The following is a work of fanfiction. The character(s) and worlds depicted within it are not in any way mine: Final Fantasy is the property of Squaresoft, as far as I'm aware. The song this is named for and takes inspiration from is also not mine, but Hefner's, and the lyrics I have generally refrained from quoting are by Darren Hayman.
This is also a work of yuri, or femslash: it contains a girl with a girl in a romantic/sexual relationship, at least one of whom might be just under the legal age in the EU. I have no idea about the legal ages in Balamb, so I couldn't really say how inappropriate the relationship is to be considered. If the very idea does not appeal to you, or if you yourself are underage, it might be wiser not to read it: the back button is your friend. Just a suggestion, you understand.
Also, warnings for high levels of silly fluffiness.
The Cure For Evil
oh, I'm so confused; but I'm in love with you.
Xu considers herself to be a creature of reason. After all, she's Dolletian - by upbringing rather than breeding, but that's beside the point - and they invented the concept, whatever the Galbadians like to claim. She's a SeeD, too, and that means she's had extensive training in thinking logically, cooly, calmly. Hyne, she came top of her class, has a commended stamp on her diploma, and rose to administrative level far quicker than anyone for the past five years. This makes her officially acknowleged as a mistress of balanced and sensible thinking, even in the most frantic of circumstances.
Quistis is still talking to that Trepie in the Quad. If Xu shifts slightly to the side, cranes her neck sideways and squints through the window she can almost make out the expression on her face. It's definitely disgust and desperation. Quistis' pretty little well-trained ankles are almost certainly twitching to walk away from the importunate brat, but she's always been far too polite. She's trying to build up a reputation as a friendly, open Instructor, the type that students will go to with their problems. Xu knows this because Quistis told her so last night. In bed, after sex. Eat that, nameless Trepie.
Therefore, obviously, the hand that she's reaching out to touch the Trepie's shoulder is a purely platonic guesture of affection. Not affection: detached, Instructorly concern. For the dreadful plight that this little scab is in, being desperately, jeans-creamingly in love with an authority figure who will never, ever, evereverever return her affections, if Xu has anything to do with it. And that smile is an act of disinterested benevolence, and has nothing to do with the fact that the Trepie's - scabby-kneed - legs are impossibly long, and her skirt is surely in direct contravention of Uniform Length Regulation 4(c), paragraph v. Which Xu rewrote this summer, so she should know. It will be her pride in the wording of that particular document that will lead her to corner the girl at the next chance she gets with a tape measure and a grudge.
"Xu?"
It's really unfortunate that Cid has chosen this moment to come out of his office, and should possibly be chalked up to the forces of darkness mustering against her.
"Sir." Her tie feels askew, but that could be the effect of tilting her head back to a normal angle. It would be vastly unprofessional to straighten it, or to press a cold hand to one cheek which appears to be filling with the blood that gravity has recently been denying it. In fact, the most professional thing to do would be to put her hands back on the keyboard, since they are no longer necessary in keeping her from falling off her chair. It would also give her the air of a dedicated administrative drone who is in no way prone to sudden attacks of frankly bizarre behaviour.
"Are you feeling alright?"
"Perfectly fine." The dilemma is between trying to brazen it out until his curiosity gets the better of him, or making up a lie. Cid is well-known for his quasi-paternal prying into SeeDs' personal... behaviour. "It's just. my. Neck."
"Your neck?" He looks concerned, or perhaps dubious. Maybe even suspicious.
"A crick!" That's the word. "Must have slept in a draft. Do you want those reports? Because they're almost finished, just a few more paragraphs to-"
"In a draft?" Definitely suspicious, the nosy old man. Now would be the right time to put a hand to the neck and wince.
"A draft. Or a bad position."
"You know, I have been wondering about how Garden's been holding up during these recent storms. Do you want someone from the town to come and check your windows?"
"That might be nice. Although it might just be my posture." Xu has a permanently straight back from years of drills and letting the cute girl in the seat next to hers in class copy her test answers. There is no reason for Cid to remember this fact, despite the fact that he sees her sitting at her desk and standing to attention every day.
"Well, why don't you make a note of it for me?"
"Yessir."
She can file the memo tomorrow. It will give her time to punch out the bottom of the windowframe and leave a suggestive broken branch on the ground beneath it. And to make sure the room betrays no sense of being occupied by more than one person.
"And those reports?"
"A few more paragraphs, sir." Calling him sir, repeatedly, always makes him chuckle and bounce upward on the balls of his feet, with his hands on his braces as though they are pulling him up. Guidance for combat, page seven, paragraph three: Distractionary techniques are a mark of the fully capable all-round soldier, and not an act of cowardice. Never let it be said that learning every training manual back to front was a bad thing. Not least because it helps Quistis get through marking assignments faster in the evenings.
By the time the Headmaster has ambled his cheery way out of the office, the Trepie has left the Quad. Unfortunately, so has Quistis, so there's no way of knowing which direction either of them went in, or whether they went together. This last is entirely plausible, because maybe the brat wanted to discuss her situation in a more private place, if you please, Instructor Trepe. She has a lisping Trabian voice, Xu knows, and this infuriating way of looking up under her eyelashes as if her eyes were too disturbingly huge to be seen in full. Which, to be fair, they are. It's still the sign of a sly and cunning little twerp, who Xu would be more than pleased to sit opposite and try to tease into conversation without staring too openly at her legs, if she weren't at present - possibly - closeted in an undisclosed location with Xu's girlfriend. Xu's incredibly charming, intelligent, lusted-after by every red-blooded Cadet and SeeD and for all we know Faculty in Garden, hot girlfriend. Who Xu hasn't exactly told in so many words that she considers her girlfriend, and would rather like to be considered so in reciprocation. She didn't think she needed to - after all, this is Quistis, who took about three years to work out what the Secret Place was for and doesn't understand why Xu sometimes goes quiet and very, very still when certain sets of hips swing past, and is intelligent enough to assume that sex means a certain amount of responsibility to one another - but the guys all seem to have discussed this with their girlfriends and Xu can certainly see the reasoning behind it now. Even if she has no idea how on earth she could broach the subject.
Someone who didn't know Quistis' schedule to the very second would probably think that she had gone to take the next class, but Quistis has a free period and then it's lunch in the cafeteria with Xu. She should be in the Quad, in the sun, where Xu can see her. Not cloistered away in a classroom or dormitory where gamine wiles can get the better of her good nature. Let's face it, if Xu managed to, with only a little help from time and wine and a little experience and Quistis' abominable taste in women, this cadet will have absolutely no difficulty.
It's not quite an epiphany, but Xu is suddenly certain that she hates all cadets. And also that she has three more pages of reports to type into the Garden intranet before she can respectfully request permission to search every shadowy corner that might be hiding a clandestine tête-a-tête. Or, rather, go find Kadowaki and see if there's anything the junior medic can do for her aching, suffering neck, Sir, if I could? The junior medic has very good hands and a deplorably plain face. Only the former is important when you're watching the white paint flake on the infirmary walls and she's sitting astride your hips and kneading your vertebrae back into position, talking in a soft, low voice. Xu once complimented her on her bedside manner; but, then, she was young and foolish at the time. Now, she's less young, and is equally foolish in a marginally different way.
Class D-gamma appear to have been a troupe of idiots, but they've somehow magically escaped harm on the Trabian mission. Magically, there's a thought. She'll ask Kadowaki to run checks, see if there are any traces of Phoenix Down use which can qualify them for disqualification. After all, she'll be going to the Infirmary anyway, won't she? It will be a good starting point in her search of the Garden. Come to think of it, Quistis is unnaturally close to the junior medic. They have far more in common than she and Xu ever will. The far cubicle has complete soundproofing, so the screams of pre-Curaga agony don't disturb anyone else; and nor would any other sorts of sounds, and Xu should halt this train of thought in its tracks before it derails her.
And get these notes typed up, so she can go and look for Quistis.
"Xu!" Quistis is flushed, and smiling, and why does everyone insist on greeting Xu by her name?
Quistis is flushed, and her hair is wet. Xu tries very hard not to think about the possible implications of this, and fails comprehensively. Thankfully, the overpowering stench of whatever it is the cafeteria are serving today prevents her from sniffing suspiciously in the other girl's general direction, which was her first impulse. The soldierly life has obviously eroded whatever thin veneer of culture she had and reduced her to the level of a primate. She should be thankful that Kadowaki's garrulousness kept her from scraping her knuckles along the floors of Garden in search of her errant mate. On whom she has no valid claim, because haven't we already been over the lack-of-rigid-or-indeed-any-relationship-structure thing already?
This situation should be remedied, unless it's too late for that. Let it not be too late for that. Xu's even prepared to forgive any transgressions of the relationship's borders and boundaries enacted before the relationship came officially into effect. And that's saying something, not least because the sentence is quite a mouthful. It took her five minutes in the middle of Class D-gamma's bumbling about in the villages of southern Trabia to re-parse the phrasing alone.
"Xu, do sit down and stop looming over me."
"I'm enjoying being taller than you for once." Xu knows normal, unstrained conversation, and that was a resonable approximation to it.
"I thought you had plenty of fun with the height difference as it is."
Quistis did not just say that. Quistis would never say that. They are in public, for crying out loud. In public, Quistis refuses to sit any less than half a metre away for fear of looking like they might possibly be a couple. Which they aren't, as established earlier, but that's not the point. The point is, the new cadet flame is obviously exercising an unreasonable influence upon her, and Xu's cause is doomed. She had better prepare for stalking about the corridors in a sulk for the next four months, with a side option on snarling whenever the pair of them pass and perhaps casually, deliberately, muttering "I taught her everything she knows" at those legs. Except how to smile, and how to offer coffee in the mornings without a word, and how to lean companionably against Xu's side, and readjust her glasses with her little finger in the middle of marking theory assignments.
Perhaps Xu can get a transfer to Galbadia, and never have to see Quistis ever again. Or maybe Centra, and never have to see anyone.
"Sit down." Ooh, Instructor-voice, how scary. Xu's three years older and her indirect superior, so why should Quistis expect it to work?
Perhaps because it does.
"Apparently the lasagna's good today," says Quistis, looking down at her teaching folder as if at a menu. Quistis is the only person Xu knows who can behave like she's in an expensive restaurant when in fact it's the scummy cafeteria filled with the dull roar of clamouring cadets. Perhaps Xu should have taken her to more expensive restaurants; to any expensive restaurants, in fact. Now she's going to be dumped, and all because she never made any romantic displays of largesse.
"Right." Classy, Xu, very classy. Stinginess, lack of romantic behaviour, and a complete absence of charm: it's really no wonder Quistis is looking around for something new.
"Is it your turn to get the food, or mine?"
"I'll do it." The chair screeches when she gets up. Add "clumsiness" to the list.
"Are you sure? I think you did it yesterday-"
"It's fine." Chivalry is not dead. Besides, Xu waiting in the queue will give Quistis time to put the final touches to her breaking-up speech. It had better be a well-composed piece of rhetoric: Xu won't accept anything less. She can just picture it, Quistis starting with "I think you and me just aren't working-" and Xu butting in to say "you and I, Quistis, could you at least break up with me with some style?" This all, of course, in the alternate universe in which Quistis' grammar is not entirely perfect. Like so many things about her, thinks Xu, with a mental sigh, and then walks off before the schmaltz can quite overwhelm her.
Every look she sneaks back shows Quistis studying papers in her folder, quite unconcerned. Maybe she wrote cribnotes in case the emotion of her goodbye speech got the better of her. Xu can forgive this, as it's Quistis' first time breaking up with someone and must be rather a nerve-wracking time. Or she's written the break-up in a letter, which is the kind of thing Xu would do and hence a reprehensible act. The girl in front of her has a skirt which is riding slowly up the back of her thighs, and Xu resolves to take out her future sexual and emotional frustration out on every single improperly-attired cadet in Garden. It can keep her occupied for the first bitter month.
The cafeteria lady wants to know what she wants. Two lasagnas, two bottles of Winhill Spring un-carbonated, two salads and a side helping of guilt, resentment and loneliness sounds good.
They eat in silence, the rumble of other people speaking washing in Xu's ears like the deafness after someone's used Siren against you in training. She puts her fork down on the plate with a clatter: tinny, but near and real.
"Look, this is starting to get to me."
Quistis raises an eyebrow, chews her mouthful three more times and swallows it. "Hm?"
"Could you just break up with me and be done with it?"
That's told her, thinks Xu, as Quistis looks surprised for almost a full second. Now she knows that Xu's on to her little waiting game.
Quistis daintily subdivides another section of lasagna and neatly pushes it onto her fork. "I was under the impression," she says, calmly, "that, to break up wth someone, one actually had to be a in a relationship with them first."
Xu can safely say she'd forgotten about that little fact. She wonders who has Titan junctioned and whether they would feel amenable to making the ground swallow her up around now.
Quistis chews, and swallows. "So I can't break up with you, because we're not in a relationship."
"Right," say Xu, weakly.
"Mind you, if you really want me to, I suppose we could come to some kind of arrangement. Who were you planning to rebound onto?"
"What?"
"You obviously have this all planned out-" No, thinks Xu, you have, and then; well, yes, I suppose, but- "-and I'm just wondering, who's next in line? The girl in the Library with, what was it, legs up to here?"
It suddenly dawns on Xu that Quistis might not be as calm as she seems. She's not looking up at all, and the roughage on her plate is being methodically shredded into tiny little pieces. Rather like my heart, Xu thinks, and then wonders where these sudden attacks of melodrama keep coming from.
"I've never quite known where exactly 'here' was supposed to be," Quistis continues, looking decidedly savage in the general direction of her water bottle, "but I'm sure you'll be able to find that out."
"I don't want to."
"Oh, it's not her? Who is it, then? Don't tell me it's that girl in my class who's got a crush on you; I would not be able to take it."
"No-one in any of your classes has a crush on me."
"I'd like to think I knew my students, Xu. Do you think you could not call me a liar while in the middle of trying to get rid of me?"
"But I'm not!"
"Shh!" Someone is walking towards them. Xu can almost see Quistis' face snap back into Instructor-friendliness.
"Instructor?" It's the fucking Trepie. "Uh, Miss Xu?" Xu is going to kill someone, and it might be herself.
"Yes?" It isn't fair how calm Quistis is, when Xu has to restrict herself to a moody nod. At least it makes the girl look scared. It's so nice to know you have an effect, however minor.
"The Headmaster- the Headmaster sent me to tell you that the meeting this afternoon's been cancelled, and would you get your heads together and sort out another time for it, he says?"
"Of course we will. Thank you."
The Trepie scuttles away, quaking hard enough to leave Xu on the edge of giggles. It's a panic reaction, she knows, adrenalin and all that, but she can't seem to fight it off. Until Quistis coughs and catches her eye, and the dread of what she's about to say smothers any amusement.
"You're not trying to get rid of me?"
"All evidence to the contrary, I'm not actually that stupid."
"Well," says Quistis, and tries to shove some of the finely chopped lettuce onto her fork. It falls off in mid-air, and she sighs and lays her cutlery down, "that's good."
"Yes."
"After all, it would be quite difficult. You'd have to ask me out before you left me. In fact, you'll have to ask me out anyway, won't you?"
"I will?"
"So I can dump you if I want to. It's only fair."
"You're asking me-" Quistis looks alarmed: the caferia background noise is dropping. Xu brings her voice down by several decibels. "You're asking me to ask you out?"
"That was the general gist, yes."
"Okay."
Xu is not afraid of silence. They always eat without talking, companionable in the quiet, it's virtually a tradition. Quistis breaks it.
"So."
"So?"
They are in public, but she scoots her chair over and subtly lets one hand drop to Xu's knee.
"Ask me."
intellectual property of harpy_elian, december 2002