SLAPHAPPY!

By: Realmi

Act 003: There is no nicer witch then you

***

            Realmi: Believe it or not, I actually forgot I had this story…….. oops.

***

            Yokai danced around the living room area of the Bebop singing an old Frank Sinatra song., Witchcraft.  She remember a time when she got James drunk at a karaoke bar on Venus and the two sang that song.

***flashback***

James : Those fingers in my hair
That sly configured stare
Leaves my conscience bare
It's witchcraft.

Yokai: ooooh, and I've got no defense for it,
The heat is too intense for it.
What good would common since for it do,

James: Because it's witchcraft,
That wicked witchcraft,
And although I know it's strictly taboo

Yokai: When you arouse the need in me,
My heart says yes indeed in me,
Proceed with what your leading me too

James: And it's such an ancient hitch,
One that I would never switch,

Both: Because there's no nicer witch than you  

Yokai: Cuz it's witchcraft,
That wicked witchcraft,
And although I know it's strictly taboo

Both: When you arouse the need in me,

James: My heart says yes indeed in me,

Yokai: Proceed with what your leading me too...

It's such an ancient hitch,
But one I would not switch,

James: There ain't no nicer witch than you

Yokai: who me? (spoken)

James: Than you...

Yokai: Not me? (spoken)

James: than you
Hey you little witch!

            Yokai must have gotten him really drunk because then he did something totally out of character, he kissed her.

***end flashback***

            "There is no nicer witch then you, James," Yokai said, sitting down on the lofty couch.  Spike has finally woken up about a week later, he remembered Yokai from his talk with her in hammer space when he did, but it didn't take much to make him believe he just dreamed it up.

            Yokai pouted a bit at the thought of Spike. He and Faye haven't been hitting it off as famously as she had hoped. In fact, the two were acting down right in different fro each other! Yokai fumed silently, she did not get kicked off the I.D.P.F. for a year just to save the two main characters ruin her fairytale ending. "But just how the hell am I supposed to put the two chickens together?" she asked herself aloud. As she pondered her problem, other crew members were having troubles of their own.

***

            "That just doesn't make since!" Faye exclaimed to the computer screen. "How can this be Yokai!"

            "Maybe it's not."

            "But look at the picture, Jet!" Faye said pointing to a picture of a woman who had Yokai's hair, nose, eyes, skin, and name. "It's an exact replica!"

            "It can't be, look at the date of death," Jet said pointing to a small number on the computer screen. "She was one of the first and most successful space pirates on in the heavens and looks a lot like our spunky guest, but this chick died about ten years before you were frozen."

            "Maybe she was frozen too!"

            "That doesn't work, Faye, didn't you say that it was revolutionary technology?"

            "Then how do you explain the look-alikeness?" Faye demanded.

            "They're probably related, and our Yokai just took the name," Jet shrugged. "But there is no way the person on the screen and the person singing loudly down the hall are the same person."

            Faye fumed in defeat. "So there is no bounty?"

            "None." Faye got angrier, not so much over the person but of the money being lost.

            "Auigh!"

***

            Yokai was still sitting on the couch thinking of a way to bring the two together.  She thought, and thought, and thought, and thought again, until finally she got a headache and went to go see with there were any carrots left.

            On the way to the kitchen she found a flier, trying to promote the grand opening of a new karaoke bar. Suddenly, a little light bulb formed over her head. Bingo! She would invite them to come with her as a way of thanking them for their hospitality, her paying of course. Those two would jump at the chance for a free meal1

            The only thing that might become a problem would be Jet, she'd have to get him out of the way of romance. Yokai rubbed her chin in thought. "Wait a sec," she thought aloud. "There is this big green house down the road a little from the bar," she remembered. "jet loves bonsais right?" She drums her fingers together and giggled (think Mr. Burns from the Simpsons) "Excellent!"

***

            It was about an hour before they were about to go, Jet had already left, not wanting them to disturb his bonsai shopping. Faye was tapping her foot outside the bathroom door. "Spike! Let me in here right now! I have to do my make up!"

            "Go away woman! I'm trying to shower!"

            "Dammit, Spike! You're insufferable!"

            "Always." Faye put her hands on her hips, then she noticed that the door was unlocked so she just let herself in. Spike has finished his shower and opened the curtain to let himself out. "DAMMIT, FAYE! WHAT THE HELLS THE MATTER WITH YOU!?" he blushed and grabbed a towel. Faye smirked and pouted.

            "You were taking sooooooooooooo long and the door was unlocked so I just let myself in!" She smiled. Hot damn but he has a nice body!  She thought as she finished her make up and left.

            Yokai was waiting for them in her usual khakis and black t-shirt. The trio headed out for the bar and were soon there.

            Time to put my plan into action! Yokai giggled inwardly. "Hey guys?" she asked Faye and Spike. "Wanna play a drinking game?"

***

            "Whooo, that's enough for me," Yokai said, getting up from her seat as the two bounty hunters continued their game. Yokai could have had more, but she had to be away for sparks to fly. So she went over to the bar, sat on a stool, and ordered herself a nice glass of ginger ale, because ginger ale is tasty and the root of all happiness!  She glanced over at the two "love birds" and giggled soon, soon her plan would be complete.

            After a few moments she felt a tap, tap, tap on her shoulder, she turned around and there was James. It took all of Yokai's self control not to bite his neck, throw him onto the floor, and rip his clothes off but she managed.  "Uh… hey, Yokai," James said nervously. Yokai turned back around and pretended to ignore him. "Look, Yokai, I'm sorry, okay, I was just really infuriated by you. I know I shouldn't have said some of those things, and well…..I would like it if you came back with me."

            "And why would I want to do that? I have found a nice guy over the past five days, he's cute and clever. Why would I want to go back with you?" Yokai asked, hoping she had tricked him into say "it."

            "Because, dammit, I love you!" he roared angry beyond belief at the woman before him.

            Yes! She thought. Not only did I get him to say it, but I got him to cuss too!

Yokai: 2

James: 0

            Yokai turned back around and smiled, as if she was a cat and she had pinned a mouse to a corner. James hated that smile like poison. She threw herself onto the poor lad and planted her mouth onto his. Her hands flew up into his silky black hair.

            James was surprised at first, but he caught on. The kiss broke and James looked down on the woman before him. "Wanna go?"

            "Not yet, my bags are still on the Bebop and there is something I have to do first."

            "What are you up to?"  James asked.

            "Witchcraft," she said with a wink as she walked up and grabbed on of the karaoke mikes. "Attention all! This song is for two very special people. Spike Spiegel and Faye Valentine! I'm Yokai and with me is James!" she boomed, pointing a finger at her partner.  James smiled and picked up another mike.

 James : Those fingers in my hair
That sly configured stare
Leaves my conscience bare
It's witchcraft.

            Just as Yokai planned, Faye and Spike started to dance together.

Yokai: ooooh, and I've got no defense for it,
The heat is too intense for it.
What good would common since for it do,

James: Because it's witchcraft,
That wicked witchcraft,
And although I know it's strictly taboo

Yokai: When you arouse the need in me,
My heart says yes indeed in me,
Proceed with what your leading me too

James: And it's such an ancient hitch,
One that I would never switch,

Both: Because there's no nicer witch than you  

            Now they were kissing, excellent!

Yokai: Cuz it's witchcraft,
That wicked witchcraft,
And although I know it's strictly taboo

Both: When you arouse the need in me,

James: My heart says yes indeed in me,

Yokai: Proceed with what your leading me too...

It's such an ancient hitch,
But one I would not switch,

            Okay, unless someone stopped them they were going to start doing something that shouldn't be done in public.

James: There ain't no nicer witch than you

Yokai: who me? (spoken)

James: Than you...

Yokai: Not me? (spoken)

James: than you
Hey you little witch!

            Faye and Spike broke from their kiss looking at each other with shock. "Spike…….?" Faye said, the alcohol rubbing off.

            "Faye…….?" Spike asked, they just stared at each other.

            "What the hell?" the duo said in unison then they returned to their kissing

***later on***

            "Boo Yay!" Yokai said as she got into the Dark Apollo 2. "I win, James."

            "You cheated, you used alcohol."

            "It worked with us, didn't it?"

            James shook his head. "You little witch."

            "No complaints so far!"

***Fin***

Realmi: Okay, okay that was bad and everyone was OOC, but it's four freaking o'clock. I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless I had fun writing it!

See you space cowboy, over! *static*