GILMORE DAYS
Title: 'Tis The Season To Be Jolly
Author: mocha-queen
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. All of it belongs to those whose names appear on screen.
Spoilers: General season 2 and parts of season 3. I just took a few things because I accidentally incorporated them later. Takes place in season 3. Dave is here.
Summary: It's Christmas in Stars Hollow, let the festivities begin!
Author Notes: This fic is basically my idea season 3, so it's a rewrite of GG season 3 and most of the TV stuff hasn't really happened unless I've incorporated it. But I ran into a problem when I put Dave in, when he wasn't really supposed to be there. So, let's just pretend that Dave came in like he did in the show.
Thank you to all of you who have feedbacked. It means so much. And if you haven't sent feedback, please do! Again, all ideas for what else should happen are welcome.
Adriannawolf- I know, New York isn't all bad. I've been there and it was really fun. But, there are also some not so great spots and bad families and whatnot. I just chose to make Jess grow up in the 'bad part'. It wasn't my intention to generalize New York as a bad place. New York rocks! Actually, it's sceptical or skeptical, both work. I personally like skeptical with a k but my computer likes to change it to a c, but hopefully it's fixed now.
LUKE'S DINER
LUKE: Taylor, no!
TAYLOR: But Luke, you must contribute to the festivities of Stars Hollow.
LUKE: I string lights, that's enough.
TAYLOR: Luke-
LUKE: No, Taylor. We go over this every year.
TAYLOR: I know.
LUKE: And every year, my answer is.
TAYLOR: No.
LUKE: And this year is no different.
TAYLOR: But-
LUKE: No.
TAYLOR: I'll start a petition.
LUKE: You do that.
TAYLOR: I'll get Christmas decorations up in this Diner if it kills me.
LUKE: Good to know.
TAYLOR: You don't want to be the one responsible for my death.
LUKE: I wouldn't be so sure.
TAYOR: [frustrated] Good day.
[LUKE rolls his eyes and watches TAYLOR leave. JESS comes in from the stairs, RORY and LORELAI enter a few minutes later. LORELAI and RORY sit at the bar. JESS stands in front of her and pulls her into a kiss. She smiles and sits back down.]
JESS: Coffee?
RORY: How well do you know us?
JESS: Coffee it is. Anything else?
RORY: No time.
[JESS pulls out a donut and pours coffee in a to-go cup, and hands it to RORY.]
JESS: How's that?
RORY: Good.
[BUS pulls up outside.]
RORY: I gotta go.
JESS: See ya after school?
RORY: You bet.
[JESS walks her out to the bus. His hands cup her face as he gives her a kiss.]
JESS: Later.
[JESS walks off to school, RORY gets on the bus. LORELAI and LUKE watch through the window.]
LORELAI: Aren't they cute?
LUKE: Sure.
LORELAI: He's so..
LUKE: Nice?
LORELAI: Only to her.
LUKE: He's nice to you.
LORELAI: Only because he has to stay on my good side in order to date Rory.
LUKE: Hey, at least he's nice.
LORELAI: He hasn't caused much trouble since he's been back.
LUKE: Much?
LORELAI: Sure there was that chalk incident, then he 'accidentally' threw a basketball at some kid's head, and he conveniently forgot that that other kid was allergic to peanuts and gave him a peanut filled something or rather.
LUKE: Yeah, not much trouble.
LORELAI: No chalk out lines, though. No theft.
LUKE: Right.
LORELAI: You were right.
LUKE: Coming from you, that's a first.
LORELAI: They're good together.
LUKE: Yeah, well. I told you so.
LORELAI: Then you freaked. Hey, you figure out their secret kid code yet?
LUKE: I didn't try.
LORELAI: Yeah, you did.
LUKE: I did not.
LORELIA: Oh, I know you did. For a while you questioned everything they said.
LUKE: I did not try and decipher their 'kid code'.
LORELAI: Didn't get a thing?
LUKE: Nope.
INDEPENDENCE INN-KITCHEN
SOOKIE: Hey, what are you guys doing for Christmas?
LORELAI: I don't know yet. Me and Rory were thinking about throwing a Christmas bash.
SOOKIE: [sadly] oh.
LORELAI: Did you have something in mind?
SOOKIE: I just thought we could do something.
LORELAI: Just us?
SOOKIE: You, me, Jackson, Rory, Jess, Luke.
LORELAI: That'd be fun.
SOOKIE: We could all get together for dinner, I could serve a 10 course meal..
LORELAI: Sounds good.
SOOKIE: But if you guys want to throw a party.
LORELAI: You do know there are many days to have Christmas parties on.
SOOKIE: You're right.
LORELAI: How 'bout this. Christmas eve- big Gilmore party. Christmas dinner- Sookie's.
SOOKIE: I like that idea.
[MICHEL enters the kitchen.]
MICHEL: Lorelai, phone.
LORELAI: Take a message.
MICHEL: [into phone] Even though she is seemingly not busy at the moment, she would like me to take a message. [pause] Yes, just a moment. [to Lorelai] It's your mother. She would like to talk to you.
LORELAI: Fine. Sookie, can I count you down for catering Christmas Eve?
SOOKIE: Yup.
LORELAI: Great.
[LORELAI takes the phone from MICHEL and exits.]
LORELAI: Hello, Mom.
EMILY: That was very rude, you know.
LORELAI: Excuse me?
EMILY: You were right there and asked your help to take a message.
LORELAI: I was busy, and unlike you, I call my help by their name, Michel.
EMILY: You were busy doing what?
LORELAI: Making plans.
EMILY: Good, you can continue to make plans.
LORELAI: When?
EMILY: Christmas Eve.
LORELAI: Nope.
EMILY: Your answer was too quick.
LORELAI: I'm sorry. Nooooope.
EMILY: Not funny.
LORELAI: I just made plans for Christmas Eve.
EMILY: I think you're lying.
LORELAI: I am not. Ask Sookie, we just made plans for Christmas Eve.
EMILY: What about Christmas?
LORELAI: Plans there, too.
EMILY: Will I see you at all this holiday season?
LORELAI: There's Friday night dinner.
EMILY: About that, I have to cancel this week.
LORELAI: You do?
EMILY: Yes, we have a Christmas party to attend that night. You can come to Friday night dinner if you want, but no one will be there.
LORELAI: We could party!
EMILY: Not under my roof.
LORELAI: What happened to your annual Christmas party? Or am I not invited again?
EMILY: It's on Christmas Eve which is why I asked if you had plans on Christmas Eve.
LORELAI: Could you move the party?
EMILY: You want to come?
LORELAI: I like the tarts.
EMILY: You want to come?
LORELAI: We have gifts to give.
EMILY: You want to come?
LORELAI: Yes.
EMILY: We'll move the party.
LORELAI: Thank you.
EMILY: I have to make a few phone calls. Does Saturday work?
LORELAI: I'll have to pull Rory away from Jess, but yeah, it'll work.
EMILY: What?
LORELAI: I'll have to pull.. Oh, nothing.
EMILY: You said Jess.
LORELAI: I meant. me. I'll have to pull Rory away from me.
EMILY: No, you said 'I'll have to pull Rory away from Jess.'
LORELAI: Fine. Yes, I said Jess.
EMILY: Jess?
LORELAI: Yes.
EMILY: The Jess that broke her arm?
LORELAI: He didn't break it, it was a tiny fracture.
EMILY: That's besides the point, he hurt her.
LORELAI: I remember, he will always be the guy that hurt my baby, but I can't keep hating him for it, especially when Rory would do anything to see him.
EMILY: Forbid her to see him.
LORELAI: You of all people should know that doesn't work. Mom, my system works, she tells me stuff and that system does not involve locking her up and throwing away the key.
EMILY: Lorelai-
LORELAI: Mom, this is getting old. I've told you time and time again that I'm the one raising my daughter.
EMILY: [gives in] When did this happen?
LORELAI: At the play.
EMILY: That was ages ago! How did I not know about this?
LORELAI: Let's see, how did you just react?
EMILY: So, you're coming Saturday?
LORELAI: Wouldn't miss it for the world.
EMILY: I'll call you later and give you the details.
LORELAI: Thank you.
EMILY: Goodbye, Lorelai.
LORELAI: Goodbye, Mom.
[They both hand up the phone and fall back onto a chair, sighing.]
GILMORE HOUSE-LIVING ROOM
[RORY walks in. LORELAI is in the kitchen with a pen and a pad of paper. RORY sits across from LORELAI.]
RORY: What's up?
LORELAI: Christmas planning.
RORY: Sucks.
LORELAI: Totally.
RORY: What's on the agenda for this year?
LORELAI: Saturday- Christmas party at the grandparents. Christmas Eve- Gilmore Christmas bash. And Christmas- dinner at Sookie's with us, Jess and Luke.
RORY: Busy.
LORELAI: Yup, and I haven't even begun Christmas shopping.
RORY: Mom! You said you finished!
LORELAI: I lied.
RORY: I told you not to save it for the last minute, now here we are, like a week till Christmas, and you probably haven't bought anything.
LORELAI: Not true.. I got a. a. Drat, I know I bought something.
RORY: [skeptical] Sure.
LORELAI: Oh! I bought your Grandparents an old lamp.
RORY: Really?
LORELAI: I just don't remember where I put it.
RORY: Mom.
LORELAI: I'm trying to think.
RORY: Well, think harder. In the mean time, I'm going out.
LORELAI: Hey, would you-
RORY: I'll spread the word. What time?
LORELAI: Seven, Christmas Eve.
RORY: See ya.
LORELAI: Bye.
LUKE'S DINER
[RORY and LANE are sitting at a table drinking coffee and eating burgers.]
RORY: So, how are you and Dave?
LANE: Really good.
RORY: Has he kissed you yet?
LANE: He hasn't even asked me out.
RORY: He will.
LANE: Even if he does. My mouth will go all dry, all thought will fly away, and I will be a blubbering moron. I won't even be able to say yes.
RORY: Lane, breathe. You'll be fine.
LANE: No, I won't.
RORY: Oh hey, we're having this party on Christmas Eve. You should come.
LANE: And how do you propose I escape my mother?
RORY: Fib?
LANE: That works.
RORY: Invite Dave.
LANE: He probably has better things to do on Christmas Eve.
RORY: You could ask him.
LANE: Do you remember me trying to call him but hanging up every time I heard his voice?
RORY: You don't have to call him.
LANE: But what if he doesn't call me, or I don't see him before that and he doesn't get invited?
RORY: He's out side.
LANE: [quickly looks outside and then back at RORY] Oh my God! He is! What do I do?
RORY: Go out and talk to him?
LANE: Good. Good, I like that. What do I say?
RORY: I'd start with 'hello,' because 'mushrooms' is weird way to start a conversation.
LANE: Hello, yeah. That's good. What next?
RORY: Ask him to the party?
LANE: Yes, yes. I can do that.
RORY: But the trick is getting up, out of Luke's to go ask him.
LANE: Yeah. [LANE tries to get up.] My legs aren't working.
RORY: They work just fine.
LANE: No, no they don't. I'm stuck in Luke's forever!
RORY: I could go get Dave and make him carry you home.
LANE: That would be embarrassing, I think I can walk by myself, thanks.
RORY: No problem.
LANE: I'll see you later?
RORY: Yup.
LANE: Bye.
RORY: Good luck.
LANE: I need it.
OUTSIDE
[LANE sits beside DAVE in the gazebo.]
LANE: Hello
DAVE: Hey.
LANE: Hi.
DAVE: Hi.
LANE: Hi.
DAVE: Know any other words?
LANE: [embarrassed] Yeah, sorry.
DAVE: It's okay. Any plans for Christmas?
LANE: Actually. I was wondering if you wanted to come to this party my friend and her Mom are having on Christmas Eve.
DAVE: I would-
LANE: You don't have to come. No obligations, I was just asking. You know, to be polite. Like what if you weren't invited, and then found out about it, and felt left out because you weren't invited in the first place, and-
DAVE: Lane?
LANE: Yeah?
DAVE: Breathe.
LANE: Yeah, I can do that.
DAVE: I would love to come.
LANE: You don't have to, I was just ask-
DAVE: [chuckling] Lane, stop. I'll be there.
INSIDE LUKE'S DINER
[RORY is watching LANE and DAVE outside. JESS sneaks up behind her and kisses her on the neck. RORY jumps.]
RORY: Geez, don't do that, you'll give me a heart attack!
JESS: Bad idea.
RORY: Very. You'd be very lonely during the holidays with me dead from a heart attack.
[JESS shrugs.]
RORY: Not big on holidays, huh?
JESS: Never had a reason to be.
RORY: Well then, I guarantee that this Christmas will be your best.
JESS: I'll hold you to that.
RORY: Until next year, when that Christmas will be the best, until the year after, etc. etc.
JESS: Good.
[JESS and RORY look back out the window at LANE and DAVE.]
RORY: They're so cute.
JESS: Yeah.
RORY: You think he'll ask her out?
JESS: Yeah.
RORY: If he doesn't I'm holding you personally responsible.
JESS: How is that fair?
RORY: Since when was life fair?
JESS: You have a point.
RORY: Got any Christmas plans yet?
JESS: I don't know, do I?
RORY: [sheepishly] Yes.
JESS: What?
RORY: Christmas Eve, my house.
JESS: Just us?
RORY: Yeah.. And the rest of Stars Hollow.
JESS: Okay.
RORY: [continuing] And Christmas.
JESS: [sigh] What am I doing then?
RORY: Sookie's for a big Christmas Dinner, and I mean big. Sookie cooking for a special occasion, we'll have a 100-course meal.
JESS: Anything else I'm doing?
RORY: Not that I'm aware of.
JESS: Okay. [pause] Wanna go read?
RORY: Sure.
[JESS takes RORY'S hand and leads her to the door. LUKE steps in front of them.]
LUKE: Where are you going?
JESS: Out.
RORY: [continuing] To read.
LUKE: You're just going out to read?
RORY: Yeah.
JESS: You have a problem with us reading?
LUKE: No, but usually couples don't just go off and read, they usually do stuff they shouldn't.
JESS: Luke.
LUKE: And then you use the kid code. You say you're going to go read but that really means I'm going to go do stuff that I don't want to do in front of adults.
JESS: You done?
LUKE: Yeah.
RORY: Kid code?
LUKE: [ashamed] Never mind.
JESS: [cautious] We're gonna go now. Unless you have some crack reason why we can't leave the diner.
LUKE: [embarrassed] Go. Now.
[JESS and RORY exit. LUKE silently curses LORELAI under is breath for putting such a crazy idea into his head.]
LATER-LUKE'S DINER
[LORELAI is sitting at a table. LUKE is serving her. JESS is serving customers.]
LUKE: What do you want today?
LORELAI: To inform you that you will be closed on Christmas and Christmas Eve.
LUKE: Excuse me?
[JESS walks up.]
JESS: I'm busy then, too.
[JESS continues to serve customers because LUKE is obviously busy.]
LUKE: Okay, what's going on?
LORELAI: Christmas parties.
LUKE: I don't do Christmas parties.
LORELAI: Sure you do. You can't be that much of a scrooge.
LUKE: How long have you known me?
LORELAI: A long time.
LUKE: And have I ever been known to go to the big Christmas celebration?
LORELAI: No, you usually scoff.
LUKE: Exactly.
LORELAI: There's always room for change.
LUKE: No.
LOERLAI: Please.
LUKE: Did you not hear me say no?
LORELAI: Pretty please?
LUKE: No.
LORELAI: I won't drink coffee!
LUKE: Ever?
LORELAI: No! are you kidding?
LUKE: Apparently.
LORELAI: For an hour.
LUKE: Two.
LORELAI: But-but-fine!
LUKE: [to JESS] What are you doing then?
JESS: Ask Lorelai.
[JESS looks at his watch and leaves.]
LUKE: Hey! Where are you going?
JESS: Out.
LORELAI: And the kid code translation is?
LUKE: Shut up.
LORELAI: That was mean.
LUKE: You're mean.
LORELAI: Ah! How dare you accuse me of such a thing?
LUKE: [gives her a funny look] Just tell me what you have planned for me so I can start getting out of it.
LORELAI: Christmas Eve, party at my place, Christmas dinner at Sookies. And you're not getting out of it.
LUKE: [angry] Made any other plans for me?
LORELAI: Now that you mention it..
LUKE: Forget it.
[LORELAI'S cell phone rings. LUKE points to the sign.]
LORELAI: But-
[LUKE taps the sign.]
LORELAI: [whining] Luke..
[LUKE taps the sign harder.]
LORELAI: Fine!
[LORELAI goes outside and answers the phone.]
LORELAI: You better have a good reason for calling, you just got me kicked out of Luke's.
EMILY: Lorelai, how many times do I have to tell you not to answer the phone like that?
LORELAI: Sorry.
EMILY: You got kicked out of the iceman's diner?
LORELAI: He doesn't allow cell phones. And he's not an iceman. Though, there was this one time when I-
EMILY: Please stop.
LORELAI: Okay.
EMILY: Cocktails are at 6:30, dinner is at 8:00, as usual.
LORELAI: This is Saturday, right?
EMILY: Did you make plans?
LORELAI: Just confirming.
EMILY: Did you manage to tear Rory away from Jess?
LORELAI: [sarcastically] I'm sure we can manage something, scalding water should do the trick.
EMILY: Do not joke. [pause] She can bring this Jess.
LORELAI: What?
EMILY: Rory, she can bring Jess. He can't possibly be as bad as that other boy. what's his name?
LORELAI: Dean.
EMILY: Yes, Dean. He can't possibly be as bad as Dean.
LORELAI: So, Jess is invited?
EMILY: Yes.
LORELAI: Great, leave me the odd man out.. err, woman.
EMILY: I can invite a man for you.
LORELAI: [reconsiders] No, sorry, forget it.
EMILY: You could bring Luke.
LORELAI: [warning] Mom.
EMIY: Seriously, invite Luke as well. And it would only be polite, Jess and Luke are related, right?
LORELAI: Right.
EMILY: It would be rude to invite one and not the other.
LORELAI: He won't mind, he probably doesn't want to come anyway.
EMILY: Did you ask him?
LORELAI: No, but-
EMILY: Then how do you know he will say no?
LORELAI: It's Luke. He always says no.
EMILY: I've seen the way he looks at you. Just ask him, he'll say yes.
LORELAI: Mom, he looks at me like he wants to kill me. I bug him so much.
EMILY: You're both idiots.
LORELAI: I'll tell Luke you said that. I'm sure he'll want to come after being insulted by the host.
EMILY: Lorelai. Will you just ask him to come?
LORELAI: Yes, but-
EMILY: We'll see the four of you on Saturday.
LORELAI: He might-
EMILY: [grinning] Goodbye, Lorelai.
LORELAI: [giving up] Bye, Mom.
[LORELAI hangs up and goes back into LUKE'S. She sits back at the bar.]
LORELAI: I'm cold.
LUKE: It's cold out.
LOREALI: I know.
LUKE: Should have taken a jacket.
LORELAI: I hate that sign.
LUKE: I know.
LORELAI: You have more plan-
LUKE: No!
LORELAI: [mumbling] I told you so.
LUKE: Told me what?
LORELAI: Not you, my Mom. She said that you would come to her Christmas party on Saturday if I asked you. You said no. Therefore, I told *her* so.
LUKE: You didn't ask.
LORELAI: Fine. [humouring] Luke, would care to join me at my parent's Christmas party on Saturday.
LUKE: Fine.
LORELAI: [taken back] What?
LUKE: Fine.
LORELAI: Seriously?
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: Shoot, Mom was right.
LUKE: What about Jess?
LORELAI: He was invited, too.
LUKE: I might as well just close for the holidays.
LORELAI: You could.
LUKE: You wouldn't get your coffee.
LORELAI: But if you're closed, I'd still be here anyway as your one and only customer and you would get to serve me, and only me.
LUKE: Oh, God.
LORELAI: No! wait! [trails off]
CHILTON
[RORY and PARIS are lugging their school books out of the school.]
RORY: I don't believe today is the last day of school.
PARIS: We'll be back in 2 weeks.
RORY: I don't believe they assigned all this homework.
PARIS: Don't want us getting stupid over the break.
[Pause.]
RORY: What are you doing for the holidays?
PARIS: Working.
RORY: Lighten up, Paris, it's Christmas.
PARIS: Time for making sure I get into Harvard.
RORY: No, a time to *relax*.
PARIS: Whatever. What are you doing?
RORY: Lots of Christmas parties.
PARIS: [sadly] Oh.
RORY: You could come.
PARIS: [trying to sound too excited] Really?
RORY: Why not?
PARIS: I don't want to intrude, you probably have something special planned with your Mom.
RORY: Just a bunch of parties.
PARIS: You and Jess will be stuck together.
RORY: Invite Jamie.
PARIS: But-
RORY: You're coming to our Christmas bash on Christmas Eve. No buts.
PARIS: Okay.
RORY: I could probably get you into my grandparent's party, though I'm not sure why you'd want to come.
PARIS: I like your Grandfather.
RORY: He likes you.
PARIS: If he doesn't mind, I would like to come. I have a few ideas I want to run by him.
RORY: Don't talk too much shop or else Grandma will get mad.
PARIS: Don't worry, I just have a *few* ideas.
RORY: So you're definitely coming on Christmas Eve, though?
PARIS: Yes. [pause] Why are you doing this?
RORY: Doing what?
PARIS: Being nice to me.
RORY: I'm usually nice to you.
PARIS: But you're going out of your way to include me. Why?
RORY: You shouldn't be alone for Christmas.
PARIS: Great, a pity invite.
RORY: And, even though we don't always get along, you are a friend-like person, and I'm inviting you to a party.
PARIS: Friend-like?
RORY: I didn't think you would consider us friends.
PARIS: [sadly] oh.
RORY: Are we friends?
PARIS: I'm not sure.
RORY: Did you want to be friends?
PARIS: It would be nice to have a friend that isn't such an airhead.
RORY: Always good.
[PARIS extends her hand. RORY takes it.]
PARIS: Friends.
RORY: Friends.
PARIS: But none of that huggy and kissy crap.
RORY: No, none of that.
PARIS: [pause] Can I really invite Jamie?
RORY: Of course.
GILMORE HOUSE-SATURDAY
[LUKE is outside the house and knocks on the door.]
LOREAI: [yelling] Luke?
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: Come in! I'm just about ready.
[LUKE enters and closes the door behind him. He rocks on his feet waiting for her to finish. She finally comes down the stairs. She is in a beautiful dark blue dress, he's dressed up in a suit, complete with tie and jacket.]
LUKE: [amazed] Wow, you look. great.
LORELAI: You.. uh, you too. [pause] Wow, for once I'm speechless.
LUKE: We should, uh, get going.
LORELAI: Yeah, don't want to be late.
LUKE: No.
LORELAI: Can you drive?
LUKE: Why?
LORELAI: [holds up her hands] My nails are wet.
LUKE: Fine. Keys?
LORELAI: In there.
[LORELAI points to a bowl filled with nick knacks. LUKE sighs and digs around.]
LUKE: [sarcastically] Great.
[LUKE pulls out keys with the Jeep symbol on them. He looks triumphant as he turns to LORELAI. She shakes her head and he goes back to digging.]
LUKE: Jess and Rory are.
LORELAI: In Hartford. They're picking up some last minute gifts and she has to get something for the Grandparents because I can't find the lamp I bought.
LUKE: Oh. [holds up keys] These them?
LORELAI: Yup, let's go!
PARKING LOT-JESS'S CAR
RORY: We can't just sit in this car forever. We're going to be late.
JESS: Yeah. Just gimme a sec?
RORY: Sure.
[JESS slides back in the seat, sighing.]
RORY: [serious, but teasing] Awww, are you nervous about meeting my grandparents?
JESS: [rolls his eyes] Yes.
RORY: It'll be okay, you know that.
JESS: Sure..
RORY: Grandma will hate you for the first little while, but once you show her what a great guy you are, she'll love you. And as soon as you and Grandpa start discussing books, you will have an instant bond.
JESS: I've just. never met a girl's parents, or grandparents for that matter.
RORY: You've met my Mom.
JESS: That's different.
RORY: You'll be okay.
[JESS doesn't believe her and rolls his eyes again. RORY just watches in amusement. She then closes the gap between them and locks her lips on his. She slowly crawls over, still kissing him, so her body is resting on his.]
ELDER GILMORE HOME
[PARIS is outside and rings the door bell.]
EMILY: Oh, hello Paris!
PARIS: Hi. Thank you for inviting me.
[PARIS hands the maid her coat.]
EMILY: Oh, no problem. Anything for Rory, and Richard is looking forward to seeing you again.
PARIS: [excited] Really?
EMILY: Of course. He often wonders what happened to that delightful Paris girl.
[RICHARD enters.]
RICHARD: I heard my name.
EMILY: Look, Richard, Paris is here.
RICHARD: Hello, Paris.
[RICHARD and PARIS shake hands.]
PARIS: Hello, Mr. Gilmore.
RICHARD: Please, call me Richard.
PARIS: Okay, Richard.
RICHARD: Have Rory and Lorelai arrived yet?
EMILY: [bitter] No, I bet it's because of that Jess boy. He probably got them in another accident.
RICHARD: [warning] Emily.
PARIS: They're probably stuck in traffic or something. The roads are icy.
EMILY: [to a guest] Are the roads icy?
GUEST #1: Yes, very. I almost crashed twice on my way over.
EMILY: Oh, dear! Are you alright?
GUEST #1: Yes. Thank you, Emily. Lovely party.
EMILY: Thank you.
RICHARD: Happy?
EMILY: [turns back to RICHARD and PARIS] Yes.
RICHARD: Now, if you don't mind, I would like to steal Paris away.
EMILY: Oh, go ahead.
PARIS: Nice to see you again, Mrs. Gilmore.
EMILY: Emily, dear, call me Emily. And I will be seeing you again, I should hope.
PARIS: [nods] Of course.
EMILY: Richard, dinner is at eight, don't be late.
RICHARD: [rolls his eyes] Yes, Emily.
[PARIS and RICHARD walk off. Just as EMILY is about to go, the door bell rings. EMILY answers. LUKE and LORELAI are on the other side.]
LORELAI: Hi, Mom.
LUKE: Hi, Mrs. Gilmore. Sorry we're late, the roads are bad.
EMILY: Don't worry about it. As long as you arrived in once piece.
LORELAI: Oh, don't fret. Mr. 20-miles-a-hour here made sure of that.
EMILY: At least he's safe compared to some family members.speaking of which, where's Rory?
LORELAI: [confused] She's not here?
EMILY: She didn't come with you?
LORELAI: Umm, no. She and Jess went shopping for gifs earlier. They said they'd meet us here.
EMILY: I bet they crashed or something equally bad.
LORELAI: No, Mom. They'll be here. They're probably just stuck in traffic or something.
EMILY: If he hurts her again.
LORELAI: He won't.
EMILY: [to LUKE] Will he?
LUKE: No, he really likes her.
EMILY: [still not convinced] Do I have permission to hurt him if he hurts her?
LUKE: I think Lorelai gets first dibs.
LORELAI: Damn straight.
EMILY: Go, enjoy the party.
LORELAI: [mischievous] Did you make those apple tarts?
EMILY: [smiling] Yes, Lorelai.
[LORELAI runs away looking for tarts.]
LUKE: I'll make sure she doesn't get into to too much trouble..
[LUKE follows LORELAI and EMILY just smiles.]
PARKING LOT-JESS'S CAR
[RORY and JESS are back sitting in their respective seats.]
RORY: We really should go, we're going to be late.
JESS: Yeah, sorry.
RORY: It's okay.
[JESS starts the car but doesn't drive.]
RORY: [annoyed] Drive. Now. They're going to be worried and they'll blame it on you. Not the way to make a great first impression.
JESS: Fine, let's go.
[They leave but suddenly stop as traffic is backed up the highway.]
RORY: [frustrated] Great. This is just what I need.
JESS: [sarcastic and trying not to laugh] Oh yeah, this is exactly what we need.
RORY: You aren't worried! Why are you not worried? They'll be worried and freak when we get there!
JESS: We're stuck in traffic, we'll tell them that.
RORY: They'll freak.
JESS: We were stuck in traffic. It's not like we can help it.
RORY: [teasing] This is all your fault you know.
JESS: And how is that?
RORY: If you weren't all stressed about meeting my grandparents then we would have gotten on the road earlier and not be stuck in traffic now.
JESS: I wasn't that worried.
RORY: You were so.
JESS: At least I had good reason. I hear Lorelai bitch about them all the time.
RORY: They're not that bad.
JESS: But they already hate me.
RORY: No they. Grandma does.
JESS: [smirking] Told ya so.
PARTY
[EMLIY walks up to LORELAI and LUKE at the table with the apple tarts.]
EMILY: Lorelai!
LORELAI: Mom, these apple tarts are the best!
EMILY: I'm glad you like them. Rory's not here yet. I'm worried.
LORELAI: Mom-
EMILY: Call her.
LORELAI: She doesn't have a phone.
EMILY: Page her.
LORELAI: If they're stuck in traffic she can't exactly run to a pay phone.
EMILY: Well, surely that boy Jess must have a cell phone.
LORELAI: Mom, who are we kidding. He lives with Luke.
LUKE: That would be her way of saying that he doesn't own a cell phone.
EMILY: Oh. You must have a better way of contacting Rory if she's going to be running off with Jess.
LORELAI: She's not running off.
LUKE: [interrupting] We'll get them some cell phones.
EMILY: Good. Now, enjoy the party.
[EMILY leaves]
LORELAI: [surprised] Oh my god! How did you do that?
LUKE: Do what?
LORELAI: Make my mother go away. Just like that.
LUKE: I told her what she wanted to hear.
LORELAI: And that worked?
LUKE: Works on you.
LORELAI: [sticks her tongue out] Mean.
[The door bell rings and EMILY runs to answer it. She opens the door to see RORY and JESS bearing gifts.]
EMILY: [relieved] Oh, Rory! We were so worried.
RORY: Hi Grandma.
[EMILY hugs RORY. LORELAI and LUKE enter.]
LORELAI: She was worried, we knew you were fine.
EMILY: [concerned] You're okay? Nothing happened? Nothing broken?
RORY: No. I'm fine. Jess is fine. We got off to a late start and got stuck in traffic.
EMILY: But you're okay?
RORY: We're fine. We brought gifts!
[EMILY takes them and places them under the tree.]
EMILY: Thank you.
RORY: Grandma, this is Jess. Jess this is my Grandma, Emily Gilmore.
[EMILY and JESS shake hands.]
JESS: It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Gilmore.
EMILY: [pretending to be pleasant] Likewise.
JESS: I've heard so much about you.
EMILY: I can only imagine the crazy stories Lorelai has told you.
JESS: There was one where you were abducted by aliens.. but from Rory, nothing but good things about her grandparents.
EMILY: [blushing] Oh, Rory, you are too good to us.
RORY: I only told the truth.
EMILY: Thank you, dear.
RORY: If you don't mind, I'm going to introduce him to Grandpa.
EMILY: Of course. I think he and Paris are in the study discussing god knows what.
RORY: Thank you, Grandma. Sorry about being late.
EMILY: [smiling] Can't help the traffic.
JESS: [winking at RORY] No, you can't.
[RORY and JESS hand their coats to the maid. RORY takes JESS'S hand and leads him to RICHARD'S study where he and PARIS are discussing something.]
RICHARD: He had no right to close it down. Johnson started the company from scratch!
PARIS: He had to save money where he could.
RICHARD: Money ahead of employees?
PARIS: It's been known to happen.
[RICHARD laughs and notices RORY and JESS at the door.]
RICHARD: Oh, there you are!
RORY: Sorry we're late. Traffic.
[RICHARD and PARIS share a knowing look.]
RICHARD: You missed the most interesting discussions.
RORY: I'm sorry I missed it. [pause] Grandpa, I'd like you to meet Jess. Jess, this is my grandpa, Richard Gilmore, business man extraordinaire.
RICHARD: Flattering. Thank you. [they shake hands] Very nice to meet you Jess.
JESS: You too, Sir.
RICHARD: Richard, Jess. Sir is much too formal.
JESS: Sure.
RICHARD: Have a seat.
[RORY sits in a black leather chair, JESS sits on the arm, his arm draped over her shoulders.]
RICHARD: Jess, Paris says you like to read.
JESS: I do.
RICHARD: Favourite author?
JESS: Dear old Earnest Hemingway.
RICHARD: A fine choice, if I do say so myself. Though, I can't seem to get Rory interested in his fine works.
JESS: You're not the only one. I've been trying for a good year now. She has yet to see the brilliance of Hemingway.
RORY: [lightly elbows JESS] Hey!
JESS: She likes this Ayn Rand nut. Constantly trying to get me to enjoy "The Fountainhead."
RICHARD: Ah yes.
PARIS: Hey! I like Ayn Rand.
RORY: Thank you, Paris.
JESS: I question your tastes.
RORY: [drops her head] Oh no, here we go again.
JESS: Hemingway, on the other hand.
LATER AT DINNER
[EMILY taps a glass at the end of a long table flanked by people.]
EMILY: I'd just like to thank everyone for coming. I'd say this is our most successful Christmas party ever, don't you think so, Richard?
RICHARD: Of course, dear.
EMILY: It is a pleasure to have all you wonderful people here at such a wonderful time of year. I hope you don't enjoy yourselves too much and have to stay the night.
[The crowd laughs.]
GUEST #2: Oh, Emily. You're a hoot.
GUEST #3: [to LORELAI] I see where you get your sense of humour from.
LORELAI: [rolls her eyes] Oh, so you saw the contagious humour monster, did you?
GUEST #3: I don't get it.
LORELAI: Nevermind.
EMILY: [continues] May all of you enjoy a very merry Christmas.
[EMILY sits and RICHARD stands.]
RICHARD: Thank you Emily. I'd like to thank you all for coming and, dig in!
[Everyone begins to eat, talk, laugh, and have a good time.]
[TBC]
Title: 'Tis The Season To Be Jolly
Author: mocha-queen
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. All of it belongs to those whose names appear on screen.
Spoilers: General season 2 and parts of season 3. I just took a few things because I accidentally incorporated them later. Takes place in season 3. Dave is here.
Summary: It's Christmas in Stars Hollow, let the festivities begin!
Author Notes: This fic is basically my idea season 3, so it's a rewrite of GG season 3 and most of the TV stuff hasn't really happened unless I've incorporated it. But I ran into a problem when I put Dave in, when he wasn't really supposed to be there. So, let's just pretend that Dave came in like he did in the show.
Thank you to all of you who have feedbacked. It means so much. And if you haven't sent feedback, please do! Again, all ideas for what else should happen are welcome.
Adriannawolf- I know, New York isn't all bad. I've been there and it was really fun. But, there are also some not so great spots and bad families and whatnot. I just chose to make Jess grow up in the 'bad part'. It wasn't my intention to generalize New York as a bad place. New York rocks! Actually, it's sceptical or skeptical, both work. I personally like skeptical with a k but my computer likes to change it to a c, but hopefully it's fixed now.
LUKE'S DINER
LUKE: Taylor, no!
TAYLOR: But Luke, you must contribute to the festivities of Stars Hollow.
LUKE: I string lights, that's enough.
TAYLOR: Luke-
LUKE: No, Taylor. We go over this every year.
TAYLOR: I know.
LUKE: And every year, my answer is.
TAYLOR: No.
LUKE: And this year is no different.
TAYLOR: But-
LUKE: No.
TAYLOR: I'll start a petition.
LUKE: You do that.
TAYLOR: I'll get Christmas decorations up in this Diner if it kills me.
LUKE: Good to know.
TAYLOR: You don't want to be the one responsible for my death.
LUKE: I wouldn't be so sure.
TAYOR: [frustrated] Good day.
[LUKE rolls his eyes and watches TAYLOR leave. JESS comes in from the stairs, RORY and LORELAI enter a few minutes later. LORELAI and RORY sit at the bar. JESS stands in front of her and pulls her into a kiss. She smiles and sits back down.]
JESS: Coffee?
RORY: How well do you know us?
JESS: Coffee it is. Anything else?
RORY: No time.
[JESS pulls out a donut and pours coffee in a to-go cup, and hands it to RORY.]
JESS: How's that?
RORY: Good.
[BUS pulls up outside.]
RORY: I gotta go.
JESS: See ya after school?
RORY: You bet.
[JESS walks her out to the bus. His hands cup her face as he gives her a kiss.]
JESS: Later.
[JESS walks off to school, RORY gets on the bus. LORELAI and LUKE watch through the window.]
LORELAI: Aren't they cute?
LUKE: Sure.
LORELAI: He's so..
LUKE: Nice?
LORELAI: Only to her.
LUKE: He's nice to you.
LORELAI: Only because he has to stay on my good side in order to date Rory.
LUKE: Hey, at least he's nice.
LORELAI: He hasn't caused much trouble since he's been back.
LUKE: Much?
LORELAI: Sure there was that chalk incident, then he 'accidentally' threw a basketball at some kid's head, and he conveniently forgot that that other kid was allergic to peanuts and gave him a peanut filled something or rather.
LUKE: Yeah, not much trouble.
LORELAI: No chalk out lines, though. No theft.
LUKE: Right.
LORELAI: You were right.
LUKE: Coming from you, that's a first.
LORELAI: They're good together.
LUKE: Yeah, well. I told you so.
LORELAI: Then you freaked. Hey, you figure out their secret kid code yet?
LUKE: I didn't try.
LORELAI: Yeah, you did.
LUKE: I did not.
LORELIA: Oh, I know you did. For a while you questioned everything they said.
LUKE: I did not try and decipher their 'kid code'.
LORELAI: Didn't get a thing?
LUKE: Nope.
INDEPENDENCE INN-KITCHEN
SOOKIE: Hey, what are you guys doing for Christmas?
LORELAI: I don't know yet. Me and Rory were thinking about throwing a Christmas bash.
SOOKIE: [sadly] oh.
LORELAI: Did you have something in mind?
SOOKIE: I just thought we could do something.
LORELAI: Just us?
SOOKIE: You, me, Jackson, Rory, Jess, Luke.
LORELAI: That'd be fun.
SOOKIE: We could all get together for dinner, I could serve a 10 course meal..
LORELAI: Sounds good.
SOOKIE: But if you guys want to throw a party.
LORELAI: You do know there are many days to have Christmas parties on.
SOOKIE: You're right.
LORELAI: How 'bout this. Christmas eve- big Gilmore party. Christmas dinner- Sookie's.
SOOKIE: I like that idea.
[MICHEL enters the kitchen.]
MICHEL: Lorelai, phone.
LORELAI: Take a message.
MICHEL: [into phone] Even though she is seemingly not busy at the moment, she would like me to take a message. [pause] Yes, just a moment. [to Lorelai] It's your mother. She would like to talk to you.
LORELAI: Fine. Sookie, can I count you down for catering Christmas Eve?
SOOKIE: Yup.
LORELAI: Great.
[LORELAI takes the phone from MICHEL and exits.]
LORELAI: Hello, Mom.
EMILY: That was very rude, you know.
LORELAI: Excuse me?
EMILY: You were right there and asked your help to take a message.
LORELAI: I was busy, and unlike you, I call my help by their name, Michel.
EMILY: You were busy doing what?
LORELAI: Making plans.
EMILY: Good, you can continue to make plans.
LORELAI: When?
EMILY: Christmas Eve.
LORELAI: Nope.
EMILY: Your answer was too quick.
LORELAI: I'm sorry. Nooooope.
EMILY: Not funny.
LORELAI: I just made plans for Christmas Eve.
EMILY: I think you're lying.
LORELAI: I am not. Ask Sookie, we just made plans for Christmas Eve.
EMILY: What about Christmas?
LORELAI: Plans there, too.
EMILY: Will I see you at all this holiday season?
LORELAI: There's Friday night dinner.
EMILY: About that, I have to cancel this week.
LORELAI: You do?
EMILY: Yes, we have a Christmas party to attend that night. You can come to Friday night dinner if you want, but no one will be there.
LORELAI: We could party!
EMILY: Not under my roof.
LORELAI: What happened to your annual Christmas party? Or am I not invited again?
EMILY: It's on Christmas Eve which is why I asked if you had plans on Christmas Eve.
LORELAI: Could you move the party?
EMILY: You want to come?
LORELAI: I like the tarts.
EMILY: You want to come?
LORELAI: We have gifts to give.
EMILY: You want to come?
LORELAI: Yes.
EMILY: We'll move the party.
LORELAI: Thank you.
EMILY: I have to make a few phone calls. Does Saturday work?
LORELAI: I'll have to pull Rory away from Jess, but yeah, it'll work.
EMILY: What?
LORELAI: I'll have to pull.. Oh, nothing.
EMILY: You said Jess.
LORELAI: I meant. me. I'll have to pull Rory away from me.
EMILY: No, you said 'I'll have to pull Rory away from Jess.'
LORELAI: Fine. Yes, I said Jess.
EMILY: Jess?
LORELAI: Yes.
EMILY: The Jess that broke her arm?
LORELAI: He didn't break it, it was a tiny fracture.
EMILY: That's besides the point, he hurt her.
LORELAI: I remember, he will always be the guy that hurt my baby, but I can't keep hating him for it, especially when Rory would do anything to see him.
EMILY: Forbid her to see him.
LORELAI: You of all people should know that doesn't work. Mom, my system works, she tells me stuff and that system does not involve locking her up and throwing away the key.
EMILY: Lorelai-
LORELAI: Mom, this is getting old. I've told you time and time again that I'm the one raising my daughter.
EMILY: [gives in] When did this happen?
LORELAI: At the play.
EMILY: That was ages ago! How did I not know about this?
LORELAI: Let's see, how did you just react?
EMILY: So, you're coming Saturday?
LORELAI: Wouldn't miss it for the world.
EMILY: I'll call you later and give you the details.
LORELAI: Thank you.
EMILY: Goodbye, Lorelai.
LORELAI: Goodbye, Mom.
[They both hand up the phone and fall back onto a chair, sighing.]
GILMORE HOUSE-LIVING ROOM
[RORY walks in. LORELAI is in the kitchen with a pen and a pad of paper. RORY sits across from LORELAI.]
RORY: What's up?
LORELAI: Christmas planning.
RORY: Sucks.
LORELAI: Totally.
RORY: What's on the agenda for this year?
LORELAI: Saturday- Christmas party at the grandparents. Christmas Eve- Gilmore Christmas bash. And Christmas- dinner at Sookie's with us, Jess and Luke.
RORY: Busy.
LORELAI: Yup, and I haven't even begun Christmas shopping.
RORY: Mom! You said you finished!
LORELAI: I lied.
RORY: I told you not to save it for the last minute, now here we are, like a week till Christmas, and you probably haven't bought anything.
LORELAI: Not true.. I got a. a. Drat, I know I bought something.
RORY: [skeptical] Sure.
LORELAI: Oh! I bought your Grandparents an old lamp.
RORY: Really?
LORELAI: I just don't remember where I put it.
RORY: Mom.
LORELAI: I'm trying to think.
RORY: Well, think harder. In the mean time, I'm going out.
LORELAI: Hey, would you-
RORY: I'll spread the word. What time?
LORELAI: Seven, Christmas Eve.
RORY: See ya.
LORELAI: Bye.
LUKE'S DINER
[RORY and LANE are sitting at a table drinking coffee and eating burgers.]
RORY: So, how are you and Dave?
LANE: Really good.
RORY: Has he kissed you yet?
LANE: He hasn't even asked me out.
RORY: He will.
LANE: Even if he does. My mouth will go all dry, all thought will fly away, and I will be a blubbering moron. I won't even be able to say yes.
RORY: Lane, breathe. You'll be fine.
LANE: No, I won't.
RORY: Oh hey, we're having this party on Christmas Eve. You should come.
LANE: And how do you propose I escape my mother?
RORY: Fib?
LANE: That works.
RORY: Invite Dave.
LANE: He probably has better things to do on Christmas Eve.
RORY: You could ask him.
LANE: Do you remember me trying to call him but hanging up every time I heard his voice?
RORY: You don't have to call him.
LANE: But what if he doesn't call me, or I don't see him before that and he doesn't get invited?
RORY: He's out side.
LANE: [quickly looks outside and then back at RORY] Oh my God! He is! What do I do?
RORY: Go out and talk to him?
LANE: Good. Good, I like that. What do I say?
RORY: I'd start with 'hello,' because 'mushrooms' is weird way to start a conversation.
LANE: Hello, yeah. That's good. What next?
RORY: Ask him to the party?
LANE: Yes, yes. I can do that.
RORY: But the trick is getting up, out of Luke's to go ask him.
LANE: Yeah. [LANE tries to get up.] My legs aren't working.
RORY: They work just fine.
LANE: No, no they don't. I'm stuck in Luke's forever!
RORY: I could go get Dave and make him carry you home.
LANE: That would be embarrassing, I think I can walk by myself, thanks.
RORY: No problem.
LANE: I'll see you later?
RORY: Yup.
LANE: Bye.
RORY: Good luck.
LANE: I need it.
OUTSIDE
[LANE sits beside DAVE in the gazebo.]
LANE: Hello
DAVE: Hey.
LANE: Hi.
DAVE: Hi.
LANE: Hi.
DAVE: Know any other words?
LANE: [embarrassed] Yeah, sorry.
DAVE: It's okay. Any plans for Christmas?
LANE: Actually. I was wondering if you wanted to come to this party my friend and her Mom are having on Christmas Eve.
DAVE: I would-
LANE: You don't have to come. No obligations, I was just asking. You know, to be polite. Like what if you weren't invited, and then found out about it, and felt left out because you weren't invited in the first place, and-
DAVE: Lane?
LANE: Yeah?
DAVE: Breathe.
LANE: Yeah, I can do that.
DAVE: I would love to come.
LANE: You don't have to, I was just ask-
DAVE: [chuckling] Lane, stop. I'll be there.
INSIDE LUKE'S DINER
[RORY is watching LANE and DAVE outside. JESS sneaks up behind her and kisses her on the neck. RORY jumps.]
RORY: Geez, don't do that, you'll give me a heart attack!
JESS: Bad idea.
RORY: Very. You'd be very lonely during the holidays with me dead from a heart attack.
[JESS shrugs.]
RORY: Not big on holidays, huh?
JESS: Never had a reason to be.
RORY: Well then, I guarantee that this Christmas will be your best.
JESS: I'll hold you to that.
RORY: Until next year, when that Christmas will be the best, until the year after, etc. etc.
JESS: Good.
[JESS and RORY look back out the window at LANE and DAVE.]
RORY: They're so cute.
JESS: Yeah.
RORY: You think he'll ask her out?
JESS: Yeah.
RORY: If he doesn't I'm holding you personally responsible.
JESS: How is that fair?
RORY: Since when was life fair?
JESS: You have a point.
RORY: Got any Christmas plans yet?
JESS: I don't know, do I?
RORY: [sheepishly] Yes.
JESS: What?
RORY: Christmas Eve, my house.
JESS: Just us?
RORY: Yeah.. And the rest of Stars Hollow.
JESS: Okay.
RORY: [continuing] And Christmas.
JESS: [sigh] What am I doing then?
RORY: Sookie's for a big Christmas Dinner, and I mean big. Sookie cooking for a special occasion, we'll have a 100-course meal.
JESS: Anything else I'm doing?
RORY: Not that I'm aware of.
JESS: Okay. [pause] Wanna go read?
RORY: Sure.
[JESS takes RORY'S hand and leads her to the door. LUKE steps in front of them.]
LUKE: Where are you going?
JESS: Out.
RORY: [continuing] To read.
LUKE: You're just going out to read?
RORY: Yeah.
JESS: You have a problem with us reading?
LUKE: No, but usually couples don't just go off and read, they usually do stuff they shouldn't.
JESS: Luke.
LUKE: And then you use the kid code. You say you're going to go read but that really means I'm going to go do stuff that I don't want to do in front of adults.
JESS: You done?
LUKE: Yeah.
RORY: Kid code?
LUKE: [ashamed] Never mind.
JESS: [cautious] We're gonna go now. Unless you have some crack reason why we can't leave the diner.
LUKE: [embarrassed] Go. Now.
[JESS and RORY exit. LUKE silently curses LORELAI under is breath for putting such a crazy idea into his head.]
LATER-LUKE'S DINER
[LORELAI is sitting at a table. LUKE is serving her. JESS is serving customers.]
LUKE: What do you want today?
LORELAI: To inform you that you will be closed on Christmas and Christmas Eve.
LUKE: Excuse me?
[JESS walks up.]
JESS: I'm busy then, too.
[JESS continues to serve customers because LUKE is obviously busy.]
LUKE: Okay, what's going on?
LORELAI: Christmas parties.
LUKE: I don't do Christmas parties.
LORELAI: Sure you do. You can't be that much of a scrooge.
LUKE: How long have you known me?
LORELAI: A long time.
LUKE: And have I ever been known to go to the big Christmas celebration?
LORELAI: No, you usually scoff.
LUKE: Exactly.
LORELAI: There's always room for change.
LUKE: No.
LOERLAI: Please.
LUKE: Did you not hear me say no?
LORELAI: Pretty please?
LUKE: No.
LORELAI: I won't drink coffee!
LUKE: Ever?
LORELAI: No! are you kidding?
LUKE: Apparently.
LORELAI: For an hour.
LUKE: Two.
LORELAI: But-but-fine!
LUKE: [to JESS] What are you doing then?
JESS: Ask Lorelai.
[JESS looks at his watch and leaves.]
LUKE: Hey! Where are you going?
JESS: Out.
LORELAI: And the kid code translation is?
LUKE: Shut up.
LORELAI: That was mean.
LUKE: You're mean.
LORELAI: Ah! How dare you accuse me of such a thing?
LUKE: [gives her a funny look] Just tell me what you have planned for me so I can start getting out of it.
LORELAI: Christmas Eve, party at my place, Christmas dinner at Sookies. And you're not getting out of it.
LUKE: [angry] Made any other plans for me?
LORELAI: Now that you mention it..
LUKE: Forget it.
[LORELAI'S cell phone rings. LUKE points to the sign.]
LORELAI: But-
[LUKE taps the sign.]
LORELAI: [whining] Luke..
[LUKE taps the sign harder.]
LORELAI: Fine!
[LORELAI goes outside and answers the phone.]
LORELAI: You better have a good reason for calling, you just got me kicked out of Luke's.
EMILY: Lorelai, how many times do I have to tell you not to answer the phone like that?
LORELAI: Sorry.
EMILY: You got kicked out of the iceman's diner?
LORELAI: He doesn't allow cell phones. And he's not an iceman. Though, there was this one time when I-
EMILY: Please stop.
LORELAI: Okay.
EMILY: Cocktails are at 6:30, dinner is at 8:00, as usual.
LORELAI: This is Saturday, right?
EMILY: Did you make plans?
LORELAI: Just confirming.
EMILY: Did you manage to tear Rory away from Jess?
LORELAI: [sarcastically] I'm sure we can manage something, scalding water should do the trick.
EMILY: Do not joke. [pause] She can bring this Jess.
LORELAI: What?
EMILY: Rory, she can bring Jess. He can't possibly be as bad as that other boy. what's his name?
LORELAI: Dean.
EMILY: Yes, Dean. He can't possibly be as bad as Dean.
LORELAI: So, Jess is invited?
EMILY: Yes.
LORELAI: Great, leave me the odd man out.. err, woman.
EMILY: I can invite a man for you.
LORELAI: [reconsiders] No, sorry, forget it.
EMILY: You could bring Luke.
LORELAI: [warning] Mom.
EMIY: Seriously, invite Luke as well. And it would only be polite, Jess and Luke are related, right?
LORELAI: Right.
EMILY: It would be rude to invite one and not the other.
LORELAI: He won't mind, he probably doesn't want to come anyway.
EMILY: Did you ask him?
LORELAI: No, but-
EMILY: Then how do you know he will say no?
LORELAI: It's Luke. He always says no.
EMILY: I've seen the way he looks at you. Just ask him, he'll say yes.
LORELAI: Mom, he looks at me like he wants to kill me. I bug him so much.
EMILY: You're both idiots.
LORELAI: I'll tell Luke you said that. I'm sure he'll want to come after being insulted by the host.
EMILY: Lorelai. Will you just ask him to come?
LORELAI: Yes, but-
EMILY: We'll see the four of you on Saturday.
LORELAI: He might-
EMILY: [grinning] Goodbye, Lorelai.
LORELAI: [giving up] Bye, Mom.
[LORELAI hangs up and goes back into LUKE'S. She sits back at the bar.]
LORELAI: I'm cold.
LUKE: It's cold out.
LOREALI: I know.
LUKE: Should have taken a jacket.
LORELAI: I hate that sign.
LUKE: I know.
LORELAI: You have more plan-
LUKE: No!
LORELAI: [mumbling] I told you so.
LUKE: Told me what?
LORELAI: Not you, my Mom. She said that you would come to her Christmas party on Saturday if I asked you. You said no. Therefore, I told *her* so.
LUKE: You didn't ask.
LORELAI: Fine. [humouring] Luke, would care to join me at my parent's Christmas party on Saturday.
LUKE: Fine.
LORELAI: [taken back] What?
LUKE: Fine.
LORELAI: Seriously?
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: Shoot, Mom was right.
LUKE: What about Jess?
LORELAI: He was invited, too.
LUKE: I might as well just close for the holidays.
LORELAI: You could.
LUKE: You wouldn't get your coffee.
LORELAI: But if you're closed, I'd still be here anyway as your one and only customer and you would get to serve me, and only me.
LUKE: Oh, God.
LORELAI: No! wait! [trails off]
CHILTON
[RORY and PARIS are lugging their school books out of the school.]
RORY: I don't believe today is the last day of school.
PARIS: We'll be back in 2 weeks.
RORY: I don't believe they assigned all this homework.
PARIS: Don't want us getting stupid over the break.
[Pause.]
RORY: What are you doing for the holidays?
PARIS: Working.
RORY: Lighten up, Paris, it's Christmas.
PARIS: Time for making sure I get into Harvard.
RORY: No, a time to *relax*.
PARIS: Whatever. What are you doing?
RORY: Lots of Christmas parties.
PARIS: [sadly] Oh.
RORY: You could come.
PARIS: [trying to sound too excited] Really?
RORY: Why not?
PARIS: I don't want to intrude, you probably have something special planned with your Mom.
RORY: Just a bunch of parties.
PARIS: You and Jess will be stuck together.
RORY: Invite Jamie.
PARIS: But-
RORY: You're coming to our Christmas bash on Christmas Eve. No buts.
PARIS: Okay.
RORY: I could probably get you into my grandparent's party, though I'm not sure why you'd want to come.
PARIS: I like your Grandfather.
RORY: He likes you.
PARIS: If he doesn't mind, I would like to come. I have a few ideas I want to run by him.
RORY: Don't talk too much shop or else Grandma will get mad.
PARIS: Don't worry, I just have a *few* ideas.
RORY: So you're definitely coming on Christmas Eve, though?
PARIS: Yes. [pause] Why are you doing this?
RORY: Doing what?
PARIS: Being nice to me.
RORY: I'm usually nice to you.
PARIS: But you're going out of your way to include me. Why?
RORY: You shouldn't be alone for Christmas.
PARIS: Great, a pity invite.
RORY: And, even though we don't always get along, you are a friend-like person, and I'm inviting you to a party.
PARIS: Friend-like?
RORY: I didn't think you would consider us friends.
PARIS: [sadly] oh.
RORY: Are we friends?
PARIS: I'm not sure.
RORY: Did you want to be friends?
PARIS: It would be nice to have a friend that isn't such an airhead.
RORY: Always good.
[PARIS extends her hand. RORY takes it.]
PARIS: Friends.
RORY: Friends.
PARIS: But none of that huggy and kissy crap.
RORY: No, none of that.
PARIS: [pause] Can I really invite Jamie?
RORY: Of course.
GILMORE HOUSE-SATURDAY
[LUKE is outside the house and knocks on the door.]
LOREAI: [yelling] Luke?
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: Come in! I'm just about ready.
[LUKE enters and closes the door behind him. He rocks on his feet waiting for her to finish. She finally comes down the stairs. She is in a beautiful dark blue dress, he's dressed up in a suit, complete with tie and jacket.]
LUKE: [amazed] Wow, you look. great.
LORELAI: You.. uh, you too. [pause] Wow, for once I'm speechless.
LUKE: We should, uh, get going.
LORELAI: Yeah, don't want to be late.
LUKE: No.
LORELAI: Can you drive?
LUKE: Why?
LORELAI: [holds up her hands] My nails are wet.
LUKE: Fine. Keys?
LORELAI: In there.
[LORELAI points to a bowl filled with nick knacks. LUKE sighs and digs around.]
LUKE: [sarcastically] Great.
[LUKE pulls out keys with the Jeep symbol on them. He looks triumphant as he turns to LORELAI. She shakes her head and he goes back to digging.]
LUKE: Jess and Rory are.
LORELAI: In Hartford. They're picking up some last minute gifts and she has to get something for the Grandparents because I can't find the lamp I bought.
LUKE: Oh. [holds up keys] These them?
LORELAI: Yup, let's go!
PARKING LOT-JESS'S CAR
RORY: We can't just sit in this car forever. We're going to be late.
JESS: Yeah. Just gimme a sec?
RORY: Sure.
[JESS slides back in the seat, sighing.]
RORY: [serious, but teasing] Awww, are you nervous about meeting my grandparents?
JESS: [rolls his eyes] Yes.
RORY: It'll be okay, you know that.
JESS: Sure..
RORY: Grandma will hate you for the first little while, but once you show her what a great guy you are, she'll love you. And as soon as you and Grandpa start discussing books, you will have an instant bond.
JESS: I've just. never met a girl's parents, or grandparents for that matter.
RORY: You've met my Mom.
JESS: That's different.
RORY: You'll be okay.
[JESS doesn't believe her and rolls his eyes again. RORY just watches in amusement. She then closes the gap between them and locks her lips on his. She slowly crawls over, still kissing him, so her body is resting on his.]
ELDER GILMORE HOME
[PARIS is outside and rings the door bell.]
EMILY: Oh, hello Paris!
PARIS: Hi. Thank you for inviting me.
[PARIS hands the maid her coat.]
EMILY: Oh, no problem. Anything for Rory, and Richard is looking forward to seeing you again.
PARIS: [excited] Really?
EMILY: Of course. He often wonders what happened to that delightful Paris girl.
[RICHARD enters.]
RICHARD: I heard my name.
EMILY: Look, Richard, Paris is here.
RICHARD: Hello, Paris.
[RICHARD and PARIS shake hands.]
PARIS: Hello, Mr. Gilmore.
RICHARD: Please, call me Richard.
PARIS: Okay, Richard.
RICHARD: Have Rory and Lorelai arrived yet?
EMILY: [bitter] No, I bet it's because of that Jess boy. He probably got them in another accident.
RICHARD: [warning] Emily.
PARIS: They're probably stuck in traffic or something. The roads are icy.
EMILY: [to a guest] Are the roads icy?
GUEST #1: Yes, very. I almost crashed twice on my way over.
EMILY: Oh, dear! Are you alright?
GUEST #1: Yes. Thank you, Emily. Lovely party.
EMILY: Thank you.
RICHARD: Happy?
EMILY: [turns back to RICHARD and PARIS] Yes.
RICHARD: Now, if you don't mind, I would like to steal Paris away.
EMILY: Oh, go ahead.
PARIS: Nice to see you again, Mrs. Gilmore.
EMILY: Emily, dear, call me Emily. And I will be seeing you again, I should hope.
PARIS: [nods] Of course.
EMILY: Richard, dinner is at eight, don't be late.
RICHARD: [rolls his eyes] Yes, Emily.
[PARIS and RICHARD walk off. Just as EMILY is about to go, the door bell rings. EMILY answers. LUKE and LORELAI are on the other side.]
LORELAI: Hi, Mom.
LUKE: Hi, Mrs. Gilmore. Sorry we're late, the roads are bad.
EMILY: Don't worry about it. As long as you arrived in once piece.
LORELAI: Oh, don't fret. Mr. 20-miles-a-hour here made sure of that.
EMILY: At least he's safe compared to some family members.speaking of which, where's Rory?
LORELAI: [confused] She's not here?
EMILY: She didn't come with you?
LORELAI: Umm, no. She and Jess went shopping for gifs earlier. They said they'd meet us here.
EMILY: I bet they crashed or something equally bad.
LORELAI: No, Mom. They'll be here. They're probably just stuck in traffic or something.
EMILY: If he hurts her again.
LORELAI: He won't.
EMILY: [to LUKE] Will he?
LUKE: No, he really likes her.
EMILY: [still not convinced] Do I have permission to hurt him if he hurts her?
LUKE: I think Lorelai gets first dibs.
LORELAI: Damn straight.
EMILY: Go, enjoy the party.
LORELAI: [mischievous] Did you make those apple tarts?
EMILY: [smiling] Yes, Lorelai.
[LORELAI runs away looking for tarts.]
LUKE: I'll make sure she doesn't get into to too much trouble..
[LUKE follows LORELAI and EMILY just smiles.]
PARKING LOT-JESS'S CAR
[RORY and JESS are back sitting in their respective seats.]
RORY: We really should go, we're going to be late.
JESS: Yeah, sorry.
RORY: It's okay.
[JESS starts the car but doesn't drive.]
RORY: [annoyed] Drive. Now. They're going to be worried and they'll blame it on you. Not the way to make a great first impression.
JESS: Fine, let's go.
[They leave but suddenly stop as traffic is backed up the highway.]
RORY: [frustrated] Great. This is just what I need.
JESS: [sarcastic and trying not to laugh] Oh yeah, this is exactly what we need.
RORY: You aren't worried! Why are you not worried? They'll be worried and freak when we get there!
JESS: We're stuck in traffic, we'll tell them that.
RORY: They'll freak.
JESS: We were stuck in traffic. It's not like we can help it.
RORY: [teasing] This is all your fault you know.
JESS: And how is that?
RORY: If you weren't all stressed about meeting my grandparents then we would have gotten on the road earlier and not be stuck in traffic now.
JESS: I wasn't that worried.
RORY: You were so.
JESS: At least I had good reason. I hear Lorelai bitch about them all the time.
RORY: They're not that bad.
JESS: But they already hate me.
RORY: No they. Grandma does.
JESS: [smirking] Told ya so.
PARTY
[EMLIY walks up to LORELAI and LUKE at the table with the apple tarts.]
EMILY: Lorelai!
LORELAI: Mom, these apple tarts are the best!
EMILY: I'm glad you like them. Rory's not here yet. I'm worried.
LORELAI: Mom-
EMILY: Call her.
LORELAI: She doesn't have a phone.
EMILY: Page her.
LORELAI: If they're stuck in traffic she can't exactly run to a pay phone.
EMILY: Well, surely that boy Jess must have a cell phone.
LORELAI: Mom, who are we kidding. He lives with Luke.
LUKE: That would be her way of saying that he doesn't own a cell phone.
EMILY: Oh. You must have a better way of contacting Rory if she's going to be running off with Jess.
LORELAI: She's not running off.
LUKE: [interrupting] We'll get them some cell phones.
EMILY: Good. Now, enjoy the party.
[EMILY leaves]
LORELAI: [surprised] Oh my god! How did you do that?
LUKE: Do what?
LORELAI: Make my mother go away. Just like that.
LUKE: I told her what she wanted to hear.
LORELAI: And that worked?
LUKE: Works on you.
LORELAI: [sticks her tongue out] Mean.
[The door bell rings and EMILY runs to answer it. She opens the door to see RORY and JESS bearing gifts.]
EMILY: [relieved] Oh, Rory! We were so worried.
RORY: Hi Grandma.
[EMILY hugs RORY. LORELAI and LUKE enter.]
LORELAI: She was worried, we knew you were fine.
EMILY: [concerned] You're okay? Nothing happened? Nothing broken?
RORY: No. I'm fine. Jess is fine. We got off to a late start and got stuck in traffic.
EMILY: But you're okay?
RORY: We're fine. We brought gifts!
[EMILY takes them and places them under the tree.]
EMILY: Thank you.
RORY: Grandma, this is Jess. Jess this is my Grandma, Emily Gilmore.
[EMILY and JESS shake hands.]
JESS: It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Gilmore.
EMILY: [pretending to be pleasant] Likewise.
JESS: I've heard so much about you.
EMILY: I can only imagine the crazy stories Lorelai has told you.
JESS: There was one where you were abducted by aliens.. but from Rory, nothing but good things about her grandparents.
EMILY: [blushing] Oh, Rory, you are too good to us.
RORY: I only told the truth.
EMILY: Thank you, dear.
RORY: If you don't mind, I'm going to introduce him to Grandpa.
EMILY: Of course. I think he and Paris are in the study discussing god knows what.
RORY: Thank you, Grandma. Sorry about being late.
EMILY: [smiling] Can't help the traffic.
JESS: [winking at RORY] No, you can't.
[RORY and JESS hand their coats to the maid. RORY takes JESS'S hand and leads him to RICHARD'S study where he and PARIS are discussing something.]
RICHARD: He had no right to close it down. Johnson started the company from scratch!
PARIS: He had to save money where he could.
RICHARD: Money ahead of employees?
PARIS: It's been known to happen.
[RICHARD laughs and notices RORY and JESS at the door.]
RICHARD: Oh, there you are!
RORY: Sorry we're late. Traffic.
[RICHARD and PARIS share a knowing look.]
RICHARD: You missed the most interesting discussions.
RORY: I'm sorry I missed it. [pause] Grandpa, I'd like you to meet Jess. Jess, this is my grandpa, Richard Gilmore, business man extraordinaire.
RICHARD: Flattering. Thank you. [they shake hands] Very nice to meet you Jess.
JESS: You too, Sir.
RICHARD: Richard, Jess. Sir is much too formal.
JESS: Sure.
RICHARD: Have a seat.
[RORY sits in a black leather chair, JESS sits on the arm, his arm draped over her shoulders.]
RICHARD: Jess, Paris says you like to read.
JESS: I do.
RICHARD: Favourite author?
JESS: Dear old Earnest Hemingway.
RICHARD: A fine choice, if I do say so myself. Though, I can't seem to get Rory interested in his fine works.
JESS: You're not the only one. I've been trying for a good year now. She has yet to see the brilliance of Hemingway.
RORY: [lightly elbows JESS] Hey!
JESS: She likes this Ayn Rand nut. Constantly trying to get me to enjoy "The Fountainhead."
RICHARD: Ah yes.
PARIS: Hey! I like Ayn Rand.
RORY: Thank you, Paris.
JESS: I question your tastes.
RORY: [drops her head] Oh no, here we go again.
JESS: Hemingway, on the other hand.
LATER AT DINNER
[EMILY taps a glass at the end of a long table flanked by people.]
EMILY: I'd just like to thank everyone for coming. I'd say this is our most successful Christmas party ever, don't you think so, Richard?
RICHARD: Of course, dear.
EMILY: It is a pleasure to have all you wonderful people here at such a wonderful time of year. I hope you don't enjoy yourselves too much and have to stay the night.
[The crowd laughs.]
GUEST #2: Oh, Emily. You're a hoot.
GUEST #3: [to LORELAI] I see where you get your sense of humour from.
LORELAI: [rolls her eyes] Oh, so you saw the contagious humour monster, did you?
GUEST #3: I don't get it.
LORELAI: Nevermind.
EMILY: [continues] May all of you enjoy a very merry Christmas.
[EMILY sits and RICHARD stands.]
RICHARD: Thank you Emily. I'd like to thank you all for coming and, dig in!
[Everyone begins to eat, talk, laugh, and have a good time.]
[TBC]