Bring on the Potential Killers

Okay, so I was going to go through this all in order...but really the new spoilers that have just come out are making me so angry. So I decided to start on them right away! This installment has spoilers for Season Seven, eps. 13-16. Enjoy, and try not to throw up on your keyboard...

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Spike is chained in the Summer's basement. Buffy sits next to him, writing a new, bossy speech for the SITs. Spike screams in pain...Buffy rips his shirt off and we get a shot of his bare chest before the dialogue begins, lest we lose ALL the Spike fans.

BUFFY: (Puppy dog eyes) Spike, what's wrong?

SPIKE: Ow. It's this sodding chip in my head.

BUFFY: Oh! I'll call Riley!!! (Big Smile) It's been far too long since I heard his sexy voice that I never really seemed to care about until we needed another reason to keep you and I apart!!!

SPIKE: Great, pet.

BUFFY: It seems the best way to portray my emotional maturity is to have me constantly referring to the men who left me years ago!

SPIKE: Okay.

Buffy runs upstairs to call Riley, practically fainting from the sheer coolness that is commando-vamp-ho-cheater! A moment later, she is back in the basement with Spike.

BUFFY: Mmmkay. We need to go back to the initiative caves to possibly remove your chip.

SPIKE: Do you really think that's a good idea?

BUFFY: Well, I've decided to trust you for the next two episodes...after that, I may want you to kill all the little brats upstairs! But at least I won't just be using you for sex! Now you can also be my personal attack dog.

Spike groans, but gives in because we have to remove his spine at moments to make Buffy look *empowered*.

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In the initiative caves. Spike and Buffy discuss the chip.

SPIKE: Yeah, the chip.

BUFFY: Remember when they put the chip in your head, and then you got on all those drugs?

SPIKE: No.

BUFFY: Yes, you do remember that.

SPIKE: I really don't.

BUFFY: Spike, sometimes I think you have memory problems, I mean there was that whole thing with the doctor and those eggs last year-

SPIKE: I really did not do that-

BUFFY: I guess it doesn't really matter, so long as you look like crap compared to me! No one will notice!!!

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At the Summers house, the rest of the Scoobies stand in a circle around Giles, who is knitting a pair of socks.

ANYA: Do you think he can touch things? I mean, he did smack me the other day, but...

XANDER: I don't know...gosh, this is dramatic.

DAWN: I need glasses to be able to tell if he's the First Evil!!! Wouldn't it be terrible if something happened to GILES! (Dawn weeps)

Meanwhile, Giles has shoved Xander out of the way so that he can go make a sandwich in the kitchen. The dramatic music rises as the gang further discusses the *plot twist*!!!!

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Buffy stand with the Initiative boys. She now has to make the most important decision of her life:

BUFFY: Umm, I guess just, like, remove it.

COMMANDO 1: Are you sure we shouldn't ask him?

BUFFY: Yeah, I can so decide for him. I OWN him, after all.