Chapter 1: The Harsh Light of Day


I opened my eyes, blinking furiously in the harsh light of day. I could make out a figure sitting in front of me but it was blurred. Eventually the light became bearable and I opened my eyes fully, the view become once again clear. I saw Dr. Carter sitting in front of me, smiling as I came round.

Dr. Carter? My voice was weak and pathetic. I looked down at my bandaged chest, wondering if I was going to be okay. I remembered a little about the night before but not an awful lot. The main thing I was feeling now was the craving. It was worse than normal. I needed a hit. Of something- of anything. I missed the heroine like it was my left arm. The pain shot through me as I thought about it. I groaned, the pain getting to me once again.

Cole. It's okay. Look you're chest wasn't damaged too badly fortunately by the stab wounds, however you're still in a pretty bad state. He paused, trying to gage my reaction to the news. Well it was hardly news. We found evidence of drug abuse. I smiled, shaking my head.

I bet that was a suprise. His face remained solemn, showing no expression.

We can get you help, but you have to help yourself.

I'm living on the streets. I haven't got a home, I haven't got a family, I have no money and I have no means of getting money. How do you suppose you could help me Dr Carter? He shook his head, laughing gently.

How did you end up there? I shrugged.

Things. Anyhow shouldn't you be asking how I got like this? He shook his head, shrugging slightly also.

I can guess. Drug dealer needed paying. You didn't have the cash? I nodded, looking down at my hands.

My dad died when I was 10. I sighed. I remember that day so well. My mom just cried, the whole time- y'know? Eventually she moved on I guess. She was depressed for a while- she used to drink. A lot. I'd have to put her to bed some days, she'd be so pissed. She couldn't walk and she'd just fall asleep, dribbling on whatever was under her. I think she drank to feel better, about dad. Carter nodded, placing a hand on my shoulder. Eventually she got a man. He came and lived with us. He liked my little sister, got her presents and stuff but he hated me- he couldn't pretend I belonged to him. I shook my head, trying not to cry. He used to hit me and then, one day it got so bad I just left, just like that. Never looked back never said good-bye. I just went.

It's okay- I understand. I shook my head.

No, no you don't understand. No-one understands. I raised my voice slightly, pushing away his arm.

A soft, slightly husky voice interrupted the silence that had fallen between us. The blonde doctor I recognised from before, Dr Lewis. She smiled at me, pushing a loose strand of soft blonde hair off her face. Sorry but I need your help out here. She made an apologetic face, leaning her head to one side. Dr. Carter nodded.

I'll be there in one moment. She smiled again, thanking him and leaving the room. I watched her leave, noticing how pretty she was.

That your girl? He laughed, shaking his head. I smiled. Yeah, I should have figured she was too pretty to be interested in you. He laughed again nodding.

You're right, Dr. Lewis is in a different league. He laughed. I better go. Don't go anywhere I'll come and check on you in a few minutes. I nodded, watching him leave the room before settling back down into the bed. I closed my eyes, just for a moment I told myself, just for a moment.

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I came round again to see the door open. I had expected the friendly face of doctor Carter, back to lecture me once more. Instead I was once again greeted by Dr. Lewis. She smiled at me once more as she entered, her teeth a brilliant white.

Hey- sorry did I wake you? I shook my head, motioning for her to sit down besides me.

Where's Dr. Carter? She smiled.

He's busy, he sent me to check on you, sorry. She laughed. I still can't get over people calling him Doctor Carter. I squished up my eyes in confusion slightly taken aback by her friendliness, I hadn't seen politeness for so long. It's not exactly what happens on the street. She smiled at my confused expression. I've always called him just plain old Carter. She smiled again, picking up her chart and studying it for a few minutes, she leaned over, checking the dressing on my wound. I'll send a nurse to change this. It won't be too long.

Can't you do it. She smiled, shaking her head.

It's not my job, sorry. She placed a hand on my shoulder. It looks okay. I better go. Carter, I mean Dr. Carter wants to talk to you again. I nodded. So do the police, you think you can manage it?

Do I have to. She nodded gently.

I managed a smile, wondering where doctor Carter was. I've got to go. I'm sorry.

I won't talk to them. She turned, standing beside my bed, sighing slightly.

The police won't let you get hurt again. They can help you Cole. I shook my head defiantly.

I'm not going into some foster home. I don't want that, I can look after myself. She shook her head.

Going by the state of your injuries I would say you can't.

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I shivered as I walked along the cold street, trying to wrap my coat around myself tighter. I wished I'd stolen some clothes from the hospital but it would have been risky. The chances of bumping into either Dr Carter or Dr Lewis were high and I had been in a rush to get out of there.

I looked around, wondering where to go. I couldn't go back to my normal door now, certainly not this time of day anyway. I needed a hit so badly it hurt. I didn't feel alive with out the drug pumping through me, without it I was a wreck, my hands shook and glancing at my reflection in the mirror I cringed. I tried to remember how I used to look, before I lived on the streets. I had always been tall and well built, but never overweight. My dark hair is now greasy and limp, lacking the life it used to have. It had become long, almost reaching my shoulders, I pulled it back with one hand, getting it off my face to have a closer look. My hazel eyes have lost their sparkle, in fact they don't shimmer at all now. They are drooping, lacking all the life they used to contain. My skin was grey, my golden brown tan faded giving way to a shocking white colour. I sighed, wishing to be what I used to. I missed seeing my face with a smile on it, I missed girls looking at me, I missed liking myself... It had been a long time since I'd liked myself.

I'd lost my confidence too. I used to walk with a bounce, with an aura of happiness but that has gone too. I watched as people walked by, as each of them looked down on me. I was one of those people once. I don't blame them for looking at me like they do, I was sure I looked at people like that before. I knew it was the drugs that had turned me into this, but once you start you can't stop- not ever. At least I couldn't imagine ever stopping... ever being free. That's what they had taken from me, my freedom. They won't let me go, they weighed me down, making sure I stayed with them. Giving up, it was just too much like hard work.

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Carter felt Susan's warm hand come to rest on his back, moving across it towards his shoulder, where it came to rest. He buried his face further into his hands, not wanting to talk to anyone right now. They will find him.

It's not just that. Her hand had left his shoulder now and she had taken a seat opposite him. He looked up at her, watching as she summoned the waitress.

It's not? She was staring at him now, not aware of the impatient waitress who stood beside her.

Carter nodded his head towards the waitress.

Oh. Um I'll just have a coffee, black two sugars. Susan paused, scanning the menu. He'll have a cheeseburger and a portion of fries. Oh and a coffee as well, white no sugar. The waitress smiled, wandering off to another table.

I will? She laughed, placing her hand on top of his.

Carter I know you better than you know yourself. Carter laughed before once again going back to staring out of the window. He watched as various people went past, scanning the crowds for Cole's lowly figure. They will find him.

I hope so. He smiled again, moving his hand to run it across the soft skin of hers, skimming his fingertips across the cold metal of her ring. He though you were my girlfriend. She smiled, watching his hand glide across her own.

Well I hope you put him straight. Carter nodded.

He said you were out of my league anyway. She laughed, catching his hand in hers. She entwined her fingers with hers, warming his cold skin.

How long do you think he's been living on the streets? Carter shrugged, watching as the waitress placed a cup of coffee beside Susan and then himself.

A while. He's only 15. She took a sip of her coffee, shaking her head.

He seemed so grown up. Carter nodded, thanking the waitress as she placed his food in front of him. Susan reached forwards, taking a french fry.

Carter laughed, taking a bite of his burger. He watched Susan take another sip of her coffee, smiling gently as she placed the cup back down onto the table. I want to go and look for him. She sighed, her hand once again finding his.

Carter, the police are doing that, it's their job, let them do it. He shook his head, getting up and pulling her coat on.

I'm sorry Susan, but I have to go, I can't sit here watching those people go past, wondering which one of them attacked him. She shook her head.

Please stay and eat with me. He started to button his coat.

Susan I have to go and do this, here. He opened his wallet, placing a few notes in front of her.

Carter I can pay, it's okay. It's not about the money- I wanted some company. He sighed, stepping closer to her. He kissed her on the forehead tenderly.

Have my fries. She laughed as he passed the plate across the table, settling it down in front of her. She shook her head.

I'm not hungry. Her smile faded, leaving a look of concern plastered across her features. Her eyebrows were scrunched with confusion and worry, the look of happiness long gone. Be careful. And if you can't find him come back, you promise me you won't still be looking when it gets dark? Carter smiled, pulling her into a hug. She sighed, wrapping her arms around him gently. You promise? He nodded.

I promise. With that he smiled once more, before heading towards the door.

And Carter. He turned, waiting for her to continue. She smiled, waving him towards the door.

He turned again. I can look after myself." She watched as he walked out of the door, chuckling to herself gently.

"I don't think you can Carter, that's the problem."


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