Title: Wanting, Waiting, Waiving
Author: Reija Linn (T'Reija)
Email/Feedback: theganan@gmx.de or thiari@theganan.de
Archive: Azkaban's Lair, ff-net. Others please ask beforehand and leave the full header intact.
Originally posted: SBRL list
Codes: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin/OFC, slash, no Mary Sue
Rating: [PG-13] overall. Parts of this story are of adult nature and will be rewritten in a lower rating as well as still being available through email. Such chapters will be marked as such.
Summary: After more than a decade of waiting, Sirius is shocked to find Remus a married man.
Spoilers: Haven't read the books? Do so. Right away. Do not eat, sleep or pause until you're finished. Then come back.
Warnings: male/male sexuality and/or relationship(s) featured within. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. Simple really, though seemingly not simple enough for some dim witted clots out there.
Legal disclaimer: I never have, nor ever will, owned the rights to the setting of the Harry Potter books or the characters featured within. The use of said settings and characters by me is for non-commercial purposes only and does not mean to infringe upon the given legal rights that belong to Mrs. J.K.Rowling and those she has associated them with.
Note: In response to a challenge on the SBRL mailing list to write a story where Remus, Sirius or both are supposedly heterosexual. Sorry if the style's a little bad at the beginning. I hope no ones bothered by the small letters, it's part of how Padfoot's voice appeared in my head.
WANTING, WAITING, WAIVING
By Reija Linn (September 2002)
"Lie Low at the Lupins' pLace."
Dumbledore's sentence keeps on turning in my head. Lie. Low. Lupins. so many L's. it's hard for my doggy brain to work around a sentence like that. it's not that i don't think as i always do, at least, not exactly - but when i'm in this form, i think in pictures and sounds and smells instead of in words and sentences. i know what a sentence means when i'm spoken to, but i feel it more than i hear it. the sounds are garbled, though the meaning is clear. and a sentence with too many letters that sound the same is confusing.
Lie. Low. at the Lupins' pLace.
the Lupins.
Lupin, as in Moony.
too many L's.
and something about those L's is very disturbing.
Lupins.
not Remus' place.
not at Lupin's
the Lupins' pLace.
for some reason, i feel like howling.
*the* Lupins...
***
The lights of the city shown brightly that evening, almost as pretty as the stars, in their own way. It was so tempting for one night, one single night to pass without the thought of the dark that crept upon them all, the ever-threatening glare of the snake, slithering silently towards them on its path of destruction. Though there was no safe spot in all of England by now, the lights of this as of yet peaceful muggle city were so tempting, luring them to forget, for just a couple of hours, that life as they knew it had ended.
None of them knew that it would be the last time for all of them to meet in harmony. None of them knew that these would be the last, final moments of peace they would have with each other, before mistrust and fear would drive them apart.
It was Sirius' birthday at midnight, and at the same time it was Remus' farewell party, for he had accepted Dumbledore's task of recruiting werewolves and other so-called 'dark creatures' to the fight against Voldemort. He would be gone for several months, not able to visit his friends since the Order demanded strict secrecy. No member was allowed to know about the progress of the other's tasks, as a safety measure against treason, and though none of them could imagine one of their group to betray them, they knew that the measure was necessary.
So, for this last occasion to meet in the near future, they had decided to visit a nearby muggle town, party until the morning, and then prepare for long months of separation. James and Lily would be doing the networking, since Lily's present state did not allow her to venture into dangerous spaces and James could not, even for the sake of the Order, leave his beloved wife in this time of need. Thus, they would be the main core of the operation, directing and monitoring the other's tasks.
Peter would be responsible for the research part - he wasn't the cleverest or wittiest of their group, but Peter had a special talent none of the others possessed - he could blend in. And that was a prime requisite for the part he had to play. Be it a gathering of ministry officials or a party amongst housewives, Peter had the talent to bring himself into any conversation, not really noticed, and overhear whatever was being said. Above that, his general shyness and ability to listen to others instead of speaking himself gave him a trustworthy aura, which made him the perfect researcher.
Sirius, on the other hand, would be taking on quite a different role. Mingling with witches and wizards from every place in England that was even remotely seedy he would try to infiltrate the Dark side on a direct approach, risking his life but also giving them a blasted good chance against the dark if he did indeed succeed.
And Remus would seek out the werewolves, vampires, hags and centaurs of England, being the only one from the Order they would trust.
But for this single night, all these tasks were put aside, thus making way for some cheerfulness in these dark times...
***
I remember that evening as if it were yesterday - our cheerful laughs, our carefree attitude, knowing that the times for innocence were over, but also knowing that we needed this last party before we departed to fulfill our individual orders.
I remember Lily, her tommy swollen, so beautiful, her auburn hair framing her lily-white skin, laughing and joining in the laughter, telling some of the rowdiest jokes herself, so pretty, so very, very pretty...
James, pride shining in his eyes, hands softly engulfing Lily's stomach, smiling brightly when he felt the thrusts of his lively, unborn son...
Peter... it still hurts to think about him as he was then. Was he already selling information to Voldemort at that time? Or did he only start later, after beginning his research work? Was his friendly joking and his merry conduct a farce, even then? The way he eyed James with unshaken admiration? The way his eyes shone up when Lily let him feel the soft kicks of her son by putting his hand on her lower abdomen? The way he and his long-term girlfriend Joyle talked about having kids themselves one day, when the war was over and Voldemort finally defeated?
Shaking with the memory, I take the final steps up Remus' porch, having already turned back into my human form.
The knocker sounds so loud in the still darkness of the new moon night. Minutes pass, and no one answers the door. Didn't Dumbledore write to Remus to inform him I was coming? Then, steps, on the other side of the wooden door, sudden light flooding me... and then I see him. Remus. Illuminated by the light from the small entrance, he stands there, more beautiful than ever despite the deep lines around his eyes, his yellow-green eyes sparkling with emotion, his hair, grey, but still so soft-looking as it frames his face...
"Sirius," he utters simply, then I find myself in a tight embrace with my best, my only living friend. "Sirius."
For a moment we just stand there, holding each other tight as if grasping for dear life. Seconds become minutes, and minutes become years as for the first time in ages I feel warmness flooding my body, utter happiness at being reunited with the person I love more than I have ever loved myself.
Then, after a time, we separate, and he eyes me with watery eyes, which shocks me for some reason. Remus never, never cries!
"It's so good to *see* you again, my friend," he manages, through a shaky smile. "You look good." The months in the Caribbean sun have tanned my skin, and I've regained weight since we met at Hogwarts. I've even taken the time for a bath in the ice cold water of a nearby river - cleanness has become an obsession with me.
Then, in the light of the hall, I can make out the form of another person, and my heart sinks.
"Hello, Sirius. Remember me?"
Joyle. Peter's girlfriend from the old days.
"Joyle Watson," I answer, numbed.
And she's smiling. "Lupin, nowadays. Joyle Lupin."
Someone has put a string of barbed wire around my heart, and has just pulled it very, very tight.
"Of course."
I don't know what I expected. Can't even figure out my own feelings, or why this development should hurt me so much. Had I reckoned that Remus would have remained Lone Wolf, so to speak, for all these years? All, perhaps, on account on one, single, small event during a drunken night?
***
The small muggle nightclub was filled with laughter as Sirius and Remus chuckled about some prank they'd played on the Slytherins during their time at Hogwarts. None of the teachers had ever recognised him as such, always being reserved and calm as he was, but Remus was one hell of a prankster. He'd come up with some of the most devious and well-thought through acts of mischief they'd ever committed.
Peter and Joyle were snogging in a corner to their hearts content, and James and Lily were sharing some moments of tenderness in another, planting soft kisses on each other's lips. Quite like when they were all still at Hogwarts, really, but they all felt somewhat young that evening, and - at least for Peter and Joyle, since Jim and Lils had remained sober all evening - the alcohol took care of the rest.
Suddenly, Remus halted mid-sentence, casting a look at the clock the other side of the bar. "Hey, it's your birthday in one minute's time."
"No fair," Sirius cried in mock-accusation. "How comes the birthday boy doesn't get a kiss when everyone else does?"
Grinning, Joyle separated from Peter to plant a large, smooching kiss on Sirius' lips. "Happy birthday, dork," she laughed as the clack hand moved to settle on the top. Her kiss was followed by a gentle peck from Lily, and a scorching kiss on the mouth by James. Sirius smiled, as James gave him a good-natured pat on the back. Peter's mouth stood agape.
"That was... Prongs... that kiss was with /tongue/."
Lily laughed. "Gosh, Pete, who better to deliver that request than the guy who gave Handsome here his first real kiss when they were twelve?"
Remus shifted uncomfortably, as Peter hugged Sirius in a very non-commital 'I hope you don't expect me to kiss you, too' sort of way, then changed his mind and pecked Sirius very shortly on the cheek, muttering "Happy birthday".
Sirius turned to Remus, beaming, then slid further up the bench in his friends direction, finally straddling the smaller boy, thighs touching firmly where their legs crossed, Sirius' arms around Remus' neck.
"What about you, Moony?" he smiled slyly, shifting yet closer towards his friends lap, "you have a kiss for the birthday boy, too?"
For a moment, Remus sat there very still, not moving least he cause any friction between their two bodies, then he firmly planted his lips on Sirius' mouth, slightly parting them invitingly. Sirius slowly exhaled his breath, then, after nibbling experimentally on Remus' lower lip, he let his tongue glide in between his friends' soft, inviting lips.
The kiss was like none other than either of them had ever experienced, almost-visible sparks lighting up between them as they deepened the kiss, bodies shifting closer as to annihilate even the last bit of space between them. Remus sighed as Sirius moved his right hand to the other boys neck, leaning in even more if that was at all possible, left hand firmly placed just above his right nipple. His own hands were slowly, uncertainly moving to encircle Sirius' waist, trying to minimise the space between them yet further, the fabric of his muggle jeans causing a tantalising friction with Sirius' leather pants. Remus felt his lower body lighting up with blazing fire, then, as Sirius gently thrust his crotch against his own for a split second, the feeling of hardness against hardness, his small gasp of surprise echoed with Sirius' low moan.
All too soon, it was over, as they breathlessly parted to the wild cat-calls of their friends.
"Holy Shit!" Lily exclaimed, eyes wide. "That... you should do that more often. On the other hand, if you two don't separate from each other immediately, I'll do it. Arousing a woman in her late pregnancy like that, knowing fully well I can't have sex at the moment. Really."
A little self-conscious, Sirius removed himself from Remus' lap, thankful for the thick fabric of his pants. "Sorry, Lils," he grinned, not looking sorry at all, then twinkling at James, who sat opposite from him, mouth open. "Better close your mouth there, Prongs old lad, before the winged part of the vermin population decide it attracts them."
"You. Sly. Old. Dog. Lils is perfectly right - you're a bastard, Sir. While I know you're not a bad kisser, I'd never have thought that the sight of two blokes... well, never mind." He blushed furiously. "Anyway, I think we have to be going - meeting with Dumbledore early tomorrow morning."
With many hugs, James and Lily made their department, shortly followed by Peter and Joyle. Finally, for the first time after their kiss, Sirius turned directly towards his friend, who was still sitting on the bench rather stunned.
"Hey, Moony..." he said, softy. "Everything okay?"
For a moment, he thought the other boy wouldn't answer, then he heard Remus' soft chuckle. "James was right, you know. You *are* a hell of a kisser."
"Aw, don't feed my ego too much - I could burst. You're not too bad yourself - whoever taught you to do that, that thing with your *tongue*?"
Now, it was Remus turn to blush scarlet.
"Let me guess? Violet Parkinson, your charming charms partner in fifth year?"
Dully, Remus shook his head.
"Hm. Maybe Marlene O'Flaherty then, the Irish girl you told us about, from summer camp?"
Again, Remus shook his head.
"Well, don't let me pull it from your nose..."
"I've never been kissed before." The words had come rushing out, combined with a yet darker shade of crimson on the boys cheeks.
Sirius regarded him with amazement. "Well, I certainly wouldn't have thought." An unpleasant moment of silence settled between them. "Listen, Rem, I, um, I hope you're not, well, taken aback or anything. I mean, I... um. Shit. I mean, this doesn't have to change anything between us, right? Um, unless you wanted it to, but I'd perfectly understand if it was just a spur-of-the-moment sort of thing just then, so..."
"I'm not gay," Remus interrupted him softly.
Sirius' heart sank, but he managed a small smile. "Well, I never said you were, as I said, a spur-of-"
"No, you don't understand. I'm not gay, but that kiss, well, you know, I was aroused, and I..."
"Yes?"
"Well, right now, I feel like I could enjoy doing something more with you, if you wanted to, that is, but I'm not sure I could go through with it. I need some time to think."
"You have all the time you need." Sirius got up from the table, offering his friend a hand. Then, very quietly, he added, "And if you ever feel like you would, you know, like to, you know... I'll be there, waiting."
They left the nightclub together, finally hugging each other tightly before departing in different directions.
***
TBC
Author: Reija Linn (T'Reija)
Email/Feedback: theganan@gmx.de or thiari@theganan.de
Archive: Azkaban's Lair, ff-net. Others please ask beforehand and leave the full header intact.
Originally posted: SBRL list
Codes: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin/OFC, slash, no Mary Sue
Rating: [PG-13] overall. Parts of this story are of adult nature and will be rewritten in a lower rating as well as still being available through email. Such chapters will be marked as such.
Summary: After more than a decade of waiting, Sirius is shocked to find Remus a married man.
Spoilers: Haven't read the books? Do so. Right away. Do not eat, sleep or pause until you're finished. Then come back.
Warnings: male/male sexuality and/or relationship(s) featured within. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. Simple really, though seemingly not simple enough for some dim witted clots out there.
Legal disclaimer: I never have, nor ever will, owned the rights to the setting of the Harry Potter books or the characters featured within. The use of said settings and characters by me is for non-commercial purposes only and does not mean to infringe upon the given legal rights that belong to Mrs. J.K.Rowling and those she has associated them with.
Note: In response to a challenge on the SBRL mailing list to write a story where Remus, Sirius or both are supposedly heterosexual. Sorry if the style's a little bad at the beginning. I hope no ones bothered by the small letters, it's part of how Padfoot's voice appeared in my head.
WANTING, WAITING, WAIVING
By Reija Linn (September 2002)
"Lie Low at the Lupins' pLace."
Dumbledore's sentence keeps on turning in my head. Lie. Low. Lupins. so many L's. it's hard for my doggy brain to work around a sentence like that. it's not that i don't think as i always do, at least, not exactly - but when i'm in this form, i think in pictures and sounds and smells instead of in words and sentences. i know what a sentence means when i'm spoken to, but i feel it more than i hear it. the sounds are garbled, though the meaning is clear. and a sentence with too many letters that sound the same is confusing.
Lie. Low. at the Lupins' pLace.
the Lupins.
Lupin, as in Moony.
too many L's.
and something about those L's is very disturbing.
Lupins.
not Remus' place.
not at Lupin's
the Lupins' pLace.
for some reason, i feel like howling.
*the* Lupins...
***
The lights of the city shown brightly that evening, almost as pretty as the stars, in their own way. It was so tempting for one night, one single night to pass without the thought of the dark that crept upon them all, the ever-threatening glare of the snake, slithering silently towards them on its path of destruction. Though there was no safe spot in all of England by now, the lights of this as of yet peaceful muggle city were so tempting, luring them to forget, for just a couple of hours, that life as they knew it had ended.
None of them knew that it would be the last time for all of them to meet in harmony. None of them knew that these would be the last, final moments of peace they would have with each other, before mistrust and fear would drive them apart.
It was Sirius' birthday at midnight, and at the same time it was Remus' farewell party, for he had accepted Dumbledore's task of recruiting werewolves and other so-called 'dark creatures' to the fight against Voldemort. He would be gone for several months, not able to visit his friends since the Order demanded strict secrecy. No member was allowed to know about the progress of the other's tasks, as a safety measure against treason, and though none of them could imagine one of their group to betray them, they knew that the measure was necessary.
So, for this last occasion to meet in the near future, they had decided to visit a nearby muggle town, party until the morning, and then prepare for long months of separation. James and Lily would be doing the networking, since Lily's present state did not allow her to venture into dangerous spaces and James could not, even for the sake of the Order, leave his beloved wife in this time of need. Thus, they would be the main core of the operation, directing and monitoring the other's tasks.
Peter would be responsible for the research part - he wasn't the cleverest or wittiest of their group, but Peter had a special talent none of the others possessed - he could blend in. And that was a prime requisite for the part he had to play. Be it a gathering of ministry officials or a party amongst housewives, Peter had the talent to bring himself into any conversation, not really noticed, and overhear whatever was being said. Above that, his general shyness and ability to listen to others instead of speaking himself gave him a trustworthy aura, which made him the perfect researcher.
Sirius, on the other hand, would be taking on quite a different role. Mingling with witches and wizards from every place in England that was even remotely seedy he would try to infiltrate the Dark side on a direct approach, risking his life but also giving them a blasted good chance against the dark if he did indeed succeed.
And Remus would seek out the werewolves, vampires, hags and centaurs of England, being the only one from the Order they would trust.
But for this single night, all these tasks were put aside, thus making way for some cheerfulness in these dark times...
***
I remember that evening as if it were yesterday - our cheerful laughs, our carefree attitude, knowing that the times for innocence were over, but also knowing that we needed this last party before we departed to fulfill our individual orders.
I remember Lily, her tommy swollen, so beautiful, her auburn hair framing her lily-white skin, laughing and joining in the laughter, telling some of the rowdiest jokes herself, so pretty, so very, very pretty...
James, pride shining in his eyes, hands softly engulfing Lily's stomach, smiling brightly when he felt the thrusts of his lively, unborn son...
Peter... it still hurts to think about him as he was then. Was he already selling information to Voldemort at that time? Or did he only start later, after beginning his research work? Was his friendly joking and his merry conduct a farce, even then? The way he eyed James with unshaken admiration? The way his eyes shone up when Lily let him feel the soft kicks of her son by putting his hand on her lower abdomen? The way he and his long-term girlfriend Joyle talked about having kids themselves one day, when the war was over and Voldemort finally defeated?
Shaking with the memory, I take the final steps up Remus' porch, having already turned back into my human form.
The knocker sounds so loud in the still darkness of the new moon night. Minutes pass, and no one answers the door. Didn't Dumbledore write to Remus to inform him I was coming? Then, steps, on the other side of the wooden door, sudden light flooding me... and then I see him. Remus. Illuminated by the light from the small entrance, he stands there, more beautiful than ever despite the deep lines around his eyes, his yellow-green eyes sparkling with emotion, his hair, grey, but still so soft-looking as it frames his face...
"Sirius," he utters simply, then I find myself in a tight embrace with my best, my only living friend. "Sirius."
For a moment we just stand there, holding each other tight as if grasping for dear life. Seconds become minutes, and minutes become years as for the first time in ages I feel warmness flooding my body, utter happiness at being reunited with the person I love more than I have ever loved myself.
Then, after a time, we separate, and he eyes me with watery eyes, which shocks me for some reason. Remus never, never cries!
"It's so good to *see* you again, my friend," he manages, through a shaky smile. "You look good." The months in the Caribbean sun have tanned my skin, and I've regained weight since we met at Hogwarts. I've even taken the time for a bath in the ice cold water of a nearby river - cleanness has become an obsession with me.
Then, in the light of the hall, I can make out the form of another person, and my heart sinks.
"Hello, Sirius. Remember me?"
Joyle. Peter's girlfriend from the old days.
"Joyle Watson," I answer, numbed.
And she's smiling. "Lupin, nowadays. Joyle Lupin."
Someone has put a string of barbed wire around my heart, and has just pulled it very, very tight.
"Of course."
I don't know what I expected. Can't even figure out my own feelings, or why this development should hurt me so much. Had I reckoned that Remus would have remained Lone Wolf, so to speak, for all these years? All, perhaps, on account on one, single, small event during a drunken night?
***
The small muggle nightclub was filled with laughter as Sirius and Remus chuckled about some prank they'd played on the Slytherins during their time at Hogwarts. None of the teachers had ever recognised him as such, always being reserved and calm as he was, but Remus was one hell of a prankster. He'd come up with some of the most devious and well-thought through acts of mischief they'd ever committed.
Peter and Joyle were snogging in a corner to their hearts content, and James and Lily were sharing some moments of tenderness in another, planting soft kisses on each other's lips. Quite like when they were all still at Hogwarts, really, but they all felt somewhat young that evening, and - at least for Peter and Joyle, since Jim and Lils had remained sober all evening - the alcohol took care of the rest.
Suddenly, Remus halted mid-sentence, casting a look at the clock the other side of the bar. "Hey, it's your birthday in one minute's time."
"No fair," Sirius cried in mock-accusation. "How comes the birthday boy doesn't get a kiss when everyone else does?"
Grinning, Joyle separated from Peter to plant a large, smooching kiss on Sirius' lips. "Happy birthday, dork," she laughed as the clack hand moved to settle on the top. Her kiss was followed by a gentle peck from Lily, and a scorching kiss on the mouth by James. Sirius smiled, as James gave him a good-natured pat on the back. Peter's mouth stood agape.
"That was... Prongs... that kiss was with /tongue/."
Lily laughed. "Gosh, Pete, who better to deliver that request than the guy who gave Handsome here his first real kiss when they were twelve?"
Remus shifted uncomfortably, as Peter hugged Sirius in a very non-commital 'I hope you don't expect me to kiss you, too' sort of way, then changed his mind and pecked Sirius very shortly on the cheek, muttering "Happy birthday".
Sirius turned to Remus, beaming, then slid further up the bench in his friends direction, finally straddling the smaller boy, thighs touching firmly where their legs crossed, Sirius' arms around Remus' neck.
"What about you, Moony?" he smiled slyly, shifting yet closer towards his friends lap, "you have a kiss for the birthday boy, too?"
For a moment, Remus sat there very still, not moving least he cause any friction between their two bodies, then he firmly planted his lips on Sirius' mouth, slightly parting them invitingly. Sirius slowly exhaled his breath, then, after nibbling experimentally on Remus' lower lip, he let his tongue glide in between his friends' soft, inviting lips.
The kiss was like none other than either of them had ever experienced, almost-visible sparks lighting up between them as they deepened the kiss, bodies shifting closer as to annihilate even the last bit of space between them. Remus sighed as Sirius moved his right hand to the other boys neck, leaning in even more if that was at all possible, left hand firmly placed just above his right nipple. His own hands were slowly, uncertainly moving to encircle Sirius' waist, trying to minimise the space between them yet further, the fabric of his muggle jeans causing a tantalising friction with Sirius' leather pants. Remus felt his lower body lighting up with blazing fire, then, as Sirius gently thrust his crotch against his own for a split second, the feeling of hardness against hardness, his small gasp of surprise echoed with Sirius' low moan.
All too soon, it was over, as they breathlessly parted to the wild cat-calls of their friends.
"Holy Shit!" Lily exclaimed, eyes wide. "That... you should do that more often. On the other hand, if you two don't separate from each other immediately, I'll do it. Arousing a woman in her late pregnancy like that, knowing fully well I can't have sex at the moment. Really."
A little self-conscious, Sirius removed himself from Remus' lap, thankful for the thick fabric of his pants. "Sorry, Lils," he grinned, not looking sorry at all, then twinkling at James, who sat opposite from him, mouth open. "Better close your mouth there, Prongs old lad, before the winged part of the vermin population decide it attracts them."
"You. Sly. Old. Dog. Lils is perfectly right - you're a bastard, Sir. While I know you're not a bad kisser, I'd never have thought that the sight of two blokes... well, never mind." He blushed furiously. "Anyway, I think we have to be going - meeting with Dumbledore early tomorrow morning."
With many hugs, James and Lily made their department, shortly followed by Peter and Joyle. Finally, for the first time after their kiss, Sirius turned directly towards his friend, who was still sitting on the bench rather stunned.
"Hey, Moony..." he said, softy. "Everything okay?"
For a moment, he thought the other boy wouldn't answer, then he heard Remus' soft chuckle. "James was right, you know. You *are* a hell of a kisser."
"Aw, don't feed my ego too much - I could burst. You're not too bad yourself - whoever taught you to do that, that thing with your *tongue*?"
Now, it was Remus turn to blush scarlet.
"Let me guess? Violet Parkinson, your charming charms partner in fifth year?"
Dully, Remus shook his head.
"Hm. Maybe Marlene O'Flaherty then, the Irish girl you told us about, from summer camp?"
Again, Remus shook his head.
"Well, don't let me pull it from your nose..."
"I've never been kissed before." The words had come rushing out, combined with a yet darker shade of crimson on the boys cheeks.
Sirius regarded him with amazement. "Well, I certainly wouldn't have thought." An unpleasant moment of silence settled between them. "Listen, Rem, I, um, I hope you're not, well, taken aback or anything. I mean, I... um. Shit. I mean, this doesn't have to change anything between us, right? Um, unless you wanted it to, but I'd perfectly understand if it was just a spur-of-the-moment sort of thing just then, so..."
"I'm not gay," Remus interrupted him softly.
Sirius' heart sank, but he managed a small smile. "Well, I never said you were, as I said, a spur-of-"
"No, you don't understand. I'm not gay, but that kiss, well, you know, I was aroused, and I..."
"Yes?"
"Well, right now, I feel like I could enjoy doing something more with you, if you wanted to, that is, but I'm not sure I could go through with it. I need some time to think."
"You have all the time you need." Sirius got up from the table, offering his friend a hand. Then, very quietly, he added, "And if you ever feel like you would, you know, like to, you know... I'll be there, waiting."
They left the nightclub together, finally hugging each other tightly before departing in different directions.
***
TBC