Want to know what goes through an authors mind while writing a story? Well at least mine. What if it's not good enough? I write better then this, and it's gotten so that I feel like this part of the plot is rushed. But it wasn't. I'm good at drama, so why do I pause writing just after the drama starts to unfold? Why aren't I just typing away creating chapter after chapter like I've dreamed?
Because I want it to be perfect. Because I want to be good enough to be a professional writer someday. And finally I realize that it's never been about what my audience thinks. I've always been praised as a writer, so why am I not happy about it?
Because in my mind, my writing could always be better.. it's just hard to get things to go any further then my mind and onto paper. In my mind it is perfect. On paper, all I see is crap and failure.. but I keep going, I keep striving for perfection as a writer. Hoping that someday I will be good enough to be compared to my favorite writer, V.C. Andrews. Because despite it all, I want to share what is in my heart and in my mind with the world as I see it, without hesitation, without imperfection.
But it can't be that way and it never will be perfect.. But perhaps, if I strive for perfection I'll be able to share the glimmer of perfection that words hold in my heart.
I wouldn't normally interrupt my own writing to share this, but I am doing it for peace of mind.
A poem, and of course, by me..
The words I hold
The failure I see
From mind to pen
I write what's inside of me
But reading back
Confirms my fear
About my thoughts
I wish you could hear
From heart to mouth
The story unfolds
Unlike what is in
What my heart truly holds
But on and on
I continue to write
In hopes that someday
They will take in the sight
Of something inside
That yearns to get out
A perfection I see
Without any doubt