Hours had passed and I was almost there.
Almost to Monkeytaco's house
To Erik Klassen's House
I couldn't believe it!
I thought shooting up a theatre was my life mission before, but now I know that this was my true meaning, meeting Monkeytaco... Then asking him to help me shoot up a theatre!
I know he will understand what I am trying to do!
Of course he will, he wrote what I was trying to do.
Oh my goodness, Franklin Street! That's his street!!!!
I cant be... Hmmmmmm...not as nice a neighborhood as I expected..
Oh well, he probably rules above the neighborhood in a massive fortress!
I can't wait..
Okay let me see... 704.. 706....708... There it is! 710 Franklin Street!
Okay it's a normal house... but... Maybe it continues underground...
I run screaming to the front door in excitement.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
I anxiously wait to meet him.
And then the knob starts to turn and the door pulls open
And.. And.... And.....
"Hello"
A young overweight man with a poorly grown goatee opens the door.
-Ummmmmm.... Hi... is uhhhhh.. Erik Klassen Here?
"That's me, I am Erik Klassen."
I stare open mouthed at him. My master, my god, My savior.
-I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I drop to my knees in not worthiness.
"ummm... So.... uhhhh.... yeah... Who are you again?"
He wanted to know my name!
-My name is Owen and I am on a mission!
"Your name is Owen?"
-Yep.
"Is it really?"
-Not as such, but it should be.
"I see"
-well anyways, I have come to tell you that I am your biggest fan, Monkeytaco. I love Space Wizards so much. It has changed my life and I am on a mission to live my life the way I think you would have wanted it.
"uhhhhhh..."
-I was hoping to start by killing everyone in a theatre along with a gun shop owner, my family and the entire Police Department.
"ummmmm..."
-Yeah and also I wanted to meet you and hopefully you would give me the honor of collaborating on the Space Wizards Expanded Universe.
"The wha...?"
Oh god! He hasn't read my story yet! Please tell me I have my copy on me... Please please please.. Yes! Here it is!
-Here master, read this, and it will all become clear.
I hand him the paper and watch his eyes slide across the page. His facial expressions curl and twist in horror, just screaming that he loves it. I cant wait till he gets to the part with the theater manager!
"Oh my dear god, what the hell is that?"
-It is the continuing adventure of Owen after his adventure at the theatre.
"You made a sequel to my story?"
-Of course not my master, it is fan fiction.
"Oh, I see... Ummmm..... Well, enough about that, why exactly do you like Space Wizards?"
-Huh? Oh ummm... well... It's just a story that is so much like the way I feel and think that it is unbelievable. In the story, Owen does the kinds of things I only dream about, and.. Well.. Everything in the story is pure magic.
"Uh-huh, go on!"
-Wha? Ummmm... well.... All the characters are well developed, even the ones that die immediately, almost as if you planned to give them plots only to get lazy and give up or something. But of course you would never do that. Then there is the fact that you often spell Tinyla and amulet in multiple different ways through out the story to kind of give it a stylilized feeling. I really enjoy that.
"Mmmmmhmmmmmm. Why else?"
-Why Else?
"Yeah, why else do you love my work?"
It was becoming quite obvious that Monkeytaco was quite conceited. Loving to hear about his own works at every chance he got, always wanting to hear good things about it at all times by everyone. Which could be expected from such a genius as him.
-Well that's really about all my master. But those are big reasons.
"I see, well what about my other stories?"
-Other Stories?
"Yeah, stories like "The Order" "By The Door" "Muerte y Trafico" "A Week and A day" "Strippers are funny" and all my other GREAT bodies of work that anybody who wants to can easily access by going to Monkeytaco at Fanfiction.net"
-Oh, well I haven't read those yet, master, but I will soon I promise. But first I was hoping I could get you to come to the theatre with me and help me purify the world of supporters.
"Huh? You mean you're really going to kill people? Buddy, I have to tell you a few things man."
The master was going to speak to me!
"First of all, I admit, I am the greatest author on fanfiction.net, if not on the planet, but still, I write fiction. Not only that, but its fiction that no one in there right mind should ever try to reenact. Not only would the events in Space Wizards never happen, but they should never happen. As much as I hate the people that are killed in the story, I don't have the right to take their lives. You see son, murder is never the right thing to do. Because with Murder, everybody is a victim. Life is fragile, life is important, life is good."
-Hmmmm... well yeah that goes without saying, but still, could we just kill this few dozen people and then never kill anyone again?
Before the master could speak his bedroom door opens.
"Hey Erik, I hope you have gotten all your choirs done, we are going out tonight. Make sure to dust and vacuum and make the bed."
"Okay Mom"
And then she leaves. Wow, Erik lives with his mom! She must be a genius too!
Wait a minute! Something didn't feel right!
-How come she didn't notice me?
"Well son, I guess this is the spot I have to tell you something."
-What?
"Why would my mom possibly not have seen you?"
-I don't have any idea.
"Because we are the same person."
-What?
"You see, Just like Owen from Space Wizards, you are a fictional character from a story. Albeit a very stupid story, but a story nonetheless. You are just a figure from out of my mind."
-What? That's ridiculous, I mean, what about when I tried to shoot up the Smith Two Theatre.
"Look in the newspaper man, there is no Smith Two Theatre!"
I quickly tear open the entertainment section of the paper to look..
Edwards Cinema, United Artist Theatres, Pacific Theatres..
No Smith Two Theatre! But how could this be??
-I don't believe you! It can't be true.
"But it is true, heck I'm not even real, I am a fictitious version of me, that Monkeytaco wrote into the story."
-But this doesn't make any sense!
"That's because he isn't very talented."
-I still cant except this.
"Watch, something completely random will happen."
Steve "Doctor Santoro" Taylor comes in asks for Pepsi and suddenly explodes and dogs come in and eat his fragmented body then dissolve into nothing.
"Are you convinced now?"
-But, but why would Erik make my life so miserable? I got stabbed in the hand, attacked by dream zombies and arrested, and for what? So the two or three people who read his stories can give him some clever two-word review? I refuse to believe that my life means nothing!
"Face it man, You, me, Owen, Scottsworth, Tinyla, Cletus, Jim the Rock, Kuby!, Allison the Barber, The dead guy in the car with the horn, they are all just products of Erik Klassen's Stupid stupid imagination. We all live to please him."
-I hate him! He has caused me nothing but pain! I want it to end.
If it is all fiction, than surely I can probably make things happen too. I look down into my hand and sure enough, there is a pistol.
-My eyes are Open!
I put the gun in my mouth and pull the trigger
BANG!
OUCH!
That fucking hurt!
"What are you doing?"
-Huh? I.. I thought that it would end.
"When the fuck did I say that would make it end?"
-Well, I just assumed that-
"Nope, it doesn't work like that."
-Oh.. Well when does it end?
"Whenever Monkeytaco realizes he is out of ideas and that this story is stupid."
-When is that?
"Soon, I hope"
.
.
..
..
They have sex
...
...
..
The house blows up
..
..
...
Ummm... Zombies attack
..
..
...
Read all my stories!!!!!!!!
The End
Almost to Monkeytaco's house
To Erik Klassen's House
I couldn't believe it!
I thought shooting up a theatre was my life mission before, but now I know that this was my true meaning, meeting Monkeytaco... Then asking him to help me shoot up a theatre!
I know he will understand what I am trying to do!
Of course he will, he wrote what I was trying to do.
Oh my goodness, Franklin Street! That's his street!!!!
I cant be... Hmmmmmm...not as nice a neighborhood as I expected..
Oh well, he probably rules above the neighborhood in a massive fortress!
I can't wait..
Okay let me see... 704.. 706....708... There it is! 710 Franklin Street!
Okay it's a normal house... but... Maybe it continues underground...
I run screaming to the front door in excitement.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
I anxiously wait to meet him.
And then the knob starts to turn and the door pulls open
And.. And.... And.....
"Hello"
A young overweight man with a poorly grown goatee opens the door.
-Ummmmmm.... Hi... is uhhhhh.. Erik Klassen Here?
"That's me, I am Erik Klassen."
I stare open mouthed at him. My master, my god, My savior.
-I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I drop to my knees in not worthiness.
"ummm... So.... uhhhh.... yeah... Who are you again?"
He wanted to know my name!
-My name is Owen and I am on a mission!
"Your name is Owen?"
-Yep.
"Is it really?"
-Not as such, but it should be.
"I see"
-well anyways, I have come to tell you that I am your biggest fan, Monkeytaco. I love Space Wizards so much. It has changed my life and I am on a mission to live my life the way I think you would have wanted it.
"uhhhhhh..."
-I was hoping to start by killing everyone in a theatre along with a gun shop owner, my family and the entire Police Department.
"ummmmm..."
-Yeah and also I wanted to meet you and hopefully you would give me the honor of collaborating on the Space Wizards Expanded Universe.
"The wha...?"
Oh god! He hasn't read my story yet! Please tell me I have my copy on me... Please please please.. Yes! Here it is!
-Here master, read this, and it will all become clear.
I hand him the paper and watch his eyes slide across the page. His facial expressions curl and twist in horror, just screaming that he loves it. I cant wait till he gets to the part with the theater manager!
"Oh my dear god, what the hell is that?"
-It is the continuing adventure of Owen after his adventure at the theatre.
"You made a sequel to my story?"
-Of course not my master, it is fan fiction.
"Oh, I see... Ummmm..... Well, enough about that, why exactly do you like Space Wizards?"
-Huh? Oh ummm... well... It's just a story that is so much like the way I feel and think that it is unbelievable. In the story, Owen does the kinds of things I only dream about, and.. Well.. Everything in the story is pure magic.
"Uh-huh, go on!"
-Wha? Ummmm... well.... All the characters are well developed, even the ones that die immediately, almost as if you planned to give them plots only to get lazy and give up or something. But of course you would never do that. Then there is the fact that you often spell Tinyla and amulet in multiple different ways through out the story to kind of give it a stylilized feeling. I really enjoy that.
"Mmmmmhmmmmmm. Why else?"
-Why Else?
"Yeah, why else do you love my work?"
It was becoming quite obvious that Monkeytaco was quite conceited. Loving to hear about his own works at every chance he got, always wanting to hear good things about it at all times by everyone. Which could be expected from such a genius as him.
-Well that's really about all my master. But those are big reasons.
"I see, well what about my other stories?"
-Other Stories?
"Yeah, stories like "The Order" "By The Door" "Muerte y Trafico" "A Week and A day" "Strippers are funny" and all my other GREAT bodies of work that anybody who wants to can easily access by going to Monkeytaco at Fanfiction.net"
-Oh, well I haven't read those yet, master, but I will soon I promise. But first I was hoping I could get you to come to the theatre with me and help me purify the world of supporters.
"Huh? You mean you're really going to kill people? Buddy, I have to tell you a few things man."
The master was going to speak to me!
"First of all, I admit, I am the greatest author on fanfiction.net, if not on the planet, but still, I write fiction. Not only that, but its fiction that no one in there right mind should ever try to reenact. Not only would the events in Space Wizards never happen, but they should never happen. As much as I hate the people that are killed in the story, I don't have the right to take their lives. You see son, murder is never the right thing to do. Because with Murder, everybody is a victim. Life is fragile, life is important, life is good."
-Hmmmm... well yeah that goes without saying, but still, could we just kill this few dozen people and then never kill anyone again?
Before the master could speak his bedroom door opens.
"Hey Erik, I hope you have gotten all your choirs done, we are going out tonight. Make sure to dust and vacuum and make the bed."
"Okay Mom"
And then she leaves. Wow, Erik lives with his mom! She must be a genius too!
Wait a minute! Something didn't feel right!
-How come she didn't notice me?
"Well son, I guess this is the spot I have to tell you something."
-What?
"Why would my mom possibly not have seen you?"
-I don't have any idea.
"Because we are the same person."
-What?
"You see, Just like Owen from Space Wizards, you are a fictional character from a story. Albeit a very stupid story, but a story nonetheless. You are just a figure from out of my mind."
-What? That's ridiculous, I mean, what about when I tried to shoot up the Smith Two Theatre.
"Look in the newspaper man, there is no Smith Two Theatre!"
I quickly tear open the entertainment section of the paper to look..
Edwards Cinema, United Artist Theatres, Pacific Theatres..
No Smith Two Theatre! But how could this be??
-I don't believe you! It can't be true.
"But it is true, heck I'm not even real, I am a fictitious version of me, that Monkeytaco wrote into the story."
-But this doesn't make any sense!
"That's because he isn't very talented."
-I still cant except this.
"Watch, something completely random will happen."
Steve "Doctor Santoro" Taylor comes in asks for Pepsi and suddenly explodes and dogs come in and eat his fragmented body then dissolve into nothing.
"Are you convinced now?"
-But, but why would Erik make my life so miserable? I got stabbed in the hand, attacked by dream zombies and arrested, and for what? So the two or three people who read his stories can give him some clever two-word review? I refuse to believe that my life means nothing!
"Face it man, You, me, Owen, Scottsworth, Tinyla, Cletus, Jim the Rock, Kuby!, Allison the Barber, The dead guy in the car with the horn, they are all just products of Erik Klassen's Stupid stupid imagination. We all live to please him."
-I hate him! He has caused me nothing but pain! I want it to end.
If it is all fiction, than surely I can probably make things happen too. I look down into my hand and sure enough, there is a pistol.
-My eyes are Open!
I put the gun in my mouth and pull the trigger
BANG!
OUCH!
That fucking hurt!
"What are you doing?"
-Huh? I.. I thought that it would end.
"When the fuck did I say that would make it end?"
-Well, I just assumed that-
"Nope, it doesn't work like that."
-Oh.. Well when does it end?
"Whenever Monkeytaco realizes he is out of ideas and that this story is stupid."
-When is that?
"Soon, I hope"
.
.
..
..
They have sex
...
...
..
The house blows up
..
..
...
Ummm... Zombies attack
..
..
...
Read all my stories!!!!!!!!
The End