Ch. 14
I saw Veronica flirting with Hawk in the hall today. And guess what? I didn't feel anything. Well expect pity for him. But I was actually a little hurt. Did I really not mean anything to her? But then again, did she really mean anything to me? Maybe Chloe was right, I really don't know anything about love.
****
It was Friday night and Chloe and I were drowning our sorrows over some mocha chip ice cream at the local ice cream place. Shawn was with us, but he wasn't saying much. He was just swirling his ice cream like his future was written in it. The three of us were a pretty gloomy group.
"You know what your problem is, Chloe Lane?" I asked,
"Yeah, the fact that you are always asking me what my problem is." She responded automatically. We'd had about millions of conversations that started this way.
"Wrong. Your problem is that you fall in love to easy."
"This coming from the guy who dared me to fall in love. What a hypocrite."
"I'm older and wiser now," I responded. "And I have decided that love is now strictly off-limits."
She licked her ice cream spoon." I think I have an idea that might make you just say yes to love again."
I licked some more ice cream off my spoon. " I highly doubt it, but try me."
"You should ask Mimi out." She said looking proud of herself.
"Mimi Lockhart?" I asked surprised. I knew Mimi had a small crush on me, but I never thought about asking her out. I mean, she was Chloe's best friend, next to me. The idea of going out with her was just.. weird.
"Of course Mimi Lockhart. She's pretty, smart, and really cool."
I shook my head. " I think I'll stay on my own for now."
At that point, Shawn looked up from his ice cream. " I agree with Chloe. What do you have to lose?"
I stared at him. "This coming from a guy who'd been dateless the entire semester."
"That's different." He said.
"Why?" I looked at him, and I could tell Chloe was getting curious too.
He licked his spoon. "Because I am going to ask Belle out soon."
I rolled my eyes at him. " Yeah, right. Just like you were going to ask her out the other hundreds of times for the past two months."
Shawn actually blushed a little. "I was just making sure that I wanted to ask her out, that's all."
"You are such a liar. You just haven't asked her out because your scared she'll say no."
Shawn stood up. " Think whatever you want. Just Take Chloe's advice and go on a date with Mimi. Trust me, staying home on a Friday night is no fun." He headed for the door.
" I gotta go. I'll catch you guys later."
"Here. Finish this." Chloe said pushing her nearly empty ice cream dish towards me.
I spooned up the rest and savored its taste. " How about we hang out at your house and check what's on TV?" I asked.
"Good idea." Chloe said. She got up and gathered her coat. As I helped her slip on her coat, I caught a glimpse of us in the mirror that hung on the wall by the booth.
We were both smiling, and I noticed that we looked like every other pair in the ice cream place. If I didn't known any better, I would've thought we were the ultimate high school couple, young and in love.
***
Two and a half hours later, in Chloe's den, Chloe turned off the TV, sighing. We'd just watched 'The Philadelphia Story' and she had this dreamy expression on her face. Despite her hard - edged exterior, she was a real sucker for romance.
"Do you think a guy could love me like Jimmy Stewart loved Katharine Hepburn in that movie?" she asked.
"That's a dumb question," I answered.
"Why? Because you know there's no way a guy could ever love me like that?" she asked sadly.
Chloe stretched out on the couch, and her claves were resting on my lap.
"No, Chlo. Because I'm positive that there are dozens of guys who could and will love you like that."
She smiled. "Really? You think so?"
"Chloe, you're the most awesome chick in the world. Any guy would have to be crazy not to fall in love with you."
She sat up, then reached out and her arms around me. I returned the hug, glad she was smiling. "I'm so glad you're my best friend," She said.
"Not as half as I am." I responded and I hugged her even tighter.
"You know I love you, right?" she whispered.
"I love you too, always."
Chloe and I always told each other we loved each other, but we both knew that there was the ""as a friend" attached to the end of the sentence.
Chloe tilted her head and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I moved my head, responding with a kiss on her cheek. Then she gave me a kiss on the other side of my face. And I gave her a kiss on the other side of her face. We went on and on like that, until we reached like twenty kisses.
Finally, when I went to kiss her cheek, my lips accidentally -on- purpose landed on her mouth. Rather than turn away, I gave her a quick kiss on the lips. Which she returned. Suddenly I found myself kissing her over and over, wanting more and more. It was like a drug and I couldn't stop.
Chloe responded, parting her lips beneath mine. My fingers were tangled in her soft hair, and one of her hands were in my hair, while the other was clutching my shirt. I lost track of time, suspended in the burning, electric sensations shooting throughout my body. I felt as if we were one person, two halves of a whole.
With a start, Chloe pulled away. She bolted up, then collapsed in the chair next to her fireplace. Without warning, she burst into tears. She covered her face, weeping softly.
A feeling of helplessness came over me. I stood up and I tried to murmur soothing words while holding and comforting her.
After a minute or so, she looked up at me and started talking. "With Michael. kiss.. Never. felt..I don't.. "
I could only understand a few of the words out of her mouth, but I knew she probably was just upset about Michael. It was clear that kissing me reminded her of the guy who left her in the cold.
"Chloe, look, don't worry. Everything will be ok." I said, not really knowing if that was true or not.
"It is?" she asked through her tears.
I nodded. "Listen, we both just broke up with people we thought we loved and we're just upset. And we turned to each other. Nothing between us will change."
"You're right," She said, wiping her tears. "I'm just upset about Michael."
She seemed to regain her composure. I was glad, but I was still taken aback that all she could think about was that wimp. I, for one, thought that our kisses were out of this world, explosive, so amazing I can't even explain. Still, I played my best-friend role so well that I should have got an Oscar.
"We're friends. Just like always." I said firmly.
She smiled. "Friends." She repeated.
"It's the best word in the English language." I said.
Chloe looked down. " Yeah." she said quietly to herself. "I'm just upset about Michael. that's all."
All of a sudden, I had a strong need to get away from Chloe and her whining about Michael. I wanted to get home, I needed to think.
"Well, I guess we both lost our bet," I said, desperately trying to get our conversation to a close.
"You got that right." Chloe's voice was a combination of sad and amused, but her expression was blank.
To be honest, I didn't know what to make of the entire situation.
*** All the way home, I couldn't get Chloe's wails about Michael out of my head. I could not understand what she saw in the guy, other than his male- model face.
But by the time I was undressed and lying in bed, one fact was stuck in my mind: I was irritated by Chloe's pining over Michael. Frankly, it was insulting.
Staring up at the ceiling, I thought of all the girls I've kissed and gone out with. Veronica was the only girl that I've gone out with that made a move to break up. But even with her, I knew she only broke up with me out of pride. She was mad that I defended Chloe, and she lashed out. Although I didn't mention this to Chloe, I was pretty sure Veronica would have taken me back if I'd asked. All week she'd been sending me smoldering looks.
But I didn't want to go back with Veronica. I just wanted Chloe to realize how many girls would have loved to be in her shoes that night. And none of them would have broke into tears after. Quite the opposite.
I sat up and punched my pillow. I needed to quit mooning over Chloe and take action. The fact that I'd kissed Chloe and that's I was obsessing over her obsession with Michael, showed that I had way too much time on my hands. As soon as I asked another girl out, everything would be back to normal.
In a flash, I remembered that Chloe suggested I ask Mimi out. Before that moment, I had no intention of asking her out. But if Chloe wanted me to, then maybe I would. If nothing else, it would prove that while she's still pining over that wimp I was moving on with my life. And she certainly wouldn't have to worry about getting any more kisses from me. I'd learned my lesson.
I closed my eyes. First thing in the morning, I would call Mimi. I would go out with her and have a good time.. even if it killed me.
CH. 15
I spent most of my Saturday morning wandering around the house. My parents had gone out and the house was so quiet. I was going to baby-sit Abby later, but until then, I had nothing else to do. I realized that I must be in a pretty bad state if all I was looking forward to was an evening with a ten-year-old.
Around noon, I sat on my computer to work on some of my homework. But my fingers never moved. I had nothing to say. Thoughts of the night before swirled in my mind. I wanted so desperately to get it out.
When the doorbell rang, I practically raced down the stairs. At that point I would be happy to talk to the door salesman. Anything to keep my mind off of things.
I immediately brightened when I saw Mimi at the door. I decided I should tell her about what happened with Brady.
"I've got some news that you will never believe," she said as soon as I opened the door.
"What? Are we being invaded by aliens?" I responded, letting her in.
"Aliens are nothing compared to this." She said, her eyes bright.
We walked into the kitchen and I grabbed some soda fro the refrigerator. "Well, don't keep in suspense! Tell me already."
She popped open her soda can. "Well, this morning, I was just minding my own business, not really expecting out of the ordinary to happen. Nothing."
"Get to the point already Meems," I said, interrupting her.
"Brady asked me out, for tonight."
I coughed, chocking on my soda. "What? Are you serious?"
She nodded. "I'm totally serious. We're going out to dinner."
"Wow." I felt like I'd just been punched.
Mimi looked at me with her eyes wide. "You don't care, do you? I mean, I just figured you just put in a good word for me."
I forced a smile. "Of course I don't care. It's just that he didn't mention it that's all."
"You look kind of green," Mimi said, studying me.
"Hey, you guys would make a great couple. I'm just so happy, I'm speechless."
Mimi grinned. "Okay, I'll take your word for it. So, can I borrow something to wear?"
"We'll find something for you. When Brady see you, he will forget all about Veronica."
Despite all my words, I felt empty. It was true that it was my idea for Brady to ask Mimi out, but I never thought he would actually do it.
One was for sure, though, I couldn't tell Mimi about kissing Brady. They would probably just laugh about it over dinner. " Poor Chloe," They would say, " She'll never get a good boyfriend"
I shuddered. There was no way that I could let them know that I was upset that they were going out.
"Let's go up to my room," I said, standing up.
"Thanks Chloe. I knew I could count on you to help me out." She gave me a hug and her face was beaming.
Once we were in my room, I started looking through my closet. I pulled out a light blue, thin strapped dress and held it up to Mimi. "Try this on," I said.
Once she had it on, she asked, " How does it look?"
"Great." It looked decidedly better on her than on me. "In fact, you could have it. The cut works better on you."
Mimi spun in front of the mirror. " But do you think Brady will like it?"
"Definitely."
Mimi sat down on my desk chair, "I'm sort of nervous," she confessed.
"You shouldn't be. You're way cooler than anyone Brady has ever dated."
Suddenly Mimi sat up straight. " You know Brady better than anyone else. Do you have any tips on how I could get him to like me?"
I closed my eyes for a moment, thinking. How could I put everything I knew about Brady in just a few meaningless phrases? In my mind, I went over all the little details about Brady. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth.
"He hates too much ketchup on his hamburger, especially if there's a lot of tomatoes. Don't tell him you think your fat. He doesn't care if you sing in the car, even if you sound like a cow mooing. He likes impersonations. If you can't tell who he's trying to imitate, assume its Elvis. When a little muscle next to his eye twitches, he's trying not to show you he's angry."
Now that I started I just couldn't stop. I felt like I opened the floodgates of a dam. Mimi was watching me, in silence. She seemed to be listening, so I continued.
"Blue is his favorite color. He's a closet fan of opera. At night he listens to old slow songs to help him sleep. He hates girls who are superficial, although you'd never know that from looking at his last girlfriend. He's funniest when."
"Chloe, are you ok?" Mimi asked suddenly. She was holding up her hand, signaling me to stop.
I had forgotten she was there. "What? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess that was way more information about Brady than you wanted to know."
Mimi bit her lip, then glanced up at me. "You're in love with Brady, aren't you?" She asked quietly, but every word hammered into my brain.
"What?" I gasped out. I grabbed a pillow and held it tight to my chest.
Mimi raised her eyebrows. " You heard me. I think you're in love with Brady Black."
"That's the craziest thing I've ever heard." I said, averting my gaze. "Don't be silly."
"Chloe, the way you talk about him.. It's like.. "
"I'm not in love with Brady. End of discussion." I knew my voice strained, but I couldn't help it.
"If you're sure."
"Of course I'm sure. Now take the dress and go get ready. I have to go somewhere."
Minute later I closed the door behind Mimi. I stood motionless in the hall. ' I am not in love with Brady' I told myself. As I kept repeating that in my head, I almost believed that it was true.
****
Saturday night Abby was so hyper I practically had to drag her to bed. She'd been to that boy- girl party she was telling me about the night before. She seemed determined to tell me every detail of the party.
"Then Andrew Ross put ice down my back," she said, after reluctantly putting her nightgown on.
"So what did you do?" I started to brush her hair.
"First I screamed, then I got him back. Everyone was laughing so much, that we thought we would pee in our pants." She giggled.
As I worked the brush through her hair, I waited for her to continue.
"There's more Chloe!" she said enthusiastically.
"There's more?" Despite my bad mood, I couldn't help but smile at Abby. She was way too cute for her own good.
She nodded. "I'll only tell you if you don't tell my mom and dad." She said.
"I promise."
She turned around to look at me and I could tell she was about to burst with her secret.
"We played spin the bottle!"
"No way!" I tried my hardest to sound shocked. I was sure she was waiting for some dramatic reaction.
"Yep! But the boys were so gross, and I thought I was going to barf."
"Who'd ya have to kiss?" I asked.
"Andrew Ross! Yuck!" She scrunched up her nose.
I laughed. "Don't worry, you'll live. You might even want to kiss him again someday."
She shook her head. "No way. Not in a million years."
"Well, if you say so," I said lightly. I finished tucking her in, and went to switch the light off.
"Hey, Chloe?" Abby asked, as I was about to switch the lights off.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Do you think I'll end up marrying Andrew Ross? Since we kissed?"
"Yeah. And then you'll live happily ever after." I turned the light off, and I hoped that she didn't notice the bitterness in my voice.
I left the room and headed downstairs. I hadn't had the heart to tell her that after fifth grade, romance went downhill. She'd find out soon enough.
Once I was downstairs, I turned on the TV and grabbed some cookies. As I fiercely bit the cookie, I told myself that I hoped Brady and Mimi were having a good time. I really hoped they were having the time of their lives.
After an hour of TV, I was bored, irritated, and overwhelmed with curiosity. Checking my watch, I realized that Mimi had to be home by now. How long could dinner take anyway?
Mimi's phone rang three times before her mom answered. If Mimi had been home, then I knew her mom wouldn't have bothered to pick up at all. Blindly, I put the receiver back in its place.
Mimi wasn't home yet, which meant that she and Brady were still on their date. The date had obviously been a success. Now there would be more dates. And more. Soon they'd be holding hands in public places. And I'd be the third wheel, alone and unwanted.
There was no way that I could having Brady tell me how much he liked Mimi, or what they did together on dates. I don't think our friendship could take that much pressure. But I wasn't about to stand in the way of his happiness- or Mimi's.
"I'll make a clean break," I said to myself. "It'll be the best for everyone."
Ch. 16
"Isn't that Chloe's dress?" I asked Mimi.
She looked down, smiling. "Yeah. She gave it to me."
"Why?" I knew I was being kind of rude, but I couldn't image why Chloe would give away her light blue dress. It was one of my favorites, and I couldn't help but notice how much better it looked on Chloe.
"I guess she was tired of wearing it," Mimi shrugged.
"She just frustrates me so much," I said, as if Mimi wasn't even there.
We were sitting at Tuscany, and my head felt as if it were about to explode. I'd made all the way through half the dinner without mentioning Chloe's name, making a big effort to be attentive. I really tried to see if Mimi could be someone I could date, but I knew a romance with her would be a lost cause. In my eyes, she was Chloe's friend. I thought she was a cool person, but whenever I saw her, I saw Chloe. Now I was letting myself talk about what had been on my mind the whole day - Chloe Lane.
"I assume we're talking about Chloe now?" Mimi asked.
"Yeah."
"I think you frustrate her too," She said, very seriously.
"I just love her so much" I said absently.
"She loves you, too" Mimi said sighing.
"Really?" I said looking up.
"Yes, really." Mimi paused. "And to think, I actually thought we were going on a date tonight. Looks like what you need is a therapist." She laughed to herself.
Suddenly, I felt like a real jerk. "I'm really sorry, Mimi. I didn't mean to go on and on about Chloe. Why don't we talk about something else? What college do you want to go to?"
She laughed softly. "Brady, don't pretend that you're really interested in what college I want to go to. Frankly, you're not that good an actor."
"Am I really that transparent?" I asked.
"From the second you picked me up, you seemed a million miles away." She said, leaning back in her chair.
"I thought if we were to go out on a date, I'd forget how." I wasn't sure what I was trying to say.
"You'd forget that you're in love with Chloe?" Mimi finished for me.
"No!" I said quickly. "I mean I just broke up with Veronica and everything."
"Oh, Please.." Mimi interrupted. "You and Chloe are in love, and everyone has known it for years. If you would just face up to reality and let yourselves be together, the rest of us can get on with our lives."
My heart was beating furiously, and I could hardly catch my breath. "Do you really think Chloe is in love with me?"
She set down her glass. "Brady, I know she is. You should have seen her today. She was pretending like she couldn't care less that you had asked me out. But I could see actual tears glistening in her eyes."
"Are you telling me the truth?" My mouth all of a sudden felt dry, and I reached for my glass of water.
Mimi rubbed her temples like she was having a bad headache. "Think about Brady. You know I've had a crush on you. Do you really think that I would say that you and Chloe were meant to be together, if I didn't really mean it?" She signaled the waiter to bring the check.
"I get your point," I said.
"Good. Now let's go now. I'm sure you want to go home and think about Chloe."
"Meems, please don't tell Chloe anything I've told you tonight." I held my breath, hoping she'll agree.
"I promise I won't," she said.
I let out my breath. "How can I ever thank you?" I asked.
She gestured toward the bill." You could pay for my dinner."
"Done," I said. Of course, I would have paid anyway.
"And you could do me one more favor. "She said putting on her coat.
"What is that?"
"Never, ever ask me out on another date." She said, laughing.
"You know what Mimi? You're all right."
I was whistling as we left the restaurant. In fact, I sang all the way home.
***
The second I got home, I skipped up the stairs. In my mind, I was already dialing Chloe's phone number. We had a * lot * to talk about.
But when I sat down on my bed, the phone in my hand, I suddenly felt deflated. Talking to Mimi, everything seemed simple. But now that I was alone, my feelings felt so complicated. Chloe and I had been best friends for a long time. Our relationship had been set up a certain way, and I'd never given serious thought to changing the dynamic.
I put the phone back and walked over to the pictures on my desk. Almost half of the pictures on my desk featured Chloe. A big one in the center caught my eye.
My mom had taken the picture during our freshman year. Chloe and I, along with other people, were working at a car wash trying to raise money for the hospital. When business had slowed down, I decided it was time to have a little fun.
Suddenly I grabbed a hose and sprayed Chloe. She then dumped a soapy bucket of water on my head. After that, everyone else got involved, and it turned into a big water fight.
When I put the hose down, Chloe had come over to me laughing and gave me a big bear hug, and I had lifted her of the ground with my hands firmly around her. My mom had had caught that moment on film.
Standing in my room, remembering that day, made me laugh. As I was looking at her in the picture, it was like her whole essence leaped out and tugged at my heart.
My gaze moved over all the other photographs on my desk. Some were of Shawn and me, some of my parents, but most of Chloe. All my favorites were of Chloe and me- at the beach, on horseback, building a snowman, and so much more.
What if I told Chloe my feelings, and she didn't feel the same way? I'd be totally humiliated, not to mention minus one best friend. Our easy banter and shared confidences would be gone- forever.
Or what if we started dating, and the relationship ended up like so many others? There was no real guarantee that our relationship could last. She could easily meet someone better, or she'll think that I was a terrible kisser, or that my jokes aren't as funny as she thought. My heart would just break, and I'd lose everything that mattered to me the most just like that.
Sighing, I lay down on my bed. The silent phone seemed to be mocking me, and I had the sudden urge to throw it against the wall. Instead, I picked it up and dialed the first six digits of her phone number.
But as I was about to press the last number, I stopped. For several minutes, I just sat staring at the wall. I couldn't do it, I realized. I couldn't risk what we already had. The stakes were too high.
Without bothering to undress, I turned off the light and sank into my bed. "Chloe can never know how I feel," I vowed. "Never"
I saw Veronica flirting with Hawk in the hall today. And guess what? I didn't feel anything. Well expect pity for him. But I was actually a little hurt. Did I really not mean anything to her? But then again, did she really mean anything to me? Maybe Chloe was right, I really don't know anything about love.
****
It was Friday night and Chloe and I were drowning our sorrows over some mocha chip ice cream at the local ice cream place. Shawn was with us, but he wasn't saying much. He was just swirling his ice cream like his future was written in it. The three of us were a pretty gloomy group.
"You know what your problem is, Chloe Lane?" I asked,
"Yeah, the fact that you are always asking me what my problem is." She responded automatically. We'd had about millions of conversations that started this way.
"Wrong. Your problem is that you fall in love to easy."
"This coming from the guy who dared me to fall in love. What a hypocrite."
"I'm older and wiser now," I responded. "And I have decided that love is now strictly off-limits."
She licked her ice cream spoon." I think I have an idea that might make you just say yes to love again."
I licked some more ice cream off my spoon. " I highly doubt it, but try me."
"You should ask Mimi out." She said looking proud of herself.
"Mimi Lockhart?" I asked surprised. I knew Mimi had a small crush on me, but I never thought about asking her out. I mean, she was Chloe's best friend, next to me. The idea of going out with her was just.. weird.
"Of course Mimi Lockhart. She's pretty, smart, and really cool."
I shook my head. " I think I'll stay on my own for now."
At that point, Shawn looked up from his ice cream. " I agree with Chloe. What do you have to lose?"
I stared at him. "This coming from a guy who'd been dateless the entire semester."
"That's different." He said.
"Why?" I looked at him, and I could tell Chloe was getting curious too.
He licked his spoon. "Because I am going to ask Belle out soon."
I rolled my eyes at him. " Yeah, right. Just like you were going to ask her out the other hundreds of times for the past two months."
Shawn actually blushed a little. "I was just making sure that I wanted to ask her out, that's all."
"You are such a liar. You just haven't asked her out because your scared she'll say no."
Shawn stood up. " Think whatever you want. Just Take Chloe's advice and go on a date with Mimi. Trust me, staying home on a Friday night is no fun." He headed for the door.
" I gotta go. I'll catch you guys later."
"Here. Finish this." Chloe said pushing her nearly empty ice cream dish towards me.
I spooned up the rest and savored its taste. " How about we hang out at your house and check what's on TV?" I asked.
"Good idea." Chloe said. She got up and gathered her coat. As I helped her slip on her coat, I caught a glimpse of us in the mirror that hung on the wall by the booth.
We were both smiling, and I noticed that we looked like every other pair in the ice cream place. If I didn't known any better, I would've thought we were the ultimate high school couple, young and in love.
***
Two and a half hours later, in Chloe's den, Chloe turned off the TV, sighing. We'd just watched 'The Philadelphia Story' and she had this dreamy expression on her face. Despite her hard - edged exterior, she was a real sucker for romance.
"Do you think a guy could love me like Jimmy Stewart loved Katharine Hepburn in that movie?" she asked.
"That's a dumb question," I answered.
"Why? Because you know there's no way a guy could ever love me like that?" she asked sadly.
Chloe stretched out on the couch, and her claves were resting on my lap.
"No, Chlo. Because I'm positive that there are dozens of guys who could and will love you like that."
She smiled. "Really? You think so?"
"Chloe, you're the most awesome chick in the world. Any guy would have to be crazy not to fall in love with you."
She sat up, then reached out and her arms around me. I returned the hug, glad she was smiling. "I'm so glad you're my best friend," She said.
"Not as half as I am." I responded and I hugged her even tighter.
"You know I love you, right?" she whispered.
"I love you too, always."
Chloe and I always told each other we loved each other, but we both knew that there was the ""as a friend" attached to the end of the sentence.
Chloe tilted her head and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I moved my head, responding with a kiss on her cheek. Then she gave me a kiss on the other side of my face. And I gave her a kiss on the other side of her face. We went on and on like that, until we reached like twenty kisses.
Finally, when I went to kiss her cheek, my lips accidentally -on- purpose landed on her mouth. Rather than turn away, I gave her a quick kiss on the lips. Which she returned. Suddenly I found myself kissing her over and over, wanting more and more. It was like a drug and I couldn't stop.
Chloe responded, parting her lips beneath mine. My fingers were tangled in her soft hair, and one of her hands were in my hair, while the other was clutching my shirt. I lost track of time, suspended in the burning, electric sensations shooting throughout my body. I felt as if we were one person, two halves of a whole.
With a start, Chloe pulled away. She bolted up, then collapsed in the chair next to her fireplace. Without warning, she burst into tears. She covered her face, weeping softly.
A feeling of helplessness came over me. I stood up and I tried to murmur soothing words while holding and comforting her.
After a minute or so, she looked up at me and started talking. "With Michael. kiss.. Never. felt..I don't.. "
I could only understand a few of the words out of her mouth, but I knew she probably was just upset about Michael. It was clear that kissing me reminded her of the guy who left her in the cold.
"Chloe, look, don't worry. Everything will be ok." I said, not really knowing if that was true or not.
"It is?" she asked through her tears.
I nodded. "Listen, we both just broke up with people we thought we loved and we're just upset. And we turned to each other. Nothing between us will change."
"You're right," She said, wiping her tears. "I'm just upset about Michael."
She seemed to regain her composure. I was glad, but I was still taken aback that all she could think about was that wimp. I, for one, thought that our kisses were out of this world, explosive, so amazing I can't even explain. Still, I played my best-friend role so well that I should have got an Oscar.
"We're friends. Just like always." I said firmly.
She smiled. "Friends." She repeated.
"It's the best word in the English language." I said.
Chloe looked down. " Yeah." she said quietly to herself. "I'm just upset about Michael. that's all."
All of a sudden, I had a strong need to get away from Chloe and her whining about Michael. I wanted to get home, I needed to think.
"Well, I guess we both lost our bet," I said, desperately trying to get our conversation to a close.
"You got that right." Chloe's voice was a combination of sad and amused, but her expression was blank.
To be honest, I didn't know what to make of the entire situation.
*** All the way home, I couldn't get Chloe's wails about Michael out of my head. I could not understand what she saw in the guy, other than his male- model face.
But by the time I was undressed and lying in bed, one fact was stuck in my mind: I was irritated by Chloe's pining over Michael. Frankly, it was insulting.
Staring up at the ceiling, I thought of all the girls I've kissed and gone out with. Veronica was the only girl that I've gone out with that made a move to break up. But even with her, I knew she only broke up with me out of pride. She was mad that I defended Chloe, and she lashed out. Although I didn't mention this to Chloe, I was pretty sure Veronica would have taken me back if I'd asked. All week she'd been sending me smoldering looks.
But I didn't want to go back with Veronica. I just wanted Chloe to realize how many girls would have loved to be in her shoes that night. And none of them would have broke into tears after. Quite the opposite.
I sat up and punched my pillow. I needed to quit mooning over Chloe and take action. The fact that I'd kissed Chloe and that's I was obsessing over her obsession with Michael, showed that I had way too much time on my hands. As soon as I asked another girl out, everything would be back to normal.
In a flash, I remembered that Chloe suggested I ask Mimi out. Before that moment, I had no intention of asking her out. But if Chloe wanted me to, then maybe I would. If nothing else, it would prove that while she's still pining over that wimp I was moving on with my life. And she certainly wouldn't have to worry about getting any more kisses from me. I'd learned my lesson.
I closed my eyes. First thing in the morning, I would call Mimi. I would go out with her and have a good time.. even if it killed me.
CH. 15
I spent most of my Saturday morning wandering around the house. My parents had gone out and the house was so quiet. I was going to baby-sit Abby later, but until then, I had nothing else to do. I realized that I must be in a pretty bad state if all I was looking forward to was an evening with a ten-year-old.
Around noon, I sat on my computer to work on some of my homework. But my fingers never moved. I had nothing to say. Thoughts of the night before swirled in my mind. I wanted so desperately to get it out.
When the doorbell rang, I practically raced down the stairs. At that point I would be happy to talk to the door salesman. Anything to keep my mind off of things.
I immediately brightened when I saw Mimi at the door. I decided I should tell her about what happened with Brady.
"I've got some news that you will never believe," she said as soon as I opened the door.
"What? Are we being invaded by aliens?" I responded, letting her in.
"Aliens are nothing compared to this." She said, her eyes bright.
We walked into the kitchen and I grabbed some soda fro the refrigerator. "Well, don't keep in suspense! Tell me already."
She popped open her soda can. "Well, this morning, I was just minding my own business, not really expecting out of the ordinary to happen. Nothing."
"Get to the point already Meems," I said, interrupting her.
"Brady asked me out, for tonight."
I coughed, chocking on my soda. "What? Are you serious?"
She nodded. "I'm totally serious. We're going out to dinner."
"Wow." I felt like I'd just been punched.
Mimi looked at me with her eyes wide. "You don't care, do you? I mean, I just figured you just put in a good word for me."
I forced a smile. "Of course I don't care. It's just that he didn't mention it that's all."
"You look kind of green," Mimi said, studying me.
"Hey, you guys would make a great couple. I'm just so happy, I'm speechless."
Mimi grinned. "Okay, I'll take your word for it. So, can I borrow something to wear?"
"We'll find something for you. When Brady see you, he will forget all about Veronica."
Despite all my words, I felt empty. It was true that it was my idea for Brady to ask Mimi out, but I never thought he would actually do it.
One was for sure, though, I couldn't tell Mimi about kissing Brady. They would probably just laugh about it over dinner. " Poor Chloe," They would say, " She'll never get a good boyfriend"
I shuddered. There was no way that I could let them know that I was upset that they were going out.
"Let's go up to my room," I said, standing up.
"Thanks Chloe. I knew I could count on you to help me out." She gave me a hug and her face was beaming.
Once we were in my room, I started looking through my closet. I pulled out a light blue, thin strapped dress and held it up to Mimi. "Try this on," I said.
Once she had it on, she asked, " How does it look?"
"Great." It looked decidedly better on her than on me. "In fact, you could have it. The cut works better on you."
Mimi spun in front of the mirror. " But do you think Brady will like it?"
"Definitely."
Mimi sat down on my desk chair, "I'm sort of nervous," she confessed.
"You shouldn't be. You're way cooler than anyone Brady has ever dated."
Suddenly Mimi sat up straight. " You know Brady better than anyone else. Do you have any tips on how I could get him to like me?"
I closed my eyes for a moment, thinking. How could I put everything I knew about Brady in just a few meaningless phrases? In my mind, I went over all the little details about Brady. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth.
"He hates too much ketchup on his hamburger, especially if there's a lot of tomatoes. Don't tell him you think your fat. He doesn't care if you sing in the car, even if you sound like a cow mooing. He likes impersonations. If you can't tell who he's trying to imitate, assume its Elvis. When a little muscle next to his eye twitches, he's trying not to show you he's angry."
Now that I started I just couldn't stop. I felt like I opened the floodgates of a dam. Mimi was watching me, in silence. She seemed to be listening, so I continued.
"Blue is his favorite color. He's a closet fan of opera. At night he listens to old slow songs to help him sleep. He hates girls who are superficial, although you'd never know that from looking at his last girlfriend. He's funniest when."
"Chloe, are you ok?" Mimi asked suddenly. She was holding up her hand, signaling me to stop.
I had forgotten she was there. "What? Oh, I'm sorry. I guess that was way more information about Brady than you wanted to know."
Mimi bit her lip, then glanced up at me. "You're in love with Brady, aren't you?" She asked quietly, but every word hammered into my brain.
"What?" I gasped out. I grabbed a pillow and held it tight to my chest.
Mimi raised her eyebrows. " You heard me. I think you're in love with Brady Black."
"That's the craziest thing I've ever heard." I said, averting my gaze. "Don't be silly."
"Chloe, the way you talk about him.. It's like.. "
"I'm not in love with Brady. End of discussion." I knew my voice strained, but I couldn't help it.
"If you're sure."
"Of course I'm sure. Now take the dress and go get ready. I have to go somewhere."
Minute later I closed the door behind Mimi. I stood motionless in the hall. ' I am not in love with Brady' I told myself. As I kept repeating that in my head, I almost believed that it was true.
****
Saturday night Abby was so hyper I practically had to drag her to bed. She'd been to that boy- girl party she was telling me about the night before. She seemed determined to tell me every detail of the party.
"Then Andrew Ross put ice down my back," she said, after reluctantly putting her nightgown on.
"So what did you do?" I started to brush her hair.
"First I screamed, then I got him back. Everyone was laughing so much, that we thought we would pee in our pants." She giggled.
As I worked the brush through her hair, I waited for her to continue.
"There's more Chloe!" she said enthusiastically.
"There's more?" Despite my bad mood, I couldn't help but smile at Abby. She was way too cute for her own good.
She nodded. "I'll only tell you if you don't tell my mom and dad." She said.
"I promise."
She turned around to look at me and I could tell she was about to burst with her secret.
"We played spin the bottle!"
"No way!" I tried my hardest to sound shocked. I was sure she was waiting for some dramatic reaction.
"Yep! But the boys were so gross, and I thought I was going to barf."
"Who'd ya have to kiss?" I asked.
"Andrew Ross! Yuck!" She scrunched up her nose.
I laughed. "Don't worry, you'll live. You might even want to kiss him again someday."
She shook her head. "No way. Not in a million years."
"Well, if you say so," I said lightly. I finished tucking her in, and went to switch the light off.
"Hey, Chloe?" Abby asked, as I was about to switch the lights off.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Do you think I'll end up marrying Andrew Ross? Since we kissed?"
"Yeah. And then you'll live happily ever after." I turned the light off, and I hoped that she didn't notice the bitterness in my voice.
I left the room and headed downstairs. I hadn't had the heart to tell her that after fifth grade, romance went downhill. She'd find out soon enough.
Once I was downstairs, I turned on the TV and grabbed some cookies. As I fiercely bit the cookie, I told myself that I hoped Brady and Mimi were having a good time. I really hoped they were having the time of their lives.
After an hour of TV, I was bored, irritated, and overwhelmed with curiosity. Checking my watch, I realized that Mimi had to be home by now. How long could dinner take anyway?
Mimi's phone rang three times before her mom answered. If Mimi had been home, then I knew her mom wouldn't have bothered to pick up at all. Blindly, I put the receiver back in its place.
Mimi wasn't home yet, which meant that she and Brady were still on their date. The date had obviously been a success. Now there would be more dates. And more. Soon they'd be holding hands in public places. And I'd be the third wheel, alone and unwanted.
There was no way that I could having Brady tell me how much he liked Mimi, or what they did together on dates. I don't think our friendship could take that much pressure. But I wasn't about to stand in the way of his happiness- or Mimi's.
"I'll make a clean break," I said to myself. "It'll be the best for everyone."
Ch. 16
"Isn't that Chloe's dress?" I asked Mimi.
She looked down, smiling. "Yeah. She gave it to me."
"Why?" I knew I was being kind of rude, but I couldn't image why Chloe would give away her light blue dress. It was one of my favorites, and I couldn't help but notice how much better it looked on Chloe.
"I guess she was tired of wearing it," Mimi shrugged.
"She just frustrates me so much," I said, as if Mimi wasn't even there.
We were sitting at Tuscany, and my head felt as if it were about to explode. I'd made all the way through half the dinner without mentioning Chloe's name, making a big effort to be attentive. I really tried to see if Mimi could be someone I could date, but I knew a romance with her would be a lost cause. In my eyes, she was Chloe's friend. I thought she was a cool person, but whenever I saw her, I saw Chloe. Now I was letting myself talk about what had been on my mind the whole day - Chloe Lane.
"I assume we're talking about Chloe now?" Mimi asked.
"Yeah."
"I think you frustrate her too," She said, very seriously.
"I just love her so much" I said absently.
"She loves you, too" Mimi said sighing.
"Really?" I said looking up.
"Yes, really." Mimi paused. "And to think, I actually thought we were going on a date tonight. Looks like what you need is a therapist." She laughed to herself.
Suddenly, I felt like a real jerk. "I'm really sorry, Mimi. I didn't mean to go on and on about Chloe. Why don't we talk about something else? What college do you want to go to?"
She laughed softly. "Brady, don't pretend that you're really interested in what college I want to go to. Frankly, you're not that good an actor."
"Am I really that transparent?" I asked.
"From the second you picked me up, you seemed a million miles away." She said, leaning back in her chair.
"I thought if we were to go out on a date, I'd forget how." I wasn't sure what I was trying to say.
"You'd forget that you're in love with Chloe?" Mimi finished for me.
"No!" I said quickly. "I mean I just broke up with Veronica and everything."
"Oh, Please.." Mimi interrupted. "You and Chloe are in love, and everyone has known it for years. If you would just face up to reality and let yourselves be together, the rest of us can get on with our lives."
My heart was beating furiously, and I could hardly catch my breath. "Do you really think Chloe is in love with me?"
She set down her glass. "Brady, I know she is. You should have seen her today. She was pretending like she couldn't care less that you had asked me out. But I could see actual tears glistening in her eyes."
"Are you telling me the truth?" My mouth all of a sudden felt dry, and I reached for my glass of water.
Mimi rubbed her temples like she was having a bad headache. "Think about Brady. You know I've had a crush on you. Do you really think that I would say that you and Chloe were meant to be together, if I didn't really mean it?" She signaled the waiter to bring the check.
"I get your point," I said.
"Good. Now let's go now. I'm sure you want to go home and think about Chloe."
"Meems, please don't tell Chloe anything I've told you tonight." I held my breath, hoping she'll agree.
"I promise I won't," she said.
I let out my breath. "How can I ever thank you?" I asked.
She gestured toward the bill." You could pay for my dinner."
"Done," I said. Of course, I would have paid anyway.
"And you could do me one more favor. "She said putting on her coat.
"What is that?"
"Never, ever ask me out on another date." She said, laughing.
"You know what Mimi? You're all right."
I was whistling as we left the restaurant. In fact, I sang all the way home.
***
The second I got home, I skipped up the stairs. In my mind, I was already dialing Chloe's phone number. We had a * lot * to talk about.
But when I sat down on my bed, the phone in my hand, I suddenly felt deflated. Talking to Mimi, everything seemed simple. But now that I was alone, my feelings felt so complicated. Chloe and I had been best friends for a long time. Our relationship had been set up a certain way, and I'd never given serious thought to changing the dynamic.
I put the phone back and walked over to the pictures on my desk. Almost half of the pictures on my desk featured Chloe. A big one in the center caught my eye.
My mom had taken the picture during our freshman year. Chloe and I, along with other people, were working at a car wash trying to raise money for the hospital. When business had slowed down, I decided it was time to have a little fun.
Suddenly I grabbed a hose and sprayed Chloe. She then dumped a soapy bucket of water on my head. After that, everyone else got involved, and it turned into a big water fight.
When I put the hose down, Chloe had come over to me laughing and gave me a big bear hug, and I had lifted her of the ground with my hands firmly around her. My mom had had caught that moment on film.
Standing in my room, remembering that day, made me laugh. As I was looking at her in the picture, it was like her whole essence leaped out and tugged at my heart.
My gaze moved over all the other photographs on my desk. Some were of Shawn and me, some of my parents, but most of Chloe. All my favorites were of Chloe and me- at the beach, on horseback, building a snowman, and so much more.
What if I told Chloe my feelings, and she didn't feel the same way? I'd be totally humiliated, not to mention minus one best friend. Our easy banter and shared confidences would be gone- forever.
Or what if we started dating, and the relationship ended up like so many others? There was no real guarantee that our relationship could last. She could easily meet someone better, or she'll think that I was a terrible kisser, or that my jokes aren't as funny as she thought. My heart would just break, and I'd lose everything that mattered to me the most just like that.
Sighing, I lay down on my bed. The silent phone seemed to be mocking me, and I had the sudden urge to throw it against the wall. Instead, I picked it up and dialed the first six digits of her phone number.
But as I was about to press the last number, I stopped. For several minutes, I just sat staring at the wall. I couldn't do it, I realized. I couldn't risk what we already had. The stakes were too high.
Without bothering to undress, I turned off the light and sank into my bed. "Chloe can never know how I feel," I vowed. "Never"