Title: Cruel Angel's Tears
Author: Kafe (used to be 'Soren')
Rating: PG-13 / R...I am unsure...
Warnings: Character Death (but it depends on how you look at it); mention of UNDER AGE...but it doesn't really...go there...
Pairings: SS/HP mention of SS/DM
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to Warner Brothers and the wonderful JK Rowling. I do not own them.
Notes: This fic..wrote itself...totally.
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[ :: Cruel Angel's Tears :: ]
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Harry silently laid himself back into his bed, his head slamming down hard on the well worn pillow.
The words were haunting him. They replayed over and over into his mind, making sure that they were being heard and remembered.
//Sure your great Harry Potter now; but in a couple of years no one will really remember you, you know! All they will bloody remember is your scar!//
There had been much more words then that, but he didn't remember them. They didn't matter, they had just been simple words that made up simple sentences in a speech. However those two lines wouldn't leave him alone.
Him and Ron had gotten into another fight again. It was happening more and more often, and while it worried him, Harry had no reason to think they would stop being friends just after some simple tiffs.
This time, just like all the others, Ron had never meant what he had said and just two hours later after saying it he had walked over to him in the common room and apologized to him. Knowing how everyone had expected him to act, Harry had forgiven him. Telling him it was already forgotten, and soon afterwards they were right back to acting like best mates again. Laughing and yelling around the burning fire the was lit in the common room. Making their shadows dance on the walls.
However now it was the middle of the night, Ron and Hermione were fast asleep in their own respective beds. Ron probably to dream of Quidditch and Hermione to dream of Books and new inventions. But even though everyone else was asleep Harry couldn't even bring himself to close his eyes.
Ron's words still plagued him.
It wasn't because he was shocked by what the words said; he wasn't naive enough to believe that everyone loved him just because he was Harry. It was more on the fact that He had heard similar words before. Similar words that had taken place after a rushed night of passion that had left him drained and tired, if not happy. It had happened right before Voldemort had been killed for good the year before.
The words had been said in a harsh voice under harsh circumstances, that had torn a hole in his soul, leaving him to drown in his own desperation. It wasn't because what the words had said, but because of the conversation that had led up to them.
Harry closed his eyes, the old words ringing in his ears.
//You know I'll be here for you Harry, even when the world only remembers you for your scar. I'll always be here to help guide you.//
At the time the words had been passed he had been under the age of consent by a year, and had been having an affair with a member of the Hogwarts staff.
Professor Severus Snape.
Severus had not been able to live with the guilt of lying to the Headmaster about their relationship. It was obviously tearing him up inside to lie to the man who had acted as a fatherly figure to him when his own father had not been there. With cold eyes he had told Harry that it was over until either Dumbledore was no longer headmaster or Harry was of legal age.
However he must had seen the hurt on his face for then he had said those two sentences next. It was easy to see that he meant them, from the softening around his eyes to the gentle had that had been placed on Harry's shoulder.
Harry had looked up at him and then to the hand on his right shoulder, that had felt like it was amber hot against his sensitive skin.
He had fled the room and never looked back.
Now Voldemort was dead and Harry was past the age of concent. More then past actually, he was almost 16 and a half. However he had not once ventured back into Snapes room.
Harry sighed and slowly lifted himself back up out of his bed and stretched out his legs, before reaching over and taking his glasses from the night stand. There was a reason he had never gone back to Snape's rooms. The September he had turned 16 he had come back to the welcoming feast in high sprits. The thought of finally being able to be with Severus had dominated his mind all though out the summer, and now it would be a reality come the night time.
However things hadn't worked out the way he had planned. He should have been used to it now, things rarely ever went his way. But just because he knew deep down in his mind something like this would happen, it didn't make it hurt any less..
When he had the professor had been together they had always shared secret looks. They would play a game of trying to look at each over discreetly over the crowds of students without anyone noticing what they were doing. Things had changed at his 6th year welcoming feast. He had looked up to the staff table, a bright smile fixing itself on his face, when he noticed that Snape wasn't even looking remotely in his direction.
He was playing the game all right, but not with Harry.
The looks were now directed at Draco, one of Slytherin's finest students and one of Harry's worst rivals. It had hurt deeply to see that looks they shared all during the feast, and he had been tempted to run out of the room so as not to look at them anymore. But he hadn't. He had stayed at his table without ever looking back up at the staff table. Keeping his eyes firmly on his friends and food, and trying desperately to erase the memory of the look on Draco's face when he had seen the look Severus had given him.
While he had wanted so much to be angry at Severus, he couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to hate the man who had taught him how to spy, how to stay alive and how to love. He had thought he had left loved before with Cho Chang in 4th year.
It was no where near what he had felt for Severus in his 5th.
However the pain was getting to much. Seeing the secret looks passed between the two, the extra detentions given without cause. He knew what they were doing, Hell, even RON was starting to notice it and all his world revolved around was Quidditch and Hermione.
It wasn't like they were desecrate about it. Why would they have to be since Draco was over consent?
Knowing that others were starting to notice hurt much more then just simply knowing that they were doing it. It meant that they weren't ashamed to let others know.
It meant their feelings were that strong.
Harry got up and walked over to the window, making sure to not let the floor creak, and looked at the dagger that he had set there that morning. It had been cleaned and polished just for this night. He had known that he couldn't take it anymore. With Voldemort gone he had no purpose anymore, he was just taking up space and bothering those who needed to learn and live their lives.
Harry closed his eyes just as the dagger touched his skin, and only one sentence left his mouth before darkness claimed him.
"I'll never blame you."
--[ & ]--
Severus mumbled as he forced himself to sit up in his bed, shaking his head to get rid of the headache that had already started to form in the middle of the night while he had been asleep.
He managed a sleepy blink and looked over that the muggle clock that Draco had given him a couple of months before.
2:03 am
Wonderful.
Severus let himself collapse back on his bed, closing his eyes tight. Draco was starting to stay later and later these days, and personally he was starting to have thoughts of killing the boy and hiding him under the floor boards. Know one would really notice that the brat was gone would they?
Probably not...with the help of some Polyjuice Potion, and the right timing...
However as soon as these thoughts came to mind Severus forced them down and made himself really think over the situation.
He had NEEDED Draco. If he had any chance of winning back Harry it was with Draco, as much as it pained him to know. He knew he had hurt Harry that night, the night he had told him that it all had to end. He had seen the look on Harry's face as he had rushed out of the room. He had thought, after that, that he had no chance of ever being with Harry ever again. Harry had left betrayed, and there was probably no chance he would ever get that trust back enough so he could get close to him.
However now he had a chance opening the week before Draco's and Harry's 6th year term.
Draco had approached him and told him that he would help him win Harry back. Now that his father was sent on the Azkaban, he wanted the man who would act as his father for the rest of his living life happy. He had told him he would teach him everything he knew about what Harry liked and didn't like (and he would know seeing as they had fought almost constantly for 6 years) and he would teach him how to go about being romantic and such.
At first he had been skeptical, saying that all he needed to do was walk up to Harry and tell him how he felt to get the boy back in his arms, life, and bed.
Draco, however, had disagreed saying that Harry needed more then words after defeating Voldemort Harry needed to SEE that he was loved, not just told. That night, glaring at Draco who had a smug look on his face, he had agreed to go about with the 'lessons' that Draco had spoke of, however he made the agreement that if he didn't like them he could stop at anytime.
The first lesson was to ignore Harry at the welcoming feast. Draco had said he needed to show Harry that he was not some wounded animal and didn't need Harry's constant attention. He had also said that Harry liked to know that his partner could take care of himself so that Harry wouldn't have to be the strong one in the relationship. After fighting Voldemort and having the world depend on him he probably didn't want to be forced to take care of his partner.
While it had been hard Severus managed to keep his eyes off of Harry, forcing himself to look right at Draco the whole time.
The rest of the lessons involved meeting in his rooms, and practicing good manners and how to not trip over words. It had been long, and at many times boring, however every night he felt a little more confident about walking up and talking to Harry.
This had been the last night. He had finally passed every lesson Draco could think up and he knew that by tomorrow night Harry would be laying besides him, and taking about how his day went.
Severus opened his eyes and let out a sigh of contentment.
Finally he could be with Harry, and gods, how good the feeling felt.
[ :: End :: ]
Crappy isn't it? Well yes...This is what I did because I'm having a bit of writers block in 'Shallow Sleep' and I thought writing this out would help free up my mind a little...
It didn't if you really wanted to know.
Anyways, any comments? Its the first complete fic I've ever posted on FF.Net...how sad is that? Anyways, It would be cool if I got some :) but you know..its really up to you...