he wandered off down the corridor. The song was still playing in his head, but he didn't mind. He didn't feel so alone when he heard it.
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
Kate could also hear the song still playing in her head. She had to get home for when her partner came around to check on her.
She jumped in the lift and pressed the button for the bottom floor.
Murdock pressed the lift button and waited patiently.
The lift doors opened on the first floor and Kate looked up.
The lift doors opened on his floor and he lifted his baseball cap covered head.
and everywhere I am there you'll be
there you'll be
She looked straight into his warm brown eyes.
He looked straight into those emerald shining eyes.
Their eyes were locked.
They couldn't move
Familiar emotions swept over them like a wave in the warm sun. It made them feel queasy, refreshed and dizzy all at the same time. The world was spinning.
She didn't know what to say. She hadn't planned on meeting him so soon and she opened and closed her mouth.
He stood there stunned. He didn't know what to say. She wasn't dead, she was alive...and she was standing right infront of him. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, no sound escaping his lips.
Before they knew what was happening the doors closed again.
Murdock stared ahead, into space – his head spinning.
Kate stared right through the doors, not noticing the stomach lurching feeling the movement the lift brought.
After finishing their coffee and catching up on old times. Dr. Richter took Kate to go and see Donaldson. But first, he had to stop off to see one of his patients. He stopped outside one of the rooms. Kate stopped just down the corridor to look out of the window into the beautiful gardens. Dr. Richter opened the door...
...and a wave rushed over Kate. She swayed and put her hand out onto the sill to steady herself. She'd never felt it so strong. It was as if he was really close to her...closer than ever. She looked up and down the corridor but saw no-one.
It wasn't until she heard Adam's voice that she realised.
"Murdock? Murdock?"
Murdock jolted back into reality and looked up into the face of his Doc.
"Huh?"
"You okay? Looks as if you'd zoned out for a minute there."
"Oh yeah, yeah, I'm fine...thought I was Billy run out just then...I was so sure I'd tied his lead to the end of the bed. Hey Doc, will you do me a favour when you go. Can you keep an eye out for Billy and bring him back if you see him? I'm sure he'll come back when he's hungry, but he may get lost."
Dr. Richter took a breath.
"Sure Murdock. I just came to tell you I'll be late for our meeting. I'll come and get you when I'm ready."
"Oh, sure thing, Muchacho."
********************
Kate felt her heart thumping hard against her rib cage. He sounded so different...the only thing that gave it away was his voice...so friendly, cheerful – as it always had been...and that word...Muchacho...he'd always used that word...along with that other loving word he'd used on her mostly...Chiquita...she smiled to herself. Kate heard the door shut, and turned around, mask back in place to see Dr. Richter heading towards her. She smiled at him.
"Right then. Back to business."
He led her back down the corridor...the connection getting weaker as she walked away...and they took the elevator to the floor above and he showed her to Donaldson's room.
*********************
Murdock, meanwhile, had laid back down on the bed and was staring up at the ceiling. She'd gone...for now.
He was deep in thought...for a moment the connection was been so strong she could have been in the same room. It was strange...the old feelings. For the past few nights he'd been having dreams of her...he couldn't stop thinking about her...he didn't know why...in 14 years he'd never thought about her so much as he had been this past week...He could always feel her presence, even from across a crowded room – they could always find each other in the middle. He smiled to himself as he though about all the good times they had had together. Just sitting in silence, watching each other...it was never an awkward silence...it was full of electricity...and when they danced – they used to do that a lot...the world would end and they would be as one...dancing among the stars.
He rolled over, and tried to stop the tears falling as he pulled the photo out from under his mattress. It had been taken while they were between their second and third tour. She was sitting on the bench out on the deck of the beach house that Faceman had scammed for them. Hannibal and BA were standing behind and Face and him were sitting either side of her.
Him and Face has their arms around her, Face's over the top of his and he was holding her hand in his lap, their fingers linked...he couldn't tell which were his and which were hers. Hannibal had a hand on Face's shoulder, while BA was standing arms folded with a stern look on his face as usual. Everyone else was smiling.
Murdock gave a slight smile and looked at the other photo behind the first. Kate was standing infront of him, and he had his arms wrapped around her waist. She was leaning back against him, looking relaxed and smiling serenely at the camera. She had her hands resting on his. He was smiling. They were both wearing shorts and while she had a small top on he was wearing a wacky blue Hawaiian style shirt with a white T-shirt underneath. The ocean could be seen behind then, glistening in the sun as was the soft sand underfoot.
Murdock brushed his fingers across her face and sighed. He remembered that picture being taken as well. They had been playing ball on the sand with Face and the others when she had refused to pass it to him. He had ran after her and tackled her, grabbing her around the waist. She gave in after a while and had turned to face him in his arms, that was when Face had shouted 'smile!' and they'd posed. They both still had sand in their hair, and her hair was a mess but Murdock had never seen her look so beautiful.
He failed in his attempt to stop the tears from falling and he silently sobbed with his back to the door.
***********************
Donaldson was sitting on the floor by the window singing at the top of his lungs when they entered. He had his eyes closed and he didn't seem to realise that he wasn't alone anymore.
"Michael? Michael!"
Dr. Richter ended up having to shout to get himself heard. Michael opened his eyes and looked up at him still singing as loud as possible. It wasn't until the verse finished and he stopped singing that Kate heard the background music. The song was playing in the background but Michael was so loud they couldn't hear it.
Kate recognised the song as Runaway by Bon Jovi.
"You have to sing!"
Michael shouted, head nodding in time to the music. Adam turned to Kate.
"I'm afraid if you want to talk to him you'll have to sing first."
Kate gave him a look but joined in the chorus with Dr. Richter.
"Ooh, she's a little runaway.
Daddy's girl learned fast
All those things he couldn't say.
Ooh, she's a little runaway."
Luckily it was the end of the song. Adam gave Kate a look. She could really sing and she grinned at him. The chorus faded and Michael turned it off.
"Michael, this is Kate, Kate's come to talk to you."
"I like you. You can sing – not like him!"
He said looking at Dr. Richter.
"Not many people have as good a voice as you Michael."
Kate said. That immediately got a smile from him, Kate looked at Adam apologetically. He nodded in understanding.
"I'll leave you to it then."
And he left and closed the door on his way out.
"So, you a big fan of Bon Jovi?"
Kate asked. She needed to get him to relax with her. She was desperate to find out what she wanted to know but she knew that if she rushed him then he wouldn't talk to her. She had to get him to trust her.
"Oh Yeah!!! I've met him and everything!"
"Really?"
She very much doubted it but he nodded vigorously.
"They were fantastic! I hear them still playing in my head sometimes, sometimes they annoy me and I just want them to go away, but other times I just put their music on and sing along."
Kate nodded.
"It can be annoying when you get a song stuck in your head. I get that sometimes and usually it's a song I hate!"
She half laughed. He nodded at her, as if in amazement – she understood.
"What's your favourite song?"
"My favourite song? Um...it would have to be...There You'll Be by Faith Hill."
"Oh, that's a nice one. My favourite is..."
But Kate had stopped listening. It had been their song. It had been playing the first time they danced and they had made it theirs.
"Do you like that song?"
She snapped out and looked at him. He hadn't noticed her lapse in concentration luckily.
"It's a good song, yeah, why don't you play it."
He nodded excitedly again and got up, rummaging on the desk to find the tape. Kate half sighed with relief that she hadn't been caught.
*************************
Murdock put the tape into the cassette player and pressed play. Faith Hill's voice came floating out into the air. It was a little fuzzy because it had been played so often but Murdock didn't seem to notice. He laid back down on the bed and closed his eyes.
When I think back on these times and the dreams we left behind
I'll be glad cause I was blessed to get to have you in my life
When I look back on these days I'll look and see your face
*************************
"Look what I've found!"
Michael said picking up a tape.
"What?"
"Listen."
He put the tape in and pressed play. Kate closed her eyes.
You were right there for me
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
and everywhere I am there you'll be
"I thought I had this."
Michael said, but Kate wasn't listening. The world had fallen away and all she could see was his eyes. Shining like stars in the sky.
Murdock sighed. The stars were shining in her eyes, making them look like precious emeralds. He pulled her close.
Kate felt Murdock's arms go around her and she leaned into him.
Michael watched mesmerised at Kate who seemed to be swaying slightly. He was amazed that a song could do that to a person and he suddenly had a real respect for her. Anyone who loved music as much as that had to be good. Feeling like he was spying on something sacred he got up and started to tidy his desk. So many cassettes were thrown all around it with empty boxes.
Well you showed me how it feels to feel the sky within my reach
And I always will remember all the strength you gave to me
Your love made me make it through, ooh I owe so much to you
Murdock felt the tears welling again. He missed her so much. Blinking away tears he looked up at the calendar and suddenly realised why he was thinking of her.
Kate couldn't believe that she hadn't realised it before. Michael's calendar said that the date was August 29th.
Murdock closed his eyes, partly relieved. He thought that he was losing it, not being able to stop thinking about her. Now he knew why. Today was the date when they had first met.
You were right there for me
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
He really did feel like she was just there with him. Somehow he knew he had to find out if she really was dead or alive. All this time he had decided that she must have been dead – he really couldn't see Kate doing that sort of work. But thinking of her still being alive...and all these feelings...he just had an inkling that maybe...maybe the rumour were true.
And somehow...she had to see Murdock. She knew that he was probably feeling her presence – he always could...and if her feelings were so strong then his must be just as bad. She couldn't let him suffer, she had to let him know that she was okay. But how did you start a conversation like that? What was she meant to do – just walk up to him and go 'Hey Murdock – remember me? We broke each others hearts and you think I'm dead – but I'm not and here I am.'
God how ridiculous did that sound?
He shook himself out of his thoughts. Where would he even start? If she was alive she could always find him. She would more than likely know where he was if she were in that line of work.
She shook herself out of her thoughts. When the time was right, it would come to her. Right now, she had other things to think about. She opened her eyes to see Michael looking at her. The song was still playing quietly in the background.
"Sorry."
She said.
"Nah, don't be. You know I've never seen anyone react like that to a song before."
"It's a very special song."
"Why?"
He asked innocently.
"Because it reminds me of an old friend. Someone I miss very much. Do you have any songs that remind you of old friends?"
Michael looked out into the distance.
"There was one...we sang in 'Nam. I don't remember who sang it and I don't have it but I sometimes sing it."
He took a breath and started to sing quietly.
"Blue skies smiling at me, nothing but blue skies do I see. Blue birds singing a song, nothing but blue birds all day long."
He sighed.
"Blue days all of them gone, nothing but blue skies from now on."
Kate finished. Michael stared at her.
"You know it?"
"I used to sing it too. It's a Frank Sinatra song. I have it at home."
"You sang it?"
"I worked in one of the hospital's in 'Nam for a while. I could bring it in if you want?"
"Please – yes! I'd like that."
Kate nodded, then looked up at the clock.
"Oh, lunch time. That went quickly. Would you mind if I came back tomorrow? I'll bring in the cassette."
"I'd like you to come back. I don't get many visitors...and I would like to hear the song again."
Kate nodded.
"Same time?"
"I'll be here."
Kate nodded again, stood up, said goodbye and left. She wasn't a couple feet away when she heard Bon Jovi once again playing incredibly loudly. She laughed.
He was obviously having a very good day, and she hoped that tomorrow she could get him talking about 'Nam a bit more – the song would help.
Cause I always saw in you my light my strength
And I want to thank you now for all the ways
You were right there for me
(You were right there for me)
You were right there for me
Murdock heard a knock at the door.
"Come in."
He looked up to see an orderly.
"Dr. Richter told me to tell you to meet him in the cafeteria."
Murdock nodded and jumped off the bed.
"Sure thing."
And he wandered off down the corridor. The song was still playing in his head, but he didn't mind. He didn't feel so alone when he heard it.
In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there'll always be a place for you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
Kate could also hear the song still playing in her head. She had to get home for when her partner came around to check on her.
She jumped in the lift and pressed the button for the bottom floor.
Murdock pressed the lift button and waited patiently.
The lift doors opened on the first floor and Kate looked up.
The lift doors opened on his floor and he lifted his baseball cap covered head.
and everywhere I am there you'll be
there you'll be
She looked straight into his warm brown eyes.
He looked straight into those emerald shining eyes.
Their eyes were locked.
They couldn't move
Familiar emotions swept over them like a wave in the warm sun. It made them feel queasy, refreshed and dizzy all at the same time. The world was spinning.
She didn't know what to say. She hadn't planned on meeting him so soon and she opened and closed her mouth.
He stood there stunned. He didn't know what to say. She wasn't dead, she was alive...and she was standing right infront of him. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, no sound escaping his lips.
Before they knew what was happening the doors closed again.
Murdock stared ahead, into space – his head spinning.
Kate stared right through the doors, not noticing the stomach lurching feeling the movement the lift brought.