I eagerly anticipated the impending bloodbath that would ensue before the
night was over.
Should I play with them first?
Maybe some six degrees of Separation? Some Trivial Pursuit?
I bet there won't be a single person in the audience who can answer even one of my questions!
The fools! The Foolish.. fools.
I proceeded into the theatre and had the ticket boy tear my ticket.
I didn't kill him yet; I thought I would save him for the end.
It will be amazing.
And the moment of truth was upon me; the two theatres loomed in front of me, one for that rings lord flick, and the other one for DRUMLINE!!!!
The status quo loves music movies! Surely there will be a packed house at my exposal!
I slide in to see the lights already shut off; the previews are about to start.
I can wait no longer, I run full speed down the isle
-ALL RIGHT MOTHER FUCKERS, I AM HERE TO CLENSE THE WORLD OF YOU "SUPPORTERS"! NOW PREPARE TO B-
Completely empty. No men, no women, no children, NOTHING!
I can't kill anyone if they aren't there!!!!
"Keep it down, asshole!"
All right! A voice in the crowd... or.... Lack there of.
He will be my first victim..
But where the heck is he?
-Ummm... excuse me sir, where are you seated?
"Why the fuck do you wanna know?"
-Ummm... well.... You see, I am the ticket man and we got word of some.... people.... Sneaking into this film while paying to see the lord of the rings.
"Yeah right, who the fuck do you think your kidding?"
-No, it's true; this is supposedly the biggest movie since Juwanna Mann! Everyone is flocking to it. Believe me sir, I am in the industry.
"Right, last I checked the place was empty, so unless you see somebody that I don't, I think you should go fuck yourself and leave me to watch this shitty movie."
He was starting to piss me off. How dare he talk that way, what if I REALLY was a ticket taker and this was a REAL ticket emergency?
Oh he is so dead.
-Please sir, just comply. I assure you, your film will not be interrupted further.
"Further? You have already ruined all the previews for me, asshole."
He is a stubborn one he is.
-Sir, you are interfering in a federal matter now, for your safety and the safety of others, you need to reveal your location.
"Look! Buddy, for the last fucking time, I am not a fucking idiot, If I tell you where I am, you will probably try to rob me or rape me or god knows what, and I will get pissed off and kick your ass, and if I do that, my wife will kill me, so stop pushing me!"
Silence filled the room.
-Oh yeah?
"Yes, mother fucker, so why don't you go bother everyone else over at the lord of the rings! There are plenty of people to bother over there. Hell, I would be over there if there were any seats, but you are such a charming fuck, go give it a try."
What's this? A packed house? So that's where they are hiding!
Looks like there might be some death toll after all!
But before I deal with those guys, I have another victim to deal with.
-Well I just might have to do that sir, but I still need to check your ticket.
"How bout you go fuck yourself, buddy?"
HA! I didn't need him to tell me anyways, I already had my rubber band tightening across my fingers, a large nail pressed against the stretching rubber. All I need to do is follow his voice and he's a goner.
-Could you repeat that one more time, sir?
"I said eat my asshole, you fucking faggot."
Voice followed.
Target locked on.
Projectile raised to launching position
Stretching back to a full speed position, ready for deployment and-
SNAP!
I feel the nail puncture deep into my hand as the rubber band tears apart and snaps back.
-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Crap! Shoot! Heck! Damn! Ass! Shit! COCKSUCKING MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!
This worked so well in the story.
"Look man, shut the fuck up before I go down there and kick your ass!"
I shut my mouth and wrap my shirt around my twice-damaged hand.
Keep in mind I don't shut up because he told me to, but because I felt he wasn't worth it.
Yeah, definitely not worth it.
I had bigger fish to fry. Let him have his Drumline. I will be back for him later, along with the ticket taker guy, the ticket booth girl, the old guy at the gun shop and of course my family!
I will go back for all of them! My vengeance will be great.
It will be a night worthy of Monkeytaco's Epic Story!
And it will be all about me!
HAHAHA!!!
Eagerly, I run out of the drumline theatre and go full speed into lord of the rings.
The movie seems to have started, but that wont stop me!
-ALRIGHT LISTEN YOU MOTHER FUCKERS, I HAVE A FUCKING G-
"HES GOT A GUN!!!"
The screams tell me they are frightened, everything was going according to plan.
"QUICK, LETS KICK HIS ASS!!!!"
Oh crap.
In the darkness I can feel a dozen men and women, adults and kids punching and kicking away at me, forcing me to the ground, until eventually..
Nothing.
....To be continued
Should I play with them first?
Maybe some six degrees of Separation? Some Trivial Pursuit?
I bet there won't be a single person in the audience who can answer even one of my questions!
The fools! The Foolish.. fools.
I proceeded into the theatre and had the ticket boy tear my ticket.
I didn't kill him yet; I thought I would save him for the end.
It will be amazing.
And the moment of truth was upon me; the two theatres loomed in front of me, one for that rings lord flick, and the other one for DRUMLINE!!!!
The status quo loves music movies! Surely there will be a packed house at my exposal!
I slide in to see the lights already shut off; the previews are about to start.
I can wait no longer, I run full speed down the isle
-ALL RIGHT MOTHER FUCKERS, I AM HERE TO CLENSE THE WORLD OF YOU "SUPPORTERS"! NOW PREPARE TO B-
Completely empty. No men, no women, no children, NOTHING!
I can't kill anyone if they aren't there!!!!
"Keep it down, asshole!"
All right! A voice in the crowd... or.... Lack there of.
He will be my first victim..
But where the heck is he?
-Ummm... excuse me sir, where are you seated?
"Why the fuck do you wanna know?"
-Ummm... well.... You see, I am the ticket man and we got word of some.... people.... Sneaking into this film while paying to see the lord of the rings.
"Yeah right, who the fuck do you think your kidding?"
-No, it's true; this is supposedly the biggest movie since Juwanna Mann! Everyone is flocking to it. Believe me sir, I am in the industry.
"Right, last I checked the place was empty, so unless you see somebody that I don't, I think you should go fuck yourself and leave me to watch this shitty movie."
He was starting to piss me off. How dare he talk that way, what if I REALLY was a ticket taker and this was a REAL ticket emergency?
Oh he is so dead.
-Please sir, just comply. I assure you, your film will not be interrupted further.
"Further? You have already ruined all the previews for me, asshole."
He is a stubborn one he is.
-Sir, you are interfering in a federal matter now, for your safety and the safety of others, you need to reveal your location.
"Look! Buddy, for the last fucking time, I am not a fucking idiot, If I tell you where I am, you will probably try to rob me or rape me or god knows what, and I will get pissed off and kick your ass, and if I do that, my wife will kill me, so stop pushing me!"
Silence filled the room.
-Oh yeah?
"Yes, mother fucker, so why don't you go bother everyone else over at the lord of the rings! There are plenty of people to bother over there. Hell, I would be over there if there were any seats, but you are such a charming fuck, go give it a try."
What's this? A packed house? So that's where they are hiding!
Looks like there might be some death toll after all!
But before I deal with those guys, I have another victim to deal with.
-Well I just might have to do that sir, but I still need to check your ticket.
"How bout you go fuck yourself, buddy?"
HA! I didn't need him to tell me anyways, I already had my rubber band tightening across my fingers, a large nail pressed against the stretching rubber. All I need to do is follow his voice and he's a goner.
-Could you repeat that one more time, sir?
"I said eat my asshole, you fucking faggot."
Voice followed.
Target locked on.
Projectile raised to launching position
Stretching back to a full speed position, ready for deployment and-
SNAP!
I feel the nail puncture deep into my hand as the rubber band tears apart and snaps back.
-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Crap! Shoot! Heck! Damn! Ass! Shit! COCKSUCKING MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!
This worked so well in the story.
"Look man, shut the fuck up before I go down there and kick your ass!"
I shut my mouth and wrap my shirt around my twice-damaged hand.
Keep in mind I don't shut up because he told me to, but because I felt he wasn't worth it.
Yeah, definitely not worth it.
I had bigger fish to fry. Let him have his Drumline. I will be back for him later, along with the ticket taker guy, the ticket booth girl, the old guy at the gun shop and of course my family!
I will go back for all of them! My vengeance will be great.
It will be a night worthy of Monkeytaco's Epic Story!
And it will be all about me!
HAHAHA!!!
Eagerly, I run out of the drumline theatre and go full speed into lord of the rings.
The movie seems to have started, but that wont stop me!
-ALRIGHT LISTEN YOU MOTHER FUCKERS, I HAVE A FUCKING G-
"HES GOT A GUN!!!"
The screams tell me they are frightened, everything was going according to plan.
"QUICK, LETS KICK HIS ASS!!!!"
Oh crap.
In the darkness I can feel a dozen men and women, adults and kids punching and kicking away at me, forcing me to the ground, until eventually..
Nothing.
....To be continued