Disclaimer :A product of me finally snapping , being very bored in class.
The dialogue and idea are from a comic I doodled. It is also the reason
why Yeerk Vissers should never be put on national t.v. . But I don't own
any of the Vissers or subvissers in animorphs. The only character in the
fic I own is the host (no , not that kind of host^^) , M.C. .
M.C. : And it's time for THE show! Welcome to my 'confess it all ' talk show! (gestures dramatically with the mike) And here are our special guests. That's right , folks! Today we interview the villains that made the series animorphs possible!
( one or two claps and a cricket chirping.)
(Visser Three gives the audience a death glare. Suddenly the applause is deafening.)
M.C. : And todays topic is: Believe it or Not! We have here , Sub Visser Fifty One , better known as Taylor , Esplin , Edriss , and Visser 2!
( Suddenly Vissers One and Three are in M.C.s face glaring.)
Visser Three: Refer to us by our 'names' again , fool , and you die!
Visser One: For once , I'm with him!
Taylor: ( grins a very relaxed mall rat grin and reclines on chair.) I don't see why you two care.
M.C.: Now , now. There will be none of that. ( Looks extremely uncomfortable and lets down a very long trickle of sweat. *and if you watch anime at all you know what I'm talking about*)
Visser Two: They referred to ME by my title! Wha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Vissers One and Three (screaming in his face): SHUT UP!
M.C. (jumps in between them): Uh , let's get on with the show. (pained smile) Sub-Visser Fifty One , you're up!
Taylor: You may call me Taylor.
M.C.: I figured as much. But after you receive death threats from two Vissers you begin to use caution. So why are you here?
Taylor: ( bites her lip) Well , I've always wanted to confront Visser Three about something , but was afraid he'd kill me.
M.C.: (laughing) Don't we ALL feel that way. So go on.
Taylor: (fidgeting as she approaches Visser Three) You're an evil , cruel , sadistic , ass hole..and I respect that. It's just -
Visser Three: (looks alarmed) Yes?
Taylor(tears start to form) I just - I just can't serve a Visser that uses paxil! (cries freely) You must switch to prosac or I may have to resign!
Visser Three: ( goes into shock as he looks on at Taylor in anger and rage.)
Taylor: (Really sobbing now) Everyone knows that a real villain uses prosac! And you don't even know what that is!
Visser Three: (starts to sputter) HOW DARE YOU INSULT PAXIL!?
Visser Two: Wha-HAHAHAHA! I use none of those medications!
Vissers One and Three: WE SAID SHUT UP!
M.C.: (darts exasperated look at Visser Two) That , is apparent.
Taylor: And you don't promote Bonnie Bell products or Calvin Klein in the Yeerk Empire!
Visser Three: (face turning very dark blue as he screams) I should bloody well think not! What self respecting Visser would promote human products?!
Visser One: Ahem. (standing and looking ticked off) I happen to LIKE some human things. Namely sail boats. So say that again.
Taylor: (runs over to Visser one and clasps her hands) Oh joy! Can I work for you now? Visser One: ( looks very concerned by Taylors manic expression) Whatever. Just don't touch me.
M.C. (scratches head) Come to think of it , I like their -
Visser Three: (raises tail blade and advances on M.C.) Agree with the twits! I dare you! M.C. : Ah! I mean how despicable! ( covers face in hands.)
Visser Three: (turning to his fellows) And how dare YOU humiliate us on national HUMAN T.V.?!
M.C.: (peeks through fingers) Well confessions aren't always exactly.ehhh.blissful.
Visser Three: (shoves M.C.) Out of the way! I'll kill them both!
Visser One: (raises dracon beam) Bring it on!
Taylor: (looking profoundly ashamed.) His Paxil has obviously worn off. How embarrassing!
Visser One: (rolls eyes) I'd hate to see what he's like off of it.
Visser Three: (out of control , lunges at them both)
M.C.: (desperation) Commercial break!
Show resumes ..quite a few cast members are missing. Many are wounded or disfigured in some way , but both Vissers are subdued , and Taylor has been taken to the 'cry' room.
M.C.: And weeeee're back! Ah , never mind the bandage on my for head , folks! Visser Two! Why are you here today!?
Visser Two:(A blissfully manic expression appears as he walks right up to M.C..)
M.C.: (looks a bit alarmed) You could , uh , say in your seat you know. ( forces yet another painful smile.) You've basically sat in the background and wha-ha-ha-ed and made fool's comments that no one really cared to hear. Now it's your turn!
Visser Two: (yells , spit flying) I came on this show today to tell humans how PATHETIC they are! AND THEY ARE WEAK AND THEY SUCK!
M.C.( takes hankerchiff and wipes spit)
Visser Two: (ranting as heads to the door) WE WILL INFEST YOU ALL!!!! See you in my torture chamber! ( door slams)
M.C. (looking annoyed) Can't say I'm sorry to let him go. Anyway , lets try someone sane - saner anyway. Visser One. Why are here on this show?
Visser One: (glowers at Visser Three) I don't know. Ask the fool who invited me.
M.C.: Visser Three: Something about Visser One you wanna tell us? Besides the fact you two argue like a married couple?
Visser One: ( gives M.C. a withering look)
Visser Three: Don't think we won't put aside our grudge temporarily and torture you if you make a comment like that again. ( heaves a sigh of boredom) It's not easy for me to admit -
Visser One: ( folds arms as he approaches.)
Viseer Three: I have admired you for a long time , but was never able to show it , because everyone though we should hate each other. So I took my anger out on you.
Visser One: (stares in shock and disbelief)
Visser Three: ( stares at hooves bashfully) As I've said before , I wondered why we did not become allies. You would have made a valuable asset to me getting rid of those pesky andalites that plague me. ( starts to break down) And sometimes *sniff* I am so lonely. Yet you insist on hating me! ( starts to make Andalite sobbing noises.)
M.C.: They sound very fake.
Vissser Three: (evil glare)
M.C.: (gulp)
Visser One: (approaches the sobbing Visser , not very sure she believes him , but very humiliated.) psst! Cut it out , you're still on t.v.!
Visser Three: ( lets out very fake sob)
Visser One: ( gets closer) Knock it off! I know you don't mean any of that!
Visser Three: ( sobbing stops. Very malicious andalite smile.) *WHAP* ( Tail flat hits Visser One in the head.)
Visser One: ( falls unconscious)
Visser Three: BUWA-hahahaha! ( reaches for something rolled up in Visser One's back pocket. Extracts Sailor Moon comics and waves them about) LOOK! Is the council watching this?! Look at what your precious Visser One reads in her spare time! You call this a Visser?! ( flips through a few pages.) Maybe I'll.just keep this.
M.C. (looking very relieved.) That concludes our show. (glances at Visser Three reading sailor moon) Somebody please get him off my stage. ( A crew guy screams , and jumps out the window , casted leg and all. Two walk away muttering they don't get paid enough , and the rest are too injured to move.)
M.C. : And it's time for THE show! Welcome to my 'confess it all ' talk show! (gestures dramatically with the mike) And here are our special guests. That's right , folks! Today we interview the villains that made the series animorphs possible!
( one or two claps and a cricket chirping.)
(Visser Three gives the audience a death glare. Suddenly the applause is deafening.)
M.C. : And todays topic is: Believe it or Not! We have here , Sub Visser Fifty One , better known as Taylor , Esplin , Edriss , and Visser 2!
( Suddenly Vissers One and Three are in M.C.s face glaring.)
Visser Three: Refer to us by our 'names' again , fool , and you die!
Visser One: For once , I'm with him!
Taylor: ( grins a very relaxed mall rat grin and reclines on chair.) I don't see why you two care.
M.C.: Now , now. There will be none of that. ( Looks extremely uncomfortable and lets down a very long trickle of sweat. *and if you watch anime at all you know what I'm talking about*)
Visser Two: They referred to ME by my title! Wha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Vissers One and Three (screaming in his face): SHUT UP!
M.C. (jumps in between them): Uh , let's get on with the show. (pained smile) Sub-Visser Fifty One , you're up!
Taylor: You may call me Taylor.
M.C.: I figured as much. But after you receive death threats from two Vissers you begin to use caution. So why are you here?
Taylor: ( bites her lip) Well , I've always wanted to confront Visser Three about something , but was afraid he'd kill me.
M.C.: (laughing) Don't we ALL feel that way. So go on.
Taylor: (fidgeting as she approaches Visser Three) You're an evil , cruel , sadistic , ass hole..and I respect that. It's just -
Visser Three: (looks alarmed) Yes?
Taylor(tears start to form) I just - I just can't serve a Visser that uses paxil! (cries freely) You must switch to prosac or I may have to resign!
Visser Three: ( goes into shock as he looks on at Taylor in anger and rage.)
Taylor: (Really sobbing now) Everyone knows that a real villain uses prosac! And you don't even know what that is!
Visser Three: (starts to sputter) HOW DARE YOU INSULT PAXIL!?
Visser Two: Wha-HAHAHAHA! I use none of those medications!
Vissers One and Three: WE SAID SHUT UP!
M.C.: (darts exasperated look at Visser Two) That , is apparent.
Taylor: And you don't promote Bonnie Bell products or Calvin Klein in the Yeerk Empire!
Visser Three: (face turning very dark blue as he screams) I should bloody well think not! What self respecting Visser would promote human products?!
Visser One: Ahem. (standing and looking ticked off) I happen to LIKE some human things. Namely sail boats. So say that again.
Taylor: (runs over to Visser one and clasps her hands) Oh joy! Can I work for you now? Visser One: ( looks very concerned by Taylors manic expression) Whatever. Just don't touch me.
M.C. (scratches head) Come to think of it , I like their -
Visser Three: (raises tail blade and advances on M.C.) Agree with the twits! I dare you! M.C. : Ah! I mean how despicable! ( covers face in hands.)
Visser Three: (turning to his fellows) And how dare YOU humiliate us on national HUMAN T.V.?!
M.C.: (peeks through fingers) Well confessions aren't always exactly.ehhh.blissful.
Visser Three: (shoves M.C.) Out of the way! I'll kill them both!
Visser One: (raises dracon beam) Bring it on!
Taylor: (looking profoundly ashamed.) His Paxil has obviously worn off. How embarrassing!
Visser One: (rolls eyes) I'd hate to see what he's like off of it.
Visser Three: (out of control , lunges at them both)
M.C.: (desperation) Commercial break!
Show resumes ..quite a few cast members are missing. Many are wounded or disfigured in some way , but both Vissers are subdued , and Taylor has been taken to the 'cry' room.
M.C.: And weeeee're back! Ah , never mind the bandage on my for head , folks! Visser Two! Why are you here today!?
Visser Two:(A blissfully manic expression appears as he walks right up to M.C..)
M.C.: (looks a bit alarmed) You could , uh , say in your seat you know. ( forces yet another painful smile.) You've basically sat in the background and wha-ha-ha-ed and made fool's comments that no one really cared to hear. Now it's your turn!
Visser Two: (yells , spit flying) I came on this show today to tell humans how PATHETIC they are! AND THEY ARE WEAK AND THEY SUCK!
M.C.( takes hankerchiff and wipes spit)
Visser Two: (ranting as heads to the door) WE WILL INFEST YOU ALL!!!! See you in my torture chamber! ( door slams)
M.C. (looking annoyed) Can't say I'm sorry to let him go. Anyway , lets try someone sane - saner anyway. Visser One. Why are here on this show?
Visser One: (glowers at Visser Three) I don't know. Ask the fool who invited me.
M.C.: Visser Three: Something about Visser One you wanna tell us? Besides the fact you two argue like a married couple?
Visser One: ( gives M.C. a withering look)
Visser Three: Don't think we won't put aside our grudge temporarily and torture you if you make a comment like that again. ( heaves a sigh of boredom) It's not easy for me to admit -
Visser One: ( folds arms as he approaches.)
Viseer Three: I have admired you for a long time , but was never able to show it , because everyone though we should hate each other. So I took my anger out on you.
Visser One: (stares in shock and disbelief)
Visser Three: ( stares at hooves bashfully) As I've said before , I wondered why we did not become allies. You would have made a valuable asset to me getting rid of those pesky andalites that plague me. ( starts to break down) And sometimes *sniff* I am so lonely. Yet you insist on hating me! ( starts to make Andalite sobbing noises.)
M.C.: They sound very fake.
Vissser Three: (evil glare)
M.C.: (gulp)
Visser One: (approaches the sobbing Visser , not very sure she believes him , but very humiliated.) psst! Cut it out , you're still on t.v.!
Visser Three: ( lets out very fake sob)
Visser One: ( gets closer) Knock it off! I know you don't mean any of that!
Visser Three: ( sobbing stops. Very malicious andalite smile.) *WHAP* ( Tail flat hits Visser One in the head.)
Visser One: ( falls unconscious)
Visser Three: BUWA-hahahaha! ( reaches for something rolled up in Visser One's back pocket. Extracts Sailor Moon comics and waves them about) LOOK! Is the council watching this?! Look at what your precious Visser One reads in her spare time! You call this a Visser?! ( flips through a few pages.) Maybe I'll.just keep this.
M.C. (looking very relieved.) That concludes our show. (glances at Visser Three reading sailor moon) Somebody please get him off my stage. ( A crew guy screams , and jumps out the window , casted leg and all. Two walk away muttering they don't get paid enough , and the rest are too injured to move.)