Disclaimer: none of this is mine. Its all Tolkien's
Returning to gandalf and boromir.
"Should I step back?" asked boromir, not wanting to get hurt.
"no, its not the making of the coffee that dangerous, its drinking it. You can watch if you want" responded Gandalf.
POOF! A cloud of purple smoke rose. Before Gandalf and boromir stood.
Dun dun dun!
A coffee maker!
"darn! I forgot the electric plug-in" exclaimed Gandalf, hold up a cordlike piece of plastic with to metal spikes coming out the end.
Another POOF! Of purple smoke, and, hovering in midair was a white rectangle, with 2 little dents in it.
"you see?!," said Gandalf to Boromir, "this is where you plug in the coffee maker!" said Gandalf, pleased that as the coffee maker flew through the dimensions it hadn't taken any damage.
Boromir looked lost and confused. "sure, whatever" he said, pouting because for once he didn't understand something.
Gandalf continues to go through the traditional steps to make coffee, which I'm sure u are all familiar with.
"oh great, now boromir is mad, frodo and gollum are fighting, merry, pippin and legolas are arguing, aragorn is wearing his pink fluffy earmuffs, so I guess the only sane ones left are me and sam," thought gandalf to himself, "I suppose I should round everyone up and tell them what is going on"
Gandalf soon discovered that there were more problems than he imagined. First, he managed to separate sam and aragorn, and told sam to go and get merry, pippin, and legolas.
POOF! A cloud of purple smoke rose from aragorn's head, and suddenly gandalf was holding aragorn's earmuffs
"WAAAAAAAH!!! My precious! Give me my precious! Nasty wizardses, very tricksy, go get their own precious, why don'ts they? Leave us alone, gollum, gollum" wailed aragorn loudly.
"oh lord help us" said gandalf aloud, looking up to the sky.
Meanwhile, sam was having troubles of his own.
Luckily for him, merry, pippin and legolas were not wrestling, but they were screaming at the top of their lungs. (or at least some of them were).
"LOOK, LEGOLAS, WE OBVIOUSLY NEED TO DESTROY THE COMPUTER BEFORE EVERYONE IN MIDDLE EARTH WANTS TO CHECK THEIR EMAIL!" screamed merry.
"fanmail, not email, at least for some of us" corrected legolas, "ah yes, Rosie, wonderful little lady, did you know she's cheating on sam for me, but then again a lot of people are. Bothilda! Haven't heard from her in ages! Terrible name, wonderful personality..Luthien..Beorn at the Carrock (please tell me somebody has read the Hobbit) ..Lorien wants to meet me at the gates of Mirkwood. There are no gates to enter the forest, only to enter the castle. Ah well, sorry Lorien, I'm visiting with the old Fellowship..Faramir.I really should go and visit him.Eowyn, too.they make a wonderful couple.."
And on, and on, and on.
"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO MERRY! EVERYONE IN MIDDDLE EARTH IS GONNA WANNA CHECK THEIR FANMAIL AND/OR EMAIL!" pippin yelled.
A random dwarf walks into the clearing.
"excuse me, may I please check my email?"
"why certainly, help yourself" said legolas courteously, stepping away from the computer.
"I'm not surprised he doesn't get any fanmail. He's obviously never gotten a facial in his life, and his lips are so chapped and cracked, they look like the stripes on a zebra. He definitely, majorly needs a manicure, too, and he needs to get some fashion sense. The braided beard thing is definitely out, and you never wear black traveling boots with a brown cape. My god, everything about this guy says loser" whispered legolas to pippin.
"yeah, definitely.."
"of course, if I really wanted to convince you of his lack of fanmail, then I would go into detail. You wanna know the details? The thick and thin of it?"
"no thanks, I think I can recognize them myself," replied pippin.
Once the dwarf had left, sam stepped into the clearing.
"oh hey sam, wanna join us?" said merry jovially, then turning to legolas, "LOOK! THE CROWDS ARE ALREADY FLOCKING! THAT LITTLE DWARF IS GONNA GO AND TELL ALL OF HIS FRIENDS! WE NEED TO DESTROY THIS COMPUTER RIGHT NOW!"
"ok, sure" answered legolas," surprisingly agreeable, "does anyone have a hammer?"
"holy crap," said merry, his jaw dropping, "that was too easy. whats the catch, legolas?"
"no catch. Now that I have checked my fanmail, I don't care what you do with this computer"
"see, guys, you didn't need to do all that yelling" said sam, glad that his job had turned out so easy
"but earlier."
"he was being impossible."
"don't know what happened."
"surely there is a mistake."
"is legolas skitsofranic."
"now, now, stop mumbling, you two. I repeat, does anyone have a hammer?" said legolas.
In a matter of minutes, the computer had been reduced to a tangled heap of junk.
Sam, merry, pippin, and legolas headed off to the other clearing. Unfortunately for Gandalf, Aragorn was harder to satisfy
"now aragorn, I have something much better than pink fluffy earmuffs. There is something called coffee" said Gandalf.
"tricksy, tricksy, thinks he's tricksy. Can't tricks us, we're too smart for tricksy" mumbled aragorn.
"where's the precious, where is it, save us, save us!" cried gollum.
Frodo had tired of wrestling, and had dug a hole and buried the precious. He was now sitting on the spot of its burial, calm and content to remain there until the end of the world.
Gandalf proceeded to tie gollum to a tree and stuff a handkerchief in his mouth.
Aragorn received the same treatment.
Boromir had finally stopped pouting, and was back to normal when sam, merry, pippin and legolas arrived.
"good, everyone is here. Now, you all understand that the One Ring is very dangerous, and even though the war of the ring is over and sauron is completely destroyed, no buts, for some strange reason the ring has come back to frodo. To ease the pain of desire for both frodo, gollum, and aragorn, who had a run-in with the Old Took's pink fluffy earmuffs, I have something called coffee."
everyone: oooooooooh, aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
".well, anyways, I just wanted everyone else to know, so that they won't be surprised if frodo, gollum and aragorn act a little different than usual, its because of the coffee. Now, absolutely no one else can have any of the coffee. It is highly addictive, and I am only using it as a last resort to save these poor three souls. We will now bring forth the coffee! Boromir!" finished gandalf
Boromir brought forth three steaming mugs full of coffee on a golden platter (one of the best made by the men of Westernesse. purchase one on ebay today!)(limited time only!)
"legolas, unbind their hands" commanded Gandalf
legolas proceeded to do so, and boromir followed behind, giving aragorn, frodo, and gollum each a mug of coffee, eyeing them with envy.
Let the insanity begin!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry its taking me so long to get to the actual coffee, but I'm doing my best to speed along the process!!!
Please R&R!
Returning to gandalf and boromir.
"Should I step back?" asked boromir, not wanting to get hurt.
"no, its not the making of the coffee that dangerous, its drinking it. You can watch if you want" responded Gandalf.
POOF! A cloud of purple smoke rose. Before Gandalf and boromir stood.
Dun dun dun!
A coffee maker!
"darn! I forgot the electric plug-in" exclaimed Gandalf, hold up a cordlike piece of plastic with to metal spikes coming out the end.
Another POOF! Of purple smoke, and, hovering in midair was a white rectangle, with 2 little dents in it.
"you see?!," said Gandalf to Boromir, "this is where you plug in the coffee maker!" said Gandalf, pleased that as the coffee maker flew through the dimensions it hadn't taken any damage.
Boromir looked lost and confused. "sure, whatever" he said, pouting because for once he didn't understand something.
Gandalf continues to go through the traditional steps to make coffee, which I'm sure u are all familiar with.
"oh great, now boromir is mad, frodo and gollum are fighting, merry, pippin and legolas are arguing, aragorn is wearing his pink fluffy earmuffs, so I guess the only sane ones left are me and sam," thought gandalf to himself, "I suppose I should round everyone up and tell them what is going on"
Gandalf soon discovered that there were more problems than he imagined. First, he managed to separate sam and aragorn, and told sam to go and get merry, pippin, and legolas.
POOF! A cloud of purple smoke rose from aragorn's head, and suddenly gandalf was holding aragorn's earmuffs
"WAAAAAAAH!!! My precious! Give me my precious! Nasty wizardses, very tricksy, go get their own precious, why don'ts they? Leave us alone, gollum, gollum" wailed aragorn loudly.
"oh lord help us" said gandalf aloud, looking up to the sky.
Meanwhile, sam was having troubles of his own.
Luckily for him, merry, pippin and legolas were not wrestling, but they were screaming at the top of their lungs. (or at least some of them were).
"LOOK, LEGOLAS, WE OBVIOUSLY NEED TO DESTROY THE COMPUTER BEFORE EVERYONE IN MIDDLE EARTH WANTS TO CHECK THEIR EMAIL!" screamed merry.
"fanmail, not email, at least for some of us" corrected legolas, "ah yes, Rosie, wonderful little lady, did you know she's cheating on sam for me, but then again a lot of people are. Bothilda! Haven't heard from her in ages! Terrible name, wonderful personality..Luthien..Beorn at the Carrock (please tell me somebody has read the Hobbit) ..Lorien wants to meet me at the gates of Mirkwood. There are no gates to enter the forest, only to enter the castle. Ah well, sorry Lorien, I'm visiting with the old Fellowship..Faramir.I really should go and visit him.Eowyn, too.they make a wonderful couple.."
And on, and on, and on.
"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO MERRY! EVERYONE IN MIDDDLE EARTH IS GONNA WANNA CHECK THEIR FANMAIL AND/OR EMAIL!" pippin yelled.
A random dwarf walks into the clearing.
"excuse me, may I please check my email?"
"why certainly, help yourself" said legolas courteously, stepping away from the computer.
"I'm not surprised he doesn't get any fanmail. He's obviously never gotten a facial in his life, and his lips are so chapped and cracked, they look like the stripes on a zebra. He definitely, majorly needs a manicure, too, and he needs to get some fashion sense. The braided beard thing is definitely out, and you never wear black traveling boots with a brown cape. My god, everything about this guy says loser" whispered legolas to pippin.
"yeah, definitely.."
"of course, if I really wanted to convince you of his lack of fanmail, then I would go into detail. You wanna know the details? The thick and thin of it?"
"no thanks, I think I can recognize them myself," replied pippin.
Once the dwarf had left, sam stepped into the clearing.
"oh hey sam, wanna join us?" said merry jovially, then turning to legolas, "LOOK! THE CROWDS ARE ALREADY FLOCKING! THAT LITTLE DWARF IS GONNA GO AND TELL ALL OF HIS FRIENDS! WE NEED TO DESTROY THIS COMPUTER RIGHT NOW!"
"ok, sure" answered legolas," surprisingly agreeable, "does anyone have a hammer?"
"holy crap," said merry, his jaw dropping, "that was too easy. whats the catch, legolas?"
"no catch. Now that I have checked my fanmail, I don't care what you do with this computer"
"see, guys, you didn't need to do all that yelling" said sam, glad that his job had turned out so easy
"but earlier."
"he was being impossible."
"don't know what happened."
"surely there is a mistake."
"is legolas skitsofranic."
"now, now, stop mumbling, you two. I repeat, does anyone have a hammer?" said legolas.
In a matter of minutes, the computer had been reduced to a tangled heap of junk.
Sam, merry, pippin, and legolas headed off to the other clearing. Unfortunately for Gandalf, Aragorn was harder to satisfy
"now aragorn, I have something much better than pink fluffy earmuffs. There is something called coffee" said Gandalf.
"tricksy, tricksy, thinks he's tricksy. Can't tricks us, we're too smart for tricksy" mumbled aragorn.
"where's the precious, where is it, save us, save us!" cried gollum.
Frodo had tired of wrestling, and had dug a hole and buried the precious. He was now sitting on the spot of its burial, calm and content to remain there until the end of the world.
Gandalf proceeded to tie gollum to a tree and stuff a handkerchief in his mouth.
Aragorn received the same treatment.
Boromir had finally stopped pouting, and was back to normal when sam, merry, pippin and legolas arrived.
"good, everyone is here. Now, you all understand that the One Ring is very dangerous, and even though the war of the ring is over and sauron is completely destroyed, no buts, for some strange reason the ring has come back to frodo. To ease the pain of desire for both frodo, gollum, and aragorn, who had a run-in with the Old Took's pink fluffy earmuffs, I have something called coffee."
everyone: oooooooooh, aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
".well, anyways, I just wanted everyone else to know, so that they won't be surprised if frodo, gollum and aragorn act a little different than usual, its because of the coffee. Now, absolutely no one else can have any of the coffee. It is highly addictive, and I am only using it as a last resort to save these poor three souls. We will now bring forth the coffee! Boromir!" finished gandalf
Boromir brought forth three steaming mugs full of coffee on a golden platter (one of the best made by the men of Westernesse. purchase one on ebay today!)(limited time only!)
"legolas, unbind their hands" commanded Gandalf
legolas proceeded to do so, and boromir followed behind, giving aragorn, frodo, and gollum each a mug of coffee, eyeing them with envy.
Let the insanity begin!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry its taking me so long to get to the actual coffee, but I'm doing my best to speed along the process!!!
Please R&R!