Title: I Will Be Good At Making Bad - Chapter 3
Author: Agent M
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Pairings: None yet. Slash coming!
Disclaimer: Don't own anything that isn't mine.
Archive: Tainted Wings (www.colourovers.net/wings) anyone else, just ask.
Notes: This is supposed to be humor so people are a tad but ooc, but that's what makes it fun. There are a few original characters in this part but none who will be paired with anyone, and 2 of them are already dead, so don't hurt me. Thanks.

**Ten points to the house that can tell me how Dr. Chiron, Demetrius, Lavinia, and Caius all relate to Lucius in a context larger than just this lame fan fic!!**

Somewhere within the bowels of Voldemort's super secret lair, a tall graying man was being led out of a giant cage and to a large armchair. Once sitting, the man took out a yellow legal pad from the table next to the chair and a ballpoint pen, which he clicked nervously. A clock struck 2 o'clock, and exactly 43 seconds later Voldemort swept into the room and sat himself in the chair across from other man. A silence hung between them and Voldemort started at the man, unblinking, for about a minute until he got the hint and spoke up.

"Ah, Mr. Riddle. Wednesday already, is it?"

"That it is, Dr. Chiron," Voldemort replied. "And how are you doing?"

At this Chiron seemed to let his muscles relax; yet, his right leg seemed to shake against his will.

"I'm doing okay, Mr. Riddle, but I believe that it is my job to ask you that."

"Indeed."

"So, Tom, how are you? Have you been working on your anger management?" Chiron's leg stopped shaking now that he seemed to be in his element of asking questions.

"I only wrote down one name on my List this week!" Voldemort seemed very pleased with himself.

"Why did you feel that was necessary?"

"He was drawing my evil minions, I mean, my employees away from me," Voldemort explained simply, as if it were common to add a name to a hit list for that reason.

"Tom, we have discussed the fact that you are the not center of all existence. When you die the world will not end." Chiron's voice was smooth and soothing. "Say it with me now."

Voldemort closed his snake-like eyes and concentrated. "I am not the center of all existence."

"Good. Keep going."

"When I die the world will not end."

"How does that knowledge make you feel, Tom? How does it feel not to be the center of all existence and to acknowledge that fact?"

"Chiron, don't you think that I am worth being the center of all existence? The world should and must end when I die," Voldemort looked at Chiron who was giving him a strange look. "I mean I just want people to pay more attention to me. I want to matter."

"I understand, Tom. It's perfectly normal for someone who has Split Personality Disorder to feel-"

"What?" Voldemort cut Chiron off.

"I've been looking over the notes form our sessions and I have reason to believe you have Split Personality Disorder. It's actually quite common, nothing to be ashamed of."

"I don't have Split Personality Disorder," Voldemort stated through clenched teeth.

"Well, then who is," Chiron flipped through his notes, "'Lord Voldemort'?"

"Uh-"

"For some reason you've taken over this persona, assuming it as your own self when you don't realize it. You believe yourself to have evil minions and magical powers and occasionally I get the feeling you are involved in some cult-like activities. This 'Voldemort' character slips into your normal speech, like he is trying to come out, Tom, and perhaps even take over your dominant personality."

Voldemort gave Chiron a blank stare.

"Did you see 'Fight Club'?" Chiron asked suddenly.

"What?"

"Excellent movie, if I do say so myself. Not a big Pitt fan, but that Helena Bonham Carter. Wow."

"Um, Chiron?"

"Oh, right. Anyways, we can run some tests to find out for certain, but I don't think that is needed at this juncture."

"There is NOTHING wrong with me!" Voldemort yelled.

"I know. This isn't wrong, Tom, it can't be helped. I understand you feel the need to keep me locked up in a cage in your basement because you need to be in control, I respect that. But we should also look at where this need to be 'powerful' comes from."

"What do you mean?"

"Tom, what was your father like?" Chiron asked.

But he never got an answer, for Voldemort high-tailed it out of Chiron's "office" as soon as the word father was mentioned. Chiron sighed as he was ushered back into his cage by a man with a giant fake hand.

---

Voldemort stormed into his newly decorated office, noting what a wonderful job young mister Malfoy did then summoned Wormtail. After a few crashes outside, Wormtail finally appeared.

"Y-yes, My Lord?" Wormtail asked bowing.

"Have you ever heard of something called 'split personality disorder'?"

"No, sir."

"Of course you haven't!" Voldemort exclaimed. "Because it doesn't exist. There is no such thing. And I most certainly do not have it!"

"Who said you did, sir?"

"Dr. Chiron."

"Did you want me to make Dr. Chiron disappear?" Wormtail asked rubbing his hands together.

"That won't be necessary."

"Sir? May I ask why you have a muggle shrink in the first place?"

"I believe I have told you numerous times not to refer to him as my 'shrink'."

"Sorry, sir."

"He is a muggle so he can't spill to anyone. He is a muggle because he's too stupid to know any better. He's a muggle so I don't have to worry about secrecy. Now is that all you need to know?" Voldemort hissed.

Wormtail did not get to answer because at that moment a loud popping noise came from the fireplace and Lucius' head appeared.

"Malfoy, so good of you to pop in." Wormtail laughed a little too hard at Voldemort's attempt at humor and ended up just coughing when he realized that no one else was laughing.

"I have news, My Lord."

"I see," Voldemort sounded dejected. "So you would only contact me if you have information?"

"Don't be ridiculous, sir. I love talking to you. But it just so happens that I also have to tell you something."

"So this isn't a social call."

"No."

"I see."

"Look, a member of The Serpent's Eye is coming to The Manor tomorrow night and I should be able to get information out of him," Lucius reported.

"The Syndicate, Lucius?"

"The man was a friend of my fathers."

"Oh, yes. Demetrius was a member. Pity, he could have been a good man."

"You say that like it was a bad thing. It's not like he raped women and then hacked off their tongues and hands." Lucius pointed out.

"I suppose not."

"So, was there anything else you needed, sir?" Lucius asked after a pause.

"It's always about business with you, isn't it? Not a social call ever. And you never invite me over."

"Is this really the time we should be discussing this?" Lucius asked.

"I don't see why not."

Lucius sighed. It was going to be a long night.

---

Narcissa stood behind Lucius rubbing his back. Lucius had been tense all night and was presently scowling into his Tanqueray on the rocks with not one or three, but two olives, and rambling about his ambitions in life.

"Darling, you must at least try to relax. You really are spreading yourself too thin, what with the Death Eater meetings and now meeting with the Syndicate. Are you sure you know what you are doing?"

"Narcissa, when have I ever led us astray?" He took a long sip of his drink and waved his arm in front of him. "My mind is a cascading waterfall of thoughts. My thoughts flow like--"

"Master, t-there is a m-Mr. Caius here to see y-you," interrupted a house elf.

"Very well, Stumpy, show him in." Stumpy scurried away and returned a moment later followed by a tall lithe man with dark blond hair and two parallel scars on his right cheek that ran from his piercing blue eyes to his jaw. Lucius stood and the two men shook hands before taking up seats around the fire.

"Caius, it is wonderful to see you again."

"It has been far too long, Lucius. And Narcissa, you are looking as elegant as ever." Caius's voice was like a rusty saw; it was rough but served its purpose.

"Why thank you, Caius. How long has it been?"

"Eighteen years."

"Oh, yes. Right before the accidents."

"Shame what happened to your parents, Lucius. Lavinia was a wonderful person."

"Yes, too bad she couldn't hold her arsenic."

"And Demetrius was a great man," Caius finished unfazed.

"If you say so," Lucius mumbled.

"I was always under the impression that you two got along quite well."

"Oh, they did in public," Narcissa explained.

"We all told him not to drink at the Dragon races, but would he listen?" Lucius shook his head. "The fool didn't even see the Ridgeback coming."

"Darling, he was in the middle of the track," Narcissa pointed out.

"Indeed. Not even the reputation of the Malfoy name could cover that one."

Caius nodded in understanding; "Demetrius was always a stubborn man."

"Quite."

Any further conversation was interrupted when Stumpy came in to bring Caius a drink. Lucius looked at Narcissa who nodded then breathed deeply.

"You're strong and in control," Lucius thought to himself. "You have the power to change your future. You will not be controlled by food. Wait, wrong book."

He took another deep breath and finished gathering his thoughts.

"Caius, I know you and my father were partners before the accident and that you two were close. So, I need to ask you some favors."

"I don't know, Lucius. We were close, but why should that matter? It's not as if you liked the guy. I know I shouldn't meddle in your home life, but he was your father."

"Well, we did name our son after him. That should count for something," Narcissa supplied smiling.

"Demetrius?"

"No. Draco after the means of my father's demise."

"Such a pleasant thought."

"Indeed."

"See, this is what I mean, Lucius. I feel like I would be betraying Lavinia and Demetrius if I helped you," Caius explained. "You were accused of being a Death Eater after all."

"Why should that make a difference? You're in the fucking Mafia!"

Caius studied Lucius for a moment trying to gauge how much he knew about what really went on at the Syndicate when Demetrius was around.

"Look, I'm going to need some time on this. I'll send an owl within a week and then we'll meet again to discuss this further. I want you to think about what you are asking me to do and why."

"Very well."

"I shall see you soon, then."

"I'll be looking forward to it."

"Like the Cruciatus Curse, I'm sure," Caius smirked.

Stumpy reappeared to show Caius to the door and Lucius sighed.

"I don't know why I am even bothering with them. Caius is way too much like my father."

"Darling," Narcissa cooed, stroking her husband's hair, "everything will be fine. What could possibly go wrong with your plan?"

"Our son."

"How could Draco possibly ruin anything?"

"That Nancy boy has fallen for Harry Potter."

"I'm sure you will find a way to use that to your advantage."

Narcissa gave Lucius a wicked smile and beckoned him towards their bedroom.

"I knew I married you for something other than looks, love."

-end part 3-

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