A/N: ::yawns:: wow, i got reviews! to tell the truth, i didn't like this
story so much myself when i wrote it, mostly because of the non-name mentioning
thing, which i realize makes it confusing as hell. it was a stage i was going
through (and in some cases, still go through). and i also saw that the italics
on part of the last bit, which *is* supposed to be a flashback, was not there
for some odd uploading reason, so i'll fix that, and for the heck of it i'll
even go through and fix the annoying pronouns. for all interested in a sequel, i
can't promise you anything, because the ranma bug hasn't bitten me in a long
time and this was intended to be a stand-alone fic when written. i was
*extremely* overjoyed to see that some of my reviewers also got the whole
mother's legacy thing. well, one explained it in detail, but others probably got
it too. anyway. hopefully if you haven't read it previously and are just *now*
doing so, the changes will make it easier to understand. and enough of my
blabbing.
A Mother's Legacy
She watched him walk off, his
shoulders hunched and his body stiff with pain and disbelief, and she felt a
pang of pain in her chest. She hadn't meant to hurt him like this, but she
hadn't seen any choice. Things just couldn't have gone on the way they were
progressing. Just that morning, he had told her… She closed her mind to that
memory abruptly, a wave of anger flooding over her. It took her a few moments to
recover, and she took a deep breath. She couldn't see him anymore.
Slowly she turned on her heels and strode back into the house. She took off her shoes quietly and started up the stairs to her room. Someone was standing in her way in front of the door. Her eyes felt tired, and her eyelids were as heavy as lead. Why was this happening to her? How was it her fault that these things, things she had never asked for, had happened? Akane's head lifted, her eyes meeting those of her sister, and she shrank back into herself at the accusation that lay there.
Nabiki parted her lips slightly, and they moved as if she wanted to say something, but no words came out. Akane studied the other girl's movements, fascinated by them. She had always felt a special bond with both of her older sisters. It had started, she supposed, when their mother had died, and the three of them had learned to depend on each other to find the strength they all needed. Their father had looked inside of himself for that strength, but he wasn't always able to find it. She pitied her father for the change that had happened to him since his wife's death; she could still vaguely remember him the way he had been, and how happy their family had been, picnicking and laughing and spending all that time together. Now he was almost broken, and the only thing that seemed to keep him going was the fact that his daughters needed him. She sighed and felt a weariness seep through her body, and then saw that Nabiki had finally found her words.
"I can't believe you did that… Whatever came over you? What possessed you to say those things to him? All he's ever done is loved you, you know." Nabiki's dark eyes seemed to burn with anger, and her younger sister, listening to her silently, could not speak. Akane could not even recognize the girl in front of her. Since her mother's death, Nabiki had changed, tried to make a mockery of the world so that no once could ever hurt her anymore. She had never again shown a glimpse of feeling in her eyes. Now she seemed to be possessed, but one fact struck out at her subject; was she angry with her sister, or with herself?
The smaller well-built girl tried to think of a response. "I…" She ran her hands through her short brown hair. It was lighter than her sister's, and cut differently. When she had first cut it short, after the accident, she had been devastated, but after a while, she had started to like it. Some unnamed emotion swept through her as she remembered that he had liked it too. Akane sighed. His reaction when he saw her had been the one memory of him she had that she didn't now balk at. He had simply thought it looked cute. He hadn't tried to appeal to her for love, or expected her to reciprocate any to him. Maybe at that time he hadn't even felt the things he did now…
But something else had made her come to love her new hairstyle too. When she was trying to grow it longer and longer, it was because she aspired to be just like her eldest sister. Not only had she naively thought that that might gain her some recognition from the man she wanted to notice her, since he was so smitten with her sister, but she wanted to gain some of the peace and serenity the older girl seemed to possess. Kasumi was only three years older than her youngest sibling, but she seemed to be ancient. She was the only person Akane knew who could get so much joy out of doing the same boring things over and over, cooking and cleaning, and doing regularly nothing else. Akane herself had tried cooking before; and it had every time ended in disaster. And she just didn't seem to be suited to any kinds of domestic activities. Still, she wished she could, and she wished she could try to find that peace that seemed to go along with being Kasumi.
Her sudden haircut had shattered that dream. It was a shock for her, because she had been trying for song long to change her look, and now it was all over. Suddenly it seemed like the whole idea had always been a farce. When she came home, Kasumi was shocked at first, but only because of the physical changes. Akane had no doubt that her sister could never do anything but love her, and her hairstyle was part of who she was. Nabiki's reaction had been different. She had raised her eyebrows, and had actually looked quite surprised. She had always been aware of her Akane's desire to become more like Kasumi. Then Nabiki had smiled, and although the smile had quickly melted into a smirk, her little sister was struck by its appearance. What did it mean? Before Akane had a chance to figure it out, her sister had gotten up, stretching luxuriously, and had walked across the room. As she stepped through the opening in the wall, Nabiki had turned and said smugly to her sister:
"I appreciate the compliment. It's quite an honor that you would now want to look like me instead of Kasumi, but I'm afraid there's only one small problem with that. There's only one Nabiki Tendo in this town, and any newcomers would have a pretty hard time dealing with the real thing."
Reflecting on these memories, Akane smiled sadly. She was so lucky to have two sisters who loved her so much, even if they sometimes had strange ways of showing it, or didn't show it at all. She herself, she realized was not always that most normal of girls, her relationship with… him… notwithstanding. Now she turned her attention back to Nabiki once more, and tried to come up with a coherent answer to the question she had been asked. "I…"
The fury in Nabiki's eyes had faded, and her usual façade of assuredness and mockery had taken its place. "I envied you, you know." Akane blinked, taken aback by this statement. Nabiki? The same Nabiki who was always making fun of her and him, who would never skip an opportunity to lightheartedly swindle them out of money? She had always thought that her sister was simply amused by their relationship. She felt like she should say this, but once again, her mouth could not be made to form the words. So, she held her silence as her sister continued to speak. "Here you were, and you had this wonderful life, and you were liked by all the boys at school…" Nabiki smirked. "…even though you really didn't return their affection. Some girls would kill for that. And then, you had friends. Two really good ones, plus most of the other girls in school got on with you fairly well at least. You were one of those people who everyone felt like they could talk to whenever they had a problem. And then, when they did, you would help them!" snorted the older girl with mock incredulity. "Is it funny? Big bad Nabiki, the heartless bitch of Furinkan High, the one who never passes up a chance to swindle someone out of money, wishing she could be nice and loved? I know the way people talk about me behind my back," she said, smiling crookedly, "but I guess I deserve it. That's the life I chose for myself."
Akane stood rigidly, not trusting herself to say anything, lest she shut off the things she was being told now. Nabiki had never been… Well… She had never been so blatantly open with her, and it was something she didn't want to stop now that it had begun. She wanted to find out all of the things her sister had to tell her, all of the things she had been holding back from everyone all these years. She didn't need to say anything; her sister simply continued.
"But now you've really gone and screwed it up. Do you ever wonder why Kasumi and I were so adamant that you should be the one to marry him?" A bitter laugh escaped Nabiki's lips. "It wasn't because of the gender crossing thing, although I'm sure you assumed it was. Kasumi, I think, did the thing Kasumi always does. She gave up her own chance to be happy so that one of us might have it. Have you ever thought about her relationship with Dr. Tofu? Do you think she doesn't realize that he loves her? Don't be so blind. Kasumi certainly isn't, although sometimes I'm fooled by that little act she puts up, too. She probably knows more about each of us than we do ourselves. But if she married Dr. Tofu, what would happen to the rest of us? Do you honestly think Daddy would be able to keep this family pulled together and functioning normally… or as much as what goes around here can be called normal? Of course not. Kasumi is the glue that keeps us together, and she realizes that. Without her, we would fall apart.
"Now, I puzzled over my own motives for the longest time. When he first showed up, in the hallway with his father… Well of course, he was a she at the time. I guess that repelled me slightly. But the weirdest thing was, I was mostly relieved. I was glad that we weren't going to have a suitor! All of these years of being who I am has taught me that I can use control of my emotions to keep out the pain and lead me forward on the correct path, but it's made me scared of what might happen if I let go. If I had fallen in love with him, and I had been the one engaged, would that have broken the control I have on my sentimental side? I'm sure of it, and I couldn't let that happen. You have no idea how scared I was when we finally discovered he was a guy. And he was so good looking! I could see myself going down that path, getting engaged and falling in love, and I was scared of where that might leave me. I didn't want to make that commitment. So I shoved the nearest thing I could find in front of me as a barrier, and that was you.
"But I didn't feel bad or anything; in fact, I was jealous, because I knew you could work out the situation, just like you always do with the girls at school. You would make it work, and the two of you would fall in love, and you would both be happy. So I guess I was kind of mad at myself, but at the same time I did feel glad for you, because it seemed like this was a guy things would work out with for you. And the two of you would eventually get married, and you would be happy." Nabiki stopped, and took a deep breath, and leaned back against the doorframe. She hadn't meant to say all the things she had said, but once she had started she just couldn't stop herself. She stared at Akane and saw, to her surprise, that her lips were tight, and she looked indignant, as if she couldn't believe someone would have the gall to say these things about her. Nabiki felt a rush of anger, and felt like slapping her stupid sister. How could she be such an idiot?! After all this time, after everything that she and him had gone through together, she still refused to see his feelings for her! They were sitting there, right in front of her face, and all she had to do was reach out and grab them, and he could be hers! How could she have the audacity to ignore everything that he felt for her?!
"Fine," spoke Nabiki coldly. "I know you've never felt the same way about him that he does about you, but sometimes from the way you've acted I thought that you might actually possess some semblance of feelings toward him. I can see I was wrong." She started to walk past her sister, toward the stairs, and stopped as she reached the top of them. Turning around, she could see that Akane had not moved from the position she had been standing in while she had listened to what had been said. Her fists were clenched into tight balls at her side, and her body was held eerily still. Incredulously, Nabiki shook her head. "I can't believe you can just let him go like this, and not feel any remorse. You don't deserve him." She stood there for a second, silently hoping for some kind of a response from her sister, but received nothing. Sighing, she walked quietly down the stairs.
Silently, Akane moved forward and opened the door she stood in front of, walking into her room. She left the lights off; she knew this place well enough in the dark to make her way around it. She sat down on her bed, and tried not to think about him, but solace would not come. Suddenly her feet seemed to be moving, and she couldn't control them as she stood up, and they moved her so that her hand could pick up the small picture frame that was sitting on that flat surface. Even in the dark she could visualize the scene in her mind, and she felt a pang of pain. How was it that he could be so stupid? Why did he have to fall in love with her, when he had two other perfectly good girls who were head-over-heels for him? Why couldn't he have been happy with one of them? She would have liked to be his friend, but he had ruined any chance for that now, and she had had to stop him before things could progress any further.
She watched the darkness with fascination as her feet walked across the room once more, to her window, and as her free hand opened it. She felt a bit of unhappiness as she realized what her other hand was about to do, but there was nothing she could do to stop it. Her mind tried to tell itself that it was doing the right thing, and her hand stretched back, then flew forward violently to release the picture frame.
Akane heard a splash and knew that it had landed in the koi pond.
Silently, and in control of her body once more, she crossed the room and turned the lights on. She blinked as her eyes adjusted to the light, then crossed over to her mirror. The girl that stared back at her was devoid of emotions, and her short brown hair hung evenly around the back of her head and her neck. She looked, thought the girl, like someone with no worries, someone who was once again in control of her own destiny. Akane sat down and started absently brushing her hair, staring into the eyes of the person in the mirror. The cool self-confidence she saw exerted there started to make her feel better about herself, and her brushing rapidly picked up its pace.
The brushing finished fairly quickly, and she changed out of her clothes and into a pair of soft pajamas. Darkness overtook the room once more, and Akane tucked herself into bed, a happy smile on her face. As she waited for sleep to come, certain thoughts replayed themselves through her head over and over. Some were memories of good times she had had with him, and some were of bad. She found herself reliving the time since she had met him again and again, and just when unconsciousness was about to come to her, with her tears drying on her face, the thought occurred to her that she had succeeded, and with that, she feel into a dreamless sleep.
In the yard, a woman clutched a cracked picture frame which looked like it had once held a lovely picture, but one which had now been destroyed, and could no longer be recognized. She sighed sadly to herself as she tucked her long brown hair behind her ear, and silently watched the dark bedroom above her. Things had been going so well for the two of them, but as always, good things could not last. She learned that the day her mother died, and the day she made the decision to give up her life in order to make those around her happy. Each of them had found a way of dealing with their pain.
Akane's path had been the most difficult. She had tried to lock it all up inside her, and it had simply built up within her mind over the years. Always, Kasumi had hoped that her younger sister might finally find some peace, and when Ranma had come along she had thought that she might. As the eldest Tendo daughter moved silently back to the house, she could not stop the words that kept replaying themselves in her head, and she thought about how horrible her sister's torture really was.
"I don't want to see you ever again," she had said calmly. "Things can't work out this way between us. You love me, but I… I don't. I never have. You've just been fooling yourself all this time into thinking that I do."
He tried to reach out to her, but she yanked her hand away from him, and he looked like he wanted to die. "Akane, how can you say that? I love you so much, and I'm sure that you…"
"Ranma…" she breathed, and a flash of pain flew through her eyes. "I never meant to hurt you like this, but I have to be honest with you. I have to tell you the truth, and you have to accept it! I do not love you!" Her voice was steadily gaining volume, and from the stairs, her sister, with her short brown hair, listened quietly, then moved up into the hallway, out of sight. "I wanted to be your friend, but I see now that you can't live with that, and if you can't, then I never want to see you again! I want you to get out of my life, and stay out! I'm through with you, Ranma!" In her final blast of fury, she turned and strode away from him, out of the room.
Ranma was silent as he absorbed what she had said. He swallowed convulsively, but other than that, stood absolutely still. Then, moving mechanically, he went out of the room in the opposite direction, heading to his room to get his things.
In the yard, Akane crouched quietly by the koi pond, unaware that someone standing inside the house was watching her. Suddenly, her body started to shake with silent sobs, and she fell down onto the ground, beating at it with her fists. Hot tears fell from her face and mixed with the dirt, covering her with mud. Her observer turned to get a warm washcloth so that she could have it ready for her when she came into the house, but paused as she heard something. Sounding as if she was going to die, the girl choked out the words, as if her life depended on it, and Kasumi would never forget what she heard.
"Ranma… You don't understand… I loved you too much. I loved you too much… and I couldn't trust myself with you…" Akane collapsed back into the endless wracking sobs, and her sister felt an ugly pang of hatred. Kasumi turned back into the kitchen, leaving her helpless sister to her misery, and as she did, she let the hatred run loose, instead of quashing it as she usually tried to do.
The hatred was for her mother.