I woke up in a prison cell.
Oh thank god, it was all a dream.
. Wait.. that means I never killed everyone!
Oh well... at least there weren't zombies.
Stupid supporters think they can destroy me?
Well they should have killed me, because as soon as I break out of here, I am coming back for them.
Okay, let me think..
What would Monkeytaco Do?
WWMTD WWMTD WWMTD WWMTD
I got it!
I will tear the metal from my bed and use it to cut through the outside bars of the window, using my sheets as a rope I will climb down, find the first cop that I can, break his neck with my bare hands, take his gun, execute the entire police force and make my way back to the theatre to exact my revenge on the supporters.
Its brilliant!
Okay, first we need to get the bar off the bed..
....Ten minutes Later...
Dang it!
This is impossible!
I give up, I have tried all that I can, but I truly am not worthy of this mission.
I was not meant for a world like this.
It was time I left.
I sadly took the sheets from the bed and wrap them around the window bars.
-Good-bye cruel world!
I wrapped the sheet around my neck and prepared for my fate.
-If I am going to leave this world, it wont be by a bunch of supporter freaks, I am still victorious, the world will still know my n-
"Hey theatre freak, your family is here to get you.
-MMYCHH QUWHATT???
"Son, what the fuck are you doing?"
I let go of the sheet.
-Ummmm.. Mom, I was.. Uhhhh..sleeping.. But... my neck... was... getting cold. and, and I was trying to... catch the ... The draft through the window but. I.
"God, officer, are you sure we cant leave him here?"
"I am afraid not, technically he hasn't broken any law, we just felt he wasn't worth taking to the hospital."
" I understand"
Success! It looks like I will be getting out of here after all, and by using the system against them as well. HAHA it was too perfect!
I was filled with happy vengeance; my lust for blood was still inside me as I climbed into my mom's car.
As we drove down the road towards home, I thought up my plan for vengeance.
First I would go home and kill my family with a rolling pin, one by one I will pound their heads in until they are all dead.
After that, I will steel the car and crash it into the gun shop, and assuming I didn't crush him under my tires on impact, I will jump out and take his guns and empty them into his skull!
After that, I will load a shopping cart full of guns and go up to the theatre and take out the ticket lady and the ticket taker boy before they even know what to think.
Then I will quickly toss a concussion grenade into the Drumline theatre forcing that asshole to come out into the opening so I can rip out his heart with my bare hands!
Only after they are all dead, will I make my way into the ringy theatre and just as in my dream, I will destroy each and every one of them. Except this time, they are going to stay dead!
Then I am going to go kill the cops, but we will worry about that later.
Its family time now!
-I sure cant wait until we get home, boy am I going to get to my room and stay there for a good long time because I am grounded and I know that I deserve it and I sure hope we make it home in time. To-
"You little shit! I can't believe you made us look like an idiot like that. You are not fucking coming back home, I am taking you to live with your grandmother."
What? Grandma? No, that changes my plan. Granny lives three hours away; I will never make it back in time to kill everyone.
Damn it!
I knew there was only one thing to do.
With the car still driving, I open the door; I can feel the road moving quickly beneath me.
-HOWS THIS FOR GRANDMAS!
Without thinking, I jump out of the car.
My face hits the curb at full speed and I pass out.
When I come to I am back in the car, still driving to Grandmas. With rope tying me to the seat.
Shit!
Okay, I can't win this with fighting and running; I am going to have to talk my way out of this. I am sure if Owen was in this same position that's what he would do.
-So.. Brother, ummm... how is it going?
"Good now that your ass is gonna be out of the house."
-Hehehe, Oh brother, you are so clever. Hey, what do you think about those ummmm... football players? They sure are good. wouldn't you say?
"What the fuck are you talking about? What football players?"
Crap, he wasn't falling for my trap.
Time to try something different.
-Boy I could sure go for some drugs right about now.
"Your so full of shit, you have never touched a drug in your life, you wouldn't even take cough drops!
Well of course not, all the addictive substances that go into your throat? Who could blame me?
-well... Yeah, but now I would really love to try some.. I always heard as specially good things about the cocaine, Mmmmmmm boy would I love to shoot up some good ol' cocaine with you someday.. Brother. Now if you could just untie these ropes I could get you s-
"You are one retarded man, Grandma is going whip you into shape real fast!"
Then I snapped.
-Fuck you, Johnny! As soon as I get out of here, I am going to fucking kill all of you. I am going to be cut out your heart and.. And. and. and eat it! And you will all be dead!! Then I am going back to that theatre and executing every last one of them and then I will be worthy of Monkeytaco's glorious kingdom to enslave all of you unworthy hordes of stupid wasted life!!!
"Monkeytaco? Are you still going on about that freak? Jesus Christ man! I am glad granny doesn't have electricity because you are a psycho!
-Ha! Yeah you say that now, but when I find out where he lives, I am going to find him and together we will take over the world and not a single unworthy soul will be spared, I just wish I knew where he lived, then we will sh-
"Wait a minute! Where he lives? Are you that stupid?"
-Huh?
"Tell me your joking, please tell me your joking!"
-No, I don't know where he lives, but soon enough we will meet and ens-
"Are you telling me that you worship this guy and you don't even know who he is?"
-Well yeah, that's what is so great about the Internet; you can talk to people from across the globe and th-
"He lives right here in Bakersfield, you stupid faggot! I used to beat his ass every day back in High School, His name is Erik Klassen. Christ, have you never even read his Bio?"
-Bio?
"Dad, did you hit mom a lot while she was pregnant with him?"
"Yes I did son, why do you ask?"
"This little faggot is talking about Monkeytaco again"
"Oh that Klassen Kid? I remember him, little homo if I recall correctly."
"Yeah that's him."
I couldn't believe it, Monkeytaco had a name. Erik Klassen? Wow! And right here in town? This was too good to be true. I had to meet him. I had too!
My mission could be completed after all!
I felt for a moment that my strength had soared through the roof and that I had the power to tear through these ropes like paper..
..sadly that wasn't true though, instead I got several rope burns.
But that is okay I had another plan.
-Daaaaaaaaad, I have to Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
"Hold it until you get to grandmas, shithead!
-I cant, I gotta go nooooooooooow!!!!!
"Boy, if you piss in this car I will kill you!"
-Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!! I need to goooooooooooo!
"Fine, there is a Texaco right there, go and get your ass back here!"
They take the ropes off me and I run.
-Seeya later suckers! HAHAHAHA
I laugh maniacally knowing that I was on my way towards victory, I was about to complete my mission.
The ball was again in my court, and there was nothing that anyone can do now.
"You stupid kid, your still running towards your grandma's house!"
Shit!
Not to worry, I quickly turn around and start running the other direction.
My time was coming.
Erik Klassen, Here I come!
.... To be continued.
Oh thank god, it was all a dream.
. Wait.. that means I never killed everyone!
Oh well... at least there weren't zombies.
Stupid supporters think they can destroy me?
Well they should have killed me, because as soon as I break out of here, I am coming back for them.
Okay, let me think..
What would Monkeytaco Do?
WWMTD WWMTD WWMTD WWMTD
I got it!
I will tear the metal from my bed and use it to cut through the outside bars of the window, using my sheets as a rope I will climb down, find the first cop that I can, break his neck with my bare hands, take his gun, execute the entire police force and make my way back to the theatre to exact my revenge on the supporters.
Its brilliant!
Okay, first we need to get the bar off the bed..
....Ten minutes Later...
Dang it!
This is impossible!
I give up, I have tried all that I can, but I truly am not worthy of this mission.
I was not meant for a world like this.
It was time I left.
I sadly took the sheets from the bed and wrap them around the window bars.
-Good-bye cruel world!
I wrapped the sheet around my neck and prepared for my fate.
-If I am going to leave this world, it wont be by a bunch of supporter freaks, I am still victorious, the world will still know my n-
"Hey theatre freak, your family is here to get you.
-MMYCHH QUWHATT???
"Son, what the fuck are you doing?"
I let go of the sheet.
-Ummmm.. Mom, I was.. Uhhhh..sleeping.. But... my neck... was... getting cold. and, and I was trying to... catch the ... The draft through the window but. I.
"God, officer, are you sure we cant leave him here?"
"I am afraid not, technically he hasn't broken any law, we just felt he wasn't worth taking to the hospital."
" I understand"
Success! It looks like I will be getting out of here after all, and by using the system against them as well. HAHA it was too perfect!
I was filled with happy vengeance; my lust for blood was still inside me as I climbed into my mom's car.
As we drove down the road towards home, I thought up my plan for vengeance.
First I would go home and kill my family with a rolling pin, one by one I will pound their heads in until they are all dead.
After that, I will steel the car and crash it into the gun shop, and assuming I didn't crush him under my tires on impact, I will jump out and take his guns and empty them into his skull!
After that, I will load a shopping cart full of guns and go up to the theatre and take out the ticket lady and the ticket taker boy before they even know what to think.
Then I will quickly toss a concussion grenade into the Drumline theatre forcing that asshole to come out into the opening so I can rip out his heart with my bare hands!
Only after they are all dead, will I make my way into the ringy theatre and just as in my dream, I will destroy each and every one of them. Except this time, they are going to stay dead!
Then I am going to go kill the cops, but we will worry about that later.
Its family time now!
-I sure cant wait until we get home, boy am I going to get to my room and stay there for a good long time because I am grounded and I know that I deserve it and I sure hope we make it home in time. To-
"You little shit! I can't believe you made us look like an idiot like that. You are not fucking coming back home, I am taking you to live with your grandmother."
What? Grandma? No, that changes my plan. Granny lives three hours away; I will never make it back in time to kill everyone.
Damn it!
I knew there was only one thing to do.
With the car still driving, I open the door; I can feel the road moving quickly beneath me.
-HOWS THIS FOR GRANDMAS!
Without thinking, I jump out of the car.
My face hits the curb at full speed and I pass out.
When I come to I am back in the car, still driving to Grandmas. With rope tying me to the seat.
Shit!
Okay, I can't win this with fighting and running; I am going to have to talk my way out of this. I am sure if Owen was in this same position that's what he would do.
-So.. Brother, ummm... how is it going?
"Good now that your ass is gonna be out of the house."
-Hehehe, Oh brother, you are so clever. Hey, what do you think about those ummmm... football players? They sure are good. wouldn't you say?
"What the fuck are you talking about? What football players?"
Crap, he wasn't falling for my trap.
Time to try something different.
-Boy I could sure go for some drugs right about now.
"Your so full of shit, you have never touched a drug in your life, you wouldn't even take cough drops!
Well of course not, all the addictive substances that go into your throat? Who could blame me?
-well... Yeah, but now I would really love to try some.. I always heard as specially good things about the cocaine, Mmmmmmm boy would I love to shoot up some good ol' cocaine with you someday.. Brother. Now if you could just untie these ropes I could get you s-
"You are one retarded man, Grandma is going whip you into shape real fast!"
Then I snapped.
-Fuck you, Johnny! As soon as I get out of here, I am going to fucking kill all of you. I am going to be cut out your heart and.. And. and. and eat it! And you will all be dead!! Then I am going back to that theatre and executing every last one of them and then I will be worthy of Monkeytaco's glorious kingdom to enslave all of you unworthy hordes of stupid wasted life!!!
"Monkeytaco? Are you still going on about that freak? Jesus Christ man! I am glad granny doesn't have electricity because you are a psycho!
-Ha! Yeah you say that now, but when I find out where he lives, I am going to find him and together we will take over the world and not a single unworthy soul will be spared, I just wish I knew where he lived, then we will sh-
"Wait a minute! Where he lives? Are you that stupid?"
-Huh?
"Tell me your joking, please tell me your joking!"
-No, I don't know where he lives, but soon enough we will meet and ens-
"Are you telling me that you worship this guy and you don't even know who he is?"
-Well yeah, that's what is so great about the Internet; you can talk to people from across the globe and th-
"He lives right here in Bakersfield, you stupid faggot! I used to beat his ass every day back in High School, His name is Erik Klassen. Christ, have you never even read his Bio?"
-Bio?
"Dad, did you hit mom a lot while she was pregnant with him?"
"Yes I did son, why do you ask?"
"This little faggot is talking about Monkeytaco again"
"Oh that Klassen Kid? I remember him, little homo if I recall correctly."
"Yeah that's him."
I couldn't believe it, Monkeytaco had a name. Erik Klassen? Wow! And right here in town? This was too good to be true. I had to meet him. I had too!
My mission could be completed after all!
I felt for a moment that my strength had soared through the roof and that I had the power to tear through these ropes like paper..
..sadly that wasn't true though, instead I got several rope burns.
But that is okay I had another plan.
-Daaaaaaaaad, I have to Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
"Hold it until you get to grandmas, shithead!
-I cant, I gotta go nooooooooooow!!!!!
"Boy, if you piss in this car I will kill you!"
-Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!! I need to goooooooooooo!
"Fine, there is a Texaco right there, go and get your ass back here!"
They take the ropes off me and I run.
-Seeya later suckers! HAHAHAHA
I laugh maniacally knowing that I was on my way towards victory, I was about to complete my mission.
The ball was again in my court, and there was nothing that anyone can do now.
"You stupid kid, your still running towards your grandma's house!"
Shit!
Not to worry, I quickly turn around and start running the other direction.
My time was coming.
Erik Klassen, Here I come!
.... To be continued.