[Welcome to the fifth chapter of "Oh My Evangelion!" Sorry it took so long...the author was without computer for a month. Oh, the humanity!]


Well, here we go again, Shinji Ikari thought as the plug filled with LCL. He would never quite get used to it.

"EVAs," Misato Katsuragi said, "here's the low down on Azrael. It's not called the Angel of Death for nothing. It has many powers, including that of the ability to manipulate shadows."

"Not again," Shinji groaned.

"Well, not quite that bad, Shinji," Misato answered. "It does exist on this plane. But it can grab you and smother you with those shadows, so be careful. You probably don't want to get too close, so make sure you hit it with ranged attacks. Also, it's rumored that it can assume a humanoid form, so don't let it sucker you in by wanting to fight close up. Hear that, Asuka?"

"Ja, ja. Can we go now?"

"Head for the launch bays, then." Shinji manuevered the bulky EVA forward, glad that whatever gremlin had controlled it earlier seemed to be gone. "Shinji, you and Asuka will deal with it from medium range. Rei, you'll attack from long range. Watch your tacticals."

"We have done this before, Misato," Asuka sighed.

"Yeah? So why do you keep getting pounded into the pavement? Anyway, I have some good news. Apparently you'll have some backup this time around."

Shinji brightened. "Who, Misato?"

"The Goddesses and that Keiichi kid."

"Keiichi?!" Asuka expostulated. "He's worse than Shinji! He can't even get out of his own way!"

"HEY!" Shinji yelled. He threw a nasty look in Asuka's direction as they reached the launch elevators.

"Well, it's true," Asuka said with a trace of smugness. "I mean, Shinji whines a lot, but that Keiichi..." "Never mind that now! EVAs, launch!"

As Shinji was slammed back into his seat by the G-forces of the launch, he thought he heard Rei say a single word: "Idiots."


"Really, Commander Ikari. We feel terrible about what happened. We'd like to make amends." Belldandy looked very contrite, a look that would melt even an icy heart like Gendo Ikari's.

Gendo folded his hands behind his back and stared down at her. "What did you have in mind?"

"If this is truly Azrael, than your pilots will have a lot of difficulty. We Goddesses are not without magical ability–"

"We hadn't noticed," Misato deadpanned. "Look, Belldandy, bygones can be bygones. We made a mistake with you, fine. But there's no reason for you to get involved in this. I don't think the ability to clean an apartment with a glance and bake cookies is going to do much against that." She pointed to the image of Azrael on the monitors.

Belldandy opened her mouth to reply, but Urd interrupted her. "Maybe not, but I can put the hurt on that thing, big time."

"What are you gonna do, seduce it?" Misato grinned.

Urd took a step forward, looking directly at Misato. Her eyes flashed red, and Misato swallowed, having got just a glance at what lay behind those eyes. It was raw, naked power. "Do not take me for some conjurer of tricks, Misato Katsuragi. I have far more weapons at my disposal than those of Eros."

"Well, since you put it that way..."

"I'm pretty handy with a radio," Keiichi put in. "I can help your techs out. Just put me on top of the roof with some good binoculars, and I can help guide your pilots."

Misato was about to say that her pilots didn't need that sort of help, but Skuld marched up, wiping a bit of drool from her mouth. She desperately wanted to take the MAGI apart, but knew there wasn't time. "I've got a better idea, Keiichi. There's something I've been saving for just such an occasion." She outlined her plan.

"You're kidding," Misato said when she finished.

"Please tell me you're kidding." Keiichi added.

"Hey, that's a great idea," Washu said from the monitor. "Let me get down there and I'll help you out."

"I don't think that's a good–" Ritsuko began, but a sudden whine filled the air. A glowing column of phosphors appeared, with coincentric waves of blue energy expanding from it. The NERV personnel shrank away from it, but the only thing that appeared was Washu. She grinned up at Ritsuko.

"How did you do that?" Makato said, mouth hanging open.

"Oh, that? You mean you don't–oh, wait, that's right. I forgot, you haven't developed the transporter yet. Such a simple invention, really." She turned to Skuld and bowed. "Washu the Great, at your service, young Goddess."

Skuld returned the bow, more deeply than Washu had. "It's my honor to work with you, Washu."

"Okay, let's get to work. Dr. Akagi, may we use the EVA bays for a workspace?"

"We promise to clean up the mess," Skuld said. Ritsuko, who had one shock too many this day, dumbly nodded. "Okay, Keiichi, let's get you suited up."

"Oh, no," Keiichi groaned.

"And I'll go help the kiddies kick some ass," Urd said, cracking her knuckles. "If one of you could show me the way out, I'd be eternally grateful."

Instantly, every man within earshot stood up to help Urd, but Gendo sent them back to their seats with a glare. "I shall help you find the exit, Miss Urd," he said frostily.


Shinji ran a quick diagnostic on his pulse rifle. "EVA-01, in position."

Asuka spun the two pistols in her EVA's hands. "EVA-02, in position and ready to rock."

Rei slowly scanned the area in front of her EVA, the positronic sniper rifle braced against one of Tokyo-3's lower buildings. "EVA-00 in position."

"Okay," Misato replied. "You should get a visual in about ten seconds."

Asuka peered around the building in front of her. There was a low, wooden ridge just on the outskirts of the city. As she watched, the black tendrils slid over the top of it, then the shadowy head of Azrael topped the ridge. It had no neck; it just seemed to rise up out of the ground, getting larger and larger the whole time. Despite herself, Asuka felt fear in the pit of her stomach. "Look at the size of that thing," she whispered.

"Cut the chatter, EVA-02. Let him get over the ridge, then blast him."

"Jawohl." Asuka fought down the fear, waited for the right moment, then came out from behind the building. Azrael turned in her direction, eyes glowing, and a huge, grinning mouth appeared, fangs the size of redwoods filling a gray void. "Smile, you son of a bitch!" Asuka yelled, and opened fire. The EVA's weapons appeared to be standard issue Desert Eagles, but each fired a fifty millimeter cannon shell at high velocity. The shots struck Azrael, first in the right arm, but Asuka adjusted her aim and put the next shots between its eyes.

Azrael flopped backwards, the fanged mouth disappearing in an orange explosion, but the explosion was almost instantly smothered by a bubble of darkness. The head reformed, and Azrael grinned at her again. "Oh, schiesse," Asuka said. "I don't know what I did to him, but I think I made him mad."

"Eat this!" Shinji shouted, and came out from his position, rifle spitting fire. These shots tore into Azrael's back, but like Asuka's fire, were absorbed almost instantly. Azrael did turn away from Asuka to face Shinji. A fusillade of black spears flew from the angel's body; Shinji dodged a few of them, but enough hit EVA-01 to knock it over. The spears coalesced into tendrils that tightened around EVA-01's limbs. Shinji screamed, the neural feedback sending pain into his own body as the tendrils began slicing deep into the EVA's armor. Shinji, acting on instinct, threw his machine backward. The sudden movement threw Azrael off-balance, and the angel jerked forward, directly into Rei's line of sight.

"Target acquired," Rei said flatly. "Firing." She braced the EVA against the recoil of the huge rifle, and fired. The energy blast spiraled out of the cannon and struck Azrael in the side, twisting the angel around. It hit the ground, flattened momentarily, then sprang back up. "Shot ineffective. Adjusting aim. Firing." Rei pulled the trigger, but nothing happened. "Misfire." She quickly thumbed a row of switches on and off. "Recalibrating."

"Hurry up, Rei!" Shinji yelled. Her first shot had stopped Azrael from tearing EVA-01 apart, but the angel still had him literally tied up.

Rei squinted down the sight. "Target reacquired. Firing." Again, nothing happened. "Misfire."

"As usual, I've got to save Baka Shinji's ass!" Asuka rolled out from behind the building and opened fire, going low for the angel's legs, if it had any. Azrael shuddered, bent over slightly, and used its tendrils to sling Shinji into the nearest building. It then let go, and turned to face Asuka once more. She exhausted her pistols' magazines and fell back. "It's absorbing my fire and that's not fair, dammit! Wondergirl! Shoot this bastard!"

"I would," Rei replied calmly, "but I have a burnout creepage in my rifle. I cannot fire."

"Then grab another gun! Do I gotta think of everything around here?! Misato, I need some weapons here! Shinji! Get off your butt and gun him!"

"Shinji's down," Misato reported. "Stay calm, Asuka! There's a weapons building behind you, 500 yards. Move it!"

Asuka turned and ran for the building. Azrael glided smoothly along behind her, tendrils shooting out once more. They wrapped around EVA-02's legs and sent it smashing into the ground. Asuka rolled, coming up on her back. She dug her left hand into the street, ripping up pavement, and reached for her Progressive Knife with her right. Azrael simply added more tendrils, trapping her arm against her chest. "It's got me, Misato!" Asuka shrilled.

Urd roared down the deserted streets on her borrowed motorcycle, Gendo's last words to her burning in her mind. She had been severely tempted to slap him down for impertience, but his explanation had stayed her hand. He has a point, Urd admitted. I am a Goddess, and I suppose I owe him a wish for the tickle torture. No one's used that in awhile...I hope Kami-sama doesn't get too cheesed off. She smiled. And I have to admit that the beard's kinda sexy, now that you mention it. Reminds me of Ulysses...

Ahead of her, she saw the red armor of EVA-02 as it was inexorably dragged back down the street towards Azrael. She shook her head. "By Kami, if that's not Azrael, he's sure acting like him." She reached up and adjusted the headset she had hastily taken from NERV. "Hey, Asuka, can you hear me, kid?"

"Who the hell is this?" came the reply.

"Your friendly neighborhood Urd. I'm coming up on your left side. Looks like he's got you."

"No shit, Urd! He's gonna smother me if I get drawn much closer to him!"

Urd took the next curve at ninety kph, trusting to her latent chariot-racing instincts to keep the bike upright. She cut to one side of the EVA suit and slid the bike to a stop. "He's not going to smother you, Asuka."

The tendrils stopped pulling, and Asuka looked up into the most hideous grin she had ever seen. She felt those glowing eyes on her, and groaned as the arm trapped against her chest was brutally slammed to one side, back onto the pavement, leaving her EVA spreadeagled. "Well, that's a relief!" she snapped back, sarcasm dripping from her words. "What's he gonna do, kiss me?"

"Sort of...if he's anything like the Azrael I know back home, he likes redheads." Urd paused. "And I think he's going to do more than kiss you, kiddo."

Asuka looked down towards the bottom of her EVA. "AAAAHHHH!!! ECCHI!"

"Relax." Urd stepped off the bike. "I've got him." She quickly cast a spell, so that her next words boomed out over Tokyo-3. "Hey, Azrael!" The angel stopped and looked at her. "That's right, you pervert! Why don't you take on someone your own size?!" Azrael kept hold of EVA-02, but moved toward Urd. "Yeah, that's it, step right up! Today's flavor is a little something I call...SUPER URD BOLT!"

Thunder boomed and lightning crackled down from the heavens. The bolts sizzled into Azrael, slicing off bits of shadow. The angel shook, stopped for a moment, then kept moving. "Okay, fine," Urd smiled. "So you can shrug off Urd Bolts. Even Mara can do that. But can you handle...SUPER URD BOLT LIGHTNING BALL!"

This time, huge globes of ball lightning tore out of the clouds to hurtle into the angel. It sliced it in half, causing the tentacles to fizzle into nothingness and releasing EVA-02. Azrael collapsed into itself, but almost as quickly, it reformed, briefly becoming two Azraels before coming together as a single one. Urd gulped. "O-oookay...so you're, uh, so you're tough. I guess I'll have to pull out all the stops." She stood in place and chanted, ignoring the little black tendrils that began reaching out for her. Urd splayed her arms wide, then brought them together and focused her complete attention on Azrael. "Now you're gonna get it, boooiiieee! SUPER..."

Azrael paused as energy roared to life around Urd.

"URD..."

Pieces of pavement began to spring up around her and hurtle upwards. Her hair billowed out in a silvery nimbus and began to glow.

"CRUSHING..."

Her eyes glowed an unholy blue. Azrael drew back.

"TACNUKE!!!"

At NERV, Ritsuko, Misato, and the rest of the staff turned away from the viewscreen as the flash temporarily overloaded the screen's ability to compensate. It cleared soon enough to static. "We've lost visual," Maya reported.

"Electromagnetic pulse wave spreading outwards," said Makato. "We're going to have massive property damage for at least 300 yards around ground zero." The shockwave made even Central Dogma shudder.

"What else is new?" sighed Misato.

"That idiot," Ritsuko breathed. "If we wanted that, we could've used a damn N2 mine."

"But an N2 mine is not magical," Gendo said from behind her. "The property damage is negiligible, compared to destroying the angel." He smiled thinly.

Misato looked back at him mischievously. "I think Commander Ikari likes Urd," she whispered to Ritsuko.

"Hmpf. She has nothing that I do not have," Ritsuko hissed back.

"But she has more of–"

"We've lost all local cameras," Maya said, "but we've rerouted the video feed through EVA-02. We're still getting steady lifesigns from Asuka, so she survived. Visual feed on."

At first, all they could see was more static. Asuka's voice faded in. "...what the HELL were you thinking, Urd! I was in the middle of that!"

Urd's disembodied voice came into the transmission. "Quit your bitching, kid. I destroyed the damn angel, didn't I? And Skuld can whip up some new legs for your tinkertoy mecha there, no problem. Or did you want to star in 'Evangelion: The Hentai'?"

The visual cleared to white, and then they could see the red chest of EVA-02. "Ah, shut up! Next time, how about some warning!"

"Yeah, yeah. Like my Gokuesque casting wasn't enough. Can you see his itty bitty remains, Asuka?"

"It's clearing...boy, Tokyo-3 Central Bank is going to need a whole bunch of screen doors...wait, I see something...boosting visual feed..."

The white dust from the explosion suddenly cleared. Still grinning, eyes still glowing like coals, Azrael stood triumphantly over EVA-02. It seemed even larger than before.

"Target remains." Asuka's voice came out as a squeak. "Target...REMAINS!"

"I think we're in trouble," Misato said.


Azrael's eyes narrowed. As they watched, it took on even more of a humanoid appearance, growing discernible muscles, arms, fingers, legs, and feet. Asuka quickly grabbed for her Progressive Knife, but Azrael brought one huge foot down on EVA-02's chest. Ignoring Asuka's feeble attempts to wrench it off, Azrael reached out, its arm growing incredibly long, and snatching up Urd before the goddess could react. Even if she could, the huge Tacnuke spell had virtually exhausted her. Clutching her in one solid, black hand, it pulled Urd to within feet of its eyes. Its grin widened as tendrils roiled across Urd's body. "Don't you have something better to do?" Urd gasped. She remembered what Misato had said earlier, and mentally shrugged. "Say, Azrael, big boy...maybe I was hasty. Yeah, I shot before I thought. How about you shrink down to a more manageable size, and we can go back to my place. I've got champagne, and a nice soft bed, and..." She noticed its mouth beginning to open. "Uh...I can understand you're hungry and all, but you know, Keiichi makes a wicked tempura–"

Suddenly, a blur of blue armor sailed across Urd's field of vision. Azrael's foot dug out divots of armor from EVA-02 as it was sent flying into the ruins of a building. The black fist dissipated and Urd floated gently to the ground. Rei had arrived.

Before Azrael could regain its feet or reform, Rei delivered a devastating kick to its chest, smashing it through the remains of the building's lobby and into the basement. She then turned and dropped down on top of the angel, leading with her elbow, which tore into Azrael's chest. Rising up from the weakly stirring angel, Rei drew her Progressive Knife, the serrated blade extending outwards from the sheath. Rei readied the knife for a fatal plunge.

"I never thought I'd say this," Asuka yelled, "but you go, Wondergirl!"

"In the name of NERV," Rei intoned solemnly, "I shall punish you." She stabbed the knife downwards with both hands.

Two arms coalesced out of Azrael's chest and stopped the knife before it could strike. Rei actually gritted her teeth and redoubled her efforts, and the knife sunk a foot closer. But more arms appeared, wrapping around EVA-00's wrists. Abruptly, the arms twisted upwards, throwing EVA-00 over its head and sending it sprawling into a building. Rei twisted in midair to land on her feet, but the power cord connecting her EVA to NERV snapped. Alarms went off, announcing that she now only had battery power left, and it was rapidly depleting. Rei ignored it. She had lost her knife somewhere, but she balled EVA-00's fists and charged.

Azrael had flattened into a shadow and then grown back into its normal form to face Rei head-on. It raised a foot to kick her, but was suddenly thrown backwards.

"I'm not dead yet, dummkopf!" Asuka yelled. She had flipped her EVA over and knocked Azrael's feet out from under it. "Let him have it, Rei!"

Rei smashed Azrael with a series of blows, but Azrael simply absorbed them, its form stretching to take the hits. It returned the favor with a roundhouse punch that sent EVA-00 rocking back to land with a crash on the pavement. It then flowed out of Asuka's grasp, and if suddenly remembering what it had come to Tokyo-3 to do, turned and began striding towards NERV.


"Wake up, Shinji."

"Huhhh?"

"You have to get up, Shinji." The voice was soothing but insistent. "You have to wake up, Shinji. Your friends need you. I need you to wake up."

"Mom...?"

Shinji's eyes slowly opened. The taste of blood in the LCL was more potent than usual, and then he realized it was because his nose was bleeding. He reached up a hand to staunch it as best he could. "Shinji, are you awake? Wake up!" Abruptly, he realized it had not been his mother, but Misato's voice. Wow, that seemed so real...

"I'm awake, Misato," he said. As blinked, the systems of EVA-01 began to flicker back to life as well.

"Are you all right?"

"I think so." He tried moving the EVA's limbs. They did so, but slowly. "I'm in a lot of wreckage...I think a building collapsed on top of me."

"Get out of there, Shinji. Rei and Asuka are down. So's Urd. Azrael's tearing us a new one."

Shinji shook his head, to clear the last of the cobwebs. He began climbing out of the debris of the fallen building.


"You have got to be kidding," Keiichi said. Despite the situation, Belldandy giggled. Keiichi turned red. "Bell, you're not helping."

"I'm sorry, Kei-chan, but...you look so cute!"

Washu studied Keiichi with obvious interest. "I have to admit, he is kind of attractive. Nice legs, good back. Reminds me of someone I know."

Skuld snorted. "Yeah, whatever. Look, we're running out of time, so let's go, Keiichi." She grabbed one arm and began dragging Keiichi towards the EVA launch bays. Belldandy and Washu followed.

"Skuld, remind me why I'm wearing this...thing," Keiichi said as he stumbled along behind an insistent Skuld.

"It's simple, Keiichi," Skuld said, with the tone one would use with a slow three-year old. "Banpei runs off of nickel-cadmium batteries, and he has a lot of computers running at the same time in his brain and body. That gives off a lot of heat, just like your computer when you run all those nasty programs that Belldandy isn't supposed to know about."

Keiichi's eyes widened as Belldandy's eyebrows beetled in cute confusion. "Oh, did I say that aloud?" Skuld said with a savage smile. "Well, anyhow, in his present form, he gives off a lot of heat."

"Several hundred degrees kelvin," Washu added proudly.

"Yeah. We insulated the cockpit, of course, but it's gonna get hot in there when you use Banpei's weapons. And since we don't want you passing out, you have to be dressed appropriately."

"And I got the idea from a science-fiction game," Washu said. "It's genius, of course."

"But does it have to be so...small?" As they entered the EVA launch bay, Keiichi looked down at himself again. He wore racing gloves, which had wires all over them, and a vest made of soft fabric, with tubing attached to the front of it. That covered his chest. He wore slipperlike boots, which covered his feet and ankles. And he wore a pair of Speedos. And that was it.

Washu nodded. "I'm afraid so. You're going to be sweating a lot in there."

"In where."

"Right here!" Skuld exclaimed. "Behold! The Skuld-Washu Anti-Angel Destroyer Mecha Mark VI, the King Banpei!"

Keiichi followed Skuld's expansive gesture. Standing on one of the mammoth catwalks was Banpei, Skuld's pride and joy robot invention. He did not look all that different–to Keiichi, he still resembled a skeletal art body of an ancient Japanese ashigaru peasant soldier–but Banpei had grown. He now stood a good four stories tall, just slightly smaller than an EVA.

"Wow," Belldandy said. "I'm impressed all over again, Skuld."

"I have to admit I couldn't have done it without Washu," Skuld acknowledged. "She figured out how to rebuild Banpei larger and more powerful...plus we had to put in a different motive system...and then there was the cockpit..."

"Bu-but, how did you...in fifteen minutes..."

Washu waved away Keiichi's stammering question. "It's just boring science facts, Keiichi-san. You should really just relax."

"But not too much," Ritsuko's voice boomed out over the loudspeaker. "Rei just ran out of power, and though Asuka's slowing it down some, Azrael will still be here in five minutes. Get that monstrosity out my hangar bay and into action!" If nothing else, Ritsuko added silently to herself, it'll either buy Shinji enough time to get here, or it'll kill Azrael with laughter.

"WHAT did you just call my Banpei?!" Skuld cried.

"She's right," Washu said. "Better get the show on the road. The cockpit's up in Banpei's head, Keiichi. Just hop in the lift and climb in. The cockpit is configured like a motorcycle, and Skuld tells me you're a fair rider."

"Fair?" Keiichi smiled. If there was anything in the world he was good at, it was riding motorcycles. "Yeah, I get by."

"Then go to it, boy!" Washu slapped him on the rear and handed him a motorcycle helmet.

Keiichi ran towards the lift. As he jumped on, Belldandy stopped him for a moment. She looked into his eyes, her own shining. "Good luck, Kei-chan." She kissed him on the cheek, then decided that wasn't enough. She embraced him and hit Keiichi with a liplock that nearly took his breath away. Fear running through her body, Belldandy clutched Keiichi as close as she could, trying to infuse him with all the strength she possessed. She wanted Keiichi to be with her forever, and began crying because now he had to battle the Angel of Death, and there might not be another time, ever.

Meanwhile, blood could not get to Keiichi's brain as Belldandy nearly smothered him. That did not particularly bother him, as death by goddess embrace was far more preferable than death by giant shadowy angel, but he disconcertingly noted that the blood not getting to his brain was flowing somewhere else. "Bell," he croaked out through her kiss, "stop it before it comes off."

"Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I love you."

"I love you too." Keiichi could not resist a wink. "I'll be back."

"I'll be waiting."

Then Keiichi rapidly turned around and donned his motorcycle helmet before anyone, specifically Skuld, noticed.

"What are you staring at, Washu?" Skuld asked.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing." Washu sighed, looking at Belldandy. "Ah, some women have all the luck. Oh, well." She shrugged. "Ready, Skuld?"

"Ready! Keiichi, are you strapped in?"

"Yeah!" Keiichi's voice crackled over Skuld's headset. "Hey, this setup isn't too bad, Skuld. Just like a Yamaha YZR500."

"Is it? What a coincidence." Skuld had dismantled one of the bikes in NERV's garage, and didn't want everyone knowing just yet. "To move forward, just move the control bar forward. Speed is controlled through the throttles and brakes the same way. To move the arms, just use your hands. The gloves operate the hands. Oh, and you can jump; just kick the pedals. You've got weapons which are listed on the dashboard. The weapons are voice-activated, and, uh, we had to install them in a hurry, so be sure to yell out which weapon you're using so Banpei knows, okay?"

Washu stared at Skuld. "We didn't install voice activated weapons," she whispered. "You just–"

"Shhh...just tell that Dr. Akagi we're ready."


Ritsuko Akagi shook her head. "Just when I think I've seen everything in this job."

Gendo nodded. "Desperate times request desperate measures."

Misato looked back at him. "I sure hope we know what we're doing."

"With two EVAs and that...thing...attacking him, Azrael will have to deal with a three way threat." Gendo almost smiled. "This shall be interesting."


"Hey, uh, Pilot Ikari? Can you hear me?"

Shinji turned up the gain on his radio. "I can hear you. Is this Keiichi?"

"Yeah. I'm about a block from NERV headquarters. I can see that Asuka girl. She's still holding onto Azrael, but he doesn't seem to be paying her much attention."

"Asuka? This is Shinji. Are you okay?"

"I'm being dragged by a big ugly angel down a street with both my legs blown off! How do you think I'm doing, baka!"

Misato's voice crackled into their headphones. "Okay, listen up, you three. Asuka, I'm going to need you to make it slow down a little more here when I give the word–"

"How do I do that? Call him a dummkopf?" Asuka complained.

"You're the one with the college degree; figure something out!" Misato snapped. "Once she's slowed down Azrael, Keiichi, you nail him with...uh..."

"Rocket Punch!" Skuld yelled over the radio.

"Uh...yeah. That should stop him. Shinji, you go in and stab him with your Prog Knife. Aim for his heart. When Rei attacked him, he seemed to go to great lengths to protect it. That should do it."

"What happens if it doesn't?" Shinji asked.

"It better, because if it doesn't, we're screwed." Misato paused. "Shinji, Azrael should be passing your position about...now."

Shinji had hidden EVA-01 in the shadow of one of Tokyo-3's tallest buildings. NERV projected the view from Asuka's EVA into a window on his viewscreen. When he saw his building go by and disappear to Asuka's right, he carefully crept into position, readying the Progressive Knife.

"Okay, Asuka, do your worst!" Misato ordered.

Asuka tried two things in quick succession. First, she tried to twist Azrael's ankle off. The shadows sinously moved past her hands, and she had to scramble for another handhold. The angel seemed to be simply ignoring her. Second, she rammed the EVA's head into its ankle, but that had no effect either, other than to increase Asuka's already throbbing headache.

"Asuka, hurry up, dammit!" Misato yelled.

Asuka grit her teeth and went for the last best move. Releasing one hand from Azrael's ankle, she put all EVA-02's strength into one punch. She struck Azrael in square in the groin. The angel stopped and gave off an unearthly groan, gripping itself and almost sagging to its knees.

"Hey, it worked," Asuka said. "What do you know." She turned on her external speakers. "Payback's a bitch, Azrael, and so am I!"

Keiichi lurched around a corner, Banpei staggering drunkenly. It was not just like riding a motorcycle, as most motorcycles were not thirty feet high with magical-but-squirrely microprocessors and poor center of balance. It was all Keiichi could do to stay upright. Asuka didn't help by bursting out into peals of helpless laughter.

"Ungrateful load," Keiichi mumbled under his breath. "I feel like I'm in an episode of Gekiganger. Well, here goes." He took a deep breath. "ROCKET...PUNCH!"

A press of a button, and Banpei's left fist, true to its name, rocketed off the robot's fist. It roared down the street at supersonic speeds and hit Azrael full on the chest. As the fist returned to Banpei, Azrael fell backwards, sailing over EVA-02 to land in a heap in the street. Shinji rolled around the side of the building, and before Azrael could react, stabbed downwards with all his might. The knife went through the shadowy skin with only slight resistance and tore into the pavement below. Azrael shuddered once and was still. "I got him!" Shinji yelled. Since angels almost invariably exploded, he scuttled back quickly.

Nothing happened. Then, in horror, Shinji watched as the knife, still imbedded in Azrael, suddenly sunk deeper into the angel's chest until the hilt disappeared. Azrael slowly stood, and though there was a hint of discoloration on its chest, it did not seem to be otherwise hit. "I didn't get him," Shinji said.

"Stab him again, Shinji!" Asuka yelled. She tossed her EVA's own knife towards him. "And make sure you hit this time!"

"I hit last time!" Shinji stooped EVA-01 and caught the knife. Azrael finally turned and delivered a savage kick to EVA-02. Asuka spun around crazily and careened through the front of a business building. "Asuka!" Shinji screamed in alarm. "Are you okay?"

"Here at KERV, we only play solid rock!" Asuka giggled and passed out.

At this point, Keiichi would have been wise to stand back and let the experts at angel fighting handle it. Azrael had taken Asuka out of the fight, but was itself staggering, and Shinji had an opportunity. Unfortunately, Keiichi, acting with the purest intentions, attacked. "HURRICANE HAT!" Banpei swiftly took off its flared helmet and threw it like a frisbee at Azrael. The angel ducked and the hat sailed merrily on to catch EVA-01 in the head. The EVA fell like an unstrung puppet to the ground. "Uhh...oops."

Azrael looked at the fallen EVAs and then turned and began walking towards Keiichi and Banpei. Keiichi was going hoarse, shouting as he fired off both Rocket Punches and God Arrows, but Azrael simply absorbed the shots. "I think I'm in trouble," Keiichi said. "Er...help?"


Belldandy stared at the monitors in horror. The plan had failed, and Keiichi would die. They all would die. Tears escaped the corners of her eyes. Oh, please, Kami-sama, it can't end this way...A hand fell on her shoulder. She looked down at saw Washu. The diminutive scientist returned her gaze unflinchingly. "Oh, Washu," she sniffed. "Keiichi is strong of heart, but he can't stop Azrael."

"I know. Between the three of them, they had a chance. A very low chance, but we had to try."

"Then this...this is the end."

"No." Washu's eyes turned steely. "Peorth told me about you once. Of all the goddesses, you are the most pure. Kami-sama trusts you. You have the power, Belldandy."

Belldandy's mouth dropped in shock, and then the import of Washu's words hit her. She closed her mouth, wiped away her tears, and nodded. "Then I know what I must do."


[WILL Azrael triumph? WILL Belldandy sacrifice all? WHAT will happen to our heroes? Log on next time for...the FINAL CHAPTER. Dum dum dum.]

[And I promise I will have the new chapter up in a week. Really!]