SLAPHAPPY

By: Realm Wanderer

Act: 001 We're going to Hell for this!

Author's notes: I'm not making any money off of this. Also, I don't own Cowboy Bebop… I wouldn't mind owning Spike tho ^-^ this is a Faye/Spike fic, don't like, don't read. Also, this is not for Julia fans at all! Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

***

            The boss knew she hated assignments like this. Transporting souls from the Realm of Life to the Realm of Death was always too depressing for Yokai. "I don't wanna!" She whined to a tall black haired man.

            "We can't afford to skip another assignment. The boss isn't kidding when he says that he'll send you back to jail." He replied.

            "But, James, I hate transporting souls! I'm too good a Realm Wanderer to have to deal with something so sad!"

            James gave her one of his best smiles. "You are such a baby." He teased.

            "Am not!" Yokai yelled indignantly. James just grinned, his eyes laughing at her. "Unless those blue eyes of yours want to get poked out, they best get that look out of them."

            "Come on." James said, sitting down at the controls of his DarkApollo 2. Yokai whimpered and sat down in the co-pilot's seat and they made their way to their mission

***

            As the spaceship touched the wet ground Yokai unbuckled her seat belt and sat up. "At least the atmosphere is right." She smiled, pointing out to the thunderstorm. "Couldn't pick a nicer evening to die myself."

            James rolled his eyes a ruffled Yokai's hip length rusty crimson hair. "Aren't you positive this evening?" He said jokingly.

            "Oh shut-up." Yokai said walking towards the door, James following her. "There he is." She said pointing a life less form in a pool of blood.

            James pulled out a small palm pilot looking thing. "Yep, Spike Spiegel, age: 27, hair: green, eyes: brown, Cause of Death: Sword. That's our guy alright."

            "Hmmm… He's kinda cute." Yokai said, causing James to flush with anger. Of course Yokai couldn't see him, she was looking at Spike. "Give me that soul-taker-outer thingy that Alice created. The sooner this is over with, the better." As James handed Yokai a strange sliver instrument that looked a lot like a small vacuumm, they both heard the sound of another ship coming down.

            "Just ignore it." James told Yokai. "Beings in the Realm of Life can't see us." Yokai nodded as the ship landed.

            "SPIKE! LORD NO!" James and Yokai turned around and they saw a woman with pasty pale skin, blackish purple hair, and clothes that screamed "too-much-skin!" running at their mission. "SPIKE!" The woman yelled again. The rain didn't hide her tears from Yokai. "Spike…" She whispered when she was besides the dead man. "Did you find out if you were alive, Spike? Did you?" She sobbed.

            The woman hugged the lifeless man and cried. "You jack-ass! I love you! I LOVE YOU!" She yelled. "Why couldn't you let go of your past? Why couldn't you see my care for you? Spike… why… why did you have to die? Was life really so horrible? Was her memory? Was I? Spike…" She choked though her sobs.

            Yokai sniffed. This was why she hated transporting souls. James held up his palm pilot thing at the woman. "Name: Faye Valentine. Age: 73… What! Oh, I see, she was frozen for 50 years at the age of 23. Hair: black, died purple. Eyes: green."

            "Poor girl…" Yokai said, tears forming in her eyes. "Hey, James…" Yokai said, her tear-filled lilac eyes looked up at him. "Did you think… that…?" She smiled a little, imagining his face when she was done asking the question she was about to ask.

            "What are you up to?" James said warily, fearing the answer.

            "How about we bring him back?" She asked, pointing to Spike. "I can't stand the fact that she loved him and never got a chance to live happily ever after with him."

            "ARE YOU REALLY THAT STUPID!?" James yelled throwing his hands in the air. "That is against every rule in the handbook! We'd be kicked off the Inter-Dimensional Police Force in no time!"

            "Screw the IDPF!" Yokai yelled back. "This is love!"

            "According to this." James said pointing to his faithful scanner/palm pilot. "He loves someone named Julia."

            "Really now." Yokai said pulling out her own. "Says on mine, Spike did love Julia but that love died with obsession. Really he loves Faye, but his heart hasn't caught up with his brain… or whatever that saying is." James flushed in anger. He had been caught.

            "We can't, Yokai!"

            "We didn't suck out his soul, all we have to do is give him the Kiss of Life and we're good to go." Yokai smiled. "Don't even try to tell me that you aren't as much as a hopeless romantic as I am, I've read your journal."

            "YOU WHAT!" Yelled James, turning an exquisite shade of red.

            "So you like me, eh?" Yokai sneered.

            "Do not!" James shouted.

            "You know you want me!"

            "I detest you!"

            "Love you too, babe." Yokai smiled. "Now, unless you want all of the IDPF to know about your fear of the dark, you'll do as I say."

            James stumbled some words but they feel on deaf ears. "Errrr! You win, but we're going to Hell for this, we're going to Hell for sure!"

            "Who's the baby now?" Yokai teased. She walked over to Spike and Faye (who was still weeping) and laid her lips on Spike's cold ones.

            A warmth soon filled Spike's cold form as life once again returned to him. "Where am I?" He asked looking around, he saw Yokai. "Who are you?"

            "Call me Yokai, and you are in Hammer Space, I got to talk to you before I return you to your body."

            "I'm not dead?"

            "You were, Spike, gave your friend down there quite a scare." Yokai pointed down, Spike saw Faye… crying? Now there was something he didn't expect to see, ever, Faye crying, and over him to boot. He then saw his dead body. "Spike the only thing I want to say is, this is your second chance, forget the past and live for the future."

            "Wait! If I'm alive, isn't Julia…" Yokai shook her head.

            "No, Spike, listen to me. Julia is dead, for good, I'm giving you a chance to live a happily ever after, take it. The past can't control everything. It's done, and there is nothing anyone can do to change it." One mammoth of a lie but he couldn't know about the Realm of Time.

            "Why me?" Spike asked. "Why not Julia, she was an angel!"

            Yokai slapped Spike across the face. "FAR FROM IT FOOL!" She yelled. "I don't know if you knew this, but she had a spilt-personality. The side she showed to you was not her real self. Her real self was a bitter, murderous monster. Why do you think Vicious loved her?" Spike was taken a back. She was right. The soft sweet type was not Vicious's style at all.

            How could I have been so stupid!? He thought.

            "This is your second chance, Spike, and last. Don't blow it, Cowboy." She winked at him. "Any questions?"

            "Just two." Spike smirked. "How did you get that scar?" He asked, pointing to the faint scar on her forehead. "And are you some angel?"

            "Oh… um…" She blushed. "Believe it or not, it's from a nasty fish tank episode. And no, I just have too much time on my hands." Spike laughed.

            "So when do I get to go back?" He asked.

            "Right now."

            Spike's eyes flickered open. "I need a cigarette." For the first words he could have said after coming back to life, those were pretty corny.

***Dramatic music plays*** DA DA DUMMM!

Endnote: So ends this chapter! What did you think? Like it, love it, hate it, want to throw sharp pointed objects at me? What will happen to everyone's favorite bounty hunters, not to mention Realm Wanderers? Sorry the CB cast wasn't around that much, but that changes. Plus, More F/S action then you can shake a stick at! Now time for you to review, be nice, 1st CB fic.

 See ya Space Cowboy!