Reno's Payback,

By Ealinesse.

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Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy. Nope, never. Not in a million years.

Warnings: Language.

Summary: When Scarlet threatens his family, Reno decides that a little costly payback is in order...

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Home time was definitely, by far, the best part of the day. There were no buts about it. Because at least then he'd get to leave that painted, overzealous bitch behind, as well as her mindless, fat, and equally painted cronies. That meant he could sit at home, relax, and not have to worry about any high-pitched shrieks yelling at him for something he had 'done wrong'. Right.

The Turk frowned, remembering how much hell Scarlet had given him over the years, wondering just how it had finally escalated to this. She had not five minutes before threatened his family. Not only that, but his sister; his only family; the only good thing in his life apart from his equally studious comrades. Quite personally, he was going to make sure she was going to pay for it... but with just what, he as of now, had no idea.

Waltzing out the exit door to the Shinra lobby, Reno didn't think he could be in a more foul mood. Right now, with his fists clenched and his jaw square in indignation, he was sure that nothing could possibly get in his way, and that nothing in the world could possible cheer him up again...

...But that was all until he saw the black car sitting right outside the main office. It wasn't his - not quite – but it was similar enough for anyone else to mistake it as such. Reno grinned, suddenly seeing three very inspirational, but unrelated things at once. He eyed maniacally the keys in the engine, the traffic contender that was not far off from reaching the black car, and the dotted yellow 'no parking' lines painted directly underneath the running vehicle.

He took a step closer, not believing his luck. It was too much… he knew whose car this was, and he also knew exactly what to do with it. Yes, in about five minutes or so, payback was going to be a bitch.

Elena, standing directly behind him, frowned as he stopped in his tracks. Looking up, she grinned. "Oh! Look! Rude brought your car out! How sweet!"

Ignoring her slip-up, he realised it could work for him. Reno darted over to the car, and tore the bold 'Shinra Partner' personnel logo off the front (which would get him away with even mass murder) and put it in his pocket. He waited just long enough for his fellow Turk to get in as well, and just long enough for the traffic operator to get close enough to see 'his' traffic violation, before playing his cards. Then, appearing for all the world to be in a rush, he darted out of the car, PHS to his ear. Elena, bemused, followed.

"Reno, what are you doing! Did you forget something?"

Just then, another voice attempted to halt him. "Sir!"

"Uh, yeah?" Reno turned back to the man, winking imperceptibly at Elena as she tried futily to shrug off her confusion.

For her part, the female Turk was shocked. 'What the hell is he doing?' Examining him carefully, she noticed his face was deceptively calm; passive, but wary of the situation around him. He was doing something...something strange, but for the life of her, she couldn't figure out what.

"What can I do you for?" Reno prompted when the man didn't answer.

"Sir, you're in a restricted zone, no civilians are allowed here. You have no personnel ID on your car, no Shinra codes, nor do I recognize you, so-" Trying hard to force his authority, the man pulled out a pad and pen from a uniform navy satchel.

Thinking hard, Reno frowned, appearing concerned, but business-like. How was it best to piss this man off? Then it clicked. "You don't know me? How-"

"-Sir-"

"I'm just going inside to retrieve some files. Can't you just allow me to go and get them? I'll be five minutes!"

"No, I'm sorry-"

"But-"

"Sir, if you just allow me to see your Shinra ID, then I'll let you go!"

"Ha! You hear that, 'Laney? This lowlife wants to see our ID! I feel like I'm some under-aged kid trying to get into a bloody nightclub! Look, sir, I'm Reno of the Turks, I don't need ID. In fact, that's just what I was going upstairs to get!" He turned, and his eyes momentarily widened as he caught his fellow Turk pulling out a very familiar card.

Walloping the man forcefully on the head in a swift move, he snatched Elena's Shinra ID off her as she moved to show it to the man.

Life was wonderful, he thought, seeing her clueless face. She really thought that this was his car! All the better for his act, though, he grinned, as Elena appeared every bit to be the angry girlfriend.

"Reno-" Elena ground out under her breath, seeing the man's glare. "This man's gonna give you a ticket! Has your cheese completely slid off your cracker? Come on, Reno-" she stopped, not understanding why he was grinning so widely. "What… ?"

"Sir!" The traffic contender caught Reno's arm as he tried to 'walk away'. Seeing his face, the redheaded Turk tried to keep a straight face; the man was truly vexed. It was more than obvious, he was doing his job well.

"What do you want now!" Reno's angry facade kicked back in, his grin fading out instantaneously.

"I told you that-"

"I'm not going to listen to your bull-"

"-Reno-"

"-That's it! You're getting a ticket!"

The redheaded Turk paused for a second, just enough for him to regain the situation. He then scowled, and bellowed, "You asshole!"

"Two tickets! Insubordination and the original parking-"

"What?!"

"-Reno..." Elena stared, shocked as the two glared hard at each other. Why the hell was Reno doing this? He could have just whipped out his ID, and it all would have been dealt with. Instead, at the rate he was going, his next two paychecks would be spent on car fines alone.

Trying not to laugh at Elena's gob-smacked face, Reno adopted a mask of all-seriousness. Insubordination? Ha! If this man knew who he was talking to, he'd be running faster than the wind. He hardened his mask as the ticketer's face grew stony.

"Insubordination?...That's a first..." Elena muttered as Reno waved her concern off, too concentrated on his 'anger' to pay any attention to her.

"Sir, you have two traffic violations impending. Now, I suggest you-"

"Two? Surely your bad attitude has more where that bloody-well came from!"

"Three, then?" The operator stuck the two on the windscreen, then examined the car, eyes finally coming to rest on the tyres. He slapped a ticket there, too, and turned back around, a great degree of satisfaction on his face.

Without warning - for warning was truly needed when this look came onto his face - Reno grinned suddenly, a familiar but dangerous twinkle appearing in his aquamarine eyes as he swiped his sunglasses back onto his forehead. "Why stop there?"

"Fine. Four!" The man was truly pissed, and Elena, from what she had gathered from the man, didn't look like one to back down.

"Jerk." ...But then again, she thought, neither was Reno.

"Five!" Slap.

"Fuck, do you know how much that's gonna cost?"

"Yes!"

"What an asshole! Just because I'm arguing with you? I thought you already gave me a ticket for resistance? What a loser!"

Slap. "Six!"

"Oh, come on you whack-job...!"

Elena could only watch in shock, as five minutes later, Reno stockpiled enough fines to even cost a major Shinra Partner a few hefty paychecks. For every taunt the fiery Turk threw at the Meterman, another ticket was written. But what could she do? Reno wouldn't listen to her...hell, she wasn't sure he even had that much gil...especially the way he drank.

Brought out of her daydream, Elena shook its remnants off as she saw a movement out of the corner of her eye; Reno heading over to the car, nightstick in hand. She watched, entranced as the irate Turk smashed a headlight with his nightstick, the sound of shattering glass and plastic enough to catch most peoples attention. The traffic operator stood, stunned for a second or two before he even tempted a reaction; quite obviously he'd never seen anyone near as nuts as him. 'You ain't seen nothing yet,' Elena thought, remembering painfully all of the times that Reno had been out of control.

Reno, taking advantage of the blubbering man, grabbed the ticket and the pen, scribbling a brief 'note' before slapping it on the offending headlight. Promptly, he returned the now rather empty ticket pad to the man's hands, who had tried futily but hadn't moved an inch. He was clearly as confused as Elena. Then, shaking his head and his shock off, he just walked away, pad and paper in hand, glancing back over his shoulder at the paper-strewn car.

"Crazy mo-fo!" he called, plainly ignorant to the small crowd that had gathered.

Up until that moment, Elena noticed, Reno looked every part the guilty, but ireful offender. But suddenly, the grin that she hadn't seen in a while snapped back into place, and in the blink of an eye he was back to normal. The transition was strange, yet oddly familiar, but even she couldn't place the twinkle in his eyes. Tagging along, she followed as Reno walked in the opposite direction, through the gathered people who were clearly laughing something shocking - being more enlightened than Elena - and to the company carpark.

Bemused, she frowned. Why would he...? "Reno?"

"Heheh, yeah?"

She decided it was more than time to let her imminent confusion show. "What the fuck did you do that for? Are you crazy?"

"Felt like it, for one," he lied. Reno shrugged. "And...yes. You of all people should know that."

Thinking hard, she trailed him, not coming to any decent conclusions...

Until she spotted a very familiar black car at the other end of the parking lot. She heard Reno laugh, and moved faster, struggling to match his long strides.

"Uh...Reno?"

"What is it this time, 'Laney?"

"How did your car get fixed so fast? And, as a matter of fact… how did it get there?"

Reno sighed, realizing in an instant that Elena's high-pitched voice was shocked, yet oddly serious. The humour would be lost on her unless he let her in on the joke, but... so? "It ain't my car, sugar." It was all he could do not to laugh as she frowned, perplexed, tugging thoughtfully at her lip.

"Oh," then, "Whose was it then?" The idea that Reno would do that didn't surprise her for a second. In fact, it made a hell of a lot more sense. She only pitied who it was, enemy or not.

'Newbie,' Reno thought. But then he grinned and hopped into the car. His partner followed suit, sitting uneasily on the edge of her seat as they drove out of the complex.

Rude met them at the end, and Elena noticed that he somehow knew - god only knew how - that Reno had done something, if not actually knowledgeable about what. In his usual blunt manner, he sat in the back for a while, silent and stoic as usual, then: "Okay, Reno, whose was it?"

"You'll see!" His tone was all-too happy, like that of a child on some serious sugar.

They drove for a moment, in full silence, until a scream bit through the early evening air. Through the crowd of people, a woman in a vibrantly red, and very revealing dress stood firmly rooted in the early stages of shock. Her eyes were narrowed, her crimson lips quivering in an emotional stronghold for dominance. Elena's eyes widened as they skulked slowly past, unseen by the woman as she all but tore out her peroxide-stained hair. There was a very pointed high-heel in her hand, which she was brandishing around at the rather entertained crowd.

"Scarlet?!" Her jaw dropped in astonishment, as Reno mock-bowed awkwardly in his seat. "You actually did that to Scarlet? You've either got a serious death wish, or Mako balls..."

Rude, seated in the back, leaned forward and closed Elena's slack jaw with a stiff, deadpan motion when her voice trailed off in wonderment. Job done, he leaned back and surveyed the scene, folding his arms in a common 'Rude' gesture. "You're full of yourself, Reno," he finally said. But there was an ever-so-faint quirk to his lips that told everyone he was amused, if not mildly disapproving.

Reno grinned in response. "I know, but you both love me anyway!" He ignored Elena's patented groan and flipped his glasses back on, holding back laughter as he examined the ticket-strewn car and it's owner. He patted his pocket absently. She'd never get off those fines, not without her Partner Ticket.

"You missed your calling, Reno," was the only other thing Elena said as her face began to gain some colour after her initial shock. "You should have been an actor."

He ignored the remark, for as they drove by, a feeling of immense satisfaction overrode all his previous anger. He'd wanted to get that bitch for years, and her shrieking wail only made him more content that he'd succeeded. He would let her know tomorrow that this was only the beginning of his payback; threatening his sister had been the wrong move.

He watched out of the corner of his eye as Heidegger wandered out the door, trying hard but failing to calm the wrathful woman. It didn't work, but he hadn't expected it would. Yes, there was definitely more where that came from, he decided, and it wasn't all going to be that pretty. Shinra, Scarlet, Heidegger - even Rufus - were going to rue the day they ever messed with him.

Author's note: Okay, this is a little joke that I turned into a ficlet. Not really all that humorous, but not bad for a half-hours work, I suppose.

Please review! Cya,

Ealinesse!