Disclaimer: Court says I must wear a muzzle. I can still hurt you if you
mention that I don't own CCS and related characters, though. So take
caution. And be afraid. Be very afraid.
So many reviews. . . I'm so [sniffle] happy [sniffle]. I totally agree, The Five Kings of Death, Yue not having his own e-mail address DOES seem wrong. Horribly wrong. For the wonderful peoples who didn't get Yelan's e-mail address, let's just say that one should never let the Li sisters make one an account. . . Oh, and brace yourself, this chapter is going to be totally OOC and it may damage your digestive tract.
Card Captor Sakura Gets a Computer!
Written by Odd World. Because no one else is THIS demented. Except maybe kirjava-chan.
~Letters from Eriol~
OR: Eriol's Outbox
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Takashi Yamazaki fibber_at_large@yahoo.ja
Subject: Re: Please help me Hiiragizawa-kun!
Yamazaki-kun,
It is very sad to hear that your lies aren't as imaginative anymore, and that Mihara-chan can tell immediately that they are lies. In fact, I do have a couple ideas to help you get back on your feet. Here they are:
- Panda bears originally lived in America, but the Natives drove them out because they believed that Pandas were diabolically evil. Back then; Pandas had fins, so they swan to China.
- Another one concerning Pandas (perhaps even following the first one): Pandas are not becoming extinct, they are slowly returning to their space colonies on Mars. And soon, these diabolically evil space Pandas will form an army so great that all you puny mortals will have but no choice to surrender!
I know these lies aren't exactly your style, but it is the best I could think of at this time in the evening/morning. Add the numerous alcoholic drinks, and this isn't so bad.
Sincerely,
Eriol Hiiragizawa
~*~
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org
Subject: Hello.
My Cute Little Descendant,
I hope that you are doing well. Sakura-chan has told me about the trip you two will be taking to Hong Kong together, I'm very glad for the both of you.
I also have a little word of warning for you. When you return, your archenemy will have used money in an attempt to harm you. Be wary of men with crowbars and other various weapons of destruction.
Sincerely,
Eriol Hiiragizawa
P.S: Have you ever tasted Peach Schnapps? They're surprisingly addictive!
~*~
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com
Subject: Little Blue Cheese Monkeys.
Dear Sakura-san,
I have seen the future, and it stinks. It stinks bad. I'm writing you to give you a little warning. I'm a-thinking, and it's giving me a headache, but I'm a-thinking that you should check in your luggage before you go to Hong Kong. So you do that.
EVILLY yours,
Eriol Hiiragizawa
~*~
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org
Subject: Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit.
Cerberus,
I've written three letters tonight. Three. Not including this one right now. And no one thinks about how HARD it is to write those letters! No thinks about ME, Cerberus, no one. It's VERY hard writing you and your friends letters because my keyboard only has English characters. I have to cast a spell to make it turn Japanese. And spells make me crave alcohol. And alcohol makes me see strange things. And I think that in my drunkenness I have just sent Sakura-san with a letter titled "Little Blue Cheese Monkeys". You know what I was trying to say, Cerberus? I was trying to say "A little warning" but I was so drunk my Japanese got all slurred. I've just made an ass of myself! An ass! Asses go 'hee-haw' and they don't like Peach Schnapps or vodka, which they don't drink while writing a letter of drunken sadness to their past life's creation! So I couldn't have made an ass of myself, but I did! Why is the computer screen going all swirly, Cerberus? Whyu? Ssspidsinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
~*~
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org
Subject: Re: Why do you always send your letters of drunken rage to ME? Why not Suppi???
Dear Cerberus
Did I really send another one of those letters to you again? I'm very sorry. I can't remember anything after I sent Li-kun's letter.
I don't know why I send e-mails to you when I've had too much to drink. It's rather strange, isn't it? Can you not tell anyone about this, please? I have a reputation to keep up. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Eriol Hiiragizawa
~*~
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Kaho Mizuki priestessofthemoon@darkmagicians.com
Subject: Re: This morning
Dear Kaho,
I would have told you this face-to-face, but I believe you shall be working late tonight, and you deserve an explanation as to why you found me sleeping on the computer desk with my face on the keyboard this morning.
I got drunk again. I jimmy-opened your liquor cabinet and got piss drunk. I had cast another spell to make our keyboard write Japanese, and you know how much I crave liquor after I cast a spell. Clow's habits die hard.
Love, Eriol
~*~
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org
Subject: none
Dear Tomoyo-san,
It's nice to hear that you are doing well. Li-kun and Sakura-san haven't told me what the carrot and spatula incident was about, but I would like to know also. Perhaps we could ask Sakura-san's older brother? Is he not the cause of this famous incident?
Everything on my side of the globe is as normal as it gets. Spinel Sun had gotten drunk again a week ago and rented 'The Lion King'. He had watched it five times, with Ruby Moon feeding him sugar, and then he flew around the house, coating it in flour, before knocking on my door. I was in my study reading at the time, completely unaware of Spinel's current state. So I told him he could come in, and he did so, quite soberly, and said: "Simba, you must complete the circle of life." He then proceeded to giggle madly and promptly flew into the wall. He was out for three hours.
Ruby is behaving, other than feeding Spinel four sacks of sugar on the above-mentioned occasion. In fact she rather enjoyed seeing Spinel drunk, because as I walked out of the room, totally perplexed, she was on the hallway floor clutching her stomach, laughing so hard that she was red in the face. I must admit it was rather amusing.
Kaho and I are still living together, as in love as ever. Ruby and Spinel enjoy her company, so I'm glad.
Being an incarnation of Clow Reed is becoming a bother. His habits are becoming rather embarrassing, although I did lose some when I transferred my powers to Kinomoto-sensei. So if you visit Sakura-san any time soon and her father jumps out at you, pinches your cheeks, and says "the force is strong within you, Obi-Wan", remember that this was an old habit of Clow's and it was more alarming in his time, as no one had known of Star Wars except the most powerful clairvoyants. Frankly, I'm relieved I got rid of that habit.
I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely, Eriol Hiiragizawa
~*~
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja
Subject: The famed carrot and spatula incident.
Kinomoto-san,
Tomoyo-san and I have been wondering; what is this carrot and spatula incident that Sakura-san and Li-kun try so hard to keep secret? Perhaps you would be more willing to tell me?
Sincerely,
Eriol Hiiragizawa
~*~
A/N: I am now challenging myself to see if I can end every single chapter with Touya! Woo! Go me!
Heh, my apologies to kirjava-chan for that opening bit. . . I just couldn't help myself! I give you permission to call me demented in your review. Which I am. But still.
I also apologize for the total strangeness of this entire chapter. I kind of like the idea of Eriol drunk. But my absolute favourite part of this installment was Eriol's letter to Tomoyo. Hihi, Suppi watching the Lion King is my idea of comedy. This goes to show how odd I am. Which part did you guys like? Were there any mistakes? Tell me in your reviews! And don't forget to suggest what you want to see next! Toodles!
P.S: I'm thinking of MAYBE doing a Card Captor Sakura/His Dark Materials crossover. In your reviews, please tell me if any of you have ever read the trilogy (except you kirjava-chan, 'cuz that's just a given!). And MAYBE I'll consider writing one. . . Mwahaha. . .
So many reviews. . . I'm so [sniffle] happy [sniffle]. I totally agree, The Five Kings of Death, Yue not having his own e-mail address DOES seem wrong. Horribly wrong. For the wonderful peoples who didn't get Yelan's e-mail address, let's just say that one should never let the Li sisters make one an account. . . Oh, and brace yourself, this chapter is going to be totally OOC and it may damage your digestive tract.
Card Captor Sakura Gets a Computer!
Written by Odd World. Because no one else is THIS demented. Except maybe kirjava-chan.
~Letters from Eriol~
OR: Eriol's Outbox
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Takashi Yamazaki fibber_at_large@yahoo.ja
Subject: Re: Please help me Hiiragizawa-kun!
Yamazaki-kun,
It is very sad to hear that your lies aren't as imaginative anymore, and that Mihara-chan can tell immediately that they are lies. In fact, I do have a couple ideas to help you get back on your feet. Here they are:
- Panda bears originally lived in America, but the Natives drove them out because they believed that Pandas were diabolically evil. Back then; Pandas had fins, so they swan to China.
- Another one concerning Pandas (perhaps even following the first one): Pandas are not becoming extinct, they are slowly returning to their space colonies on Mars. And soon, these diabolically evil space Pandas will form an army so great that all you puny mortals will have but no choice to surrender!
I know these lies aren't exactly your style, but it is the best I could think of at this time in the evening/morning. Add the numerous alcoholic drinks, and this isn't so bad.
Sincerely,
Eriol Hiiragizawa
~*~
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org
Subject: Hello.
My Cute Little Descendant,
I hope that you are doing well. Sakura-chan has told me about the trip you two will be taking to Hong Kong together, I'm very glad for the both of you.
I also have a little word of warning for you. When you return, your archenemy will have used money in an attempt to harm you. Be wary of men with crowbars and other various weapons of destruction.
Sincerely,
Eriol Hiiragizawa
P.S: Have you ever tasted Peach Schnapps? They're surprisingly addictive!
~*~
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com
Subject: Little Blue Cheese Monkeys.
Dear Sakura-san,
I have seen the future, and it stinks. It stinks bad. I'm writing you to give you a little warning. I'm a-thinking, and it's giving me a headache, but I'm a-thinking that you should check in your luggage before you go to Hong Kong. So you do that.
EVILLY yours,
Eriol Hiiragizawa
~*~
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org
Subject: Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit.
Cerberus,
I've written three letters tonight. Three. Not including this one right now. And no one thinks about how HARD it is to write those letters! No thinks about ME, Cerberus, no one. It's VERY hard writing you and your friends letters because my keyboard only has English characters. I have to cast a spell to make it turn Japanese. And spells make me crave alcohol. And alcohol makes me see strange things. And I think that in my drunkenness I have just sent Sakura-san with a letter titled "Little Blue Cheese Monkeys". You know what I was trying to say, Cerberus? I was trying to say "A little warning" but I was so drunk my Japanese got all slurred. I've just made an ass of myself! An ass! Asses go 'hee-haw' and they don't like Peach Schnapps or vodka, which they don't drink while writing a letter of drunken sadness to their past life's creation! So I couldn't have made an ass of myself, but I did! Why is the computer screen going all swirly, Cerberus? Whyu? Ssspidsinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
~*~
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org
Subject: Re: Why do you always send your letters of drunken rage to ME? Why not Suppi???
Dear Cerberus
Did I really send another one of those letters to you again? I'm very sorry. I can't remember anything after I sent Li-kun's letter.
I don't know why I send e-mails to you when I've had too much to drink. It's rather strange, isn't it? Can you not tell anyone about this, please? I have a reputation to keep up. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Eriol Hiiragizawa
~*~
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Kaho Mizuki priestessofthemoon@darkmagicians.com
Subject: Re: This morning
Dear Kaho,
I would have told you this face-to-face, but I believe you shall be working late tonight, and you deserve an explanation as to why you found me sleeping on the computer desk with my face on the keyboard this morning.
I got drunk again. I jimmy-opened your liquor cabinet and got piss drunk. I had cast another spell to make our keyboard write Japanese, and you know how much I crave liquor after I cast a spell. Clow's habits die hard.
Love, Eriol
~*~
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org
Subject: none
Dear Tomoyo-san,
It's nice to hear that you are doing well. Li-kun and Sakura-san haven't told me what the carrot and spatula incident was about, but I would like to know also. Perhaps we could ask Sakura-san's older brother? Is he not the cause of this famous incident?
Everything on my side of the globe is as normal as it gets. Spinel Sun had gotten drunk again a week ago and rented 'The Lion King'. He had watched it five times, with Ruby Moon feeding him sugar, and then he flew around the house, coating it in flour, before knocking on my door. I was in my study reading at the time, completely unaware of Spinel's current state. So I told him he could come in, and he did so, quite soberly, and said: "Simba, you must complete the circle of life." He then proceeded to giggle madly and promptly flew into the wall. He was out for three hours.
Ruby is behaving, other than feeding Spinel four sacks of sugar on the above-mentioned occasion. In fact she rather enjoyed seeing Spinel drunk, because as I walked out of the room, totally perplexed, she was on the hallway floor clutching her stomach, laughing so hard that she was red in the face. I must admit it was rather amusing.
Kaho and I are still living together, as in love as ever. Ruby and Spinel enjoy her company, so I'm glad.
Being an incarnation of Clow Reed is becoming a bother. His habits are becoming rather embarrassing, although I did lose some when I transferred my powers to Kinomoto-sensei. So if you visit Sakura-san any time soon and her father jumps out at you, pinches your cheeks, and says "the force is strong within you, Obi-Wan", remember that this was an old habit of Clow's and it was more alarming in his time, as no one had known of Star Wars except the most powerful clairvoyants. Frankly, I'm relieved I got rid of that habit.
I hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely, Eriol Hiiragizawa
~*~
From: Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com
To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja
Subject: The famed carrot and spatula incident.
Kinomoto-san,
Tomoyo-san and I have been wondering; what is this carrot and spatula incident that Sakura-san and Li-kun try so hard to keep secret? Perhaps you would be more willing to tell me?
Sincerely,
Eriol Hiiragizawa
~*~
A/N: I am now challenging myself to see if I can end every single chapter with Touya! Woo! Go me!
Heh, my apologies to kirjava-chan for that opening bit. . . I just couldn't help myself! I give you permission to call me demented in your review. Which I am. But still.
I also apologize for the total strangeness of this entire chapter. I kind of like the idea of Eriol drunk. But my absolute favourite part of this installment was Eriol's letter to Tomoyo. Hihi, Suppi watching the Lion King is my idea of comedy. This goes to show how odd I am. Which part did you guys like? Were there any mistakes? Tell me in your reviews! And don't forget to suggest what you want to see next! Toodles!
P.S: I'm thinking of MAYBE doing a Card Captor Sakura/His Dark Materials crossover. In your reviews, please tell me if any of you have ever read the trilogy (except you kirjava-chan, 'cuz that's just a given!). And MAYBE I'll consider writing one. . . Mwahaha. . .