Before we knew it, the sun had risen. I lay peacefully in Elrond's arms, just gazing into his intense eyes, deep as the swirling oceans. He glanced down at my body silently, then raised his gaze to my eyes. "When you are stronger.."
"When I am stronger, the sun will not rise to find me still wearing my clothes." I began to blush, feeling like I was being to forward, but he grinned.
"Very true." At least we had the kissing down. I relaxed, just listening to the sounds of the world as it awoke. I suddenly felt very relieved that Luitha hadn't come back in last night. But where was she?
"Do not worry about Luitha. From what I know from her and you, she will be fine."
Now, how had he known what I was thinking?
I hadn't thought it was possible, but his grin grew wider. "Elves have the ability to read other's minds from time to time. And when one is weak or tired, they accidentally broadcast what they are thinking."
I turned a very vivid shade of red. "When they're weak?" I couldn't continue. Had every Elf in Rivendell heard how I felt about him?
"Shhhhh, do not worry about that. I cloaked what you were thinking tonight. None save me heard your thoughts."
I'd been weak most of the time I was here! Probably every Elf still in Middle Earth knew my thoughts. I squeezed my eyes shut and moaned. This was awful. Then a thought struck me. Had Elladan known what I was thinking when he mentioned his father?
Elrond's eyes were now laughing at me. Yep. Elladan knew. "But," Elrond began, "if it is any consolation, he did not tell me until after you were healed yesterday. And by then I already knew."
"When you went to kiss me the first time, was I broadcasting?" I felt like banging my head into a wall. Hard.
"No. You had regained your strength. I was acting purely on instinct." Well, at least there was some relief. "However, when both Erestor and I asked about you on that day on the porch, you were suddenly afraid. That was why I pushed you to give an answer. But you did not tell me the whole of it, I believe."
I stared at him. I had meant to figure out a way to tell the whole story, but my health had gotten in the way. Finally, I began. "Luitha and I come from a very far land. In fact, it is so far away that I do not know how one could get back. It is the same land that Tolkien is from." I stopped as he nodded, understanding flashing into his eyes. "My parents were human. I do not know how I am an Elf. I do not know if I will be here permanently, and am unsure whether or not I would want to be."
His eyes held mine for quite some time. Suddenly, I realized I could hear his thoughts. She is not sure, what if... His eyes widened. "You just entered my mind!"
"I'm sorry, I did not mean to.."
"Be at ease. I am not angry with you. I was merely shocked." He kissed me gently. "Soon, you shall be strong enough to keep your thoughts to yourself. Until then, relax." I did, and stared up into his wonderful eyes.
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El luitha urenI was lying in easy sleep when my peaceful dreams were abruptly disturbed. A ray of sunlight, darnitall, was pointed directly at my eye. Again. Did it never fail to miss? I needed to start checking my orientation before I fell asleep and make sure my back was facing east.
Well, I was awake now. I opened both eyes, sighed and squinted at the yellow sun just peeping over the horizon, and rolled over.
Aragorn's blue eyes stared back at me. A shock ran through me, and as the events of the previous night came flooding back into my memory, I smiled.
Aragorn leaned over to kiss my forehead gently and lay back down, one arm bent behind his head, the other wrapped around me. The wind blew. I suddenly became aware of the crisp chill of the dawn and snuggled closer to his chest.
We were outside still, in the same place we had stood last night, stretched out underneath an ancient oak tree. Aragorn was using one of the roots as a pillow, I noticed, and I commented, "That can't be comfortable."
He smiled. How rare and beautiful his smiles were. "I am used to it. It is better than a rock at least." Strange how different he seemed this morning. Last night I had gotten a glimpse of the nobility and honor within him, and the uncertainty and insecurity he allowed few to witness. But now, he seemed simply an ordinary man.
He sighed and stretched his legs. "Shall we head back now, El luitha?" I'd never realized before how much I enjoyed hearing him say my name.
"What will you tell Elrond and Glorfindel?"
His face hardened for a moment. "I know not. Most likely nothing unless he asks." He sighed again. In one swift movement, he rolled off his back and stood up, holding a hand out to me. Wordlessly, I took it, and he pulled me to my feet.
One shrill whistle and Roheryn came trotting gaily up, tossing his head. Aragorn lifted me up and placed me on the horse's back, then leapt up behind me. He wrapped an arm around my waist and grabbed a handful of mane with the other. Quickly, he bent around me and kissed my cheek.
At least, he tried. I turned my head just as he leaned around, and his lips fell on my mouth instead. My heart stopped for a moment, my breath caught, and all the emotions and feelings from the last night came rushing back once more.
His kiss was long and sweet, and I was reluctant to let go and breathe. His eyes conveyed the same thought as he released me at last, and for a long while I was caught up in the magnificent depth of them.
I finally became aware of the crick in my neck and the painful twist in my back caused by the awkward position, and turned to face forward again. Without a word, Aragorn kneed Roheryn forward, and the horse took off at a slow walk back to Rivendell.
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Tadandader HalfElvenAfter a while of lying like that, Elrond had gotten up. "I shall be back soon, Tadan. I am hungry, so I shall have food sent up here for us. I also must change." A finger stroked my cheek softly before he left. I sighed. If only I could have stayed in his arms all day, too.
I heard someone approaching, no, two someones. A knock sounded on the door before Luitha came in, carefully glancing at me. Her face brightened for a moment, and then she looked around. "Where's Elrond?" she asked.
Then a voice came from behind her. "El luitha, if you do not move out of the doorway, I cannot come in." She gave a little start, and moved out of the way to let Estel in. "Hello, Tadan, how are you today?"
I smiled. This was a pleasant change. Normally he nodded to me and seemingly just paid attention to Luitha. "I'm doing fairly well, thank you, Estel." He nodded and set Luitha's cloak on the bed before kissing her and leaving. I raised an eyebrow at her when he exited.
She didn't meet my eyes for a minute, then she looked up and opened her mouth, just as Elrond entered with a full tray. Her mouth snapped shut. I felt a little frustrated, and he looked at me, a curious glance. Oh, he heard my frustration. I needed to learn how to control that.
Elrond smiled at Luitha. "Come, won't you join us for breakfast?"
A smile passed over her lips, too, and she pulled the chair up beside my bed. For a second I wasn't sure which one of them was going to use the chair, than, with a grin at me, Luitha plopped down into it. I was grinning now, too. In a moment, she and I were going to be rolling on the floor, laughing.
Perhaps Elrond sensed the hilarity radiating from the two of us. If so, he gave no sign, but calmly leaned over me to arrange my pillows so that they supported me. Then he sat down on the bed, passed me a plate, and we began to eat.
The three of us were oddly silent, but it was not a tense silence. If anything, we were all comfortable enough to merely enjoy each other's company without conversation.
When breakfast was done, it seemed as if Elrond wanted to say something, but then Elladan (I think) came to the door.
"Father, Erestor wishes to see you. Something about dinner tonight, I believe." Elrond nodded to Luitha, gently kissed my cheek, and left with his son, leaving me alone with Luitha, whom I was going to pump for some info.
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El luitha urenElrond shut the door, the latch clicked, and silence fell over the room. Tadan and I stared at each other, seeing who would break first.
A cricket chirped outside.
A horse whinnied in the distance.
Elves sang in the forest.
"WELL?!" and we both cracked at the same time. We stared again at each other. I was not going to be beaten, and I was determined to pry first.
"He kissed you," she said. Shoot, I lost.
"Yes, he did." I replied evenly. Silence again. But I couldn't hold it in. A smile spread across my face, one of those secret smiles that I hated smiling because it made it perfectly obvious I was hiding something. Tadan smiled back, and it was all over from there. We collapsed on the bed laughing hysterically and gasping for air.
"No, no, don't," I managed to gasp out, "you'll hurt yourself or..."
She waved me off. "I'm fine, really! I'm so much better than now!"
She did look better. I was so relieved to be able to laugh with her. And I jumped on the opportunity.
"He kissed you." I informed her.
"Yes he did," Tadan replied evenly.
"I don't mean just now. I mean last night."
"You saw that?"
"I was in the room for the fist part of it."
"Oh." She was silent again.
"Well?" Come on Tadan, I'm dying here I thought fiercely. She raised an eyebrow.
"He spent the night here. We kissed. Glorfindel's not happy and the entire elvish community knows about us. What more do you want to know?"
I stared at her in shock. "You read my thoughts!"
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Tadandader HalfElvenI grinned. Should I tell her about my new trick, or should I let her suffer? I decided to let her suffer.
"Perhaps."
"No, you read them! I know you did!"
"So what happened last night between you and Estel?"
"You read my mind!" Was she not going to be dissuaded?
"He kissed you. Estel kissed you on the way out. What happened?"
"How did you read my mind? Did Elrond show you? That isn't fair!" And now it was her turn to broadcast. I don't know how much to tell her, how much is safe. I don't want Estel to get in trouble with Elrond.
I smiled enigmatically. "So, why would Estel be in trouble with Elrond?"
The expression on her face was priceless.
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El luitha urenWhere in Middle-Earth did she picked up that particular talent? So unfair. So incredibly unfair. I could feel the pressure of her eyes on me and bent my own gaze to the ground. I suddenly felt tongue-tied.
"Aragorn kissed me... last night," I finally admitted.
She raised an eyebrow. "Aragorn?"
"He has the ring of Barahir now." I did not say the rest of what I thought, but I knew helplessly that Tadan could hear anyway. He knows of his destiny now. He knows his true name. He knows that he will be King one day. He knows that he is mortal and I am not, and that anything between us cannot be possible. And I love him anyway and I don't know if he feels the same way. I don't know what happened last night or how I feel or what he thinks...
My thoughts were running in circles and I hung my head in shame.
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Tadandader HalfElvenOh boy, I had teased her too much. So serious her thoughts were, and painful too. I leaned over and rested a hand on her shoulder. "Luitha." She didn't look up. "Luitha." I said again. Her head came up. Now what do I say? I was lost. I've always been the one with the joke, and sometimes it was hard to be serious.
"I know he feels the same." Her eyebrows rose inquiringly. "I felt it when he kissed you before he left. He knows his destiny, yes, but he also knows his heart. You are in it, Luitha, just as deeply as he is in your heart. There is no reason to feel shame." I pulled her into a hug, which it looked like she needed. Her shoulders shook. Did her pain run that deeply? I looked at the tears that slowly fell down her face. Then she blocked me from her mind. How, I had no idea. But how in Middle Earth was I supposed to help her when I didn't even know what she was thinking anymore?
Time to go back to the tried and true methods. "Shhh, Luitha, what's wrong?" Then her shields went down. I could see her worry about Estel, her fear for me, and her longing for home balanced against her longing for Aragorn. "Oh, Luitha. I'm fine, so is Estel. And home is a worry that neither of us have any control over. If we stay here for the rest of our lives, than we'll be homesick from time to time, and know that our families miss us."
Oh, great. Now I was tearing up. I rarely cried, but it seemed my eyes felt like making an exception. "And if we go home and never see Aragorn or.. or, or never see Elrond, leave Elrond behind..." Now the floodgates opened. How could I leave him? And how could Luitha leave Estel? An odd thought hit me, as I wondered how we must look, sobbing and clinging to each other as if the other was our only hope left.
Then a thought filled with more pain hit me. If Luitha fell for a mortal, she would only have a mortal lifespan, while I would far outlive her! I gasped, the impact of that thought hit me hard. I knew I broadcast it without even thinking about it. Had Luitha heard it? I didn't know. But probably all of the Elves in Rivendell, and Mirkwood, for that matter, heard me. I started to sob.
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El luitha urenIf Luitha falls for a mortal, she will only have a mortal lifespan, while I will far outlive her.. Tadan's thought reached me the same moment it reached her. I'd already realized that I would outlive Aragorn, but it never occurred to me that if I somehow were given the choice and gave up my immortality, Tadan would outlive me. Was this the warning Elrond had given Aragorn?
"Oh Tadan!" Tadan held me tightly, and I felt her body shake with silent sobs. The two of us cried for what seemed like hours, holding each other, sitting on the bed with the sunlight streaming through the window. How had we gotten into this mess? My heart ached like it had never hurt before, my head pounded because I was crying so hard.
I was so confused. I did not want to leave Aragorn. I did not understand the emotions running through me. Why did my heart stop every time our eyes met? This whole mess was my fault, I realized. If I hadn't been such a ninny and fallen for Estel, we would never have had this problem. I hung my head and cried even harder.
Finally, when all the tears were spent and we were both exhausted from weeping, we released each other. I sniffled. Tadan sniffled back.
We were both looking hopelessly at each other when Elrond walked back into the room. I hid my face. This was all my fault. What would he think now?
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Tadandader HalfElvenI didn't even notice Elrond's presence until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I sniffled and looked up. His eyes were grave. I suddenly remembered my accidental broadcast. His other hand was on Luitha's shoulder, and silently he stood there, as if trying to ease the pain.
When he finally spoke, I jumped, startled. His voice was low and soothing. "This is why I tried to dissuade Estel. I know the pain that the choice can bring. And now the both of you are subject to it." Luitha and I sniffled at the same time. Amusement tinged his eyes for a moment. Very gently he dried a tear that was sliding down my face.
"Luitha, there are many male Elves who would eagerly court you. Is your heart truly set on Estel?"
I couldn't look at her. Luckily, she answered out loud. "I don't know." It was a whisper, barely audible over my sniffles and the songs of the birds.
"Perhaps the three of us should go out to the porch for a while. Fresh air tends to clear one's thoughts." Luitha nodded. Elrond gave her a hand up, and then picked me up. I almost protested, but then realized I would probably fall over, again, should I attempt to walk. Crying was exhausting.
Once upon the porch, we were silent, studying the lovely city beneath us.
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El luitha urenHow much better off would I be without emotions, I wondered. The blanket wrapped around me was warm and nice protection from the wind that always seemed to blow through the valley. My eyelids drooped as I turned my focus inward.
What exactly were my feelings for Estel? Could it just be momentary lust? How did one distinguish lust from love? I had never really known either before. But as I closed my eyes and thought of Estel staring back at me, my heart pounded faster and the world swam. Was that supposed to happen?
I absently watched the leaves blow in the summer breeze. How beautiful Rivendell was when the world was covered in the greens and yellows of summer. Summer...
I sat up straighter. Summer? Had it not been spring when Tadan and I first arrived? I remembered the mall vaguely, and the thunderstorm that had raged outside. A late May thunderstorm. How long had we been in Rivendell? I suddenly could not count the days.
Panicking, I showed Tadan my observations via our new telepathic ability. Yet why should we be surprised? Days to Elves were months to humans, how important was time here in Rivendell after all?
"I have sent Estel away," came Elrond's deep voice. My heart froze. "If he is the start on the path of his destiny, he must begin soon. He has been a Ranger for many years now, and it is time he expanded upon that."
I couldn't breathe. My head spun.
"He will only be away for a few months. But I hope that in that time both you and he realize the ramifications of your relationship together. And I hope that you, Luitha, meet some of the Elves around here."
I was immediately angry. Was he trying to sell me off to whatever Elf would take me? Was I just to give my heart to another, as simple as that?
"I did not mean it in that manner," Elrond told me softly. "But perhaps time apart will clear up the emotions between you both. He will only be gone a few days."
Had he heard my conversation with Tadan? Had he realized what I had just now discovered about time? I swallowed to keep the tears from falling, stood up, cast the blanket aside, strode out off the porch and into the comfort of my room, and cried.
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Tadandader HalfElvenI watched Luitha leave, and called after her, but she must not have heard me. Elrond sat down beside me and leaned forward as if to kiss me.
"How dare you?" I was angry, and I pulled away from him. There was no way he was going to touch me.
He looked surprised, then understanding. How could he understand? He had just hurt my friend even more! Elrond sighed. "It is best for the both of them. Believe me, Tadan when I say that, and also trust me when I tell you that it is best for you."
"How can you know what is best for them? Or for me? You've only known me for such a short time, and you presume too much!"
His eyes looked deeply into mine. "When he comes back, he will be more aware of himself, and how his life should go. When he comes back, Luitha will have had time to fully analyze her feelings for him, without being distracted by his presence. When he comes back, you will most likely know what route Luitha intends to take with her life, and will have time to prepare for it."
It made such sense, but he had still hurt Luitha! "Why couldn't you let them say goodbye? What if something happens, and they never see each other again?"
"Glorfindel has foreseen his return. Estel, no, Aragorn, will be back. Can you not see that I have your best interests at heart? Dear Tadan, I do not enjoy seeing you hurting. Luitha now has time to think, and spend with you alone. Should she chose to stay on this side of the ocean with him, you will at least have these days, months with her." Carefully he brushed back one of my bangs from my eyes.
"Please do not be angry with me. Tadan?"
I didn't answer him. I couldn't. I would start crying all over again if I opened my mouth right now.
"Oh, my Tadan." His whisper was soft as his arms found their way around me, and he held me there. I couldn't help it. My shoulders shook as I began to sob. He drew my head to his shoulder, and my tears poured onto him.
"Why?" I asked through the tears. "My heart's desire was met, and now must I pay the horrible price?" Much to my thankfulness, he did not ask what I meant. He only held me until I was cried out once more. Then he quietly gathered me into his arms, and walked down the hall. I was too lost in my thoughts to notice us pass my room. Instead, he turned down a new hall, one I had not noticed before, and climbed up a staircase. Shifting my weight, he opened a smooth, carefully carved, wooden door. We went in, and he set me upon the large bed that was there. It was then I noticed my surroundings.
"Where...?"
"This is my room. Rest, Tadan." He performed the now familiar action of putting his hand on my forehead and inducing sleep. I fell into a fitful and tormented sleep.