Forever Young
Despite the confined space I can hear them talking… not clearly though. Muffled voices really, technical jargon recited …and the sounds of water rushing, dials being turned.
Suddenly the room falls silent except for the count down;
"Ten, nine, eight……" then icy, cold air rushing around me, biting at my body, invading every part of the space around me.
"Gentlemen, this is history…"
My movement is restricted by the machinery except for my right hand which I have placed over my heart to remind me why I am here…
As the coldness increases my mind starts to drift into unconsciousness and suddenly I see us as children running across the grass. She is flying a kite behind her. Her hair is titian red and wavy and blowing in the wind, the ribbon she wears is as red as any rose. We are laughing and running, and I realise I have loved her from the second I set eyes on her.
Impossible as it may seem I can feel the gentle breeze on my face. I can feel the tug of the kite in my hand and the soft springy grass beneath my feet. I can see Helen…
Gradually the image is replaced.
The scenery is the same, but now it's a glorious June day and the sun is hot and high in the sky and we are no longer children. The scene plays out as if it were happening now, only it is far more real to me; my emotions heightened by the loss I have recently suffered.
I can see deep blue skies with white fluffy clouds that hang in the air, motionless. "Our" lighthouse is clearly visible and there are yachts on the water, their rigging making the soothing "wind chime" noises I love so much. We are no longer alone; several couples are enjoying the sunshine and picnicking on the grass around us. A dog is barking and chasing a ball, thrown by a small boy in a baseball hat.
I know why I have brought her here…This is our special place. We reach the height of the hill; me tugging her behind me. She has been protesting all the way up, but not really …her heels have been sticking in the soft turf and her hat will not stay on her beautiful wavy hair, so one hand holds the hat in place while the other I hold tightly in my own.
I turn to her, smiling and her face fills my heart. Her cheeks are flushed from the exertion, her beautiful green eyes shine up at me; this young woman, so alive, so necessary to me…and I realise that I cannot bear the thought of her not knowing how I feel a moment longer , the words spilling out of me as if I will burst if I don't tell her now;
"Helen, I love you!"
To my delight she smiles back at me and responds with the words I have longed to hear her say. Her voice is soft and musical and the world seems a marvellous place.
I pull her forward gently by her hand and we kiss. Our arms tight around each other, holding on for all our lives, wanting never to let go. The kiss we share is just as passionate as any other we have shared, but is more important somehow…She loves me and, I love her. This kiss makes it fact. Nothing was real before she knew…
As our bodies are locked together an aeroplane flies overhead leaving a trail of thick, white cloud behind it and the moment is frozen in time, suspended forever. I can still see her beautiful face, feel her lips soft against mine, smell her scent on my clothes…The moment is pure magic and underneath my hand I feel my heart pound at the memory …
Then the image starts to fade. I struggle to retain it, desperately longing to keep the memory alive, wanting the feelings to return again, to make Helen alive and well and in my arms. Intense pain has replaced the warmth she made me feel.
I hear a long, loud hiss of air releasing from the casket…
Then still, quiet, nothing.